The Piano Man
by rain.soaked.hello
Summary: Sometimes the first life you choose isn’t the path you were meant for. Bella learns the hard way and in trying to start over, meets single dad Edward and his daughter Elise. This is a story of trial and tribulation, pain, regret and above all, hope. AH/AU
1. Andare

**A/N: **This is really my first attempt at a chaptered story and I'm kind of kicking myself for how heavy it starts off. But if you read it, please know I do have a plan and everything needs to happen. Also, any colloquialism in this are not meant in disrespect for any culture or country. Anything I use in here, I have actually used in my own life.

**Please note: This chapter contains sensitive topics and scenes of abuse. If you don't handle these type of things well, please feel free to PM me and I will summarize it for you.**

Okay...going to hide under a rock now.

**Disclaimer: **SM owns all. I was the proud owner of the swine flu while writing this, which may explain a lot.

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_**Bella**_

Why is it so ungodly hot? I mean it's only the end of July…in Chicago. You know, the windy city. Where was that blessed wind that everyone raves about now?

The thermometers were bursting their bubbles at 92 degrees without even considering the humidity. My hair was a frizzed-out mess of curls from the heat and my legs were sticking to the leather seat under me despite the air conditioning creating an automotive igloo. _So this is what they call global warming?_

Out of habit, my eyes flashed to the rearview mirror and trained in on the empty green and brown booster seat nestled safely in the backseat. But only the little frogs on the fabric silently stared back. I had only been away from my baby for a few hours, but I already missed her. I always missed her. No doubt, she was my world and I was the typical, self-sacrificing Mommy that loved her more than life itself.

_Soon baby, soon._ I kept repeating those words over and over as each mile passed by. Somehow the silly little mantra helped because, before I knew it, the tires were crunching over gravel as I pulled up into Angela's driveway, the long ride over and only some stairs and a door away from my baby. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face if I tried. That little girl had me wrapped so tightly around her little finger that it was quite ridiculous. Yes, I'm Bella Hunter and I really am that pathetic.

The heavy air hit hard when I opened my car door, sweat already trickling down my forehead in gloriously disgusting rivers. Angela's postmodern house was nestled in a quiet suburb among cookie-cutter ranch architecture and overly manicured lawns. It was a rose among the thorns if you asked me. Unique, just like the best friend housed quietly away inside with my daughter.

I closed the front door over quietly, simply letting myself in as always and listening to the tinkling of piano keys in a happy melody from inside the house. I knew the path well as I wandered through the front room and kitchen until I reached Angela's converted sunroom. The now music room was open and bright, holding a comforting warmth. Carlie and Angela were perched together on the piano bench near the window, Angela's feet commanding the pedals while Carlie's little fingers flew over the ivory keys. I couldn't help the smile. Carlie looked so happy—carefree and alive. I wish I could freeze this moment. Instead, I did what any proud Mom would do and quietly snapped a few pictures with my phone.

The sounds came to rest and I applauded my attendance. Before I knew it, Carlie launched her tiny body off the bench and around my legs, crying, "Hi Mommy!"

"Hi baby girl. You did fantastic. I wish I could play as good as you." My fingers ran through her silky hair as we stood there, Angela watching with a soft smile. Carlie pulled back, smiling a sweet, toothy grin that would be the death of me. "Go pack up your bag, okay? We need to go home and make Daddy dinner."

Carlie ran off towards the corner of the room where her backpack lay as Angela wandered over to my side. "She's a natural Bella. I never thought those chubby little fingers of hers could manage what they do." A smile and an awestruck glint shown from Angela as we stood watching Carlie pack up her stuff for the night.

I was more proud of my little girl than I could ever express. She had a talent at 5 years old that I only wish I possessed at 29. "I know right. She has my grace to trip over her own feet, but can run her hands over piano keys like a seasoned pro. Who would have guessed?"

"Momma, can you zip my backpack? I stuck it."

"You stuck it huh? You mean it's stuck?" Carlie's little head nodded quickly, her blonde curls bouncing gently against her cheek. "Bring it over here."

She was the most unique combination of two people I've ever seen. She had James's blond hair and slender nose. Then she had my curls, round cheeks and lips too big for her face. Her graceless nature and easy blush mirrored my own as well. However, her jade eyes left us all stumped. _Genetic dominance my ass_. Those eyes carried a hint to my Great Grandmother's muted green gaze from what I remember, but held a vibrancy and life unmatched. Carlie was nothing less than a one of a kind.

Handing the backpack back to Carlie's awaiting hands I couldn't help but smile. "There you go. Do you have everything?"

"Um, I think." She swiveled her head, surveying the room while chewing on her little lip. She worried on that thing just as bad as me, which made me both smile and cringe at the realization.

"Alright Carlie. Time to go home. Say goodbye to Miss Angela."

Jumping into Angela's awaiting embrace, Carlie said her farewells. "Bye Miss Angela! Thank you for my lesson today."

"You're very welcome Miss Carlie. You did wonderful." Angela kissed Carlie's soft curls before letting her go with a peaceful smile.

Looking around once more, Carlie and I made our way out the front door. Her tiny body ran down the stairs and out to the car, wrenching the door open with all her might. She was a big girl through and through and liked to prove it to everyone. Angela's gentle laughter came from the doorway as she watched my daughter's antics. "Have a good night Bella."

I turned, smiling. "You too Angela."

The air was still heavy and sticky as I walked toward the car, stopping to finish buckling Carlie into her seat and kissing her head again. I got in, turning the key as the engine revved to life. "What do you want to listen to today Carlie?"

In the rearview mirror, I watched as she tapped her chin, biting again on her poor little lip. She 'hmmm-ed' and 'ummm-ed' and scrunched up her eyes in thought. I had to catch myself from laughing out loud at her simple antics. She had no clue she was so entertaining to watch. "Debussy," she finally said, with a giant smile. Changing the CD, I couldn't help but shake my head. Somehow I ended up with the daughter that would rather listen to Mozart, Debussy or Tchaikovsky instead of the little girls of today that are overly obsessed with Hannah Montana. Not that I'm complaining though. I much prefer this. And watching her little fingers play over an imaginary keyboard to the music was a plus as well.

The drive home went by quickly, between concentrating on traffic and slyly watching Carlie get lost in the music in my mirror. Soon, I was parked and freeing my daughter from her seat before heading inside. James wouldn't be home for another two hours, so I had plenty of time to clean up and get dinner finished. "Carlie, can you go put your bag away and then come help me with dinner?" I called after her retreating form as I turned into the kitchen. A muffled but excited 'yes' echoed back through the halls.

"What we making Momma?" Carlie asked, wandering through the kitchen arch, her bare feet padding against the tile.

"How does meatloaf sound?"

"Good! Do I get to help squish it?" Carlie was excitedly bouncing next to the stool she had pulled over to the counter. I nodded, saying she can do it all, as I turned to preheat the oven and then started to pull all the ingredients from the fridge. Hamburger—check. Ketchup—check. Eggs—check. Carlie ran over to the pantry, grabbing the breadcrumbs, while I finished pulling out all the spices and miscellaneous other necessities. We worked as a perfect team in the kitchen. It didn't matter that she was only five. Carlie had some mad skills at wielding a spatula already.

We set to work opening, dumping, cracking and pouring this and that into the big green bowl. "Okay, work your magic baby," I said, motioning to the pilled mess in the bowl as I went to find the loaf pan. _I swear I put it away in the bottom cupboard last time…_

"Done!" Carlie called just as I managed to dig out pan from the mountain of bake ware. I let her scoop the goopy mess out, squishing it into the corners. She loved the sticky feel of the burger, which I was more than happy to let her be the one to get dirty.

"Thanks honey. It looks wonderful. Now go wash your hands and then you can help me set the table. Daddy should be home really soon." All I saw was a blur of blonde leave the kitchen as I set the meatloaf in the oven. As I was reshelving the seasonings, a heavy weight attached itself to my left leg. "What do you think you're doing silly girl?" I asked, laughing and looking down at the child sitting on my foot.

"Waiting to help," was her simple response. Leave it to a child to give the most obvious answer.

"Is that so? Well how about I get the plates and glasses out of the cupboard and then you can put them on the table. Does that sound like a plan?" She nodded her head eagerly, her curls bouncing wildly. "Okay, here you go."

Twenty minutes later, the table was set, a salad was made and Carlie and I were in a fierce battle of tic-tac-toe. The sound of the front door opening echoed through the hallway and Carlie was out of her seat before I could comprehend the action. "Daddy!" was all I heard as Carlie ran from the room. James wandered into the kitchen a few minutes later with a tired smile and Carlie in his arms, just as I was pulling the meatloaf out of the oven. I kissed his cheek quickly as I brought the food to the table.

Dinner was a quite affair, filled with simple small talk and a lot of clinking utensils. It usually was as James wound down from his day at the office. "Daddy, Miss Angela gave me two gold stars on my lesson book today!" Carlie spoke up, finally breaking the heavy silence.

"She did? That's great," James said with a tired and forced smile. Something wasn't right. I would have to remember to ask him later. Right now was not the time. Soon, I was clearing the dishes, shooing Carlie to go play and watching James grab a beer to retreat into the living room with. Life was seemed to actually be all right for a change I had to think while the soapy water warmed my fingers. My daughter was intelligent and happy and healthy. My husband had a good job and came home every night. I mean, things weren't always a bed of roses between us, but really whose marriage is perfect? Things have been good recently. I don't know. Maybe I'd just like to think that. It's those damn rose-tinted glasses again.

The night passed much the same as dinner, a slow and quiet few hours. James was perched in front of the television, Carlie was reading the last time I checked and I hid myself away at the kitchen table with my laptop. The untitled document of jumbled words sat open on the screen, mocking my inability to find perfect start. I wouldn't claim to be a poet or an author, but since I was a little girl younger than Carlie, I had wanted to see my name printed in that glossy text on the cover of a book. _I have to start somewhere_ I thought as I started at the blinking cursor.

"Momma?" a sleep voice broke through my clouded thoughts.

"Yeah baby?"

Rubbing her half-lidded eyes, she asked, "Can you tuck me in?"

"Of course," I said with a gentle smile. Carlie's curls were already in disarray, so I had to assume she already fell asleep once with her nose in a book. "Did you already brush your teeth?" Her head did a weak little bob. We walked down the hall hand-in-hand, until reaching her room. The soft light of the bedside lamp glowed against the green walls, creating a peaceful scene. "What pajamas do you want to wear tonight baby?"

"Um," she mumbled, rubbing her eyes again. "The blue froggies please."

I pulled the requested pajamas from the dresser and then kneeled down to Carlie's level to help my sleepy daughter change. Her little body was swaying on the spot with exhaustion and her arms were flopping around like a rag doll's as I got her clothing switched. Finally, after an epic battle of putting a leg in each leg hole of the shorts, Carlie was finally ready. With a big yawn, she flopped face first into her pillow and snuggled with her teddy bear, her tired eyes already closed.

She looked so beautiful that I couldn't look away. Her soft curls covered her forehead and her back rose and fell with each gentle breath. It was times like these that I think back to before Carlie was born and wondered how I ever existed. It's as if my life before her had little meaning because she was everything. She was in my every thought, my every hope, my every dream and my every action. This little girl sleeping in front of me was truly my world. A quiet voice mumbled out, "Momma, can you say the story?" and I smiled, knowing exactly what she wanted. Brushing my fingers through her hair, I began.

_The night, she said_

_It's time for bed_

_Today is done_

_We had our fun_

_So count the sheep_

_It's time to sleep_

_Dream so sweet_

_Of the stars you'll meet_

_I'll see you in the morning_

Her soft breaths evened out into the quiet hush of sleep. I stood as silently as I could manage, bending over to kiss her hair, before quietly making my escape. I closed the door over as I left, letting the nightlight glow in the darkness.

"James, I just got Carlie to sleep. I think I'm going to head to bed," I quietly called down the hallway, but didn't hear any response or signal of life from the living room. "James?" I peaked my head around the doorway, but the room was empty aside from the flicker of the fish tank in the corner. Something really wasn't right, but I simply couldn't put my finger on it. Instead, I shrugged my shoulders, turned off the light and headed towards the bedroom, hoping I was just imagining everything.

The bedroom light was on and the door was open, but I didn't think anything of it. Maybe James decided he'd go to bed as well, though it was rare that he wasn't passed out in his recliner right now. My thoughts, however, were trained on a cool pair of pajamas and the book sitting beside the bed.

Walking in the room, I didn't see James, but I could feel him. This should have been my first real indication that things really weren't as they seemed tonight. The bedroom door closed with a thud behind me, leaving a swaying and deadly looking man in its place. "James, are you alri…" I started, but his rageful stare cut off all train of thought. He moved forward until he had his entire body pressed flush against my own. I could feel his muscles quivering under his clothes, ready to spring or break and unleash the fury in his eyes. One of his hands roughly grabbed onto my upper arm and pushed me backwards until I fell hard into the wall.

"James! James stop! Let go of…" Before I could finish, a hand clamped down hard against my mouth, pressing my head harder against the wall. I kept trying to talk—to scream—but James was having none of it. His eyes were glazed with an angry fire dancing in their depths and I knew this wouldn't be like every other time before.

"Fucking shut it babe," he hissed, his breath reeking of stale alcohol. "You know I don't like it when you struggle." James ran his free hand over my cheek and across the line of my jaw, slurring words that I was trying to tune out. His path moved over my lips before his hand snapped back, connecting fiercely with my cheek just below my eye.

I fought back the tears that were waiting to fall from the sting. I wouldn't dare though. The tears only spurred James's thirst for dominance. That was one lesson I was taught too many times.

In my mind, I was thinking of Carlie and her bright eyes and gentle innocence. I concentrated on everything to take me from where I was, pinned against my bedroom wall. James roamed his abusive hand over my shoulders and chest, roughly squeezing at my breasts while his lips and tongue left a slimy trail across my neck. There was nothing gentle about his actions. There hadn't been for a long time, since I became his favorite punching bag.

"Mmmm…Bella. Such a sweet little whore," he slurred out as he removed his hand from my mouth before ramming his tongue down my throat in a violent kiss. James' hand was roughly pinching and pulling at the denim covering my crotch in a painful motion. "Who else have you been fucking? Huh?"

I stood there, motionless and silent. It wouldn't change the outcome if I spoke or not. So I just simply stood there with my limbs were frozen in place because this wasn't like any time before. And for the first time since I became a walking bruise, I was scared.

"Answer me!" His voice reverberated off the walls as his eye grew impossibly darker. I was both petrified and hopeful that he'd wake up Carlie—wanting someone to save me, but not wanting to Carlie to ever know of my pain and scars. "I said, who've you been FUCKING?"

"No one James." My voice was quiet and weak, reserved to what was to come next. "I swear, no one. Only you."

No words. Just hell-fire burning in black eyes. "You fucking whore!" James spat and before I knew what was happening, the room spun and danced in a jolting manner. James threw my body like a ragdoll, backhanding my stomach and back and every fleshy surface in between before slamming me down into the mattress. Stubby fingers clawed at my clothing, ripping it from my body in a painful manner. All too soon, I was bare and exposed and praying for the end of the night.

James kneeled on the bed, predatory in expression and stance. His lanky body haphazardly crawled over to my frozen form. He leaned down, sucking hard on the flesh of my chest and hell, did it hurt. The pain throbbed and burned and coursed through my veins. "Undress me ba…babe," he slurred, pulling away to sit on his knees with black, angry eyes. "I meant fucking NOW!"

His angry words spurred trembling hands to move down the buttons of his work shirt, exposing his bare chest. Still trembling, my hands drug the fabric over his shoulders until it fell completely to the bed. Next, my fingers searched out the button to his jeans, fumbling in my haste and earning me a vice grip on my upper arm that was sure to bruise like everything else. "What the FUCK is your problem babe? You don't _like_ me anymore?" he sneered. "Think you're too good of a whore for me? Too good to want me to fuck you! Is that why you're taking your sweet ass time down there? GET MY FUCKING PANTS OFF NOW!"

I found a new resolve in the terror coursing through my veins and making my heartbeat thunder in my ears. The sooner I did this, the sooner this nightmare was over. _For tonight_. My fingers worked at the denim, undoing the button and pushing the heavy fabric along with James' boxers down his thighs. He awkwardly stumbled off the bed to kick the clothes the rest of the way off his body, never letting those deadly eyes leave my naked form. If it were only for his physical looks, James was beautiful and muscular and hell, perfect. I was young when we met and I fell hard and fast for mask of a man and the sweetest lies. But his soul was black and deadly and found pleasure in my pain and suffering and sexual belittlement.

"Oh Bell-aaa," he cooed, venom laced through every syllable, "come here." But before I could move, James had stumbled to the bed, grabbing a handful of hair and yanked me towards him to stand. I yelped in pain before my mind told me not to—told me not to egg the sick bastard on. "I told you to come HERE baby! Why don't you ever fucking listen?" His voice was still slurred but with a quiet, deadly rage hidden just under the surface of his words. My hair was pulled again, curving my neck backwards at a painful angle. Part of me wished he'd just snap my neck now so I could finally escape this hell. Instead, his lips and teeth were at my neck, biting against the flesh and then down to the thin skin covering my collarbone. I could feel the pressure and pain as his teeth broke skin. His tongue licked up the trickle of blood as he hummed a sick, sadistic melody to himself.

"You know what baby?" he whispered into my ear. "Do you know what I'm going to do to you?" He paused, waiting for me to respond even though he knew I wouldn't say a word. I never did anymore. It was better this way. His voice was still a bone-chilling whisper as he continued, "I'm going to fuck you. I'm going to fuck you like a dog—fuck you like the fucking BITCH you are!" And with those last words uttered, he flung me against the bed without releasing his hold of my hair, forcing my body to turn until I was leaning against the mattress with my ass exposed. My body was screaming in pain from my scalp to the balls of my feet and my legs were shaking uncontrollably, trying to hold up my body because the bed was too high for my knees to touch the floor. And we hadn't even made it to James's favorite part yet.

This was like never before.

_Please God, let this be over soon._

~. ~

I dared to poke the bastard that was passed out next to me. Even that simple movement had my muscles protesting, but I couldn't rest them. There was too much at stake to let the pain control me now. Now I needed to be comfortably numb.

Painstakingly slow I raised my body up and off the bed, dragging it to the bathroom to inspect the damage. Each step was excruciating and too slow with the searing pain throbbing between my legs. Even the balls of my feet were raw and sore from the savage hands and movements of an hour before.

If I didn't know better, I wouldn't even recognize the reflection staring back. The image was a testament to the broken woman and a broken past. My eyes were puffy from tears unshed and a deep blue welt was forming against my cheek where James' abusive hand fell. My lips were red from assault and cracked with blood dried in the corners. I didn't dare smile to inspect the damage there further. The bite marks over my neck were something out of a horror movie with blood dried in tiny rivers down my chest. My eyes roamed the reflection more, outlining the deep bruises already forming over my torso and limbs. A set of already gruesome bruises were evident against the bone and flesh of my hips, a ghost of the bastard's hands mocking me. I allowed my fingers to press against the tender flesh and winced back in pain.

But in that moment staring at my dead eyes and battered body, I knew what I needed—what Carlie need. For once, I was liberated in the numbing pain.

My body moved as quickly as my screaming muscles allowed, which wasn't very speedy if I were to be honest. Padding to the closet and grabbing a duffel bag, I dressed myself simply and started throwing the remains of my life into the fabric confines. Clothes. Necessities from the bathroom. Mementos that meant just about the world to me as I passed through the living room. My laptop. In final, staggering steps, I reached Carlie's door and pushed into the darkness. She was there in the pale light, innocent—a sleeping angel. I couldn't take my eyes off of her or convince my body to move in that moment. I wanted to be as carefree and clueless to the pain and hate and abuse that I knew too well as she was. However, I wasn't. But she never had to lose that part of her innocence. I would protect that.

Those thoughts pushed my muscles forward, quietly moving about her tiny room, packing up the clothes I could carry. Her little backpack was lying open on the floor. I picked it up, stuffing it with a few books, toys and her favorite games. This way, Carlie at least had something. I left her room as silently as I could, picking up the two other bags I laid in the hallway and took them out to my car.

As I shut the trunk over, I wanted nothing more than to crumble to the gravel. This was it. Our entire life packed into four bags, two broken people and a little blue car that was escaping in the darkness. But I couldn't crumble; I couldn't stop; I couldn't give up. So I pushed my protesting body back into the house, tiptoeing across the creaky floorboards until I reached my baby's room again. Carlie was sleeping as peacefully as she had been when I walked out the first time, a soft smile playing on her sleeping lips. My trembling fingers pushed a curl out of her eye and trailed softly down her cheek before I leaned in to kiss her sweet forehead. "I love you baby," I barely whispered out.

Just like every other movement, my aching muscles screamed as I bent down and scooped Carlie into my arms, cradling her head against my shoulder. I grabbed her tattered blankie, wrapping it tightly around her little body as best I could. Carlie nuzzled her face into my neck in sleep and I couldn't fight the tear that escaped my eye. I had no clue how I'd make her understand why we could never go home and why Daddy would never be Daddy again. She was too pure and innocent to have to have this life.

But I couldn't waste my energy here. It was time to go before we lost the opportunity. Carlie's little hand moved in sleep, closing her arm around air and something missing from her usual nighttime grasp. _Addy._ I looked back to her bed, gently search through the blankets until my fingers grasped the worn fabric of her teddy bear, tucking it to her chest. With one final look around the room, I made my feet move toward the night.

Carlie was cradled in my arms and I wanted nothing more than to run. Run from the house. Run from the pain. Run from the man I thought I loved a lifetime before. But I could only walk not fast enough. I was shaking; my body numb to the abused flesh and deep ache that had settled in.

"Momma?" Carlie's voice was so tiny and distant in disturbed sleep.

"Ssh baby, go back to sleep."

Her little head rolled back slightly, her little eyes hooded in sleep. "Where are we going Momma?"

"We're going to visit Auntie Alice for a while. You get to play with Corbin and maybe she'll let you ride Indigo again. Remember Indigo? You'll have so much fun baby."

"Oh," she mumbled, her voice holding a bit of sleepy excitement at the possibilities. "Is daddy coming too?"

My world nearly shattered at that—such a simple and innocent question. "No baby. It's just us."


	2. Ritornare

**A/N:** This took me forever simply because I got distracted with painting and rereading Blind (which has to be one of my fav FF stories ever). So sorry. I also realize this is really short and actually was going to be longer, but I decided to just give you a little background to Edward and Elise. Their story will come out more as the entire story progresses. Thanks to those that have read and actually reviewed this already. I really appreciate it.

_Disclaimer: I still own nothing except my computer and the PB&J sandwich I had for lunch._

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**Edward**  
_

"You're late."

"I know, I know. My apologies Rose," I said, rushed and throwing my briefcase on the couch while pulling at my hair in frustration with my free hand. It wasn't until now I realized I really needed a haircut.

Rose stood in the doorframe of the kitchen, relaxed in her sweatshirt and leggings and still as beautiful as ever. We met our freshman year of high school when my family moved to the states from London—the time of awkward changes and the baser need for someone who simply understood without judgment. I was the silent music geek and she was the ugly duckling that hadn't found her inner swan just yet. We became one force to simply make it through the days of popularity contests and mind-numbing clichés. We fought. We laughed. We bloomed out of awkwardness to popularity. Always together. Over time, I fell in love with our friendship and she fell in love with my brother. Here we are, almost sixteen years later—best friends and siblings-in-law.

"You look like hell Edward," her voice playful and warm.

"Thanks for the ego-boost babe," I snipped back with a smile, kissing Rose's cheek as I slide past her into the kitchen. Food sounded fantastic and I had to wonder when the last time I actually made time to eat today. The fact that I couldn't remember was not a promising sign. "How'd she do today?" My question was mumbled and slurred as I shoved last night's cold pizza in my mouth in a rather ravenous manner. But damn did it taste good.

"Great." A proud, beaming smile crossed her lips. "She's so graceful and lost in the movements. It's so crazy to watch her at such a young age. You may just have a prima ballerina on your hands there."

Nodding my heading, I internally groaned. If you asked me five years ago where I thought my life would be at now, I'd probably have said I'd be passing the years in a smoky piano bar, tinkering away at the keys for the martini floozies hiding from the day. Instead, I was stuck in a revolving mess of tutus, crinoline and sequins. Not that I'm complaining…much. "Where are the kids at anyways?"

"I think Ty kidnapped Elise into the backyard after being forced to sit through an hour of dance lessons. Em dropped them both at the studio on his way out to Mom's and Ty had his fill of 'girly' for the day. Or lifetime if you'd ask him. I did get them both to eat dinner though."

I nodded, understanding full well what being subject to wrath of girly-ness felt like to a young boy. Back in London, Em and I were always too young and scrawny to fight against our cousins, earning dance lessons and shopping trips from Tanya and Irina. Let me just say that I _loathed_ it and almost swore off a life of girls back then because I didn't want to deal with the drama and the pink and all the fuss. Oh how life has changed.

_Poor Ty._

"You know, I thought teachers were supposed to have the summers off. So why the hell do you work all the time?" Her words pulled me from the bittersweet memories. Rose was never one for the subtle delivery.

"Well, for one, I like to pay for this house on my own, not mooching off Mum and Dad's bank account," I said pointedly, clearing away the empty plate.

"Oh please, you have enough money stored away on your own to retire nicely tomorrow. So don't give me the 'make it on my own' bullshit speech again. I don't think I could handle it. Em plays that card enough when he's on his macho power trips of taking care of _his_ woman. Egotistical bast…"

"I was getting to my second point Rosie dearest," I said, cutting her off and dodging a manicured backhand, "if you'd ever let me finish. For two, I can't just sit around on my arse all day. I'd lose my bloody mind."

"But what's the difference between playing the perfectly nice baby grand in the family room and the piano at the school? Have a secret fetish for the uprights there Eddie?" she said waggling her eyebrows in a crass way.

Was she serious? If I didn't love her so much, I'd wonder where my supposed sanity ran off to in keeping her around so long. "How long have we known each other?"

"Uh, fifteen-sixteen years?" she answered more as a question.

"And in that time, has it ever been okay to call me Eddie, sweet Rosie?"

Her eyes glared back, icy and piercing. "Eddie. Rosie. Lets move on with life shall we?" Rose said through gritted teeth.

"We shall. Let it be noted that I have no fetish for uprights or however eloquently you put that. It's the simple separation of home and work. You know, home should be the escape from the day, not the bloody continuation of it."

"Fine, fine. Whatever you say Ed_ward_." Her voice dripped sickly sweet with the added emphasis to my name. I could barely tamp down the chuckle bubbling up at her frustration with me. We never quite grew up.

I'd be the first to admit that Rose is annoying as hell, but I loved her to death. This strange, sarcastic, crass and unearthly beautiful woman. "Anyways, I should go find my son before he gets himself undoubtedly into trouble. You know how it goes—you grew up with Em. Like father like son." An audible sigh followed her words as she blew the strand of hair from in front of her eyes. "I really don't want to be paying your repair bills for his curiosity again."

This time I did allow myself to laugh a full belly-roll. I clamped my hand to my side trying to keep my organs in place with the laughing force, looking up at Rose. Her face was contorted in the most comical fashion just to suppress her laugh that sent me farther over the edge of hilarity. "Damn Rose, I can still remember your face when we heard the high-pitched crunch of breaking glass and splintering wood. The slack jaw and wide, frantic eyes were priceless. I almost imagined you starting to speak in random tongues like you were possessed." I was choking on my laughs at this point, barely breathing with tears running rivers down my face. "You ran from the room faster than I've ever seen you move—quicker than even all those times trying to evade the disease-infested grasp of Mike Newton junior year. And _that_ was pretty bloody fast."

"Well what did you expect? The sound of glass breaking is not something I enjoy hearing when my son is running around someone else's house. We all knew it wasn't your angel that was bringing about the start of WWIII."

"In my defense, I told you that you didn't have to pay for it. After the initial shock wore off and there wasn't blood covering my living room and both kids had all their limbs still attached, the whole mess was rather amusing."

"You know me well enough to know I wouldn't saddle you with the replacement cost because something my son did. That kid is like a damn bull in a china shop—can't leave him alone near glass, wood, plastic or metal." I heard her mumble something about needing a leash or a _fucking bubble_ before she finished, "I just wanted to do the right thing."

"No, Rose. You are just too damn proud to see that Ty is a kid—Emmett's kid to clarify further—and shit happens. It really was only an entertainment center. The TV wasn't even scratched."

Rose growled. Like flat-out growled through her teeth that sent me further into hysterics. She stalked closer to my doubled-over body leaning against the counter with an icy blue glare that would make most men piss themselves. "I. AM. NOT. PROUD." She punctuated each loud word with a sharp poke at my shoulder. That shit hurt. My hands rose in surrender, my lungs fighting to resume normal function while wheezing out a 'You win. You win.'

"That's what I thought," Rose said all sing-songy and looking like the last five minutes of stomach ache inducing laughter didn't happen. "But I really should go wrangle up Ty. He's been quite for way too long." I had straightened my body out by now, nodding simply because I wasn't sure I had the lungpower to talk just yet. Rose leaned over, kissing my cheek quickly before turning on her heel into the hallway. She stopped in the archway, looking back at me. "Do you want me to tell Elise to come inside?"

"No," I shook my head, my voice hoarse and my throat raw. "She'll be fine in the backyard."

Nodding with a smile, she said, "Don't forget dinner on Sunday. It's Mom and Dad's anniversary and all," before turning again and disappearing out of view. I greedily filled a water glass, downing it in three long gulps. At first my throat protested, but eased into a blissful numb that the second gulp provided. After another glass or two, I figured I should go find my daughter. I had been gone all day of lessons and conferences and the eight short hours felt like a bloody eternity.

Walking back over to the front door, I kicked off my shoes and grabbed by briefcase. My feet padded through the soft carpet as I detoured to my office to ditch the briefcase and then onto my bedroom to rid myself of the constricting socks and button down. The nice thing about teaching music, especially over the summer, was that I didn't have to necessarily dress up. As Rose would put it, I had to be casual chic and I could totally handle that, whatever that really, truly meant. I was left in my jeans and white t-shirt that clung to my chest, wandering barefoot down the hall to the back door.

And there she was.

Elise's back was to me, her small feet brushing the grass with each gentle pump of her legs. The swing went back and forth in a graceful curve, her head dipped back letting her long auburn hair fly away behind her. She seemed so carefree and full of life and light and hope. It's times like this that I pray she will never lose this moment. Hell, I pray _I'll_ never lose sight of this moment.

I stood there for minutes just watching her swing, illuminated by the warm July sun that was only now starting to slowly set. She truly was an angel—_my angel_—even if her horns held up her halo occasionally. Finally I tore myself from my spot, letting the grass flatten under my bare feet until I was just behind her. My hands reached out as her body swung back, pushing her gently forward. Elise's musical laugh rang out, making a goofy grin plaster itself to my face simply because it could. "Higher Daddy! Higher!"

My hands pushed her forward, harder and yet still gently. Her laughter became the music of the night, weaving with the soft sounds of the birds and wind in the trees. My mind was already composing a melody to save this sound, this moment. We stayed with Elise swinging and I pushing for a long time, going higher and faster and letting her touch the sky. But all good things must end and our daylight was fading fast.

On her backswing, I grabbed Elise's moving body in a bear hug, effectively stopping her movement. Her laugh squealed out again at the sudden stop, my own joining the sounds. I nuzzled my face in her hair, planting a kiss atop her head to say all the love and hopes and dreams I have for my daughter that I couldn't find the right words for. "I love you baby." My voice was nothing more than a whisper, but her sweet voice mimicked my 'I love you' right back. "Why don't we head inside? You go put on your jammies and I'll put in the movie, okay?" I asked, helping her off the swing until her bare feet nestled into the grass. "The usual?" Elise's head bobbed all over in excitement with a toothy grin as she bolted her little body inside. I followed in a much slower fashion, savoring the night air, the soft grass and the simple, magical music of a child.

I sat down in the TV room, sinking into the corner of the sofa just as Elise bounded around the corner, already dressed in her pajamas like I asked. With a smile so striking and happy that I couldn't help but smile too, she ran over and curled herself into my awaiting lap.

And so our tradition remains—just the two of us, a Friday night and Beauty and the Beast.

Elise nestled her head against my chest and I wrapped my arms tighter around her little body, never wishing to let go of my daughter. She was my life. She was my world. She really was my everything. "So how was your lesson today?" I asked, planting a soft kiss to her forehead.

The racing energy of her body hummed against my own as her excitement bubbled over so much so that she was nearly vibrating in my lap. "It was amazing Daddy! Auntie Rose picked out the prettiest music for our recital. And guess what?!" I shrugged my shoulders with a smile, wanting her to simply tell me. "She even gave me a part all my own! I got a sole all my own!"

"You mean a solo?" She nodded her head vigorously, tousling her hair about her face. I managed to choke back a full-out belly laugh at her excitement, effectively snorting slightly. She was just too bloody cute. "That's great baby! I'm so proud of you." With another huge, goofy smile, Elise curled herself back into my lap and turned her attention to the movie starting.

My daughter got lost in the magical scenes of Belle and the Beast, humming softly through the songs. She knew the movie by heart, beginning to end, with all the little quotes and soft glances in between. I'd often catch her waltzing around her room with her little arms uplifted as if draped around the Beast, softly singing the music to herself. Sometimes I'd intrude into her world and spin her around the room in slow circles, singing the lyrics with her and drinking in the melody of her laugh. More often though, I'd simply watch.

These were some of the times I loved her the most. The secret moments where she was a carefree child living an enchanted dream and I could live it through her eyes and her touch. The moments where she just was. Simply enough.

The gentle rush of her evened breath brought my thoughts back and I ran my fingers through her silky hair, letting it fall like water from my grasp. Her bright eyes were closed in sleep, a small smile playing on her lips. Elise was beautiful and enchanting and so much more than I could have ever hoped for. She was mine and I was hers. That's how it had been for so long.

My fingers kept running through her hair in gentle strokes as she slept in my lap. I could do this forever and never tire, just holding my baby. It may be clichéd to say this, but she owned me. My life revolved around her in a chaotic, beautiful mess.

The movie kept playing and soon the lyrics fell from my lips quietly as I sang along with Elise's favorite part.

_Tale as old as time_

_True as it can be_

_Barely even friends_

_Than somebody bends…unexpectedly_

_Just a little change_

_Small to say the least_

_Both a little scared_

_Neither one prepared…Beauty and the Beast_

My mind was flooded with images of an empty ballroom and a faceless beauty. This wasn't uncommon for me. Most of my life was spent lost in my own head of lofty thoughts and music notes. Despite having my daughter rule my life, I'd be remiss to not admit that I find the days lonely and the nights lonelier in ways Elise and my family can't fill. The mysterious apparition haunted me in the most perfect way, always there in the dusty recesses of my mind swaying and gliding to the song. But as soon as she twirled in, she wisped away to be replaced by a vision of my daughter dancing perched lightly on my shoes.

_Tale as old as time_

_Tune as old as song_

_Bittersweet and strange_

_Finding you can change_

_Learning you were wrong_

We twirled and swayed and glided in our own bubble of comfort. I reached my hand out, stretching my fingers to run through her hair. Looking down, my daughter was still sound asleep in my lap and reality returned as my constant friend.

_Certain as the sun_

_Rising in the east_

_Tale as old as time_

_Song as old as rhyme…Beauty and the Beast_

I let my voice fade out with the song, barely recognizing the change of dynamic in the movie. Belle and the Beast and all the words they cannot say. "I love you baby girl," I whispered out and kissed Elise's hair, careful not to break her sweet sleep.

I really never thought my life would be like this, holding my daughter…_my daughter_…as she slept silently in my arms, save for the hush of her breath. I never thought I'd be an almost thirty-one year old music teacher _and_ a father of a five-year-old ball of pink and crinoline. Bloody hell, back then I wasn't even sure I wanted kids of my own. They were nice and all, but I got my fill from Rose and Em's screaming newborn. I wanted to live my life without ties, drinking in the days and fucking away the nights.

Now my days were focused on more kids than I could count and my nights were run by a sweet, little princess that wished for the world. Life was good. Well, more than good. It was bloody amazing. For as much as I'd find to complain about and wish that things were different, all I had to do was look at the small body and auburn hair resting in my lap and now that life was okay. It wasn't easy, but it was an amazing ride.

And I'd do it all over again. Every hurt. Every loss. Every bloody mistake. I'd forgo all my wants and needs and unearthly desires. I'd take it all just to count her every smile and breath of air. I'd be Atlas bearing the world on my shoulders just to hear her soft voice always say 'I love you Daddy'.


	3. Nuvole Nere

**A/N:** I'll keep this as short and to the point as possible.

1) Sorry this took forever. I have no excuse except I suck and I have a frequent case of writer's block and real world interruptions. The moral though is I sort of fail.  
2) I posted links on my profile for what Carlie and Elise look like, as well as the songs that inspire each chapter and other miscellaneous things.  
3) If anyone has any an idea to keep me on my toes while writing this, please _please_ let me know. I'm looking for any suggestions.  
4) Thank you to those that have reviewed, favorited and/or alerted. I really appreciate it.  
5) I'm shutting up now.

_Disclaimer: I still don't own anything. Damn._

_

* * *

**Bella**  
_

The drive had finally ended mid-morning as my car tires glided over the rocks and ruts littering the dirt drive. I had never loved Ali's house as much as I did today with the sunlight glinting off the aluminum shingles like a beacon of light. _Safe. We were finally going to be safe._

Alice and Jasper were standing on their wraparound porch, nuzzled into each other's sides. They were happy and so completely in love. You could always tell, ever since the first day Jasper knocked on Charlie's door, asking if Mary Alice Swan was available in all his southern boy charm.

~.~

_It was a Saturday morning, early in the fall in Washington. Alice, fifteen, and I, just past seventeen, were hiding out in the kitchen, her in a flurry of paper and pencils and big ideas and I cutting up veggies for dinner that night. Charlie was manning his post—the worn-in recliner—in the living room, getting ready for one of many baseball games while Renee was running around town and forgetting herself as usual. It was a typical Saturday for the Swan household._

_A solid and confident knock against the door disrupted our established routine. Charlie grunted and grumbled the entire way from his chair to the door, ready to brandish his gun to the inconvenience. Alice and I were still and silent, listening to whomever or whatever was standing on the porch. Charlie grunted again, his well-mannered greeting. The voice that rang into the kitchen was the slow and sweet drawl of a southern boy. "I hope I'm not intruding, but I would like to speak with Mary Alice Swan if she is available sir."_

_Alice was up and out of the kitchen before the poor boy could finish his sentence, tipping over the chair in her wake. I followed, albeit slower, because my curiosity of the mystery boy with the southern drawl won out over slicing and dicing for a family of four. The scene in front of the door was truly the beginning of an end. Alice and the mystery boy were standing close and looking at each other in complete silence while Charlie was shaking his head, not sure what the hell was unfolding in front of him. The mystery boy raised his fingers to trace the gentle curve of my sister's jaw in a slow and reverent motion, which Alice returned by launching herself and her lips at the boy. And that was that._

_Jasper Whitlock never left our world after that. He showed up on a whim, having been enchanted by my sister's presence in the high school halls, and Alice knew to her core that that was her end when the beautiful boy said her name. His life and Alice's life were intertwined so intricately that even the unbelieving of true love would call it fate. _

~.~

I nearly collapsed out of the car from sheer exhaustion before making it inside with Carlie, my adrenaline high having worn off hours and miles before. But my body never reached the ground before Jasper's arms caught my deadweight and Alice picked up my again sleeping daughter from the car.

I don't remember being put in bed. I don't remember sleeping. I don't remember if I dreamed. I only remember the throbbing ache of waking in my head and bruised body. My body moved in slow motion, each shift of a muscle moving slower than the last. Finally though, I managed to untangle from the covers and lift myself from the bed with only minimal shooting pain and bitten curses. The red letters of the alarm clock next to the bed mocked my exhaustion, blinking a rhythmic 5:16, presumably at night.

Looking back to the bed, Carlie was curled against the pale-yellow pillows and buried beneath the soft covers. How that little girl could sleep this long I would never know. But I was thankful for the reprieve from having to explain the messed up situation we were in. I bent down, brushing the curls from her face and falling into the innocence Carlie still possessed. It was written in the soft features and quiet hush of her breath and I'd do anything to protect it. I would protect it with everything I am.

With a fleeting glance, I made my way from the room and down the hall to the guest bathroom. The light was harsh and unwelcome, creating a heavier pound inside my head. But worse than the throbbing was simply who I had become. With my hand covering my mouth to stave off the cries, I'd scarcely recognize the rumpled woman in the mirror if it weren't for my fingers tracing my cheek where the deep bruise reflected back. I winced from the pain as my fingers tenderly pressed the flesh. It had never been this bad before.

This was my undoing—the broken reflection of a woman who thought she had it all figured out. It was a lie. All of it. I knew nothing. I was nothing.

I fell to the floor, my legs unable to support my body any longer as the physical and mental pain tore into me. Tears poured down my cheeks, soaking into my shirt and spilling over the tile. My body shook and twisted against the pain as my lungs fought to take in air against the spasms in my chest. I had lost touch with the reality surrounding me, and I was back in my old bed, bruised and abused. My tears and sobs only came quicker now, fear settling into my bones as well.

Right now it was easier to hurt than to fight all over again.

I lay there—sniffling and crying and mumbling—because I didn't know what else to do. I laid there and laid there some more. I barely moved. I barely did anything besides sob and wish the screams weren't silenced in my throat because I was choking on them. I barely had a grasp on reality or time. All I felt was scared, alone and completely broken. My sister fell to the floor next to me and I barely even registered that. I was utterly lost.

"Bella. Bells hun, you have to look at me," Alice's voice pulled at me and soothed the breaks, but I couldn't stop the sobs and hyperventilation. I was drowning in my tears and couldn't do anything besides shake my head and cry harder, still lost in everything that had ever hurt. "Isabella Marie, you look at me right now," her voice steely as her tiny hands shook against my shoulders.

I lifted my head, gasping for air with rivers of saltwater streaming down my cheeks. Alice's eyes were hard and commanding as she stared back into my own, not moving, not talking; just being. It was in that pregnant pause between hard eyes and my broken gaze, filled with gasps of air and strangled coughs, that I realized just what my sister was giving me. She was handing over her strength without questions. Not in words, but in the simplest way—through touch and look.

Without looking away I nodded again, willing my lungs to quiet and my tears to end. As my body calmed, her eyes softened into the soft, gray gaze I had always found peace in since we were children. Alice moved her hands from their vice grips against my shoulders to brush the pads of her thumbs against my wet cheeks, wiping away the tear and erasing sections of the pain.

"Good?"

"Better." My throat was incredibly raw from all the crying and coughing and screams that wouldn't come, making my voice hoarse and quiet.

Her fingers moved through my hair with a gentle smile, untangling the knots that grew during my breakdown. "Okay Bells, this is what you and me are going to do. Got it?" she paused, waiting on me. She must have seen my accent written in my face because she continued, "We are going to go to the hospital, get you checked out because some of these bruises are really bad," as her fingers traced the painful purple flesh of my cheek.

I opened my mouth to protest that I didn't need to go anywhere; that I needed to be with my daughter so that she still had someone. Before I could utter a word, Alice cut me off. "Carlie will be fine and Jasper will be here while we are gone. Corbin also loves her to death, so that silly dog won't leave her side the entire night. She already ate a late lunch/early dinner before you woke up and had curled back in bed with you there after. She. Will. Be. Fine.

"And then we are going to the station and filing for a restraining order, because if I catch one glimpse of that slimy bastard anywhere near you or Carlie again, I promise that even Jasper wouldn't be able to stop me from killing the fucker. Do you understand?"

"Yes. Thank you," the last words coming out nothing more than a whispered breath.

Alice bounced up all light and air, holding out her hands for me, which I willing latched onto as if I'd fall from earth otherwise.

The ride to the hospital was silent and I reined in my emotions as best I could. If I was honest, I wanted nothing more than to cry and curl up into myself, effectively hiding from everyone and everything. This…this shit, was just too much to try to fix. But I couldn't stop now. I have Carlie and a life to rebuild for both of us. I just had to keep reminding myself of just that.

I must have been lost in my thoughts, because Ali's voice pulled me back to reality. We were parked in front of the hospital and I watched the people filing in and out through the glass doors. The world was suddenly shaking around me, convulsing and trembling and utterly unbalanced. "Bells?" Alice's voice was quiet as she grasped my hand in hers. It was then I realized the world wasn't shaking. It was me. I was shaking and breaking and falling apart.

I turned toward my sister, trembling and silent. She squeezed my hand tighter, grounding me down. "Bells, you can do this. You _have_ to do this—for Carlie, hunnie. That little girl back at the house needs you to be the strong and courageous women that I know my big sister is. I can't even imagine how hard and painful this is for you to face, but I'm here Bells. Like always. You aren't alone here hun. But Bells, we have to go in there. This step—this one right here going in there—is your new beginning. We'll do this together."

Alice gave me a final, reassuring smile before stepping out of the car. I took my time, collecting my thoughts and getting my body to cooperate with my mind. My hand was shaking uncontrollably as I grabbed the door handle. My legs were even more unstable as I stood next to the car, feeling like they'd collapse under me at any moment. Alice came to stand in front of me. Even being several inches shorter than me, she had this intense presence that made her seem as tall and tough as anyone. My sister was a force to be reckoned with.

"You," she said pausing, "are a survivor Bells." She hugged me tight before taking my still shaking hand and helping me walk through those glass doors. This was it.

We checked in at the front desk, the blonde receptionist looking at me with too much pity as she taped the hospital band around my wrist. I felt the tears threatening the corners of my eyes and I almost lost it right there again. I couldn't deal with _that_ look. I was not a charity case. Alice sat with me and continued to hold my hand as I waited in the uncomfortable plastic chairs littering the waiting room. I have no clue how long we sat there, silent and contemplative. All I know is that by the time my name was called, my prior tremors had been replaced by an all-encompassing deep numb.

My movements were robotic as the nurse weighed me, took my blood pressure and frowned at whatever my heart rate told her. And then we were alone again, Alice never letting go of my hand as we began the waiting game again for the doctor. The room was silent and white and sterile and smelled of pain. I hated hospitals. I always had. Even when Carlie was born, I hated the hospital because at that very moment I brought life into the world, two floors below someone was leaving it. It never seemed right that simple concrete and steel separated one person's joy from another's heart wrenching pain.

A soft knock tapped against the door before a hulking man in scrubs and a white coat came into the room. He had a gentle smile and soft eyes, both so unlike his massive, muscular body. "Hi Isabella, I'm Doctor Cullen," he spoke kindly, as if I were a small scared child. I suppose in some ways I was. Flipping through my chart he continued, "Looks like you have some heavy bruising around your face, and the nurse wrote on other parts of your body as well. Can you tell me what happened?"

I swallowed thickly, not sure what to say or where to begin or even if I could formulate the words to lay my sad story out there for the good doctor. Alice squeezed me hand again, reminding me she was there for me and giving me strength in the simple touch. So I started my whole tale, from the beginning. How this time was the worst, but nowhere near the first time. That I could barely move or breathe comfortably through the pain in my lungs and chest. That my body looked like I was beaten by a group of people instead of the one man I was supposed to trust completely. And when I was done, tears were streaming down my face and I refused to blink because all I saw was James's black eyes promising death whenever my eyelids fell shut. I wiped hastily at my cheeks, embarrassed at my whole sob story.

Doctor Cullen slowly moved towards me and I was fixated on the gentle grace the massive man had. Watching him move was the only thing that was keeping my mind even remotely sane. He pressed against the bruise on my face, making me both wince and whimper in pain. He moved down to the bite marks against my neck and collarbone, taking stock of size and shape and color. He had me move the ugly hospital gown around examining the deep purple of my back and ribs and hips. Alice tightened her grip, gasping when she saw the extent of my body as Doctor Cullen worked. He was calm and meticulous with soft fingers and a gentle demeanor.

"Alright Isabella, some of the trauma you received is very severe. You most likely have a small facial fracture of your cheekbone, so that area with be tender and bruised for some time. Ice will help with the swelling, but that's the best we can do there now. The bruises to your back and torso are quite large, which I feel means the vessel ruptures are still bleeding a bit from the force of the injuries. I believe they should start clearing up shortly, but if you have any severe pain, come back immediately. I don't want to take any chances with you." I nodded my head as he spoke, taking it all in but hearing very little. "I'd like to do a pelvic exam as well. Based on the level of trauma to the rest of your body, I really believe it is necessary. Isabella, may I speak frankly?" he questioned, looking directly at me with those trusting eyes again. I croaked out a hoarse yes, allowing Doctor Cullen to continue.

"The exam would be voluntary on your part, but from the story you told me and the physical evidence that I see over your body, you have enough reason for any court to rule in your favor if you chose to press charges. The exam would include a catalog of photographs and fluid and tissue samples that one of our female nurses would collect. We will examine for any tearing and severe trauma, treating any injuries as necessary. Do we have your consent?"

I nodded for the millionth time and so began the exam. Doctor Cullen left the room, allowing a nurse named Jessica to come in for whatever hell I was in for. I made Alice stay with me because, frankly, I couldn't do this by myself. I needed someone to be there—I needed my sister to be there. Jessica clicked away pictures, swabbed and bottled this and that and scraped under my nails. When she was done, I changed and Alice and I were gone with pain pills and other wonder drugs in hand.

"You did so great Bells," Alice said as we settled into the car. "I'm so proud of you."

"You know, I'm just so ready for this whole thing to be over, Ali. I just want to start over for Carlie and I. I want to stay here. I want a new job. I want a new life lived on my terms." My voice holding the conviction I found during the last examination. Lying there on the noisy paper while some nurse poked and prodded my girlie parts for trauma from my abusive husband gave me a new perspective. I still hurt—both physically and emotionally—and I knew I would for a long time. But I had a job to do. I had to be a mother and survive to show my baby girl that Swan's were fighters _and_ survivors. "I may be broken and bruised, but I'm not irreparable."

Alice was looking at me with the biggest smile and tears trailing from her eyes. "I really am so proud of you sis. Are you ready to file those reports?"

"More ready than you will ever know."

~.~

Filing the proper paperwork was tedious. Alice and I sat in the station for several hours talking to cops and writing out incident reports and reliving last night. It felt like this whole ordeal was so long ago and not just 24 hours prior that I was a human punching bag. The fact that Charlie was friends with most of the officers running around the station at that point only added to the time. I was one of Charlie's babies, making me a top priority and creating a necessity for any and all things they could do for me.

The paperwork took the longest of everything though. I didn't know who I was anymore. I started at the 'Last Name' line for so long. The tradition of marriage made me a Hunter, but the action of my so-called husband reiterated that I would always be a Swan. So that was that. I scrawled 'Isabella Swan' across all the lines and piles of papers, letting one simple pound of the ton against my shoulders be lifted.

Alice was running around, making phone calls here and there. I asked her to call Mom and Dad, letting them know without all the gory details. She was checking in with Jasper now, making sure my silly little girl hadn't tormented him too much. "Bells, Carlie wanted to say 'night before Jazz tucked her in," she said, walking up to the desk I was sitting at, holding out her cell.

"Hey baby girl. Are you being good for Uncle Jazz?" I asked with a smile. Carlie sniffled on the other end, sending me into Mommy hyper-drive. "What's wrong baby?"

"I want…want you to tu-tuck me in." Her voice was so small and sad. It literally was killing me to hear her so utterly lost.

"I'll be home in a little while. Mommy and Auntie Alice had to take care of a few things, but Uncle Jazz is there. He's an impressive tucker-inner hunnie. Auntie Alice says so."

"But I want you Momma…"

"I know baby." I was fighting back my own tears now. I just wanted to hold Carlie and make everything okay. I wanted to erase all the pain and bad dreams. "How about I tuck you in again when I get back? Does that sound good?"

"Yeah."

"I love you baby. I really do."

"Love you too."

"Sweet dreams baby girl." And with that I hung up, feeling more defeated than I did walking through the hospital doors just a few hours earlier. My daughter was hurting for me to be there and simply tuck her in and I couldn't even grant her that simple wish right now. I felt like a failure of a mother for everything.

I stood up, needing to stretch and allowing Alice to wrap her arms around me. She hugged me tight and kept reassuring me that I was strong and a good mother and that everything that I was doing was for the best. Someone cleared their throat behind us. Turning around I found Officer Clearwater standing with a folder in his hand. "We're almost done here Bella. Mr. Black just arrived if you wanted to talk to him about your options. He's waiting in the conference room if you're ready." I nodded and followed Officer Clearwater as he led the way, holding tightly to Alice's hand.

A tall man stood as Alice and I walked through the door. He was lean with cropped black hair, a fitted suit and warm eyes. There was an instant calm in my muscles and bones with him in the room. I may very well be crazy, but I knew this Mr. Black would solve my problems with James. I was sure of it.

"Evening. I'm Jacob Black. You're sister called me," he said with a smile as he extended his hand.

I shook his hand, as did Alice. "I'm Bella and this is Alice, my sister that you spoke with. Thanks for coming in on such short notice."

"No worries. I just hope I can help. Please sit and tell me everything. Don't gloss over something you feel is unimportant to the case. Those are usually the most significant pieces of information I can work with." I sat down, with Alice sinking into the chair beside me. Jacob sat across the table with his tape recorder ready. "Whenever you're ready Bella."

I talked. A lot. I told him about our relationship before getting married. About how our relationship changed when Carlie was born. About the first time he hit me and about all the times I had lost count of. About how I knew something was different in James's disposition that night, but that I wanted to believe that life was perfect and would stay that way. About how James looked at me with death in his eyes as he glared at me. About how he hit me and cursed me and threatened my life, and more importantly Carlie's. Finally, I told him about leaving in the dead of night, the pain, my breakdown, the hospital and the rape samples sitting in the good old hospital lab. I laid everything on the table for him to fix my life in ways that I knew I didn't have the power to right now.

"Thank you for your honesty Bella. It will really help. Now I have to ask, is the restraining order all you wished to discuss in regards to Mr. Hunter?"

"No sir," I said, swallowing down the bile threatening to come. "I…I was wondering about…divorce."

Alice grabbed my hand under the table as my body started its slow shakes of fear and exhaustion. My courage had finally worn off, giving way to raw vulnerability. "I can draw up those papers for you, if you would like and have them ready at my office tomorrow."

I nodded, stealing my voice away from what I had to say. "I can't…can't see him. I never want to see him again. I…I don't want him near my daughter again. I can't…" I lost it. Tears streamed down my cheeks and my lungs were fighting for air. Alice's arms wrapped around me, holding me tight to her as she whispered over and over again in my ear. I have no clue how long I cried, but I was crying for myself and I was crying for the life my baby girl lost. Children shouldn't have to be part of this hell.

My sobs finally calmed and I was able to look up at Jacob through blurry eyes. "Bella, listen to me," he began warm and calm, "You don't have to face James again if you don't want to. Based on the case, I can draw up the papers and have them served to him with a court order for compliance. You will have full custody of your daughter and the restraining order will remain in place for as long as you say so. I will do everything in my power to make sure your ex-husband will never bother you again." Jacob's voice rang with conviction and I saw the sincerity in his eyes. He wanted to help me. And I really needed help.

~.~

The week passed by in a blur. It was a constant rush of phone calls from Jacob about my files and my parents questions, getting paperwork and signatures squared away and finding ways to keep my overly rambunctious daughter occupied. We still hadn't talked about the glaring issue that Carlie and I were never going back to Chicago and that we were leaving James's sorry ass behind forever. Right now, we were just on vacation. I would tell her soon though because I was beyond tired of lying—telling a five-year-old that I bruised my face because I ran into a door. I'm clumsy…just not that clumsy. I still just couldn't face the truth right now. I didn't even know how or where to start. Carlie didn't need to know all the brutal details from the beginning. But she needed some explanation more than I couldn't go back.

Jacob still hadn't called to say they tracked down James to serve him the divorce papers. That man was an elusive and slimy bastard and I still can't believe I ever found myself loving him. But that was then and I was working on the now.

"Momma?" Carlie questioned walking out onto the porch.

I laid my book next to me, motioning for Carlie to come over. She jumped in my lap all giggles and smiles as I leaned in, kissing her hair. "Yeah baby?"

"When can I go to my next lesson with Miss Angela?" Her voice was so small and shy. Carlie couldn't even look up as she talked, simply fingering the hem of her shirt.

"I don't know," I said honestly, not ready for this. "Could I find you a music teacher around here to do your lessons with? Would you be okay with that?" Carlie stayed in my lap still playing with the edge of her shirt. Her lip was tucked into her mouth as she thought on the offer. It was the best I could do right now. It was _all_ I could do.

Carlie finally looked up at me with her bright green eyes and nodded with a small smile. It was a start, and I'd take whatever I could get at this stage of my messed up life. "Good. I'll start making calls to find you the best piano teacher Woodbury has to offer! Now go see if Uncle Jazz needs any help in the stable."

She was up and gone before I could blink. "Give Indigo a carrot for me!" I called after her running form. I sat on the bench until I knew she found Jazz. She was clumsy and reckless, and I may just be a bit overprotective, but I always made sure someone was around and hopefully watching. That little girl was all I had.

The sun was warm and felt amazing on my skin as it peaked under the porch roof. Sitting there, it felt as if for the first time, I felt…normal.

I loved this place. Ali and Jazz's ranch was amazing and peaceful, and I don't know what I'd do without my sister to hold me together. But Carlie and I couldn't stay forever. I had to start looking for a new place, but right now I was working one step at a time, and my mission was to find my baby girl a piano teacher.

"Hey Ali, do you know anyone that offers piano lessons around here?" I called around the corner towards the kitchen as I walked into the house. "Carlie keeps asking when her next lesson is and I think it might be good to keep up some routine with her."

Alice's back was to me, hovering over the counter. "Uh…I'm not sure. Maybe," she said with a grunt as I walked over to her tense frame. She was perched above a mass of dough, her little fist punching and kneading the ball. I let her grunt a bit longer. The back of her hand swiped across her forehead when the murder of the innocent dough was complete, effectively leaving a trail of flour behind. I snorted—completely unlike me—before falling into a fit of laughter at perfect Alice's baking blemish. My sister eyed me as if I lost my mind, which I arguably may have, before an 'o' formed on her lips and she shot a hand up to her floured brow.

Instead of covering the mess up, Alice's hand only added to it, covering her black hair in white powder and bits of dough. I could only laugh harder and swipe at the streams of tears. All I heard was a high-pitched growl and Alice's light body was pushing against mine, smothering my face with floured hands.

"Oh Belly…how does that feel? Huh?" she goaded through her laughs. "Ooo, white is not your color hun. It horribly washes out your complexion," she giggled and patted my cheek more, spreading the powder over my face. We were both smiling and laughing despite the burning of the flour up my nose.

"What's going on in here?" Jasper stood in the doorway, leash in hand and a dumbfounded look on his face that soon contorted into a mix of horrified humor as he surveyed the scene. That didn't help Alice or I, instead causing us to cling tighter to each other and laugh with tears streaming down our faces at the entire moment. The kitchen was a disaster, but not in as bad of shape as either Alice or I. We were covered head to toe in flour and dough and sticky handprints from rubbing the mess in each other's faces.

Alice miraculously composed herself first, standing up a little but still holding onto me. "Nothing. Bells was just helping me make bread." Her voice was solid and would be completely convincing if Jasper didn't know us both as well as he does.

"Uh huh. Right," Jasper said, shaking his head and beginning to walk away from the chaos.

"Oh, Jazz. Who's that friend of yours that plays piano? He came over to dinner last summer, remember?" Alice asked, finally starting to dust all the flour off herself.

"Edward."

"That's right! Edward! Bells, he would be fantastic. For Carlie of course." Alice was looking straight at me with the biggest goofy grin plastered to her face. I guess I know who her vote was for.

"So…uh Jazz, do you think I could have Edward's number?"


	4. In Un’altra Vita

**A/N:** I'll prattle at the bottom. Meet you there!

**Disclaimer:** I still own nothing. I will continue to not own anything. *le sigh*

* * *

_**Edward **__  
_

The car was silent. Eerily so. Only the gentle hum of the engine and soft music coming through the speakers broke the dead quiet that surrounded us. The miles passed this way, my eyes running the circuit of pavement to trees to lone houses to side mirrors to the rearview mirror. Situated nicely in her booster seat, Elise's eyes were glued to passing outside world. How she never got sick from the blur of trees and houses was a miracle.

Pavement. Trees. Houses. Side mirrors. Rearview mirror. Pavement. Trees…

"Texas!" a small voice yelled from the back. "I found Texas Daddy!"

Elise was bouncing in her seat from the back with the biggest toothy grin plastered on her face. She was so completely excited that I couldn't help but grin madly as well. "That's great baby! We'll have to remember to put that in the book when we home." Over the last year, as Elise's reading skills have improved far beyond her age, I had started her on a little quest to keep her occupied in the car as we always travelled from this house to that house of our family. I had Rose make her a small book with all the states and just some random, simple information about them in it. It was Elise's goal to find all the licenses plates. And although we live and travel in the Minneapolis suburbs, it was not the easiest task to give a five-year-old.

We arrived at my parent's house a short bit later, my mother standing on the porch waiting to scope up her favorite grandgirl. "And how's my princess today?" Esme asked, beaming and kissing Elise's forehead as she raced up the porch steps and into my Mum's open arms. The two started chattering right away as I made my escape to find my brother, in need of a bit of male bonding.

However, before I made it downstairs where I was sure Em was hiding out, my phone started vibrating in my pocket. The number flashing across the screen wasn't local, nor I didn't recognize the area code either. "Hello."

"Um, is…is this Edw—Edward Cullen?" a timid voice all bells and sweetness rang through the other end.

"Yes it is. May I ask who's calling?"

"Oh. I'm Bella Hu…Swan. You don't know me though. I got your number from my brother-in-law, Jasper. Jasper Whitlock. He, uh, said you played piano. I mean, that you gave lessons—piano lessons. And I was wondering…" She was rambling incessantly. I choked back a laugh, trying to catch everything she was saying. "Look, I'm sorry for bothering you on a Sunday. I really shouldn't have. I apologize for any inconvenience. Uh, I should really hang up now. I feel horri…"

I couldn't hold it in any longer, soon chuckling into the phone as quietly as I could. "Please wait. And please stop apologizing." I paused, allowing the woman a minute to gather her wits. "What would you like to know about the lessons, Mrs. Swan?"

"Miss, not Mrs. And Bella. Please, I go by Bella. I was wondering if you are willing to take on new students right now. My daughter…she has been playing for about a year now, so she's not new but I guess she'd be new to you."

"How old is she?"

"She just turned five last month."

"Perfect. Well my schedule is pretty open right now. So would as early as Wednesday work for you, around 11?"

"That works great," she said, finishing with an audible sigh. "My daughter will be so excited. She hasn't stopped bugging me about her lessons since we left, um, I mean moved." She was fumbling over her words as if she were nervous. "Oh, uh, where do you give your lessons at? Our previous teacher taught from her home, but…I don't know."

"I hold my lessons at the elementary school over in Woodbury. I teach there during the year, so the administration is pretty open to my use of the music room during off times. Do you know the way?"

"I'm sure I can find it. Oh, and how much do you charge per lesson?"

This woman had so many questions and seemed so nervous to ask even the simplest ones. I couldn't help the smile against my lips at her quirks. "We can talk about that on Wednesday after the lesson. I mean, we need to make sure that this is something that you really want to do."

"Thank you again for doing this. And I really am sorry for bothering you today. I really shouldn't have."

"Bella, it's fine. I promise. I look forward to meeting your daughter on Wednesday. Have a good afternoon."

"You too. Bye." I hung up my phone as I tried to process everything Miss Swan…well Bella, said. _Bella._ Her name was so sweet hanging from the tip of my tongue and I savored the feeling. But apparently the end of the conversation amounted to me having a new student whose mother rambled and stumbled over her words in the most adorable ways. There was something about her voice; about the innocence in it. It was sweet like bells singing the perfect melody. There was something there that intrigued me to the core.

"Hey lil' bro. What's up man?" Em said, clapping his hand over my shoulder, effectively pulling me from my thoughts, which was admittedly a good thing. I didn't need to analyze the mysterious voice any longer. We were standing in the family room, overlooking my Mum's back garden through the windows. Esme's roses were blooming among the hostas that took up residence everywhere. Both were so drastically different, but somehow fit perfectly together against the flagstone patio. A dichotomy—a thorn in nature's simplicity.

"Not much. Just giving music lessons to the impressionable Woodbury youth while raising a five-year-old daughter who aspires to be a ballerina by myself. And learning to sew. Sequins are a bitch bro, let me tell you," I said in all seriousness because they were. Those damn sequins would be the death of me.

"Learning to sew, huh…"

"Don't even start Em," I growled, "unless you want me to start using your arse as a pincushion." His booming laughing filled the room.

"Chill. It's dropped bro. Anyways, Mum told me to come find you. It's almost time for dinner," he said, rubbing his stomach with a lazy grin. I learned at an early age to not come between Em and his food. It was a bloody painful mistake if memory serves. "Why'd you come in here anyways? Mum figured you were coming to find me or Dad."

"I was, but I got a phone call. A woman wanted to start her daughter in lessons and got my cell number from Jasper. You remember him right? Said he was her brother-in-law I think." I paused, remembering back to the conversation of a few minutes before. She really was adorable. Well, at least her voice and nervous mannerisms were. It was as if you could hear her blush through her words.

"Awesome dude. What's her name?"

"Bel…" I didn't get to finish saying her name before the house shook with a high-pitched scream only my daughter could make. I fled from the room in a panic, Em fast at my heels. We both knew that if it were Elise screaming or crying or arguing that Ty was close by and usually spurring her on like a typical young boy. The screams became clearer the closer we got the family room on the other side of the house. I could hear my daughter's sobs intermixed with her bellows against her cousin. This couldn't be good.

Em and I finally made it the family room. Rounding the corner of the doorway, I saw Elise curled in the corner of the sofa still screaming and crying with Esme and Rose crouching down, trying to comfort her. She looked so broken that I wanted nothing more than to take whatever pain she was in and rest it on my shoulders, bearing it's weight myself. Both women saw me in doorway and moved away, giving me access to my daughter. I pulled her into my arms, her tiny hands fisting into my shirt and holding on to me for dear life. She cried and I rocked her. She cried and I held her to me because I couldn't let her go even if I tried. "Shhh. I'm here. Daddy's here. What happened baby?" I asked, soft and coaxing and kissing her hair.

She just shook her head against my chest and clung to me harder, crying her little eyes out. Everyone's attention was on us, watching with worry and feeling about as helpless as I did in that moment. Elise was the treasure of my family. She was the light in everyone's life and was loved like no other little girl. Elise started mumbling 'Daddy' over and over again with little hiccups breaking her speech.

"What is it baby? You can tell me." I let my left hand rub circles against her back like I did when she was an infant and she couldn't sleep, while my right gently ran through her hair just trying to calm her pain.

"Da—daddy…" she started, her words barely above a whisper and harsh from her tears. "Ty…Ty said that my Mommy didn't love me and it's my…my fault that she's not here. That she…she didn't…want me." Her voice cracked and the sobs came hard again. _Fuck._

"WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?" Em bellowed, being the first to process what Elise confessed and looking directly at his son. All eyes were on Ty now, whose expression was fighting between scared, hurt and angry. I was simply numb. Esme stood stunned with a hand over her mouth leaning into Carlisle whose face held a shock at his only grandson. Rose, Rose was just still and blank, processing everything and nothing at the same time. "I did not raise you to say anything like that Tyler Andrew Cullen!" Em yelled again, his anger getting the better of his judgment.

I was still stunned and hurt beyond measure. I was hurting because my baby was in so much pain and I was hurting because those words opened up wounds long scabbed over. "Em, stop," I said, trying to find my voice. My brother's face was now a blank mask as he looked from me to his son, knowing my scars and my need overpowered his anger. "Why would you say that Ty? Answer me." I tried to talk as evenly and calmly as possible as I looked at my nephew. Elise was still clutched to my chest, but her cries had quieted some, replaced by sniffles and more hiccups.

Ty looked around the room, noticing everyone watching and waiting on him. His eyes were glassy, tears threatening so spill although he wouldn't let them. He finally stared down at his shoes before talking. "She's always around," he said, pointing to Elise in my lap, "and everyone always pays more attention to her and I get dragged around to do things with her, like dance and shopping, when I don't wanna. And then my Mom is always taking care of her because she doesn't have her own Mom to do it…" Ty's words cut off at the end, replaced by sniffles as he tried to hide his tears.

I never realized that Ty could feel excluded from his own family because of my daughter. It was something that never registered with me. I needed all the help I could get because I was still learning how to simply be a father as I went, but I never wanted that at the expense of others. Just the expression on his Ty's face as he looked up told me everything. He really was hurting too.

Rose was the first to move, walking over and crouching down in front of her son. She pushed some of the hair away from his eyes, studying his face and running her thumbs along his jaw. "I'm still here, Ty. I'm still your Mom and I still love you more than I can say. But Elise is family too, just like your Dad or Grandma or Grandpa, and I love her because I want to. And I want to help your Uncle Edward because I love him too. We are all family and families help each other. Your Dad and I taught you that. I'm not trying to push you out or replace you honey. You are still my son. _My_ son, understand. I wouldn't trade you for the world." Ty nodded and fell into Rose's open arms, both crying and holding each other and saying 'I love you' the best they could. Em joined too, holding the two people he loved the most in his arms.

Mum and Dad left the room, holding hands and leaning on one another. Esme looked back once with a sad smile, knowing my pain and that I had to let my daughter know that she will always be loved and wanted. Em, Rose and Ty followed suit shortly after until it was just Elise and I. We sat there in silence for an immeasurable amount of time just holding and rocking and comforting one another. I didn't know what to tell her or how to tell her. She had never questioned about her Mum because it had always just been the two of us. That was all she ever knew, so I doubt she felt the need to question it. It worked for us. "Elise, can I talk to you?" My voice was hoarse as I played with her hair, running it through my fingers as I always did. She nodded into my chest, still not looking at me or speaking again.

"Baby, you're Mum loved you, okay. She did…"

Her voice was still a whisper, as she spoke into my shirt, cutting my words off, "Then why isn't she here? Why did she leave me? I…I thought you didn't leave the things you love."

Elise's words hurt so deeply into my core that I had to pause before speaking again. She was so utterly observant and wise beyond her years. It killed me to know that she was hurting over her Mum because I couldn't do a damn thing to change it. She was never coming back and it was always going to be me. Just me. "Sometimes you have to, baby. Sometimes there are things that grown ups have to do and sometimes that means leaving behind the things we love and cherish most. It doesn't mean that she loved you any less when she left us. She just wanted to do what was best for you, baby. And in her mind, that was what was best."

"Are you…are you going to leave me too?" She finally raised her head to look at me with a terrified expression etched into her innocent features. Her green eyes were wide and rimmed in red with tears still falling in gentle rivers over her flushed cheeks. Even in the midst of tears and heartbreak, I couldn't help looking at her face and think of how beautiful my little girl was. Furrowed brow and all, she was my daughter and I loved her more than life itself.

"No, beautiful, I'm not going anywhere. Remember, it's you and me. We're like Mrs. Pots and Chip from Beauty and the Beast. It's you and me to the end, baby." My thumbs wiped at the tears falling over my daughter's face, brushing them away as quickly as they fell from her eyes. "I love you Elise," I said, gently kissing her forehead.

"Love you too, Daddy," her words coming out slightly slurred and mumbled. Looking down, Elise's eyelids were heavy and fluttering closed from the exhaustion of her tears, letting her lashes caress her rosy cheeks. She snuggled back against my chest, her breath slowly evening out as sleep sought her out. Again, I let my hand rub circles against her back in a rhythm to relax Elise's troubled heart and sooth my own tired soul. Someone so young shouldn't have to question their worth and their parents love. I wish there were some way to make sure she knows she is wanted and loved by everyone in her life.

I felt her grip on my shirt lessen as she settled further into my arms. "May—maybe you can…can find a Mommy," she stuttered through lazy lips as sleep completely overtook my baby.

~.~

_**Bella**_

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! How could I have been so stupid? I've been standing in the same spot since I hung up on Edward, feeling like I needed to crawl into a deep, deep hole and wallow away with what was left of my pride. My face was still on fire from the deep blush further incriminating my idiotic behavior. The whole conversation made me sound like my speech impediment resurfaced in all its hated glory. I mean, I haven't stuttered like that since I was six-years-old and stumbling over my words because my mind moved so much faster than my mouth. Now, now I sounded like a 29-year-old blubbering idiot. It wasn't cute anymore.

Oh hell. He must think something completely awful of me. Why the hell should I care though? Despite the fact that his voice was like velvet and the slight British accent peaking though tingled down to my core in places that I was planning to keep locked up with a born-again chastity belt, I shouldn't care. I really shouldn't. I was going to be paying him to teach Carlie. Nothing more and nothing less. But oh my God, that voice…

"Bells, can you come to the living room?" Alice's voice echoed through the halls, breaking me from my undoubtedly dangerous train of thought. _Dangerous indeed._

"What do you need?" Ali was sitting on the couch, curled into the corner and wearing a smirk as she watched me. I knew that look anywhere—I'd seen it one too many times growing up—she was up to something. I was about to open my mouth again until she thrust a small, wrapped box in my face.

My eyes stared at the little box suspended in the air. The silver paper sparkled in the faint light dancing through the windows and the big ass bow was a bit intimidating. Well, a lot intimidating. Not to ramble incessantly about a bow, but it should never be bigger than the box it adorned. That just made everything bigger than life, and right now, I couldn't deal with much more life than what is on my plate. I looked away from the glitter to see Ali was staring at me, wide eyed with a smile threatening to split her face. "Well?"

"What's…what is it?"

"Just take it Bells," she said with a sigh, shaking the box in my face a bit more. At least it didn't seem breakable. Reluctantly, I did as I was told for fear of my own life. No need to piss the pixie off on a Sunday. The box felt so heavy and light in my hand at the same time. I have no clue why a gift from my sister scared me so much, but, right now, it did.

I finally convinced my shaking fingers to open the damn thing. What's the worst it could be? "A key?" I questioned, not understanding my sister or the key in my palm at all.

Alice's eyes were shining and I swear her smile was permanently stuck against her pixie features. "Yes, a key. That, Bells, is the key to Gran's house." _Gran's house._ That house had been my first true love—a beautiful weathered-and-worn Victorian standing among an army of elms that my Grandfather planted in the 20s. If memory serves, the exterior paint was pealing slightly, but to me, that only added to the romantic charm of the structure. I remember purposely get lost in the rooms and hidden cupboards when I was young, simply learning the house and her story. "Dad gave me the key for safe keeping after Gran passed; he never had the heart to sell it. So, you need a new place to start and that old house needs a new family to love it. I've had Jasper over there fixing it up all week so that it's livable again. It just needs a little of your love to be perfect."

"It already is perfect," I whispered out, tears running rivers down my face. They were tears of gratitude and salvation on the most basic level. "Thank you." Ali's arms wrapped around me, a familiar blanket of calm and warmth and home.

~.~

Wednesday morning came sooner than I had even had time to process. I had been so lost in a mess of organizing anything and everything I could afford or refurbish to simply have something for our house right now. _Our house_. I still couldn't believe it. It didn't seem real that Carlie and I could have a home, for ourselves, when it seemed like we had just lost everything, leaving it and Chicago behind.

Jacob had called Monday afternoon, saying they had finally tracked my elusive, bastard husband down and served him the divorce papers. Apparently he put up a fight, trying to start WWIII with the officers present, landing him nicely in jail for a bit for assaulting an officer. Serves the prick right and works perfectly in my favor. Now, Jasper and I had a date for Saturday morning to drive to Chicago and pack the rest of mine and Carlie's things, while her and Alice had a bonding day as a glorious diversion.

I still managed to avoid _the_ talk with Carlie because, thank the Lord, my sister was a magician with a multitude of distractions. And the choice distraction thus far worked like a charm, despite my bellyaching about it. Though, I knew I needed to face the music soon since we had already moved into Gran's house, without James. She would be asking questions at the obvious absence of her father as the newness of everything wore off and I couldn't lie to her anymore.

"Momma, can I play outside with Elli?" Carlie's small voice came into the office followed by an excited yelp from the newest member to the Swan household restrained in my daughter's arms. That's right. Alice's distraction was none other than a wriggling, wiggling ball of puppy fur. It worked great, but came with the consequences of Mommy becoming 'pooper scooped extraordinaire'—a job title I did not cherish in the least. But if I were honest with myself, Elli already stole my heart the first night when she curled up in my lap and Carlie's constant smile was enough to forgive my evil sister and her 'present'.

"Sure sweetie. Just remember to stay in the backyard where it's fenced in so the Elli can't run off," I replied, running my fingers through my hair, tugging at the snarls and pulling it up into a messy bun. "I'll come get you in a bit though. We have your lesson today with Mr. Cullen at 11."

Another bright smile lit up her face. She missed playing so much, even though it has only been two weeks since here little fingers ran across the ivory keys. But that piano was here best friend on some level, giving her an outlet for all the passion and raw talent bubbling from her. I only wish I had something I loved doing so much that the passion and excitement resonated in my bones too. "I forgot about that Momma! Do you think Mr. Cullen will be nice like Miss Angela and give me stickers for my lesson book?"

"I'm sure he will be very nice sweetie. He's Uncle Jasper's friend, and Uncle Jasper wouldn't have bad friends now would he?" Actually, I'm positive he will be exceptionally amazing. I allowed my mind to wander slightly, remembering his velvet tones and feeling the memories resonate deep inside. Hell, I'm in trouble, realizing my hormones were in mutiny against my mind, wanting to get lost in his voice. I'm not even officially divorced yet and my body is craving a voice. _A voice._ I'm completely and utterly pathetic.

"But what about Elli?" she asked, looking intently at me, her face clouded in sadness at the prospect of leaving her new baby alone.

"She can come with us and when your lesson is done, maybe we can take her shopping for a new toy. How does that sound?"

"Good!" she squealed, jostling the poor puppy that yelped again in either excitement or annoyance as Carlie hopped up and down a little. "K, I'm gonna go play now." My two girls were gone and I was alone, left with my memories of an elusive voice that did things to my body that I didn't want to admit. I was screwed—so completely and utterly screwed.


	5. Inizio

**A/N:** Ooooo...I updated! I'm really not trying to make a crap-ton of excuse, but real life sucks and after five years of college, I should really have this homework thing under control. *Le sigh* I don't. BUT...I do have a valid reason this took like a month to get out that I can share...I was in the middle of writing a one-shot for the Twific Auto Erotica Challenge!

So yeah...check it out (**As Seen Against Steel and Glass**) if you aren't opposed to Jalice lemons taking place on the hood of a nice, shiny Vanquish in the middle of the night. Read...review...vote...whatever works for you! Story is posted on my page! I'd appreciate whatever input any lovely person has.

Anyways, hopefully this makes the wait worth something...

* * *

_**Edward**_

Ever since Sunday night, I've been haunted by my daughter's tears and her heavy request. _"Maybe you can find a Mommy."_ The words reverberated in my mind and ached deep in my chest. It was such a simple request in the eyes of a child, and yet one that I feared and prayed for at the same time. I want love. Don't doubt that. I want the companionship of a warm body and big heart, but my priorities weren't for me, instead lying within the happiness and well being of the little girl I sing to sleep every night.

Not that I haven't been without options over the years. It had been a perpetual cycle of women sent my way by Rose and Em. Sometimes even Carlisle joined in the fray by tossing a nurse or two my way. And though I was grateful that my family loved me enough to want me to be happy, I had to put my foot down awhile back. I was tired of simply chasing just a body with the right anatomy. I wanted the spark. I wanted the all-encompassing rush of fire through my veins. And as clichéd and girly as it sounds, _that _was anything and everything I was looking for. And no one held that just yet.

In brutal honesty, I was also afraid. I was afraid to put myself out there—completely out there. I never admitted it out loud to my family or myself or even the silent walls that I was afraid to lose again. And though it never would have worked out with Elise's Mum, her turned back left a permanent scar of rejection.

Fate would really have to intervene on this one.

~.~

My fingers ran softly over the keys, warming up to a familiar tune. I had no music except the notes and gentle shifts locked in my memories. The actions were familiar and comforting as I played, the cold keys like an old friend. It was nothing in particular, just chords and notes in a hauntingly familiar melody. It was like wind and warm air—unseen sensations. I couldn't pinpoint my muse, falling familiar at the very edges of my mind.

I stayed playing and composing as I waited, my mind wandering to unknown places. I'll admit that I kept falling back to Bella's voice that was stuck in my mind and echoing through my ears over and over. It was soft and sweet and ever so shy. You could hear the blush in her voice and it was honestly the most adorable and endearing quality I could ever imagine a woman possessing.

My playing was cut short when I heard the classroom door open and close. Turning around, I watched the two figures walked down the ramp towards the main floor area, the little girl stumbling over her feet but never falling with the help of her Mum's comforting hand. She was adorable with bouncing curls and round, childish features.

I finally took a moment to focus on the woman walking beside her and was rendered completely and utterly speechless.

She was heaven-sent. My mind was faltering for words that would give Bella even a shred of justice. Chestnut hair fell around her face and framed out warm chocolate eyes that seemed endless and inviting. She was simple and utterly beautiful in her worn Yale shirt and jean shorts standing in the dusty classroom light—an ethereal presence in my small, shadowed world.

But her smile—her smile lit up the whole bloody room. Her smile would have brought me to my knees if I weren't already sitting down.

However, my gawking was short lived as I regained my motor functions enough to greet the pair. "Hi. You must be Bella. And this is…" I spoke, standing and walking over to where they were.

"Carlie!" the little girl answered with a 1000-watt smile rivaling her mother's. Bending down to child level, I finally took in Bella's daughter fully. Her jade eyes sparkled and danced with life and light. Although her face was framed in that array of messy blond curls, her face was her Mum's, right down to the gently pouting lips and petite nose. She was perfect.

"It's very nice to meet you Carlie. I'm Mr. Cullen and I can't wait to hear you play. Your Mum told me you were really good. How about we get you started warming up?" I asked, extending my hand in front of me with a coaxing smile. Most children latch onto their parent's leg and hide their faces in the folds of fabric at this point, so I was prepared. But Carlie was the one in a million exception. Looking up to Bella, who gratefully nodded, she grabbed onto my awaiting hand in complete excitement with her toothy smile still playing on her lips. I stood up carefully, Carlie's hand in mine and turned to Bella. "I'll be back over in a second. I just want to get her set up first."

Carlie nearly pulled me to the piano and I could feel her excitement and passion pulsing all around her. This little girl lived to play, which is an all-encompassing sensation that I could relate to completely. She scrambled her long legs onto the bench, touching the keys reverently without playing a note. "Okay Carlie. Do you know your scales?" She nodded, bouncing the mass of curls around. "Awesome. How about you start with the C major scale, playing it a few times to warm up your fingers. Work on other scales if you have time to practice. I'm just going to help your Mum with some paperwork before we start."

She started playing before I even turned around and I couldn't help but be giddy-drunk off her passion. This is the reason I started teaching—the passion for music seen through the eyes of a child. There could never be words to describe that simple and awe-inspiring moment.

Bella was standing in the corner of the room by my desk, caught up in her own little world. As I approached, I noticed she was looking over the few pictures, mostly of my family, that I had scattered my desk. The one she was holding was by far my favorite, taken on Elise's fifth birthday a few months back.

"That's my daughter," I spoke quietly from behind Bella, as to not surprise her too much, "Elise." Despite my efforts, she still startled a bit, fumbling the picture in her hands, before turning toward me with warm eyes.

"She's beautiful." Bella's voice was more melodious than my memory kept as she spoke, making me simply smile. I couldn't help but notice how she pulled her lower lip between her teeth as she continued to watch me. I couldn't help but notice a lot of things concerning Bella, from the curve of her delicate hips to the swells of her breasts to the way she watched me as I talked with those perfect eyes. "Is that your wife?" she asked looking at one of the remaining frames, tucked behind the one of Elise she had set back down.

The picture was of Rose and I a few years back when we took an entire family vacation to London for a reunion. The picture was taken in a packed pub after we got caught in a storm while I was showing her around Picadilly Square. Em was helping Dad and Grandpa set up the pavilion, so I took Rose to see some of our favorite places growing up, playing tour guide and what-not. We were both completely soaked with the goofiest grins plastered to our faces and looking downright giddy. But that was Rose and I. The worst of times were the best of times, as long as we had each other.

"No. I…um…I'm not married. That's Rose though. We've been friends forever. Well, since my family moved to the states when I started high school."

"She's beautiful too," she whispered out, shy and reserved.

"She is," I agreed. "She's also married to my brother." I tried stressing the 'married to my brother' part, hoping to get my relationship with Rose cleared up for Bella. I don't even know why I was so worried about what she thought of my love life, or lack there of, but I was compelled to set the record straight with her. "I'm Edward by the way. I figure I should at least show you the courtesy of a proper introduction, although we are somewhat acquainted," I offered, smiling widely and offering my hand. Bella took it and bloody hell if it didn't feel right and utterly perfect.

"It's nice to officially meet Edward. I'm Bella, obviously," she returned, still holding my hand and dazzling me silly. She really was beautiful and I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying those words out loud. I would scare this wonderful woman away for sure, and I wasn't ready to let go of her just yet. We stood there, simply staring at each other in comfortable silence, neither of us knowing what to say or really even feeling compelled to. The only sound filling the space of the room was Carlie's dutiful scales ringing from piano. I was enchanted.

The moment was short-lived, as most of the best are, with Carlie's voice breaking in. "What else can I play Mr. Cullen? My fingers are warm." We both laughed at the innocent comment.

"I'll be over there in just a minute and then we can start. If you want, you can open your lesson book to where you stopped with your other teacher." She nodded again, which I'm quickly coming to decide is the most adorable little action with her hair flopping around. Turning back to Bella who stood close, smiling softly at me.

"Sorry. Carlie usually isn't this impatient, but she's missed playing the last few weeks. I hope she doesn't give you too much trouble."

"She'll be perfectly fine. I honestly love her passion. It's a rare gift to love playing at such a young age," I reassured. "I do need you to fill out some paperwork though. Just simple contact information and such." Reaching over, I picked the forms up from my desk and a pen before handing them over. "You can sit in my chair," motioning to the padded chair tucked under the desk. "I know that the kids' chairs are a little uncomfortable to bend down to."

Bella took the papers and pen with a soft 'thanks' and turning to sit down. "You're more than welcome to stay and listen," I offered and partly—well mostly—wishing she'd say yes.

"I can't today. I have to get back to Elli." I'm sure I gave a confused expression as to whom this 'Elli' is since she quickly continued. "Carlie's puppy. She's in the car and I don't want to leave her in the heat for too long. It's really too warm and she's still so young."

"I understand completely. Please just leave the forms on the desk when you're done and I guess we'll see you back in about an hour then, if that's alright." She nodded and I couldn't help the smile the broke out on my face, which she returned. This woman was really messing with my emotions. Not that I'm complaining.

"Thanks Edward," Bella spoke softly after I turned towards the piano where Carlie was flying her fingers over the keys. Her voice was so sweet and pure and utterly enchanting. It was ringing through my ears and my mind in the most perfectly haunting ways.

"Always, Bella," I whispered just as quietly, feeling as though I needed to keep the moment just between us.

~.~

Carlie was simply amazing—a musical genius in a four-foot frame. Throughout the lesson she continued to surprise me page after page of her lesson book. Never would I have guessed that this little girl was the same one that was bouncing wildly as she held to her Mum's hand and stumbling over her feet as if they were too big for her small frame. But she was. She was graceful and refined and simply perfect.

"That's wonderful Carlie," I complimented, looking down at the beautiful little girl sitting on the bench next to me. She was still focused on the notes she was playing and her fingers moving fluidly over the keys that she only nodded her head without breaking concentration. Carlie continued on for several minutes, playing through the repeats until finally taking the last coda, letting the final note hang softly in the air.

Finally, as the sweet sound disappeared, she looked up at me with the brightest eyes and a smile that was threatening to overtake her innocent features. She looked so much like her Mum in that instance that it was startling. 'How'd I do?" she asked all sweetness and hope.

"You, Carlie, did perfect."

Her green eyes lit up ten-fold and I could feel her energy and excitement radiating off her small body. "Do I get a gold star now?! Miss Angela always gave me a gold star for my lesson book when I did good. See…" she rushed out, pointing to the front of the book covered in tiny stars and watching me expectantly.

I tapped at my chin and pretended to think in good fun. "How about I give you something better?" I started, gauging Carlie's reaction until she was nearly bouncing with anticipation. "How about I give you _five_ stars—one for each song we went through—_and_ a different lesson book with better songs to learn? How does that sound?"

With a squeal, Carlie launched herself at my chest and held on tightly, surprising the bloody hell out of me. But I held her tightly back, suddenly that fatherly feeling to protect and nurture swelling in me. "I really did that good?"

"Carlie, you did amazing," I told her honestly. "There are very few kids your age that could play like you do. It's a pleasure to sit here just listen. And I can tell that you really do love playing the piano and that makes my job simple." I pulled her back a bit in order to see her face. "Can we try something?"

She shook her head in agreement, loosening her arms and awaiting my directions. "I want you to put your fingers on the keys and close your eyes." She did as instructed quickly, sitting there straight and tall. "Now start thinking of someone or something that makes you happy. Maybe your Mum or your best friend or running through rain puddles. Anything." A little smile played on her face as she focused on the emotion of the memory. "Now, play what you feel. Tell me about the memory, but don't talk. Just play."

I knew she was young by most standards to be trying this level of improvisation. Improvisation was difficult enough to feel the notes before their played and I was asking a five-year-old to not just feel the music and anticipate the next movements but to speak through it. But it was worth a shot and I had complete faith in the little girl next to me.

There was silence, yet Carlie's fingers moved slowly without touching the keys. She did this for a while, never opening her eyes, never losing her smile and never making a sound. I let her sit there though. This was the hardest part—finding the right note or chord to say everything that you feel.

When her fingers finally pressed down to the keys, it was magic. Her melody filled up the room with light and life and energy, pressing against the walls and windows because something such as this should not be contained. I never could have imagined what I heard because it was so far beyond anything I would have ever expected Carlie to be able to maintain at her age. I was entranced watching and listening and simply experiencing this little girl's world.

Her fingers finally paused, holding the final note though her feet couldn't reach the pedals to actually allow it to resonate throughout the room. "I…um…wow Carlie! That…that was…truly amazing," I stuttered out, still in complete awe. "May I ask what were you thinking about?"

Nodding her head, she started, "I was thinking about the time I tried to fly. Momma took me to the park because daddy wasn't around." She pouted slightly at this, making me wonder about her family dynamics. After meeting her though, I have to admit that I'm holding to the fact that Bella was adamant that she was a 'Miss' because bloody hell, I really wanted to know her more.

Carlie giggled, "…and I climbed to the top of the biggest slide. All the way to the top! I watched the big bird that was flying around and I wanted to try. To fly you know. So I climbed around and jumped. But I didn't fly. I fell, even though I flapped my wings and everything, just like a bird. But Momma caught me before I hit the ground and asked me what I was doing," she retold with a sheepish grin.

"So I told her that I was trying to fly, but I didn't flap my wings enough. And do you know what she did?" Carlie looked up at me with such wide and expectant eyes that I had to chuckle, shaking my head. "She just giggled and carried me over to the swings and set me on it. And then she told me to hold on tight and close my eyes. And then she started pushing me really high and I was flying. I was really flying and it was so much fun! And then she told me that anytime I wanted to fly, to swing because every time I swing, I can be free and happy. And I really love swinging."

I couldn't find my voice at first, stunned by her honesty and the love of life in her eyes. Carlie was wise beyond her years with a talent rarely matched and a sweet innocence only a child can hold to. If I could only see the world through her eyes…

"Well your Mum is a very smart woman then," I replied, smiling softly. To raise a daughter as kind and sweet and lovable as Carlie, Bella would have to be nothing but smart and utterly wonderful. It is times like these that I wished Elise had a Mum around. Rose and Esme did wonders with her and loved my little girl unconditionally, but sometimes I didn't think that was enough. And after the fiasco at my parent's house, I knew she felt like she was missing something in her life too. It is times like those that I feel like a complete failure as a parent for not being able to provide her everything she needs in life.

"She is! But…" Carlie paused as if she wanted to continue. Her facial expression sobered quickly from energetic child to that of an old soul who's experienced too much, before she continued softly. "But I think Momma needs to go swinging. She's been so sad since we moved away from Daddy and I don't like seeing her sad."

Carlie looked so sad herself, carrying the pain of her Mum on her little shoulders. I didn't know what to say, so I let fatherly instinct kick in and wrapped my arms around her shoulders, pulling her close, as my mind reeled. I didn't know what was going on—if she wanted to leave or had to—but I did know I would, without a doubt, do anything for the woman and little girl that have stolen my heart.

"Then maybe, we should take her to the park."

~.~

The mood lightened considerably, to which I was more than grateful. Carlie and I kept tinkering with the piano, mirroring each other's movements and keystrokes against the different octaves as we waited for Bella. We laughed and played and I fell in love with that little girl more and more as if she were my own—overcome by what I feel for Elise every morning, day and night. Carlie was so utterly untarnished and held this passion to love life and the people in it that you couldn't help but be mesmerized by. For five-years-old, you could tell that she brought a simple light and warmth into any room.

I felt her walk in and come up behind me before she ever pressed her hand to my shoulder. Bella's touch was soft and simple and made my heart do funny things. I felt like my shy, geeky teenage self again, getting nervous and lightheaded when a beautiful girl dared to talk to me or pass me close in the hall. And just like my teen years, I had to battle back the mounting arousal simply because of her and her presence.

Turning around, Bella's face held a soft smile as she apologized quietly for interrupting us. "Never apologize, Bella," I said, smiling and looking into her deep, doe eyes. "We were just winding down and having some fun anyways."

She simply nodded, still smiling while biting on her lower lip and I wanted nothing more in that moment than to grab her and hold her and slowly worship every sweet curve. Instead, the wishful thinking was short lived as Bella's attention turned from me to her daughter, waiting patiently beside me. "So how'd you do Carlie?" she asked, ruffling her finger through Carlie's curls.

"Great! Mr. Cullen gave me five gold stars, Momma. _Five_! And then he gave me another lesson book that he said was bigger and better." Carlie's sheer excitement was evident as she thrust the new book at her Mum, bouncing on the bench. Bella took the book, flipping through the pages. I stood to be closer to Bella, watching the pages and relishing in her nearness.

"Did you tell Mr. Cullen thank you?" she asked Carlie, but watching me through her lashes as she handed the book back to her daughter. Bella looked beautiful standing there, relaxed but holding to a sweet shyness in her blush.

"Of course, Momma," Carlie stated matter-of-factly, cocking her head to the side and drawing our attention from our own little Edward-and-Bella bubble, blissfully awkward as it was. That seemed to be the theme of the day though. We both laughed, effectively easing the mounting tension.

"Good girl." Turning back to me, Bella continued, "Is there anything else we need to do today?" _Yes_, I wanted to scream. I wanted to say stay with me; talk to me; be with me. Instead I said no with reluctance, waiting for her and Carlie to leave so that I could process just what _this_ was and wallow in my flustered nature. Bella walked over to the other side of the room, picking up her purse that she obviously dropped off when she came in.

But in all honesty, I wasn't ready to let her leave just yet. I wanted just one more minute with Bella before it was a long, drawn-out week before I'd see her again. This woman already had me wanting. My mind was grasping at air, trying to find the excuse I desperately needed. It hit me suddenly—both figuratively and literally.

Carlie jumped into my leg getting off the bench, bouncing back with a soft 'oof' as her lesson book fell to the floor. "Sorry Mr. Cullen," she said, a blush similar to her Mum's spreading across her round cheeks.

I fought to hide my smile. "It's alright, Carlie. Are you okay?" I asked, bending down to pick up the book. Eye to eye with Carlie, she nodded, still blushing red. "Well it looks like you're going to make it. Just a little red nose." I touched the very tip of her nose where she bumped it into my leg with a smile, trying to ease some of her embarrassment. In all honesty, I found the whole situation rather amusing.

"But maybe you should ask your Mum to take you to the park or get ice cream, to make you feel better for bumping your poor little nose," I whispered so only Carlie could hear me with a wink, reminding myself of my plan.

"Yeah! The park! I wanted to go swinging," she said, bouncing up and down with the biggest smile, the sheer excitement palpable. I watched as she ran over to Bella, animatedly talking. It was amazing to watch the two interact. Carlie was talking with her hands, making grand gestures and fidgeting constantly, while Bella listened with rapt attention and an amused expression. Her smile was soft and gentle and utterly loving for that little girl. I wonder if Elise and I look like that to an outside observer? I could only hope…

Bella caught me staring as she finally looked up, still smiling and blushing slightly, making me smile crookedly back. This was my chance and I wasn't going to miss it.

"Bella, may I ask you something?"

"Uh, sure," she spoke with a nervous smile. "Carlie, I have to talk to Mr. Cullen for a bit. So will you be good in here and practice the pieces he gave you to work on?" She shook her head with a quick and excited 'yes' before turning tail to get a few more minutes with the piano. I motioned for Bella to walk up the ramp first. I was pulling out all the chivalrous charm and English manners. But I won't lie and say I wasn't working for my own gains as well. Bella was beautiful from any angle. This one though, from behind, just let me gawk and appreciate without drawing attention I wasn't ready to explain just yet to myself.

The sway of her hips was mesmerizing, but all too soon we were outside the classroom with the door closing over quietly behind us. I'd be lying if I tried to say I wasn't nervous. I didn't want to seem pushy or presumptuous, but on the same token, I couldn't _not_ ask.

It's just that Bella made me feel different—feel a way I can't quite point out as ever feeling. With her I was nervous and flustered and ever-excited, in all senses of the word. I wanted her. I couldn't doubt that. But I'm so out-of-practice at…at _this_…that I'm not even sure I know the bloody hell I'm doing.

The anticipation was gnawing at my core, my fingers itching to simply touch her again and feel the fire alight in my veins. It was now or never...figuratively speaking. "I was wondering, uh, if you may be interested in a date? I…I mean a play date," I amended quickly and silently chastising myself for my nervous slip as Bella eyes remained wide and surprised. "You saw the picture of my daughter. She's five, just like Carlie. So, uh, yeah, I think they could get along really well."

_And so could we…_


	6. Ascolta

**Thanks to everyone that has taken the time to read/alert/review/favorite. Getting those email notifications makes me all giddy-it's insane! I'm just going to say this now...the next few updates may take a while. I'm graduating college in May, so these next two months are going to be non-stop art projects and exams. Please bear with me...**

**I still don't own a damn thing.**

* * *

_**Bella**_

"Carlie, are you ready yet?" I yelled down the hallways while throwing a few more things in my bag. The poor thing was already overflowing with extra clothes, sunscreen, water and most importantly, a jumbo first aid kit. Now, it may seem I'm overdoing it like some crazy Mom, but I know my daughter. She's a mini-me through and through, ruining clothes and going through band-aids faster than I could keep them in stock. I swear that I'm the sole reason that the Band-Aid brand is still in business.

One last check through the bag, I prayed that I had everything. If nothing else, I was prepared to medically arm an entire hospital if need be. Carlie still hadn't answered, which probably wasn't a good thing. She was already so keyed up to go meet someone new that there was no telling what kind of crazy shenanigans she got herself into in her excitement. It has always been like this. Carlie could never sleep the night before a trip and would invariably get caught up in so many things that she'd often forget the most basis necessities, like shoes.

I tried not to look at my reflection as I left my room in search of Carlie, but I couldn't stop myself. The woman staring back was me—plain and simple Bella. There was still a faint, dark outline underneath my eye where the bruise was still menacing against my skin covered by the layers of make-up I had become a pro at applying over the last couple weeks. It had become a daily ritual of sorts, spilling out the concealer and miscellaneous blushes and shadows to make the mark as invisible as possible. I succeeded enough to get by. My green tank top fit to my curves and my jeans were worn and more than comfortable, leaving me looking like nothing overly special. But I was presentable, so that had to count for something. _Maybe Edward…_

Shaking my head, I left the room, mentally slapping myself silly for even humoring that train of thought. Remember…teacher. Carlie's teacher. Carlie's incredibly gorgeous teacher. Yup, I'm still so utterly screwed.

Rounding the corner into Carlie's room, I stopped dead in my tracks, holding the doorframe just to keep my laughing body upright. Carlie was in the middle of her floor, toys, books, clothes—you name it—piled haphazardly around her and her wearing the most perplexed little expression.

"Carlie, what did you do?" I asked, once my laughter was mostly under control with small snorts still escaping here and there.

She looked up with the most innocent expression a five-year-old could muster, wide eyes and big pouty lips. "I was trying to find a present. I want the other girl to like me, but I don't know if she'd like any of my toys. Why don't I have the rest of my stuff Momma?"

Well damn. That sobered up my laughing high quickly.

In all honesty, I have no clue what to say. This is not what I wanted to deal with today. Carlie kept looking at me with expectant eyes, waiting for a simple answer. But if only it were actually simple.

"Uh…Uncle Jasper and I are getting all of our stuff tomorrow while you and Auntie Alice go shopping. You'll have all your toys then," I said, deciding a half-truth was the easiest answer I could give.

"Oh." Her voice was soft and I swear I saw her face fall a little more. "Are you bringing Daddy's stuff back with you too?"

"No baby, Daddy's things are staying in Chicago."

"Why?"

I felt like a fish out of water, gasping for air and coming up empty. It was such an innocent question that I should be able to answer for my own daughter, but what do you say to a five-year-old? You're Daddy is a very bad man? If I have it my way, you'll never see that man again? Daddy isn't part of our lives anymore and Momma's making sure of it?

I couldn't say any of those things. I didn't have one damn answer that wouldn't lead to more questions and more heartache. No matter how much I hated that James had to turn mine and Carlie's world upside down, I couldn't hate _all_ of him. At one point, he was a good man that gave me the world in a little girl of curls and green eyes.

Soon. Soon I would tell her, but right now we had places to be and people to see in the form of another little girl and her gorgeous Daddy with the panty-dropping smile. "Baby, can we talk about this later? We're going to be late if we don't head out soon. We don't want to keep Mr. Cullen and Elise waiting now do we?" Carlie shook her head, bouncing curls around in a wild mess and finally cracking a small smile.

"Hey, can you come over here so I can clip your hair back?" I asked, picking out a pair of dragonfly barrettes from the dresser before squatting down. She got up and walked up between my knees, allowing me to brush back her curls, clipping them away from her face. Carlie's eyes were dancing in the light of the room as always, seeming to live a life of their own, mirroring the magic of her almost ever-present smile. "So beautiful…" I whispered, running my fingers through her hair and marveling at the silky texture before kissing my little girl's forehead, earning a sweet giggle and giant hug in return.

"Come on you. We're really going to be late now if we don't get our butts in gear."

I was determined to not let the weight the world rest on me today. Today was about new beginnings and childish innocence and I was determined to see that through.

~.~

My knuckles were white gripping the steering wheel, the very visible indication of my nerves setting in. Carlie was humming to herself in the back seat, completely clueless to the fact that I was sweating like none other, locked in my hyperly-aware head. Normally, I pride myself in being a relatively calm and collected person, having to be the balance to Alice's radiating energy growing up. But right now, I was anything but.

Each quiet neighborhood was bringing us closer to the park…_and Edward_.

Edward. He's going to be the death of me with those green eyes and soft accent. Let me tell you—I'm a sucker for a pretty British boy. And don't even get me started on the rest of him. He was broad and toned and so gloriously beautiful that I had to bite my tongue the entire time I was around him Wednesday from saying those exact thoughts. I doubt that would have gone over too well.

When he asked about a date, I can honestly say I was rendered speechless and thoughtless. Hell, I was rendered incapable of every motor function and mental process I possessed. Even after he amended it to a play date, which was a lot easier to conceptually grasp in that moment, I was still too dumbfounded by the beautiful man standing so close to me. His body was right next to mine and all I wanted was to run my hand down his arm and make sure he was real.

Instead, if memory serves: I nodded my head, bit my lip out of nerves, found my voice long enough to say thanks/I'm free Friday/see ya then/bye, hyperventilated in my car and drowned the day in a tub of Chubby Hubby while watching old episodes of Fraggle Rock with Carlie. A very mature way to handle the entire situation, right?

Pulling into the parking lot, I realized yet again that I shouldn't even be thinking anything more of him than Carlie's teacher—Carlie's well-paid teacher at that. I'm just getting out of a worthless, painful marriage and starting my life, and Carlie's life, over again. I don't really think I need the added pressures of lusting after a new man right now, even if he did make my heart do funny things…

"I see Mr. Cullen!" Carlie's high-pitched voice yelled, echoing throughout the car and pulling me from any past memories I was hiding in. "I see Mr. Cullen Momma!"

Looking up, there was no doubt about it. Edward was here and so help me, I was a nervous wreck. "Momma?" Carlie's voice was more subdued this time, but just as impatient. "Can we get out now?"

"Uh, yeah," I said, closing my eyes and settling my remaining sanity back down. This was going to be one interesting day.

I finally got Carlie and myself out of the car, pocketing the keys, hooking up Elli's leash and grabbing my Mary Popin's bag. I swear that thing has magical properties. Setting my sunglasses in place and with one last steadying breath, I was ready as I'd ever be for today.

Walking towards Edward, Carlie and Elli excitedly in tow, I took a moment and unabashedly stared at the pair running around in a grassy patch next to the jungle equipment. Edward was, well, Edward-like, looking amazing in a fitted gray tee and a pair of worn, dark jeans. The little girl he was chasing was a blur of brown and purple as she ran away, almost looking like she was flying over the grass, not running through it. I wanted to just take a moment and watch the pair, but Carlie was grabbing at my hand and dragging me forward quicker than I would have liked.

"Come on Momma! I wanna play too!" She pulled against me with all her 5-year-old might. "Come! On!"

"Ok. Ok, just chill Carlie," I laughed out, watching her struggle to move my traitorous feet forward, until she paused to face me. "Go on ahead. But remember; _ask_ Mr. Cullen if you can play too. Don't just barge your little butt in there." With that she was gone, running towards the pair, all small and stumbling.

Carlie ran so fast, her curls flying wildly around her and miraculously only tripping twice, though never falling. She ran right up to Edward, stopping just short of crashing into his legs for the second time in nearly as many days. The way he took care of her Wednesday after she rammed her nose into his kneecap melted my heart, even though I knew she was completely fine. No tears, no blood, we're good. But he helped her up and brushed off the embarrassment written over Carlie's face with a simple smile and quiet words.

Today was much the same, watching him pause with a wide smile and crouching down to look my little girl in the eyes. He looked so at ease her that I literally had to stop in my tracks and watch the exchange unfold. The sweet smile never left his features as he listened to Carlie's animated conversation, her arms flailing all over.

Edward motioned for who I could only assume was Elise to come over. The former blur of brown and purple danced over towards the pair with a slightly timid smile. I took this as my cue to move forward, Elli bouncing happily at the energy in the air and tangling around my feet.

Edward's eyes caught mine as I was just steps away, his ever-present smile growing into an adorably crooked grin that sent my heart pounding fast as he pushed his sunglasses up into his hair. "Hey Bella," he spoke quietly, finally standing back up to his six-foot glory, his bright eyes never breaking from mine.

"Hey," I smiled back. "I hope Carlie wasn't causing you any trouble."

"Not at all. I was just introducing the girls. Bella, this is my daughter, Elise," he motioned to the little girl standing next to Carlie. "Elise, this is Bella, Carlie Mum."

Bending down to Elise's level, I tried to calm down Elli who was barking and licking excitedly that someone was down at her level, while finally taking in the little girl in front of me. She was so much more beautiful than her picture. Her auburn hair fell around her face in long waves, contrasting sweetly to the gray of her eyes. The slight pout to her lips mimicked Edward's perfectly and would one day break a lot of hearts. I have no doubts about that. Looking at her, you could sense the life and quiet energy housed in her small frame. "It's very nice to meet you Elise."

She smiled brightly, mirroring her father's dazzling grin. "It's nice to meet you too Miss Bella," even finishing off with a practiced curtsy. The simple actions had me fighting the urge to laugh. I resisted thankfully, only broadening my happy smile. Elise, no doubt, had Edward's ability to charm the pants off anyone, but an adorable nature all her own.

A small poke in my arm came from my right. Looking over, a very impatient Carlie was standing there, arms crossed over her chest and tapping her sneaker against the ground. "Momma, can we go play now," she whined, sticking her chubby bottom lip out for dramatic effect.

"Sure Carlie. But I thought you'd want to give Elise her present first."

"Oh yeah! I forgotted." She reached her hands out, dancing in place and waiting for me to dig out the toy from my bag. We had stopped at a nearby toy store on the way to pick up a Barbie for Elise; my intent for a distraction from the slippery slope of conversation we had been on. Carlie chose it by herself and everything, saying that the ballerina one would be perfect because it matched the one she got from Grammy Renee for her birthday, just in pink instead of blue.

Standing up, I started digging through the monstrosity slung over my shoulder. It was no easy feat with two little girls and a hyperactive puppy bouncing around and gunning for your attention. "You didn't have to do that Bella," Edward's spoke up just as I found small bag containing the doll that had somehow worked it's way under everything else. He was staring intently at me when I finally looked up, a small smile playing on his lips and something dancing in his eyes that I couldn't quite name.

"I wanted to. _We_ wanted to," I corrected, holding his gaze for a few beats longer before Carlie's whine popped our little bubble.

"Did you find it Momma?" Nodding, I pulled the bag out and handed it to Carlie's eager hands. Without a pause, she thrust it in Elise's face, telling her to open it.

"Patience Carlie. Patience," I chastised. Edward just laughed and the sound was deep and musical and had me wishing for lots of things. He was standing so close, my skin very aware of his proximity. I knew if I looked up, I'd see bright green eyes looking back and I'd be lost in them again. Pushing any and all thoughts of Edward away for safe measure at the moment, I turned my attention to the girls.

Watching Elise open her present was entertaining to say the least. Where Carlie would have ripped through the tissue paper, destroying the cheap gift bag, Elise took her time pulling the paper out, making sure to keep it looking nice. When she finally got to the doll, the brightest smile planted itself on her face.

"Daddy! Daddy look!" she squealed, jumping up and down while clutching her new Barbie tightly to her chest. "It's a ballerina just like me!"

"I see that. It looks just like you," he said with a wink to the happy little girl. "What do you say?"

"Thank you, thank you! Thank you!"

"You are very welcome, Elise. Carlie put a lot of effort into finding the perfect one," I managed to say between laughs at the childish antics and carefree joy. Elise finally calmed down enough to launch herself at Carlie, squeezing her in a tight hug of squealing girl. It shocked me to see the ease of comfort between the two and thrilled me to the core to know Carlie may have just made a forever friend. I could only hope.

The simple act had me smiling like I hadn't in so long. Chancing a look at Edward, his eyes were staring intently back at me, stilling my breath in my lungs. I wanted nothing more than to hold that gaze, staring into the deep green dancing in the sunlight, but I looked away instead, feeling shy and vulnerable and irrevocably drawn to the man.

My eyes went back to the girls, but my attention was still completely on Edward. I could feel him, hovering just next to me, close enough to touch but my fingers dared not close the distance.

~.~

After Edward finally convinced Elise that she should let him put her new doll in the car so that it wouldn't get dirty, we had all walked over to the playground equipment. Both Carlie and Elise tore off together, holding hands and laughing as if they'd known each other forever. Seeing them together was a grateful sight.

I excused myself to take Elli for a walk, as she was still excitedly pulling at her leash and dancing on the tips of her little paws. Edward tried to come with me, but I insisted he stay and watch the girls. I left him with his lips expertly pouting, begging me to kiss away the frown. And oh how I wanted to. But truth be told, I needed the alone time to gather my sanity. Edward had my mind spinning and my heart beating fast, and I needed a moment to chastise my reactions.

I shouldn't be humoring any thoughts about Edward. He was Carlie's teacher, plain and simple. That fact, and my disastrous marriage ending, should be enough to convince my heart and head that Edward was a no-go zone. But he was a beautiful, single man that wanted my company today—that had asked me here. And that fact alone, I realized, had my heart overriding my head.

"I'm really screwed, aren't I?" I asked aloud, looking at the soulful eyes of Elli. She was sitting in the grass watching me with the rapt attention dogs always seem to give their human counterparts. A soft bark answered my question as she got up and nudged her little head against my shin. _Great._

Turning Elli and I around to head back towards the girls and Edward, I slowed my pace to watch the interaction. Edward had his strong hands around Carlie's waist, supporting her little body as she worked to cross the monkey bars. Elise was on the other side waiting, jumping up and down and clapping for Carlie. I fell more in love with her for her excitement and encouragement, but was honestly stunned by Edward.

He walked with Carlie in his grasp with the biggest smile. His sunglasses covered his eyes, but I knew they were smiling too, giving silent encouragement to my little girl. Occasionally his lips would move and I could only imagine what he was saying and his forehead would crinkle as he laughed at whatever either girl was saying. When they reached the end and Carlie placed her feet on the rungs of the ladder, Edward scooped her into a tight hug, spinning her around before placing Carlie next to Elise.

He had a way with her, like a strong and comforting force. I don't even ever remember James interacting with Carlie as Edward does. Some people may have a problem with the closeness of the new student and teacher. But I wasn't. Watching them was knowing that someone else out there cared for my little girl like I did—as if she were his own. Carlie needed to know that someone else loved her.

Edward saw me standing there staring and started jogging my way. Normally, I would have hastily look away at being caught staring, but I couldn't.

Not with Edward's shirt pulling taut over his chest and his unruly hair flying around in the wind as he ran towards me. My God, that was a beautiful sight.

"Hey," he breathed out with lightness in his voice, stopping just in front of me. Not to my credit, I just stood there, still struck dumb by the muscles and man that lay just under his shirt.

Finally managing to avert my eyes from his chest, I was met with a playful smirk and my stunned reflection in the sunglasses. "Are you alright Bella?"

"Um…yeah. Fine." I was anything but and I was sure a blush was following the heat in my cheeks, calling my bluff.

Edward's raised his hand and trailed his fingers over my heated cheeks. "Beautiful," he murmured before withdrawing his hand, leaving tingling trails in his wake. _Well that's different…_

"Are you hungry? I had packed a lunch and was just about to sit the girls down to eat for a bit. I mean, if that's alright with you that Carlie have some too."

I nodded, smiling up at him once I gained a functioning thought process again, thankful for his consideration. "Of course it's fine Edward. I trust you," the last little bit coming out as nothing more than a whisper. He returned my smile with his own lopsided grin, motioning me forward.

We walked back towards the girls as they were playing on the slides before Edward ran off towards his car to get the cooler. I took a moment to unabashedly stare as his retreating form, marveling at the way the muscles of his back moved under the thin cotton and the way his jeans hung low. Edward was truly beautiful…and he was sending my poor hormones into overdrive.

"Carlie. Elise," I called as I saw Edward start walking back in our direction, cooler in hand. "Lunch time girls." They both bolted over straight away, plopping down onto the grass by my bag and waiting patiently. Just watching them, I could already tell they would be trouble together—in the best possible way. I hoped.

I rummaged through my bag for a bottle of water and bowl for Elli, filling it for her once I located it inconveniently at the bottom of my bag again, while Edward laid out a blanket and an assortment of food.

"So what's on the menu chef?" My voice was light as I watched Edward work meticulously, taking my seat.

He had a playful look on his face as he answered in a perfect French accent, "Madame, today I will be serving my famous turkey sandwiches on wheat bread, with hints of lettuce and mayo. Accompanying this will be a wide variety of fruit pieces for your choosing, picked at peak perfection, as well as some very fine juice boxes to quench your thirst." As he finished, Edward handed out the sandwiches and juice to the girls and me with a subtle wink. "I do have some water if you'd prefer," he said, plopping down next to on the blanket. I just shook my head and speared the small straw through the hole before talking a long drink.

Lunch passed with comfortable conversation and many laughs. Carlie and Elise had tried to catch grapes in their mouth, but both failing miserably and adorably losing more to the grass than they managed in their mouth. And this was after Carlie tried with all her might to stick the straw in her juice box herself. Again, she failed and we all mourned the tragic loss of the broken yellow straw.

Sitting there, just the four of us, felt different. It felt nice. I felt safe and comfortable with Edward and I was falling more in love with his little girl as the minutes passed. Elise truly had a lightness and grace about her that was captivating. She was always polite and considerate, saying please and thank you where Carlie needed a gentle reminder. But just her slight mannerisms were adorable from the tilt of her head when she was listening intently to the way she tapped her nose when she wanted to remember something.

Edward started to gather our trash and the girls were antsy to get back to playing. Carlie started to stand, but I stopped her when I noticed the red tinge to the tops of her shoulders. "Wait Carlie. I'm going to put more sunscreen on you. You're shoulders are starting to burn," I said, touching gently to the flesh just next to the strap of her top. She nodded and I got to work generously applying the sunscreen to all her exposed skin. Not only did Carlie inherit my clumsiness, but she also inherited my ability to burn like none other.

"There ya go. All done," I told her, patting her butt to shoo her to her fun.

"Miss Bella? Can I have some too?" Elise's voice was shy, but she was looking directly at me with her wide, gray eyes, both shy and expectant.

"Sure sweetie." I motioned her to stand in front of me and began the same circuit I had just done on Carlie. Finishing with her face, I applied a little extra to her already red nose. "Can't forget about this," I said, tapping the tip gently with my finger and smiling up at her.

Her eyes crinkled as she smiled back and for the first time I noticed the deep blue flecks hiding among the gray of her eyes. They looked so unique, as if they had a life all their own.

"Thank you Miss Bella."

"You are very welcome Elise. Now go have fun."

I watched her and Carlie tear off again without a second thought, hand in hand, running around the jungle equipment like a pair of silly little girls. "Thanks for that," Edward's voice broke through, all soft and velvet, causing me to turn. I met with warm green eyes, his hair a disarray from having just pushed his sunglasses up. But it was perfect.

"Oh not a problem. She's a sweetheart. Really, Edward."

"Shall we?" He motioned with his head towards the playground and sticking out his hand for me.

Without hesitation, I grasped tightly to his palm, feeling a burst of quiet energy. "We shall."

~.~

Edward and I had ran around for what felt like hours, chasing after the girls and trying desperately to tire out Elli so that she'd just lay down calmly for a minute. Ever since lunch had finished, that little puppy was a non-stop ball of energy. I even handed the leash over to Edward for a while to see if he could tire her out. It didn't work, but I did enjoy the show for my own selfish gains as he ran around the grass. So it wasn't a total loss.

Finally though, Elli collapsed into a little pile of tired puppy in the grass and Edward and I were allowed a moment to rest. Sitting on a well worn-in bench, we were perched close, but with enough respectable distance of that imaginary line separating us. It was comfortable in the stillness and simply felt like…home. Or at least the ease and peace that I believed home should hold.

I couldn't honestly describe the sensation of sitting next to Edward, except for intense. Like the rest of the day, I was overly aware of his presence, a constant tingle in my skin and rush in my veins. I had to stop myself countless times from reaching out and running my fingers over his arms or moving to trace his long fingers. I stopped, though I really didn't want to.

Edward brought about thoughts and reactions that I had, just a few weeks prior, vowed to lock away, too hurt to even fathom. I had been all too ready to lock the new born-again-virgin chastity tightly into place. But Edward happened and my world spun farther off its axis, sending my brain, and my heart, on a rollercoaster ride of thoughts and new emotions in a matter of days.

But I couldn't be angry at the ride so far, because he made me want. And in all honesty, I hadn't thought I'd ever be in want again. I felt alive every time my heart fluttered from his piercing stares, soft smiles and musical laughter, which were all in full attendance today, making my knees weak more than once.

"You know, thanks for all this." My hand motioned in front of me, breaking the silence around us. And it was true. Today had been amazing, finally able to watch Carlie get to be a little girl again without the weight of the world on her shoulders or me constantly looking over mine for the blonde-haired demon. Her and Elise bonded so quickly that I was thankful for the ease of young childhood when everyone was accepted without question. I could only hope her friendship would last.

"No need to thank me. This was all for my own selfish gains," he smirked, eyes dancing across my face, before turning his attention back to the girls chasing each other in and out of the playground equipment.

Dumbfounded, I just stared at his profile, struggling between trying to understand what the hell Edward meant and being taunted by the strong, sharp line of his jaw. I wanted to run my fingers over the contour, feeling the slight stubble tickle my fingers. But propriety and curiosity won out. "What do mean?"

Without looking back to me, Edward began, "Bella, I'll be brutally honest. When I asked you on a date Wednesday, that wasn't completely a nervous accident. I only amended it to a play date when your eyes went wide and your little jaw hung slack. I figured I had offended you or that you were horribly offended by the idea of me.

"For as little as I actually know about you, you intrigue me Bella. I have no clue what brought you and Carlie into my classroom and into my world. But whatever it was, I'm so damn grateful." Edward opened his mouth again as if to say more, but settled on back to a small smile and far-off gaze at the girls. I almost think him saying more—saying anything—would have been preferable because the now hanging silence was suffocating.

My head was spinning with his words and my want. It was one thing to have my own thoughts and desires for Edward locked in my mind and at my own disposal, but it was wholly another to hear them echoed back at me. I was jumping up and down inside like a silly teenager that was just asked out by her crush. I was ecstatic, but scared more than words.

There is no question that I'm attracted to Edward. Everything about him from his eyes to his smile to his body draws me in, captivating me. I wouldn't have been so nervous if he didn't elicit any reaction for me. But my life was currently broken and I was scared of his seeing all the pieces.

I looked back at the girls in attempts to clear my head and find a voice. Carlie was perched comfortably on an open swing while Elise stood behind to push her small body in attempts to reach the sky. Both girls were all smiles and laughter and innocence. They were free.

Watching them, I remembered the determined promise I made myself for the day. Today was to be about giving Carlie her childhood back. Today was to be about new beginnings.

My voice was quiet, not hiding the raging emotions still coursing through my veins. "Uh…does the offer still stand?"


	7. Quel Che Resta

**So...special loving thanks to twistedcoincidence for kicking my butt into gear to finish this chapter. I think this is sadly my fastest update (2 weeks!) but by far the longest. How'd that work?  
**

**Disclaimer: Just so you know, I still don't own a damn thing.**

**I'll meet up with you at the end with more babbles on my part.**

* * *

_Watching them, I remembered the determined promise I made myself for the day. Today was to be about giving Carlie her childhood back. Today was to be about new beginnings._

_My voice was quiet, not hiding the raging emotions still coursing through my veins. "Uh…does the offer still stand?"_

~.~

_**Edward**_

Bella's voice was so soft that I was questioning myself if I was just hearing things that I wanted to hear. Heaven help me, I wanted her to want me. We spent all day playing a comfortable game of cat and mouse, getting close and then retreating again. But I wouldn't push more than I already have. I got the distinct feeling deep in my belly that all would not be easy with Bella.

I turned my head, finally allowing myself to look at Bella, taking in the gentle curves and soft nature of her features. She was facing our playing girls, slight crinkles of worry in the corner of her eyes behind her sunglasses and her lower lip secured between her teeth. The way she worried on that lip was adorable and honestly one of the most entrancing actions I have even been privy to witness. It was such an innocent gesture that brought about anything but innocent thoughts.

I pushed those thoughts away quickly, at least for the time being, to focus on the task at hand. Bella still hadn't turned to look at me, and I suppose I hadn't given her any reason to. "Bella…" I started, hoping to draw her attention back to me. I didn't really want to talk to her cheek. It took several beats, but Bella finally turned towards me, allowing me to let go of the breath I didn't even know I was holding.

Taking in her face fully, I couldn't help but smile. Bella looked simply beautiful, timid smile and all. "Of course the offer still stands…if you're willing to accept."

The timid smile morphed into a bright one in a matter of seconds. "I do," her words louder and less skittish this time.

Soon both Bella and I were sitting there, grinning like fools on a weathered park bench. Bella agreed and I don't think I've ever been more excited about the prospect of a date in my entire thirty-plus years. This was new. This was a good new.

~.~

The sun was setting as we both headed towards our respective cars, each with a bouncing little girl in tow. How Elise and Carlie still had energy left after running around literally all day would forever be a mystery. Unlocking the vehicle, I opened the door for Elise to crawl in the back seat. She did, only after carefully setting her new Barbie in the empty space next to her booster seat and making sure to brush through the dolls soft hair with her fingertips.

"You done?" I asked, not even fighting the smile at her silly antics as she finally plopped her little butt down into the seat. With a quick nod and giant grin in answer, Elise started to pull the seatbelt out and around her. Leaning in, I helped her snap the buckle in place, but letting her do most of the work. She saw herself as the stereotypical 'big girl' and liked to do most things on her own. Mainly, I was there to make sure she was latched in nice and snug, wearing my over-protective Daddy nature proudly.

As I moved to stand up again, I paused to plant a kiss on my little girl's forehead. I was rewarded with my favorite prize: Elise's soft, musical laugh. "I have to go talk to Miss Bella for a minute. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yup," she said, popping the 'p' and grabbing her doll from beside her.

Standing up completely, my back cracking and popping like I were some decaying old man from the movement, I shut Elise's door first before opening the driver's side front door. I decided to turn the car on and roll down the windows so that she could actually breathe in comfort. When I was sure she was finally all set, secure and comfortable with music flowing through the speakers, I made my way down the row towards Bella.

Leaning back against the side of her car, Bella wore the sexiest smirk on her pouty lips, watching as I approached. I couldn't even begin to fathom the reasoning behind the look. All I knew was that I was cataloguing that expression and tucking it away for later. Bella finally spoke when I was standing in front of her, our proximity so close that I swear I could hear her heart humming in her chest.

"A Volvo?" she said, mock disdain dripping from the tone of her voice as she looked up at me. Her eyes, however, were playful and alive as they danced about in the lowering light.

"A Focus Bella? Really?" I taunted back, smirking and savoring her carefree smile.

With a beautiful little huff and crinkle to her forehead, Bella folded her arms across her chest, trying and failing to seem indifferent to my words. I just arched my eyebrow at her little display and pushing our little game, causing her to 'hrumph' like a small child. _So beautiful._ "Hey now, don't start knocking the Focus. It's a little beast of a car."

"Fine, fine. To each his own right?" I conceded. The wind was picking up slowly, tossing Bella's hair about. My fingers reached out on their own accord, tucking stray pieces behind her ear and lingering in the softness. Her hair was the color of chocolate, but the fading sun was throwing in mesmerizing hints of red and honey. The feel of it was ever bit of silk and warmth and my fingers itched to run through the waves just once.

But I didn't. I couldn't define the very fine line between too much and not enough with Bella just yet, deciding instead to play it safe for the time being. No need to scare the gorgeous woman away before I could take her on a proper date. A date that would involve no children, just us.

With one last lingering pass, I pushed another flyaway strand of hair behind her ear, running my fingers over the rounded flesh before pulling away. Her skin was like an all-consuming fire, heating my fingertips and making me want more. Bella was truly addictive in touch and smell and simple presence. She would be the most perfect death of me, I swear.

A soft blush rose in her cheeks as she smiled shyly up at me and, for once, she didn't look away. Bella just kept those wide brown eyes on mine. Before I knew what was happening, she started worrying on that lower lip again, causing my mind and body to go places they really shouldn't.

"So Sunday, yeah?" I asked, the words coming out huskier than I had intended, not at all hiding the effect she was having on me.

With a coy smile and nod, she agreed. "Sunday." I couldn't help but smile at the word. A simple day had me wanting to jump around in excitement like a little kid at Christmas. Normally I would have mentally slapped myself a few times at the absurdity of my excitement, but not this time. This time around I was going to revel in the adrenaline high of knowing I'd be alone with Bella in a few short days. Today had been great with the girls. Amazing, actually. But I was a selfish man at my most basic level, and I want her all to myself. I wanted the chance to get to know her. And I wanted the chance to make her smile all over again.

We tried to say our goodbyes, the tension of the in-between heavy around us. A handshake seemed too silly, a kiss too forward, although I would have gladly done the later. It's not like I haven't thought about it since Wednesday. I then considered a hug, thinking it was the safe balance between the two extremes, but thought better of that plan. I didn't want to overstep my welcome, as I'm sure I would if I were left to my own devices.

However, Bella surprised me yet again as she wrapped her arms around my waist, pulling me close. I guess a hug wasn't too much…

I wrapped my around her shoulders in return, taking the opportunity to simply experience Bella. She smelled incredibly sweet, hints of strawberries, cherry blossoms and woman peaking through. Her body molded to mine, each soft curve fitting against my own. I could feel her heart beat against her chest in a fluttering rhythm. She was utterly perfect.

With reluctance, I pulled away first, remembering we both had little girls to get home and fed. I also didn't think it wise to put on a show for Carlie and Elise. This was already a touchy situation without confusing them as to what was going on. Whatever this was. Right now, I was still Carlie's teacher and Bella was still just Carlie's Mum in their eyes.

I finally broke the comfortable silence around us. "I should get Elise home." Bella just nodded, her face almost sad, I'm sure mirroring my own desires and feelings. "I'll see you Sunday. One o'clock. You better not forget," I said, flashing her a lopsided grin.

"I couldn't forget," she whispered out, soft and shy.

"Good." Smiling like a fool, I waved goodbye to Carlie as I made my feet walk away from Bella. That simple action—walking away—was more difficult than I would have ever thought possible. I wanted to turn around and tell Bella to come with me, to want me. But then I looked up and saw Elise sitting patiently in the car waiting for me and I realized that this wasn't all about me. I had my little girl to think about and in the same respect, so did Bella.

Reaching the Volvo, I slid into the driver's seat, shutting the door behind me, mentally weighed down by both excitement and reservation. "Did you have fun today Elise?" I asked as I pushed the myriad of thoughts away, turning the key in the ignition and looking at my little girl in the rearview mirror. She just grinned back with the biggest toothy smile, eyes dancing and clutching her new Barbie tightly to her chest. I know that children love getting presents, how could they not, but I have never known Elise to love a singular gift so much. I had a distinct feeling that doll would be attached to her for quite some time.

"Yes!" her squeal echoing in the car. "Did you see when we were playing on the swings? I pushed Carlie _so_ high. And then we switched and she pushed me really high too. I thought I'd fly right away!" I had to chuckle at her sheer happiness, grateful that Elise had that sense of childhood freedom back. She'd been off ever since the breakdown at Mum and Dad's house and this was the first time I've seen her act like the same carefree little girl.

"Daddy?" she asked, her voice suddenly hushed and quiet. She wore a timid, almost scared look on her face, worry crinkles running across her little forehead.

"Yeah baby?"

"I really like Miss Bella too."

~.~

_**Bella**_

I was sick to my stomach, my chest tight and my insides in a knotted mess of stress. The ride to Chicago had lasted hours full of packed interstates and angry drivers pushing through traffic, both of which weren't helping my mood. Jasper tried to be as calming as possible, distracting me with thankfully meaningless stories and memories from our time in Forks. But in the end, today was a stark contrast to the ease of yesterday. I already missed that.

"You alright, Bells?" Jasper's voice was soft, breaking through the heavy fog of my mind as we pulled up to yet another stoplight. He was looking at me—I could feel the burn of his all too perceptive gaze—but I kept my eyes forward, looking out the window and seeing nothing at all.

"I'm fine," I mumbled out, completely lying through my teeth. Not satisfied by my blatant denial, Jasper just kept watching me with those blue eyes that always seemed to be able to see more than you wanted to offer up. I just sighed, holding my head in my hands and too tired already to deal with this. "The light's green Jazz."

Turning his attention back to the road, Jasper eased the truck forward just to turn down the next street. We were almost there and that knowledge alone was maddening. I rubbed circles against my temples just to keep sane as we passed through the all-too familiar neighborhoods. And before I was ready, Jasper pulled the truck into the driveway, the tires crunching over the loose gravel.

The house looked exactly the same, weathered grey siding and all. The yard looked the same, just a bit overgrown and with now-dead flowers lining the walkway. Carlie's tricycle was still leaning against the side of the house and there was still a newspaper sitting on the sidewalk as if someone just forgot to pick it up this morning. Everything looked the same even when absolutely nothing at all was.

"Bells, talk to me," Jasper urged again, cutting the engine and turning towards me in the seat. Chancing a look from the corner of my eyes, I noticed Jazz looking about half as hellish as I probably did right about now. His forehead was creased with too many worry lines, looking too old for his twenty-eight years, his eyes soft and sad as they watched me. "You can't take this all on yourself."

I let out a long breath as I unfurled my fingers from my hair and pressed my back into the seat, wishing to just sink through it. I honestly didn't know what to think or where to start. I mean, once I opened the door and stepped out of Jasper's truck I was walking right back into the place I ran from three weeks prior to gather the last little pieces of my life. It was overwhelming and daunting and tiresome without even starting.

"I'm scared Jazz. I know that _he_ won't be here, but it's like I can't help but think I'll see him in every room. Like in the living room, EZ Boy reclining back. Like in the kitchen, rummaging through the cupboards for a late-night snack. Like in the bathroom, shaving and dressing for the day. Like in the bedroom sleeping and...and…" I couldn't bring myself to say the final words that would open the floodgates of memory and pain. That was staying safely locked away.

Before I was aware of any difference, Jasper's hand was on my shoulder, squeezing with a gentle strength and radiating warmth. "Hey now, Bells. Look at me." Complying with my brother-in-law's request, I turned towards his voice, my eyes tired and weary. "You got this," he said very matter-of-factly.

Those words were a surprise to hear to say the least. Though not a man of many words, Jasper usually took a more eloquent approach; the Southern gentleman upbringing coming out in him. He must have caught on to my stunned silence because he chose to continue.

"Bells, I'm not going to beat around the bush. This is going to be hard. You're going to be going through things that you don't want to. You're probably going to be reliving some things that you'd rather not have to ever remember again. But once we're done—once we walk out that door with the last load—this is over. You're out of this house, James is out of your life and you're starting over." His blue eyes punctuating his words. "And you have Carlie. You have Alice and I. Hell, you even have Edward cheering in your corner."

Wait. What?

"Wh—what do you mean?" I stuttered out nervously, obviously not hiding my shock at his statement.

Jasper just smiled that knowing grin. "Edward called last night and we caught up. We actually hadn't talked like that in months, both too busy to do more than send random texts when we thought about it. Why didn't you tell us you were spending time with him"

"I didn't think it was important." That was only a half-lie. Or more like a lie of omission.

"Bella…" The tone hanging off my name was enough to know that Jasper would not give up too easily.

I sighed, knowing full well that I would have to explain myself on some level. I had just hoped that it wouldn't be today of all days. But it was. I scrubbed at my face trying to get my bearings before answering. "I have no clue what the hell I'm doing anymore Jasper. Half the days, I wonder what my own name is because my life is just so fuzzy right now. So this whole thing, I just went with it. Edward was sweet when he asked if I wanted to bring Carlie to the park yesterday, so I couldn't say no. I took it as an opportunity for Carlie to make a friend and just be a kid again."

"And for you to spend time with Edward."

The way he had said it was not a question, but spoken as a statement of fact, leaving me little room to argue. "Yes," I managed, my voice coming out barely above a whisper, confirming Jasper's obvious insight.

His hand squeezed my shoulder again with a gentle force of comfort. "Don't worry Bells. Edward is a great guy that's been through hell just like you, only in his own way. Give him a chance, okay? And just have fun on Sunday. I know he's excited about it."

"He told you?"

"Yeah," Jasper said with a chuckle. "He accidently mentioned it actually, but then took the slip-up to fish for information on what you might enjoy. Well, more like running ideas by me first. He just wants to make sure you'll have a good time and be okay. But don't worry, I won't tell Alice. Although, you should probably let her know soon before she finds out on her own and demands to know why she's always the last to be in on things. You know as well as I do that that won't be a pretty situation."

I nodded, understanding his advice about Alice completely. My sister has never been one to take well to being out of the loop. However, more than that, my mind latched on to Jasper's other comment. _To make sure I'll have a good time and be okay._ His words sunk in and I just had to ask, my voice extremely quiet, "Does he know Jasper?" Not that I could ever fathom Edward deducing my mess of a life or that Jasper would tell him, but I had to know if for nothing more than my own sanity.

"No Bells. That's your story to tell."

~.~

Jasper and I spent six hours boxing up and labeling the remains of Carlie's and my things. Walking through the door the first time was like walking into my own, personal hell, but seeing our family picture hanging in the entryway held all the resolve I needed to get this shit over with and move on.

The picture was the stereotypical portrait that most every family takes at least once, plastering it all over Christmas cards and blowing it up big to hang on the wall just so everyone can see how happy you all are. Carlie was perched in my lap, sweet smile as wide as can be with her curls pushed back by a shiny red ribbon. My smile mirrored her own with my hair swept over my shoulder and tied with a matching ribbon in a loose gather. James crouched beside us, his arm draped across my back with his fingers resting on Carlie's shoulder.

The picture was so completely deceiving. We looked like a happy family loving life and each other to the outside observer. Hell, I fooled myself for so long thinking life was all sunshine and roses. But if you looked, and actually really looked, James's smile never reached his eyes and his fingers rested hesitantly on our daughter's shoulder instead of in a touching comfort. Everything in his stance pointed to the building tension and ever-present distance. Even my own body was reacting unconsciously, pulling away from James and hugging Carlie closer to me.

Seeing this, for the first time crystal clear, made me furious at myself, for lack of a more powerful word. If I just would have opened my eyes earlier and really looked into the shit my marriage had already been and if I would have just taken off those rose-tinted glasses sooner, this could have been different. I could have changed the outcome and saved myself the pain. Yet, the furiousness soon simmered out to resentment and finally into resolve in an emotional rollercoaster lasting all of five minutes until I saw things clearly.

The what-ifs and would-haves were things I couldn't change, but I was the maker of the what-could-bes. And I was going to make my here-on-out worth something if not for me, then for Carlie. With one last look at the picture, I walked in to the place I had called home with empty cardboard boxes ready and waiting for the material possessions of my life.

The hardest room to pack had been the bedroom. Simply sitting there sorting through clothes and sentimental things like pictures and boxes holding letters and cards had shivers running deep in my bones. I couldn't keep the memories of that night at bay, hearing James's voice echo sickeningly around the room. He was everywhere. I could still smell him, the spicy musk lingering thick in the air. I had wanted to gag.

I didn't however. I instead had pulled on my big girl panties, packing what was mine and all the things James didn't deserve to keep. Jasper and I sorted and packed every room methodically until the house was sufficiently bare and devoid of any lingering memory of Carlie or I. Except the picture. I didn't want anything to do with that. In the end, Jasper's truck and trailer were packed full with boxes and bags and even Carlie's big-girl bed. I already bought a new mattress set for the Gran's antique iron bed frame because there was no way I was bringing my old mattress with me. I'd sooner start a bonfire with it than use it as my own again. Actually, I was quite partial to that idea the more I thought about it.

The ride back to Woodbury was filled with a comfortable silence. Where Alice would have talked my ear off to lighten my mood or pester me for information, Jasper let me contemplate on my own terms and by myself. I fell asleep in exhaustion after a short time, letting the day finally catch up with me. It was a blissful nothingness.

We got back into town late in the night, darkness having fallen several hours earlier. I woke up just as Jasper was pulling into my driveway, the sky an inky black and lit in the glow of the streetlamps. I had asked Alice to let Carlie spend the night since I figured today would end like this—late and leaving too much on my mind. I welcomed the night to myself to collect my thoughts, but I missed my baby.

Simply unloading all the boxes took another hour and I would be forever grateful for Jasper's help. That man never complained and never pushed to understand when I'd just stop and stare off at nothing. He was simply there, an ever-steady force. "Thanks Jazz," I said, wiping the hair and sweat off of my face after we finished putting the finishing pieces of Carlie's bed together, a physical and mental exhaustion setting in.

With a soft smile and even softer eyes, Jasper walked over, pulling me into a tight hug. "No need to thank me Bells. You know I'd do anything for you." His voice was muffled as he spoke into my hair before resting his chin atop my head. We stood there just holding each other for minutes. His arms held a familiar comfort and safety that I wanted nothing more than to latch onto.

However, I couldn't keep him standing there forever. I had to let him get on his way back to Alice before my sister started worrying herself silly that he wasn't home. "You should head home. I bet Alice is waiting up for you." With one final, tight squeeze, I pulled back and let go of my hold.

Jasper's hands moved to my shoulder, squaring them so that I would directly face him. "I know this is a loaded question, but are you going to be okay," concern clouding his normally vibrant blue eyes.

"I'll be fine Jazz. I'll probably just unpack some more things before I head to bed," I said, trying to sound convincing for both Jasper and myself. "Tell Ali that I'll call her in the morning before picking up Carlie, okay?"

He stared at me for a few beats longer than normal before running his rough hands up and down my arms, warming the goose bumps that had somehow appeared on my skin. "Alright. Call if you need anything, and I mean _anything_ Bells."

I just nodded, letting Jasper know I heard him. With a final squeeze of my upper arms, he let go and walked towards the doorway to leave. "Oh, and Bells," he paused, turning around slightly back to face me, "just let go and have fun with Edward okay? He really is a good guy, brother-in-law approved and all," he said, ending the last statement with a wink. Smiling back, I watched him turn again and leave for good this time, filing his words away for later as silence fell around the room.

The fact that this was it—that this was me starting over—was just starting to sink in, in turn wreaking havoc on my already questionable emotional status. It didn't look as if I'd be sleeping anytime soon, so I did what I do best and started worrying over my little girl. I started pulling apart box after box labeled for Carlie's room, making countless trips up and down the stairs from the living room.

Call it nesting. Call it maintaining my sanity. Call it whatever you want, but I needed that steady comfort of piecing back parts of Carlie's old life amongst the new. So her room was the first to be righted. Books, toys, stuffed animals and all her clothing went into their rightful places: closet, shelves, dresser, chair and so on until her room looked as it should, everything in a designated place. All it needs now is a new coat of paint to be all Carlie's again. The only thing missing was my baby asleep in her own bed.

I placed Addy gently against the pillows, sinking down on to the small bed myself as the events of the day were finally taking their toll for the second time. So much had happened today from the memories to the pain to the anger to the new beginnings. Everything would take time to sink in completely, but this was the emotionally draining start.

The exhaustion weighed heavy against me. So much so that I curled myself up onto Carlie's bed, grabbing Addy and clutching the loved teddy bear tightly to my chest. I inhaled deeply, letting my baby's sweet smell surround me from her pillows and blankets. It's a simple but welcome comfort, and as my eyes started falling heavier, I promised myself that tomorrow I would tell Carlie. Tomorrow would start our here-on-out.

~.~

"Carlie, can I talk to you?" She looked up from her book, eyes expectant and nodding her head in silence. The book closed as I walk over on shaking legs, sinking down on the bed next to her. I contemplate just tucking her into my side, but realize I need the comfort of closeness just as much as she may. Instead, I pulled her little body onto my lap, relishing the feeling of Carlie snuggling deep into my chest. There is child-like innocence and love in the simple action of my little girl holding on to me like she needs me. Like she finds comfort in me and my arms.

I could only hope and pray that she'd still find that comfort in me after what I had to tell her. I could only hope that her five years of life and love would make her understand why it was just her and I from here on out. I could only hope she wouldn't hate me for shifting her little world so drastically.

We were quiet, me lost in my thoughts and Carlie simply being. My free hand ran through her soft curls on their own accord, tugging and brushing through them in a steady rhythm. Their softness was a welcome touch; the action a welcome distraction.

"Momma?"

"Yeah baby?"

"What did you want to tell me?"

This was the moment I had been running from and sprinting towards for weeks now. Carlie deserved to know, but she didn't deserve to have her life turned upside down for reasons that she probably wouldn't understand. I'd say everything that happened was out of our control, but that's an outright lie. I had control. I could have left after the first time. I could have screamed louder. I could have fought back harder. I could have done something. _Anything_. But I just sat and took it, thinking that time would be the last time. It never was.

Trying to buy myself a bit more time, I took a deep, steadying breath, starting completely off topic. "What did you and Auntie Alice do yesterday?"

Carlie's face lit up in excitement as she pulled away from my chest to look at me. "We spent _all_ day at the zoo Momma! And…and I got to see the polar bears and the tigers and the penguins and guess what else!"

Her happiness radiated off her, giving me a small comfort in her child-like joy. "I don't know Carlie. What?"

"I got to touch a giraffe! He was _so_ tall and he licked my hand. It was so slimy Momma," she squealed and laughed, waving her hand in my face as if it was still there.

"Aw baby, that's great!" I said, genuine excitement in my voice. '"Did you know that giraffes are my favorite animal? I always thought they were so very graceful despite their long legs. Just like you," I laughed as I attacked Carlie's bare knees with tickling fingers. She squealed and laughed, kicking her legs about and trying to tickle me back and adorably failing. If I could capture one moment, it would be this one. She was so completely carefree, simply acting her age in all it's beautiful and childish glory.

After more tickles and even more laughs, we both had to stop to catch our breath. The moments before had lightened the mood considerably, but I knew it wouldn't last. I still have a lot of explaining to do. So with a steadying breath and a heaviness settling back into my muscles, I tried to get somewhat back on track. "Did you see that Uncle Jazz and I brought all your toys and books home?"

Looking around the room, Carlie took in her now-full bookshelf and stuffed animals piled high in the corner. She eyed the new little desk that Jasper had even set up just for her to welcome her home, storing crayons and markers and more coloring books than one could ever imagine a child would need. I'd have to remember to thank Alice for that the next time I see her.

Carlie's eyes met mine again as she nodded, smiling shyly. Her right hand was drooped over my shoulder, her lithe fingers tangling in the hair at the base of my neck. It was a habit she picked up as an infant and has never given up, having always been a curious and tactile child. "Is this my old bed?" Nodding, I could feel the tension against my hair caught in Carlie's hold. I welcomed the sensation. "Good. I missed this one," she spoke softly, fingering the fabric squares of the well-worn quilt Renee had made her with her free hand.

We continued to sit there, all holds and love and gentle tugs in silence. My hands were running through her curls as Carlie's were combing through my own waves. I could tell in the tension of her little body that she knew something wasn't as it should be, especially as the silence moved on. My daughter was too damn perceptive for her own good sometimes, picking up on things that I wish would just fly over her young head.

With a deep breath burning hot in my lungs, I tried to push away the aching knots in my stomach to get this conversation over with. It was now or never—and never wasn't ever an option. "Carlie, I need to tell you something. And if you have any questions, you know that you can ask me anything, right?" The voice coming from me was surprisingly strong and confident, though the words were quiet, betraying the twisted torment of my insides.

Carlie was still tucked into my chest, her hand continually moving through my hair without pause. I felt her nod slowly against my shirt, staying uncharacteristically quiet. "Do you like it here baby?" I asked, changing where I was heading with this whole messed up speech of mine. Not that I could change much about our situation, but I felt I had to know if this was a place that Carlie felt safe and welcome.

She answered with a whispered 'yes' and a subtle nod that I would have probably missed if her head wasn't cradled against my chest. In return, I kissed the top of her head before resting my chin there and stealing myself for what was coming next.

_Here goes nothing_. "You asked the other day if Uncle Jasper and I were bringing Daddy's stuff back too when we went to pick up ours. And I told you no, that his things were staying in Chicago at the old house. Do you remember that?" I asked softly. Carlie nodded again, not offering up anything more, but that was all I needed to know. "That's because Daddy isn't going to be living with us anymore. He…Daddy made a bad choice, Carlie, and I had to make a difficult one too. That's why we came here."

Pausing, I didn't know where to go next. Carlie, however, saved me from that by asking, "What did Daddy do?" while hiding her face in the loose fabric of my shirt.

"Daddy…," I started, but paused trying to find the exact words a five-year-old could understand. I wasn't selling my daughter short in her ability to understand, but I couldn't exactly tell her the complete truth either. There were just things she didn't need to know just yet.

"Daddy hurt Momma. But Carlie, you have to know he's not all bad." Though choosing my words carefully, they sounded desperate and pleading even to my own ears. But Carlie had to know that her father wasn't _all_ evil—just mostly—and no matter how much I wanted to tell her to hate him with every bone of her little body, I couldn't. James made horrible, painful choices that hurt me directly and Carlie in the long run, but I had to maintain that he gave me my little girl. No matter how much I hate it, his DNA runs through her just as much as mine. That, in and of itself, makes James hold some shred a good and worth in him to be part of a little girl so extraordinary. Though, that excuses nothing. "Baby, he just made some very bad choices and I had to do what I needed to for you and me to be okay. I only want what's best for you and coming here was just that. We just can't be with him anymore. Do you understand?"

This was the hardest part. I feel like I'm not making any sense. First I tell her that her father is a bad man that hurt me. Then I tell here that he's not _all_ bad. Then I finish by telling her that despite the prior stated fact, James could no longer be in our lives. There is absolutely no sense to any of it, but it's the best way I could put it.

Carlie was quiet and motionless in my arms, but I gave her time. I felt that that was all I had left to give after the failure in explanation. This was a lot to digest. Even as an adult understanding the reasons and consequences of this mess, I would find it difficult to comprehend, let alone being five and living in a word of innocence and sunshine.

We sat there an immeasurable amount of time, each second weighing heavier than the last. The longer the silence stayed the more worried I became that this was too much too soon. Carlie just got settled in, and I mean completely settled in, less than two hours before when we came home from Jasper and Alice's, and here I was ripping her world apart again. I swear I fail as a mother, shattering everything my little girl knew.

When Carlie finally spoke, her voice was soft and muffled against the fabric of my shirt. "Are you okay Momma?" was all she asked, her little hand moving to trace patterns without reason against my chest. Yet, those simple words were all it took to bring about the silent tears, pouring out all the overpowering pain and regret and desperation I was holding so tightly to inside. Those simple words were a freedom, giving me hope that we would get through this.

Carlie was selfless in my eyes, worrying more about me than the fact that her life would, from here on out, resemble little of what she always knew. She completely disregarded the fact that I just told her that her Daddy would never be in our lives again as if I never had said it or as if James already no longer existed. I don't know if I would ever understand the way her mind works or how maturity could be housed inside such a tiny body, but I would forever love her for it.

"I am now baby. I am now…" because I was. Or at least I would be. We would both be fine.

So I just hugged her tighter to my body, trying to say everything I couldn't voice through touch instead as my tears slowed. Carlie was my everything and I would spend every moment making she was loved and safe. I allowed my fingers to twirl her curls, letting them spring back as I let go—a habit I picked up when Carlie was a toddler in order to comfort her, and myself through long, sleepless nights. In turn, she pressed her face more firmly against my chest, fisting her hand in my t-shirt to hold me close too.

Like all the silence before, this was maddening and comforting in the same breath. I wanted to scream away all the stress and memories and take every black cloud from Carlie's life. But I also wanted to hold this moment forever, with my little girl holding on to me as if she needs me just as much as I need her. My life was forever a contradiction. "Is that why you were so sad?" Carlie finally pulled herself away from my chest, looking directly up at me and breaking the quiet of the room. "You know, when we were staying with Auntie Alice and then at my lesson with Mr. Cullen?"

Carlie was entirely too observant, sometimes to a fault. I thought I had hid most of my emotional turmoil fairly well in front of her. The expression she wore watching me was contemplative and yet commanding with penetrating eyes that could convince a mute man to sing.

"Yes, I was sad and hurt by what Daddy did," I answered, figuring utter honesty would be best at this point.

With a small nod, she contemplated her next words carefully, the concentration evident against her features. "Are you going to be sad anymore?"

"I don't know Carlie. I'm going to try not to because I really am happy here. I'm happy here with you," I said, smiling and snuggling my face into her hair. "But sometimes things happen that make grown ups sad and upset, especially when they have to deal with grown up things. But that is something you don't need to worry your pretty little head over baby." Kissing her forehead, I looked down into her green eyes, cataloguing every fleck and slight shift of color.

Without missing a beat, she stated, "You were happy with Mr. Cullen at the park," so completely matter-of-factly it was as if she were telling someone the Earth was round or that grass was green. _And in all brutal honesty, yes, yes I was.

* * *

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**So, did we all survive that? I hope so...**

**Like always, links and things for each chapter are on my profile. I also got bored and made a banner --- check it out if you want (same place as everything else).**

**Random note...I joined Twitter (rainsoakedhello). Come say hi! I'm still figuring it out, but I did make an awesome background for it!**

**I'm also looking for input on the next chapter. Any ideas for their date? I have my own, but I'm interested in what anyone else might think of...**_  
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	8. La Nascita Delle Cose Segrete

**A/N:** First, don't hate me. This chapter took a bit of a necessary detour and only touches on the start of the date. So hang in there, it's coming next and I already started writing it. Secondly, thanks to all who read. I know I don't say it enough, but I appreciate the time you take on this.

* * *

_**Bella**_

"Ali, yes, just chill," I sighed, pulling the towel tighter around my body as I padded barefoot towards my closet. "I wanted to tell you, but there's just been so much going on. This whole thing with Edward just, well, it just kind of got pushed to the backburner. It's not like it's _that_ important."

"You can_not_ seriously tell me that A, it's not that important. Bella, you're going out with Carlie's piano teacher. I'd say that's definitely an important little tidbit of info. And B, that this just got pushed back like an unimportant, blasé event. I'm not that naïve Bells. You were holding out on me!"

Tuning her out, I had to think back to what got me into this in the first place and why the hell I was stupid enough to do it. I had called Alice after I got out of the shower late this morning to finally take Jasper's advice that he reiterated _again_ this morning while dropping off Carlie. I called my evil sister to spill about Edward. Oh, how I was now realizing what a horrible idea that truly was. She had already gone on a long tirade of 'I am your sister and should know all details about your life' and 'just so you know, I'm mad right now' before I could even say hello.

"Bella!" her high-pitched voice echoed through the phone, effectively dragging me back to the verbal hell I was in. "Are you even listening to me?"

I let out a heavy exhale into the phone, hoping Alice would pick up the hint that this wasn't how I imagined this conversation going. My hands were already tangled in the wet strands of my hair from the sheer frustration of it all. "Yes I'm listening and no, I'm not holding out on you. How old are we again?"

"Bellaaaaa…" She was pulling out the whine and batting her puppy-dog eyes at the phone. I knew my sister well enough to know she was pulling it all out, whether I could see it or not. "This is important. I'm your sister. I should know these things." That pout was right there—right in the inflections of her voice.

"Alice, I didn't mean to keep you out of my life. You know you'll always belong center stage with Carlie. I just didn't want to get too worked up over it if this whole date ends horribly and Edward never wants to see me again." There, I said it through my word vomit. I laid that heavy fear right out there front and center. Forget all the shit with James. In this instance, my biggest fear that had been eating at me all morning was that this thing with Edward would fail and then I'd be left wondering where Carlie would stand. She had already taken to him as her piano teacher, loving his encouragement and measured patience. She had also obviously taken to Elise. Yet, if something went wrong between Edward and I, would we be able to remain adults enough salvage a friendship for our children? That thought alone scared me more than I wanted to admit.

"Oh Bells, I highly doubt that this will end in flames. And if it does, well, fuck him." I sputtered out the breath I didn't even know I was holding into an awkward giggle. Leave it to Alice to be blunt and colorful when I desperately need it. Her and Jasper were really a pair at cutting to the chase. "Don't laugh, I'm serious," she scolded. "He'd be an idiot to let you go."

Her simple words freed me of some of the fear, if only slightly. In her own, twisted and blunt way, Ali gave me hope that this was going to be okay. That Carlie and Edward and Elise and I would all be okay, no matter what ending comes. "If you say so Ali," I conceded, the smile evident on my lips.

I made my way towards my bed, having failed at choosing anything from my closet yet. I had made it as far as just progressively staring at the rows of fabric lined up in front of me. The bed sank under me as I sat on the edge, still cradling the phone between my ear and shoulder. There were muffled voices on Alice's end and I could only assume she was talking to Jasper. "Hey Bells, I have to get going. Jazz needs some help getting Indigo crated up," she finally said. "But you, missy, go have some fun."

"I will Ali." A relaxed laugh finally finding it's way out. "Tell Jasper hi from me."

"I will. Love ya Bells."

"Love ya too." And with that I hung up and set my phone down on the nightstand, feeling somehow better about today. Everything would be fine no matter what. Today was about change and freedom and I was going to take it for all it gave me. With a renewed resolve, I picked myself up from my bed, walking to my closet yet again. I _really _needed to get dressed. I don't know how well Edward would take to me going out naked. Hell, I don't know how I'd feel about it, so I just dug in.

My phone started buzzing loudly, vibrating against the hard wood of the nightstand and chiming to signal a new text. What did Alice want now? I threw the clothes down on the bed that I had just rather blindly grabbed from the closest before picking up my cell yet again.

It was definitely not Alice though. Edward's name blinked in a slow rhythm on the display next to the tiny virtual envelope. I don't think I've ever really paid any attention to that little icon before in my life, but right now it looked amazing, giving me that giddy, childish feeling all over. Pressing a few buttons in my haste of clumsy fingers, I finally managed to open the message.

**Wear comfortable shoes. **

I'm not sure what I expected, but somehow that wasn't it. I'd take it though. At least he didn't think better of today and decided to cancel on me. I replied quickly, grinning like a fool.

**Flip flop comfy or sneaker comfy? **

Instead of the familiar text message chime I was expecting again, the chorus lyrics of Twilight by Ben Howard started playing along with the vibrations in my hand_._ I looked at the display to see Edward's name plaster across the screen yet again. I couldn't fight the smile if I tried. "Hey," I answered, slightly more enthusiastically than I probably should have.

"Hey, I figured this was going to be easier. I'm not so much the nimble texter," he paused with a slight and easy chuckle to himself that I couldn't help but mirror. "Sneakers are probably going to be best." That right there, his voice all velvet and warm, tingled down to my toes, bumping up my excitement ten-fold. I felt like a giddy teenager all over again, going out on her very first date. The jitters were definitely there.

"So comfy shoes, but you're still not going to tell me where we're going?" I hedged. Edward had refused to tell me his plans for today after insisting on making all the arrangements himself. I had absolutely no clue if we were going to be inside or outside or both. I didn't know if it was going to be something casual or something a bit more formal. I was banking on casual with the clothes I had thrown on the bed right before he started texting me. Edward had given me absolutely no indication what so ever. Except now shoes. So I could only presume that today would involve walking—lots of walking.

"Nope," he said, popping the 'p' with that little accent of his, making my legs turn all sorts of rubbery. "Don't worry about anything. I have everything we'll need today. I just need you." My face heated with his last words. I knew he meant that he just needed me to be there or it would be a very one-sided date. Yet, I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the way that sounded—_needing_ me.

"I'll be ready…" I paused to look at the alarm clock beside me, the green numbers reading 12:14, "in a half hour. Then I'm all yours." Yes, I went there and I was only slightly ashamed of myself. _Smooth Bella. Smooth._

He chuckled, deep and musical. "I can't wait." Those simple words caused me to do an all-out happy dance around my bedroom, again channeling my prior fourteen-year-old self. I danced and twirled and just let myself go for a minute.

We both hung up with Edward's promise to be to my place, ready and waiting, shortly. In fifteen minutes time, I myself was successfully dressed and pulling my hair back in a low pony. Just like the last time before heading to the park, I stared at my reflection.

I looked like the same Bella as I did just a few days prior. Same brown hair and same dark eyes. My hands tugged at my shirt, letting the fabric float against my stomach in an oddly comforting manner. I still had the same pale skin and the same dark circles under my eyes from the bumpy road of my life that makeup refused to erase. I looked exactly the same, and yet something was off. Something was different. Something I couldn't quite place just yet.

There was no use struggling to figure it out, so I did what I do best and pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind—back to those dusty corners that never see the light of day again. I took one final look at my reflection, smiling slightly and letting my nervous anticipation bubble over for just a moment. I desperately needed today.

"Momma, are you ready yet?" Carlie asked, pulling me back to the reality of the moment. She was standing in the doorway, dressed and ready to go with her little green backpack slung over her shoulders. Today was a stark contrast to the last time we were about to meet up with Edward and Elise. Where she had been in a mad panic before, wondering if she would even be liked, she was now a contradiction of calm excitement to see her bestest best friend again. Her eloquent words, not mine.

I must have taken too long to answer because she huffed in my direction, a precious scowl on her lips and her hands planted firmly on her hips. Her stance meant business, but I could help but laugh. She was just too cute without ever knowing it. I dread the day she actually realizes the power of her charm.

"I'm ready," I laughed out softly, walking towards my ever-impatient daughter as I grabbed my wallet and cardigan on the way. Her scowl didn't soften as I approached, so I knelt down and kissed her sweet little forehead. I pulled back, looking into curious green eyes. "Do you have everything for today?" my fingers brushing a few stray hairs from her face.

That simple question sent Carlie grinning from ear to ear. She excitedly nodded her head, blond curls bouncing wildly, before spinning around and jiggling her backpack in my face.

"Good. Let's go then." With my hand resting on the back of my daughter's head, I lead her to the door, gathering Elli together on the way.

Edward was true to his word, already pulled into the driveway as I ushered an excited daughter and a hyper puppy out the door. It took everything in me to keep walking and act like the sight of him leaning so casually against his car didn't start of fit of butterflies in my chest. He was dressed so causal and utterly perfect. His dark cargo shorts showed off toned calves while the white t-shirt he wore hugged every muscle and dip of his chest gently. Edward was sculpted, but not overly. It was, however, just enough to make me drool and swoon.

He noticed us almost before I had closed and locked the door behind me. The lopsided smile that grew on his face was magical, causing my already weak knees to wobble just a little bit more. "Hey," he waved, walking up the walkway towards us and taking Elli's leash from my hands. His fingers lingered across my palm for an extra beat, sending the butterflies battling my lungs again.

"Hey," I managed back with a smile, my head still spinning from the simple rush. "Thanks again for letting Carlie go with Elise. She was so excited this morning, I don't think she took a moment to breathe. Or sit."

Our sides were so close they were almost brushing as we walked the remaining short distance down the walk. Carlie was already at the car, wrenching the door open to climb in with Elise. Her excitement was palpable and intoxicating on top of my own that I was stuffing deep down. "Elise was the same," he chuckled out, looking ahead at the girls with an easy smile. "I lost count of how many times she asked when we were leaving to pick up Carlie. She can't wait to show her the playroom at my Mum and Dad's."

We finally reached the car, the twenty or so feet from the front door seemingly took forever and nowhere near long enough. I walked around to the passenger side, Edward following closely behind. "I put the extra booster seat I had lying around in the back so that we wouldn't need to wrestle yours from your car. I hope that's alright."

"That fine. Great actually," I replied, turning and smiling and studying the eyes darkened behind his sunglasses. There was something so strikingly _beautiful_ about Edward. He had an almost impossible presence.

The girls were chattering away, a fit of giggles and wide smiles as I leaned in the open passenger door to make sure Carlie buckled herself in right. "Are you girls happy to see each other?" I asked when there was a slight lull in their jabber, though the answer was blatantly obvious. An echoing 'yes' yelled from both little girls bouncing around the confined space solidified my answer.

I wanted their excitement—their love of life and ease of innocence. I wanted to see the world through their eyes just for a day to remember what it was like to not be worn down and weary of every turn.

A warm hand found purchase against my back, drawing me from my daze while still hunched into the car and lighting a fire in my belly. I backed out of the way, allowing room for Elli to jump in until I was able to look up at Edward. My chest tightened just looking at the man. He had pushed his sunglasses into his unruly hair and those green eyes were begging a host of silent questions while creases of worry were written deep in his forehead.

With little thought, I lifted my hand, smoothing my fingers across the lines until they were almost gone. Those worry lines didn't suit him. I moved to drop my hand when his long fingers wrapped around my wrist, pulling it to his lips and placing a quick, chaste kiss against my palm. As quickly as he did so, he let go of my hand and smiled that easy smile.

"You alright?"

I nodded in return. "Yeah. I am," my palm still a fit of tingles from his quick touch. I understood why the exchange was so brief, even though I'd wish it otherwise. We were at a silent understanding. This was new for us, neither knowing where things may lead, so there was no need to flash anything in front of the girls. To them we were friends, which, in essence, was true.

"Well, shall we?" Edward asked, brushing against me slightly as he reached behind me to open the front passenger door, sending tingles and a rush of excitement through my body.

"We shall."

~.~

The ride to Edward's parents house was nothing like I expected. Actually, it was better than I could have ever imagined. It was comfortable and somehow familiar with the girls' childish excitement crackling around us and the soft hum of the music over the engine. Edward and I talked little, simply soaking up the happy energy that was pumping through the car.

I caught myself more times than I'd like to admit watching him drive, concentrating on the road ahead of us. He had an easy focus on everything that was going on, from the passing cars to the non-stop chatter of the girls. A slow, lopsided smile caught my attention as I shamelessly stared. Then and there I knew Edward had caught me. He turned his head slightly and mouthed a silent 'What?' I felt the heat rise in my cheeks, but couldn't make myself look away. In most instances like this, I would have been petrified at being caught ogling, but this time I couldn't find it in me to really care. He was intensely captivating.

Instead, I simply shrugged my shoulders, smiling back and still blushing like a fool.

Moments later, Edward turned down a long dirt drive edged with full trees. It was like a tunnel of green, the tree bending over the road in a canopy of lush leaves. The drive finally opened into an expansive clearing with a magnificent house of white and stone nestled in amongst the trimmed grass.

Edward pulled the car up close to the covered porch before cutting the engine. The energy level in the car skyrocketed as the girls were trying to undo their seatbelts in a haste of excitement, Elli barking happily along. Edward and I both got out, releasing our respective daughters from their confines in a matter of moments. Both were up and out of the car before I could even process their movement.

I reached in and grabbed Carlie's bag from the back along with the small bag containing all of Elli's necessities. I still can't believe that Edward's parents were willing to take in my little girl _and_ my puppy without even knowing us. But they were and they were saints in my book for it.

As finally maneuvered myself from the back, I stood up to a man smiling the most dazzling smile across the top of the car, sending my heart racing. "You know, if we could somehow bottle their energy, I think we'd have the most powerful renewable energy source on our hands," Edward laughed out as he shook his head in awe.

Standing there, he oozed a carefree ease that you couldn't help but hold to. He was drawing me farther in with the simplest actions. "So true. I don't know where they get it all," I laughed as well, closing the door and starting to walk towards the house.

With Elli's leash in hand, Edward came up beside me. I felt a subtle heat at my lower back as he rested his hand gently against my shirt there. The touch was all sorts of tingles and giddy feelings that I was desperately trying to battle down at the moment. Failing miserably, I felt a slight heat creep into my cheeks as I chanced a look at Edward. He was staring straight ahead, but that slightly grin of his was playing on his lips. That look was quickly becoming one of my favorite sights.

The front door was already open, the girls probably having been too excited to remember to shut it as most little kids are. Edward removed his hand from its resting place and I missed the feeling immediately. There was something utterly grounding in the touch. Crossing the threshold, we entered directly into an impeccably decorated foyer. The floor was made of stone tiles surrounded by light walls and a high ceiling. It was simply breathtaking and yet inviting.

"Edward!" a female voice called from the left of is. A blur of brown and blue flew into the room, pulling him into a deep hug.

"Hi Mum," he said, kissing her cheek quickly when they finally pulled apart.

Edward's Mom turned quickly to me, a maternal and loving air about her. "And you must be Bella," she said smiling, her eyes just as bright and alive as Edward's. Looking at her in that moment, I could already pick out the subtle features she had passed on to her son: bronze hair, high cheekbones, vibrant eyes and the quiet strength evident in simple manner of how she held herself.

"I am. It's very nice to meet you Mrs. Cullen." I returned her smile and stuck out my hand, cringing at the awkward formality of the action.

"Oh honey, call me Esme," she said with an infectious laugh, waving me off my formality before bypassing my awaiting hand to pull me into a deep hug. Her hold was maternal and warm and held a silent comfort that I sank into. Forget that I had only met the woman; I wanted to stay in the embrace and forget all the bad things that only a mother's arms could erase. Her touch made me realize how much I missed Renee and her quirky, overwhelming love.

With a final squeeze Esme let go of her hold and back up a few steps, still smiling warmly. "Thanks for letting Carlie come over today too. I know she was really excited to spend all day with El-"

"_Momma_," Carlie whined out from the archway towards the inner parts of the house. Her and Elise were standing there, mirroring much of the same stance she had earlier in my room with tiny hands on hips. "Can I go play now?"

I stifled a laugh yet again. Alone, Carlie was adorable. Together with Elise, the pair were a match to be reckoned with. "Only if Mrs. Cullen says it okay." I turned to look at Esme for my answer, afraid to overstep any boundaries.

She smiled wider, turning fully to look at both girls. "Of course it is sweetie. Elise can take you to the play room." Elise nodded quickly, her long pigtails shaking against her chest while Carlie started bouncing excitedly up and down. It was amazing that the simplest things could seem like Christmas morning to five-year-olds.

Both girls raced from the room in two tiny blurs, exciting Elli beyond measure. She was already dancing around, nails clicking sharply against the tile. "Be good!" I hollered after Carlie, "and have fun…" I finished muttering to myself.

"Don't worry about her. She'll be fine," Esme said as she brought her hands up to rub soothingly at my arms, mistaking my muttering for worry.

I had to laugh. "Oh Esme, I'm not worried about Carlie. I'm worried that you have no idea the endless energy my daughter possesses. Add a hyperactive puppy to the mix and fear for your sanity."

"Bella, I raised this one," she cocked her head towards Edward beside me, "and his moose of a brother. After those two and their endless shenanigans, I think I could handle anything." Her words were punctuated by a carefree laugh, her hands gently squeezing my arms. I joined in, shaking my head at the images of a rambunctious and mischievous Edward running rampant in my mind.

"We should probably get going Bella," Edward's voice broke in between Esme's and my laughter. Turning towards him, he wore an almost annoyed expression. I would have believed him angry if it weren't for the lopsided smile fighting it's way out.

"Okay," I agreed, still laughing and nodding quickly as the excitement of what was to come started building again deep in my belly. "Oh! I almost forgot. Here is Carlie's backpack with pretty much anything she could want today. And here's a bag with Elli's things. Just food, a few toys and treats," I sad turning back towards Esme and handing off the simple luggage I had dropped to the floor earlier. She accepted them with a gracious smile.

"Now you kids go have fun. Don't worry about a thing here. This old lady has a lot more tricks up her sleeve than you may think." Esme finish with a gentle laugh, Edward and I joining in the easy moment.

Taking a risk, I pulled her back in for another hug. It just felt right. Esme wrapped her arms tightly around my body and for the second time today, I felt it deep in my bones that no matter what, things were going to be okay. I don't know how and I don't know what will happen down the road. All I do know is that we'd come out shining through anything.

"I can't thank you enough for letting Carlie come over with Elise. I think you just made my little girl's week."

"Oh hush," she whispered close. "Bella, I should be the one thanking you. I haven't seen Elise that happy in so long. Carlie gave her something to look forward to and heaven knows she needed that. And Bella," Esme paused, squeezing my body tighter, "thank you for bringing back Edward's smile too."

Those last words, spoken so soft, held so much emotion behind them. The way Esme whispered them out told a story so far beyond the simple words. I hadn't known Edward near long enough to understand the meaning, but I could tell that there was more to the man than meets the eye. I had a feeling we were both hiding damaged pieces of ourselves.

Esme and I finally pulled apart, both of us wearing tired smiles of understanding. She took Elli's leash from Edward before hugging him tightly again. You could almost feel her maternal love fill the room every time she hugged him.

We were out the door and on our way shortly thereafter. Just like before, the drive to wherever we were headed was a quiet affair. Neither Edward nor I found it necessary to talk, instead just enjoying the relaxed moment free of parental duties. And just like before, I caught myself watching him and cataloging every look and unique mannerism to memory.

We passed through other suburbs and open fields, following the steady flow of traffic. Edward finally maneuvered the car to right, coming behind a long line other cars waiting in a turn off. I couldn't fight the wide smile when I finally took in the surroundings enough to realize where we were. The fields. The sparse trees. The relatively inconspicuous wooden sign just up ahead.

"The Renaissance Festival?" I asked as I turned toward Edward, my voice not hiding my mounting enthusiasm in the least. When Alice and I were younger, we used to come here every summer. Renee and Charlie didn't have a lot of money back then, so this was our family's version of Disney World. The week we'd all come to spend with Grandpa and Gram every summer _always_ included a trip here. It was like a trip down memory lane in the best way possible.

* * *

**A/N:** I promise the next chapter is their date of fluffy goodness. I swear. And as always, links will be posted for random tidbits on my profile.


	9. Questa Volta

**A/N:** To whomever doesn't hate me for taking epically long to update...I love you. I won't bore you with lengthy excuses, I'll just get this show on the road and meet you at the bottom.

I just want to say thanks to the lovely JulieGirl18 who has amazingly decided to take my scattered thoughts and words and make them pretty. Also, many thanks to everyone that has read, reviewed and/or favorited/alerted. You keep me going, though at times it may not seem like it.

Alright, read on lovelies, read on.

**Also note: The timeline of this story is right around August 14, 2010 (yes, I'm in the future, so what lol). The actual start of the Ren Fest isn't until the next weekend, but I'm playing the 'artistic liberties' card to make it fit where I need it to. Just remember, we're smack dab in the middle of August. **

* * *

Since it's been awhile, last chapter was BPOV of getting ready for their date and getting Carlie ready to spend the day with Elise at Esme and Carlisle's. She met Esme at the end before Edward whisked her away for what he actually had planned.

_Esme and I finally pulled apart, both of us wearing tired smiles of understanding. She took Elli's leash from Edward before hugging him tightly again. You could almost feel her maternal love fill the room every time she hugged him._

_We were out the door and on our way shortly thereafter. Just like before, the drive to wherever we were headed was a quiet affair. Neither Edward nor I found it necessary to talk, instead just enjoying the relaxed moment free of parental duties. And just like before, I caught myself watching him and cataloging every look and unique mannerism to memory._

_We passed through other suburbs and open fields, following the steady flow of traffic. Edward finally maneuvered the car to right, coming behind a long line other cars waiting in a turn off. I couldn't fight the wide smile when I finally took in the surroundings enough to realize where we were. The fields. The sparse trees. The relatively inconspicuous wooden sign just up ahead._

_"The Renaissance Festival?" I asked as I turned toward Edward, my voice not hiding my mounting enthusiasm in the least. When Alice and I were younger, we used to come here every summer. Renee and Charlie didn't have a lot of money back then, so this was our family's version of Disney World. The week we'd all come to spend with Grandpa and Gram every summer always included a trip here. It was like a trip down memory lane in the best way possible._

* * *

_**Edward**_

I made Bella smile. That smile, right there, right on those teasing lips, was all me. And bloody hell if she didn't look more beautiful in that moment than she had in all the times I've seen her. To be fair, I've only actually seen Bella on very few occasions so far - the few being Carlie's lesson and our day at the park - but I felt like I already have an overflowing catalogue of her beautiful faces and mannerisms tucked away safely in my mind. Between the way her eyes seemed carry the world and they way her smile could light the darkest corner, Bella held this silent, untouchable essence that pushed against the walls and forces of nature.

"Yeah, the Renaissance Fest," I said, smiling back and reveling in Bella's simple excitement filling the car. I got lost in her at that very moment, only bringing my attention back to reality when the cars in front of me began the snails-pace move forward yet again. A few car lengths later and I was able to take the turn down the dirt road that led us to the maze of a parking lot, situated over a ten-acre field. "I hope this is alright," I shrugged, still doubting my plans. It had been a very long time since I had put this much thought into something like this.

She reached over, lightly grasping my forearm. The simple touch was intoxicating and powerful in its gentleness. "Edward, it's more than alright. It's perfect." The smile was still there. The excitement was still there, pushing against me with such energy in the small confines of the car. The eyes looking back at me were earnest and alive, reminding me just how beautiful Bella was. I could only nod in return. She honestly took my breath away, rendering me incapable of much.

Soon we were directed to our parking spot among the sea of other vehicles and bodies moving towards the gated entrance to the grounds. Once parked, we both got out from the car and I popped the back hatch to get the rest of our things. "I know I didn't tell you what we were doing ahead of time," I started, digging through the bag I packed for the day and hoping Bella was listening, "so I'm guessing you didn't put any sunscreen on, right?"

I felt Bella come up next to me before I heard her, the subtle soft buzz of energy bouncing between us. "Correct," she answered softly. I looked up to find her staring at me with the most adorable sheepish smile. I must have been looking at her funny because she just shrugged her shoulders and continued, "I always have it with Carlie around, but I tend to forget it when I'm just looking after myself."

Motioning to the open bag, I said, "Well, good thing I came prepared for pretty much anything we could run into today." I honestly did pack for just about anything, even though I had checked the weather this morning—a bright and sunny 82°. I've just lived in the upper midwest long enough to know that the weather is anything but predictable.

Offering the small bottle up with a smile, I asked, "Do you need some help?" cocking my head towards the bottle in my hands.

"Um, if you could get my shoulders and back, that would be awesome." Bella's voice was almost timid as she chewed on her lower lip and looked up at me through her thick eyelashes.

That look almost brought me to my knees. Instead, I was able to compose myself somewhat until I was just more nervous than I ever should be as I walked behind Bella and squeezed out some of the sunscreen onto my palm. It was almost like slow motion as she drew her pony tail over her shoulder, exposing the gentle curve of her neck and shoulders to me. My eyes focused on the little round mole at the base of her neck; such a dark little spot in contrast to Bella's ivory-cream skin. And yet, I found it completely adorable and perfect.

When my hands touched her bare skin, I was immediately lost in its softness. Her skin was like silk or water running over my palms; a sensation so smooth and caressing and almost tingling in it's barely-there touch. I wished I could linger there, rubbing and massaging the slight knots hiding under the surface, but I couldn't. I had much more planned for us today.

"Done," I said, reluctantly handing the bottle over so that Bella could finish applying the sunscreen. Leaning into the open back of my Volvo, I watched as she steadily rubbed the lotion in until it wasn't white any more. The whole process was oddly entrancing. Just the way her hands moved and slid slowly over her skin was sending my mind places it really shouldn't go right now.

Almost all too soon, Bella was finished and we were making our way through the maze of cars towards the entrance, my palm resting slightly against her lower back. Ahead of us was a large and almost daunting fortress gate, made of stone and holding festival actors along the top to play their roles and keep the feeling of the old world alive. We moved into one of the lines and I pulled our tickets from the safety of my pocket. Moments later, map in hand, we were on the other side in the midst of an entirely different world of humor, tradition and entertainment.

Bella spun around, taking it all in like it was her first glimpse of freedom. Her eyes were dancing from the faces in the crowd to the rows of shops and stands to the street performers dancing and mingling amongst us. She looked around with such an innocent wonder that I couldn't help but be inexplicably drawn into her and her world. She pulled me in without the simplest clue.

"Come on, Edward!" I felt her small hand grab onto my own, making it hard for me to pay attention to her words. My head was a swirling mass of nothingness, stuck in a haze from something as simple as Bella freely taking my hand. The move was just so...unexpected. Unexpected and new. We had silent boundaries set up that neither of us had spoken of so far, only assumed. It was minimal touching and attention to each other because of the girls. We didn't need to confuse them or let them think there was more to us than there really was, whatever 'more' was. This whole mess was confusing and moving like molasses through my brain as I tried to process it all.

"Edward? Are you alright?" I heard her voice, slow and cautious as she squeezed lightly against my fingers in her grasp as if she were talking to a frightened animal. I finally managed to come out of my head enough to actually _look_ at Bella and saw her watching me, concern and confusion creasing her brow. Despite those silent boundaries and questions of what we were, the reality was that today-standing here right now-was just Bella and I. There were no daughters to worry about in this moment and no questions that needed to be answered this second. We were just us-Edward and Bella.

"Yeah. Yeah," I said, shaking my head and squeezing her hand back as I tried to brush off the whole incident of losing coherent though from her touch. "Which way do you want to go?"

Bella studied me for a few extended beats without answering, looking as if she were trying to figure out my unexpected mood swing. Either she gave up or decided it was a lost cause because soon she was pulling on my hand with a bright smile and dragging me down a row of shops to the left. Not that she even had to drag me. I already knew I would follow her anywhere.

We walked from one little crowed shop to the next, and through each one Bella's eyes and smile grew. I couldn't take my eyes off her. I honestly was having more fun watching her point out little trinkets and chat in complete awe at some of the craftsmanship in the shops than I was looking at any of the merchandise myself. But it was easy to get caught up in Bella's innocent excitement. She just had this way about her that captivated you and made you take notice, like you were catching a glimpse of something spectacular and rare.

"Edward, wait!" she rushed out, stopping and pulling on my hand as we were trying to navigate through the crowd to the next shop.

"What is it?"

She pulled me past a few more people until we were standing next to a wagon vendor under the thankful shade of some trees. "We should get one of these for each of the girls." Bella reached out, running her fingers gently over the dried flowers and down onto the ribbons blowing in the light breeze.

"You like these milady?" The vendor walked around the small cart to stand next to us, gently lifting one of the crowns off the posts and holding it out towards Bella. They were made of delicately dried flowers wrapped to a thin, white halo with brightly colored ribbons that trailed in long strands down the back.

"Yes. They're absolutely beautiful. I think they'd be perfect for our daughters," she answered wistfully and taking a chance to look at me with her genuine and radiant smile.

"Oh, little lasses! How many years?"

"Five," I said, smiling back at Bella simply because I couldn't help it.

"Twin lasses. You are amazingly blessed sir," she said to me before turning towards Bella. "As are you milady."

Twin. That got both our attentions as both Bella and I snapped our heads back to look at the vendor. "Oh no. Not twins," I started, but Bella cut in at the same time.

"We're not together. I mean, we're not together like that. Well, I mean, we are, but we aren't." She was stumbling over her words again just like that first day on the phone. I could see the blush of frustration tint her cheeks and her eyes pleading with me to help. "Oh, I don't know what I'm trying to say..." she said, twisting her fingers quickly through her ponytail.

I squeezed the fingers that were still in my grasp, trying to let her know it was her turn to breathe. "We're both single parents. Our daughters just happen to be the same age," I clarified to the almost frightened looking vendor.

"Ay. I apologize. I misspoke sir."

Bella, finally composed, answered, "It was a simple mistake. It just caught me off guard," an easy laugh coming out, the rest of us joining in, although the poor vendor woman's chuckle sounded more than a little forced.

"We'll take two," I motioned to the crowns before turning to look at Bella. "What colors?"

She tapped at her chin for a moment as she leaned in to look at each different one closer. "How about the green and blue for Carlie and...the purple and pink for Elise? Does that work?"

"Perfectly. They'll love them." I gently squeezed her fingers in my hand one more time before letting her hand go, immediately missing the subtle contact. Grabbing my wallet, I paid for the flower crowns and then we made our way back into the crowd milling about, our girl's purchases in hand as I grabbed for Bella's once again with my free one.

We wandered through a few more shops together and both of us almost losing ourselves among the blown glass lining the shelves in one. "What would you like to eat," I asked as we found our way into an open space packed with people and tables and food vendors. Bodies were moving every which way as people walked or waited in lines, or as they wandered away towards the tables with their purchases and meals. It was admittedly difficult to see what each food vendor offered through the mass of people and festival actors mingling in the crowd. However, I kept moving forward trying to see what food was sold where, keeping a tight hold on Bella the entire time.

"Ay! Love! Fancy a drink, do ya?" a brusque female voice echoed nearby. Out of habit-and sheer curiosity-I looked away from Bella to find the source. A few paces ahead stood a woman in costume looking a little worse for wear with rips and stains over her dress, her eyes trained directly on me with a mug of something in hand. I could tell she was one of the festival actors with her demeanor and actions, but that didn't make this any less uncomfortable. It wasn't that I wasn't accustomed to women flirting with me and occasionally being very crass and upfront in their approach, but I am really not the best at dealing with that kind of attention. And with Bella beside me, I didn't know how to brush it off without seeming completely rude.

Yet Bella surprised me in her actions. Within moments she was dropping my hand and instead wrapping her arm tightly around my waist. The sensation of her being that close, pressing her tiny self into my side, was utterly unexpected and wonderful in the same instance. "I thought you were going to grab us some food," she said with an unbelievably sexy smirk planted firmly on her lips.

It took me a moment to answer because my eyes and my mind were trained solely on the look on Bella's face. That look was damn near sinful coming from her. "I was just about to. If you'll excuse me," I said nodding politely to the woman and hugging Bella into my side one more time before letting go. I left her behind to find a place to sit while I went in search of food. Soon, I was pushing my way through the crowd of other hungry festival-goers, my hands completely full, until I found Bella sitting at a small, empty table.

Most women I've been out with over the years would have pitched a fit at the roasted corncob I offered up as I sat down, but once again, Bella proved herself a different breed. With a grateful smile, she accepted the standard festival food and dove right in. For the next few minutes, we did nothing but eat and people watch. The crowd was made of so many different types of people. There were those decked out in full costume to really feel part of, and blend into, the experience. There were families with little children that were walking around with nothing but a look of awe on their faces as they were drawn into this time period of history. There were couples just walking and looking and quietly taking everything in, looking for their excuses to escape into their own little worlds. There were so many different people and for a moment, I wondered how Bella and I fit in.

Looking up at Bella, I noticed a bit of butter lingering against her cheek. And like in every cheesy romantic movie ever made, I reached across the table and moved my thumb to swipe it away. Her skin was so soft, taking on the faintest tint of pink. If it were from the a blush or the sun, I couldn't be sure at this point. Either way it suited her. The only thing I could be certain of was that Bella was...beautiful.

I brought my thumb back to caress her cheek just one more time, letting go with a genuine smile for the woman who, so far, seems to be taking a chance on me. We continued to eat and talk here and there about rather meaningless things. Soon we were both digging into the roasted turkey legs I had bought as well; the conversation falling off as we both became occupied by other means. A trip to the Renaissance Festival, in my opinion, is never complete without stuffing yourself silly with one. They round out the entire experience of the era and have been a must-have every time I come here.

A short time later, Bella looked up at me through her eyelashes with the faintest of smiles still there. "So you teach at the school during the year?"

I nodded while I finished chewing. "Yeah. I never thought I would love it as much as I do. In college, I just wanted to study music. It's been the only constant for me. I had the talent, I just wanted the theories so that I could go out into the world and make my living jumping from smoky piano bar to smoky piano bar. I was already pursuing certification in music education so that I had a fall back, you know? I figured if the bars were a bust, I could at least teach people from home," I paused, mentally taking myself back in time. It was not a stage in my life I often chose to look back on for a variety of reasons. Yet, for all that went wrong back then, I couldn't help but accept it. I'd change parts if I could, but that's a whole other story to worry about.

"It was my girlfriend in college, Heidi, who convinced me to go into elementary ed. I was never one to like little kids growing up, but she had a little sister - I think about five or six - that I absolutely fell in love with. She was just one of those little kids that you couldn't help but love when you saw them. Heidi thought I was really good with her and that I could probably do well with other little kids. She was always spouting off about being a natural and such. I guess at that point I figured, 'what the hell', what was one more degree? I had the time and the money to keep me in school.

"Yet now, watching those kids express themselves and their worlds through the one thing that has always been my comfort is one of the most rewarding experiences I've been lucky enough to witness. It's like watching each child create a world that's all their own and being the one lucky outside soul to get a glimpse into it."

I could feel the smile creep over my lips. It happened every time I thought about my roomful of kids and the wonder in their eyes the first time they picked up an instrument and realized that they had the world at their fingertips. It was magical. There was no other way to describe the feelings and emotions and awe bursting from those kids.

"What about you?"

Bella took a moment to swallow before she asked, "Me?" I nodded, taking another bite of the turkey leg. I was curious about her; I wanted to know every little thing there was to know about her. There was honestly little I actually knew about Bella at this point. I suppose that's a two-way street though.

"Well, I worked in a little hole-in-the wall bookstore before Carlie and I moved up here. I mean, I have a degree in library science, but that's just kind of what fit me, you know? My hours were really flexible, which especially helped since Carlie hadn't been old enough for school. As for now, nothing. This is all so new." Bella's voice fell away at the end. The change in her demeanor was so slight, but I saw it. I saw the way her eyes shifted away and the slight change in the way her teeth worked against her bottom lip. I saw the slight weight settle in her shoulders, pushing against her with a tiring force.

"I need to find something soon though. Carlie and I can't live off my savings forever." She just shook her head and looked off towards the growing crowd in front of the jousting arena near where we were seated. Bella looked so pained in that moment and I wanted nothing more than to take it all away. Someone with a heart like hers should never hurt.

My brain was working overtime to come up with something, anything, to offer up. I couldn't stand that look in her eyes and the weight in her shoulders. I'd carry the weight of her world if she would just let me. Hell, I was even to the point of considering asking her to be a nanny to Elise if my Mum wouldn't have a royal fit over it. Not that she'd probably take any money for that anyways.

"You said you have a degree in library science, right?" I asked, my mind finally catching up to something tucked away deep in my memory. She nodded, still chewing but watching me closely. "I think there's actually an opening at the elementary school. Mrs. McCoy just retired as the librarian at the end of the school year and I haven't heard that they filled the spot yet. If you'd be interested, I could give your information to Mrs. Cope."

"Really?"

"Yeah," I answered, nodding. "I'll just give her your name and number. If you don't mind of course."

The most radiant smile crossed her lips as Bella's eyes came alive. Right here and now, I vowed to find a way to make her look like that everyday. She was absolutely too beautiful not to smile. "No, of course not." I could hear the relief evident in her voice and even in that moment, I saw her hold her head just a little higher than a few moments before. "You don't know how relieved I am to even have a possible lead on a job. I can't...I don't think I could ever thank you enough."

Taking her hand out of habit already, I gently pulled on it until she was standing beside me. "This," I motioned to the slight space between us, "is enough. You being here is more than I could ever ask for."

Bella just nodded and continued to smile. We didn't stay standing there long though. The sun was still beating down, even this late in the afternoon, and standing in one spot too long was mildly unbearable. "Do you want something to drink?" I asked as we walked up to another one of the little food shops. "Wine? Beer? Soda? Whatever you want."

"Can I just get a water please? My stomach is kind of upset."

I felt the worry rise even before I spoke. Bella couldn't be getting sick. She just couldn't. I didn't want anything to ruin today for her. Or, selfishly, for myself. "Are you alright? Do you want to head out now?"

"Edward, chill," she laughed, squeezing my hand and gently bumping her shoulder into my side. "I think that last little bit of the turkey just stuffed me a bit too much. I'll be fine."

I nodded, letting go an easy chuckle as the momentary worry subsided. She was fine and that meant we still had time. And time with Bella is all I wanted right now. We walked a bit more, watching the shows on the stages as we moved past and just reveling in the energy around us and simply being here together.

With one hand still tightly holding hers, I fished my cell phone out of my pocket with the other to check the time. I figured we were coming close to the end here. "Are you ready to go home?" I asked. The festival closed in about a half hour, but I was nowhere near ready to let Bella go for the day. A few short hours with her wasn't nearly long enough, so I was hoping beyond hope that she felt the same.

"No."

I let out a breathe I didn't even know I had been holding in, waiting on Bella's answer. That one simple word had me grinning like a fool back at the beautiful woman whose hand was still in my own like it was always meant to be held there. She wasn't ready either. "Good," I said, grinning like a fool. "We have to get out of here though before they start shuffling us out like cattle."

Bella gently squeezed my hand and together we picked our way through the crowd still milling about, couples and families trying to get the most out of their time here. I understood the way that everyone still here tried to stuff their whole experience of this place into the time allotted by the park. There was so much to see and take in, that the short hours you get to be here never feel long enough. I would have been in their shoes, trying to get the most of my day and prolong the ending as long as I could if it weren't for the fact that my reason for everything in this moment was holding tight to my hand and not ready to end whatever we had going on just yet. For us, this felt like the beginning.

**~.~**

"Can you tell me about Elise's mom?" It was like Bella's voice came out of nowhere and stole all the air from my lungs. I honestly felt as if I couldn't breathe; my heart beating a rapid rhythm buzzing in my ears. I heard her whisper out, "Hey, it's okay. It's okay Edward," her voice so soft and gentle, squeezing my hand in hers that I didn't even know she had taken.

This was twice now that I had an almost-breakdown today with her. It wasn't that I couldn't talk about Elise's mum, but just that I really never choose to. That was a time in my life that was now a chaotic mess of memories locked far back in my mind. Time and again, I wanted to hate her, but I couldn't. I couldn't ever hate her because she's part of the reason Elise exists. Instead, I resented her with my entire being for what she did to my little girl and the life Elise should have never known.

"Edward...Edward, just breathe. We don't have to talk about it. It wasn't even my place to ask..." Bella turned her head away from me as she talked, sounding more defeated with each word, but still held tight to my hand, running her thumb back and forth over my knuckles. Each pass over was bringing my mind back to earth and air back into my lungs

I could see her profile and she was chewing on her bottom lip as she always seemed to do when she was either nervous or upset. It was easy to see that in this case, Bella was upset and that just wasn't sitting right with me. It was my dumb self that flipped at a rather common and innocent question.

My free hand moved towards her, brushing my fingertips over Bella's cheek. She thankfully turned into my touch, but still wouldn't turn enough to look back at me. "Bella, look at me," I urged, drawing my finger under her chin and gently turning her face back to me. "It's a valid and normal question. I just...I don't want to ruin what has been one of the best days I can remember in a very long time by getting into this."

We were in the middle of nowhere, parked on the side of some deserted dirt road surrounded by more trees and farmland to just spend a little more time together. This wasn't the place or the time to dive into those closed off memories. And letting them out would take much more time than I was willing to give up spending with Bella right now.

"I promise I'll explain later. Just...right now, let's leave it be." The breath escaped my lungs as I squeezed Bella's fingers tightly. "Please."

Brushing her thumb back over my knuckles in the ever-steady rhythm, she nodded slowly. "Okay."

**~.~**

Elise was fast asleep in my arms and Bella held onto a sleeping Carlie as we walked the short path from my parent's porch to my car. There was something so domestic and familial in the action of us-Bella and I-together, holding tight to our daughters.

We each fastened our respective sleeping girls into the booster seats as quickly and as quietly as we could and snuck into the car ourselves; a much harder task than it may actually sound. Yet, we managed like seasoned pros to keep both asleep and keep Elli quiet through the whole ordeal.

This was it. The end of an almost perfect day with a woman I already found myself wanting to see every waking moment. In just a few short days, Bella had inexplicably drawn me into her world without even trying. My thoughts were no longer solely focused on Elise. Somehow my heart and my head made room for the beautiful woman and sweet little girl in my car without any conscious effort. They were just there as if they had always held a place within me.

Things with Bella were just so easy and comfortable, feeling like a well-worn favorite sweater. And yet, it was a completely new and completely captivating sensation that I was steadily becoming addicted to. I craved Bella's presence. I craved Carlie's laugh. I craved the ease and energy they both brought into mine and Elise's life.

My gaze travelled to the rearview mirror out of habit. Both girls were still sound asleep in the back seat, Elise's head resting back onto the seat and Carlie's perched against her right shoulder. They were both safely tucked away in their dreams, looking like the hallmark version of childhood sweetness and innocence. Even Elli was still passed out on the seat, her too-big paws up in the air. I chanced a look over to Bella beside me and found her eyes closed as well, her head turned slightly towards me in sleep. Just looking at her had my heart beating an unsteady rhythm. I knew right then that my life would never be the same without her and Carlie in it somehow.

The rest of the drive was nothing more than comfortable silence surrounding me as my three girls were asleep and safe beside me. This entire moment felt perfect. It felt right. Parking the car outside of Bella's house, I cut the engine and got out as quietly as I could manage. Crossing around the front to the passenger side, I carefully opened the door and crouched down closer to her level. I wanted to wake her up, but on my own terms.

A few long strands of her hair had fallen out of her pony tail over the course of the afternoon that were now draped across her face. Bella was still sound asleep with a slight smile playing against her lips. I felt as if I've said this so many times already today, but Bella was beautiful. She was beautiful when she laughed and when she smiled. She was beautiful when talked and when she played with Carlie. She was beautiful simply being. She enchanted me.

"Bella? Bella, wake up," I whispered out, brushing the fallen strands of hair behind her ear. She barely even stirred at my actions. I did have to hold in a chuckle though as her nose crinkle up when I ran my fingertips over her cheek. She seemed so at peace there. So much more so than I had seen her before. Bella always seemed to be so happy and put together, but always had this reserve about her, as if she were weary of the world and the people in it.

"Hey, hey," I coaxed, my voice and fingers soft and steady as Bella slowly started moving around a bit, almost waking. "Bella, we're at your house. It's time to wake up." I let my fingers brush back the invisible strands of hair behind her ear again. It was as if I couldn't not touch her. There was something so enticing in the softness of Bella's skin and the gentle blush that often tinted it. I found myself wanting to reach out and just simply and innocently brush my fingers over it just to feel her. My hand finally came to rest against the gentle curve of her neck, my thumb rubbing a gentle rhythm over her pulse point.

I kept whispering her name as my thumb continued it's steady rhythm, brushing over the skin of her neck trying to draw Bella awake. Finally, an immeasurable time later, her eyes slowly opened, the warmest brown looking back at me.

"Hey." Her voice was soft and thick with the remains of sleep, but still a heavenly sound.

I took my time just looking at Bella and cataloguing every little detail I could. Even still half asleep in the dark of the night, I could see every line and curve of her face, balanced in a delicate perfection that enchanted me constantly. "Hey," I whispered back, tucking the strands of hair behind her ear yet again. "We're at your house."

Bella nodded slowly, rubbing her face with her hands. "Sorry I fell asleep," she mumbled out before dropping her hands to her lap. "That must have been a boring ride."

I grabbed one of her hands and held it tightly in my own. Her hand, right there, felt like the first truly 'right' thing in my life since Elise came into it. "Not at all."

"Yeah. Right."

"I promise it was fine Bella," I said, smiling and squeezing her fingers to try to drill my words in. "It was perfect." With those last words, I stood up and slowly tugged on her hand to follow until she was standing in front of me. No matter the fact that I didn't want to say goodnight to Bella, our day had to finally wrap up. We both had sleeping daughters to tuck in and sleep to find ourselves.

We were standing so close, our bodies just slightly brushing the other with each cycle of steady breaths. Bella's eyes were alive and warm as they stared back at me and I had the sudden urge to memorize every slight change of color and multicolored fleck. This was it, but I still wasn't ready to let go. I honestly don't think I'd ever be ready to let go.

I leaned in, but paused just short of her lips. I wanted nothing more than to press mine into hers; to feel the softness of her full lips and beautiful smile against my own. Yet there was something about her that stopped me, something in the air radiating against me that spoke of both hesitation and want at my movement. There was something in the way that Bella held herself in that moment that whispered at me to tread lightly.

Instead, I pressed my lips gently to Bella's forehead, savoring the sweetness and electric pulse of the simple connection. After a stuttered exhale, I felt her body ease into mine, her light weight pressing against my chest. She moved her arms to circle my torso slowly, almost as if she were unsure of the action. Yet she did so until she was holding herself to me. When my lips finally left her forehead, I moved my cheek to rest against the top of Bella's head and wrapped my arms around her shoulders, pulling her body further into mine. I wasn't ready to say goodnight just yet. Instead, I held her and she held me under the glow of the streetlamp, neither ready to let go of whatever this was.

**~.~**

**_Bella_**

Carlie was cradled tightly to my chest as I carried her up the walkway to the house with Edward waiting by his car until I made it inside. With her there, feeling her heart beat a gentle rhythm against my own and the most perfect man waiting on my safety, I finally understood what was different. I finally understood why I felt like the same old Bella and yet a stranger in my own skin. I...I was a woman with just one heavy weight lifted off my shoulder. But that one weight was enough to let me soar.

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**A/N:** Did we all make it? Hopefully there date sufficed :) As always, I'll post random links on my profile, including one to the Minnesota Renaissance Fair in case you have never been to one.


	10. Le Onde

**A/N:** Holy alerts and favorites Batman! Thank you so much for those! Little things like that honestly make my day. A few quick shout-outs because I can and then we'll be on with the show :)

**Juliegirl18** makes my words pretty and tames my comma addiction, as well as talking me down from the big fanfic ledge.** AnotherJen** went out of her way to rec this silly little story and I 3 her for it. **Twistedcoincidence** just is who she is and I'd be much more scatterbrained and lonely without her around.

Thanks to everyone else that has given this a chance.

* * *

_**Bella**_  
"First off, I'd like to welcome you to Woodbury, Miss Swan. Edward mentioned that you had recently moved to the area." Mrs. Cope sat behind her desk, hands resting easily on top a few papers and a warm smile to match the warmth of her office. She exuded a motherly comfort and seemed to fit perfectly within the walls of this school, instantly easing the bundle of nerves that was currently my stomach. I still can't believe how quickly Mrs. Cope called me and ushered me in for this interview. She must have simply hung up on Edward and dialed me without missing a beat bright and early Monday morning, asking to drop-off my information and references so that she could put the process in motion. Four days later and here we were.

"Bella, please...and thank you. It's wonderful to be back here," I said, an easy smile forming on my lips as I settled myself into the armchair.

Mrs. Cope's eyes lit up and soon she was asking, "Oh, did you live here before?"

Shaking my head, I gave her the quick rundown of my life. "No. I'm grew up in Washington state bouncing between Seattle and a little town called Forks and then moved to the Chicago area when I started college. I had family here though growing up - my grandparents. Visiting them was part of our yearly family vacation. I've loved the area since I can remember."

"That's wonderful!" she exclaimed, genuine excitement lacing her words. "What brought you back here?" I felt my body tense as flashes of memories played through my mind for the simple, innocent comment. Mrs. Cope must have seen the hesitation settling into my bones. Trying to fix her words, she quickly amended, "If I may ask, of course."

I knew I had to give some sort of an answer. It wasn't as if she couldn't figure it out if she looked hard enough into my background records. "Chicago was just getting a bit too big for Carlie, my daughter, and I. It was time for a change of scenery and a bigger backyard." I fought to maintain eye contact, feeling smaller with each little piece of my past being revealed. I was still coming to terms with the newness of everything now, that going back in my mind was a bit hard to deal with at times.

"I guess I also wanted to be closer to the family that lives here now." The last part was wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the full truth either. Yes, I had needed to leave. There was no longer a choice between the rose tinted glasses of my life with James and getting Carlie as far away from that man as possible. Alice and Jasper were the only reason I came to Minnesota though. I could have just picked up and driven anywhere, but I had needed my sister that night.

"It's good to have you here. Shall we get started?" she easily changed the topic, for which I was more than grateful.

Sitting here with Mrs. Cope was more like a conversation than the interview I was expecting. To be honest, this was the first time I was sitting down, being interviewed, for a job that I am actually qualified for. Before Carlie was born, I had an amazing opportunity to interview for the assistant director of the Newberry Library in Chicago, but James stopped me. I can't even remember how or why now, but he stopped me, then we had Carlie and I holed myself up in the dusty and rickety bookcases of Novella without so much as a second look back - until now.

The questions were simple. How did you get into Library Science? Do you see yourself fitting in here? What kind of experience have you had? Everything I had easily expected and prepared for.

After a long list of questions, Mrs. Cope set her glasses on her desk and looked at me, hands folded on her desk. "Bella, I'll be frank. Normally this is the point in the conversation where I'd thank you for your time and I say, 'I will be in touch shortly' while I busy myself with administrative business. However, I have no other promising applicants and school starts in a matter of weeks, no longer months." I'm sure I probably paled at that. Her wording made it sound like I was a last resort, which just didn't sit well with me. I was becoming steadily afraid that this whole affair was all for nothing.

"Please don't mistake that as a bad thing," she spoke quickly. "You are more than qualified for the position and have set the bar high in my opinion if there were more interviewees. More importantly though, you have a personality that shows a love of books and a love of children - the two most important qualities I am looking for.

"Most wouldn't think an elementary school librarian would need a certain background and personality, but you're the bridge between hundreds of children that walk through the doors to that library and the words of the past and present. You are their starting point to love words and literature in a world that is progressively letting the English language and writing as an art fall to the wayside. I am honored to offer you the position if you would like it."

Relief flooded through me as she said the words I had desperately been hoping to hear. My response was out of my mouth before I had even put much thought into it. "Thank you. Yes. Yes, of course I accept."

"Great! I am happy to say, welcome to Woodbury Elementary Miss Swan," she said with a genuine, beaming smile and extending her hand across the desk, which I readily grasped. "You can start familiarizing yourself with the library and moving yourself into your office starting next week if you would like. I would also like to set up a time next week to fill out your new hire paperwork."

She started rifling through some of the papers on her desk before suddenly looking up mid paper turn before setting it all back down. "I remember you mentioned a daughter. May I ask how old she is?"

"Yes, Carlie. She just turned five in June. I just turned her paperwork in last week for kindergarten actually. I'm hoping it goes through in time to have her kindergarten screening finished here." I watched as Mrs. Cope jotted down a few more things on the notepad in front of her that she had used during our talk.

"Don't worry about a thing. I'll make sure her paperwork is looked at and we'll get you all set up as soon as possible with Ms. Sorley. She's the woman in charge of all kinder screenings and will give you a call as soon as she has things squared away."

Once again, relief flooded all the way through me. Sweet, sweet relief. "Thank you so much," I breathed out, hoping the extent of my gratitude was conveyed in my voice.

With another warm, motherly smile, she finished, "It's my pleasure. I want to thank you for taking the time to come in today." Sensing the interview was over I nodded and moved to stand before starting to work my way towards the door. "Oh, and Bella," she started, stopping my movement, "I'm sure you will be a great addition here. Be ready for an exciting year."

"I am. Thank you again." With that, I bowed gracefully out the door to the freedom of my future. This was a start; a single step in the direction of starting over for Carlie and I.

**~.~**

Sliding into the comfort of my car, I let my mind wander as I turned the key, starting the engine but choosing to idle in the near-empty lot for a moment. My life since Edward made his appearance had been nothing short of a learning experience already. The first day, seeing him in that classroom, hands gracefully moving over piano keys as he was lost to the magic of the sound, made my stomach do things it hadn't in a very long time. Then watching him at the park playing with Elise and the love that was evident in every action and every smile for that little girl with brown pigtails, made me realize there was something more to him than a beautiful face and musician hands. The way he took Carlie under his care, treating her and loving her as his own gave me the tiniest glimmer of hope that someone else out there could love my daughter as much as I do and want a life for her that held every ounce of innocence that she deserved.

Yet, it was our date that had been a real turning point of sorts. It made me realize that there are still good things out there and moments to hold onto that don't revolve solely around Carlie. Not to say that those moments of watching her grow and smile and the long list of monumental successes I've been lucky enough to witness in her young life already don't captivate me and remind me that she is my past, present and future.

It's just, Edward drew me into his world of warmth and comfort and laughter at a time when I wanted nothing more than to shrink away from humanity and only stay functioning because I couldn't give up on my little girl - she needed a mother and I would push through the days to be just that. In our brief time, he showed me how to lower, if just a little, that gate that I've locked so tightly around my life in order to see the shine of something better outside of my own, closed off world. He has given me a glimpse into knowing that the whole world isn't out to get you.

I have my reservations. I have my walls. I have my memories of the last few years locked so tightly and deeply in myself that I feel them settling in my bones and my chest, making it hard to move or simply breathe some days. Part of me doubts that I'll ever be able to let those go because I feel it so tightly entwined in myself, but there's hope. There's hope that, if nothing else, there is another person who is willing to hold my hand and walk with me as I try to figure out where I'm meant to go from here. Nothing more and nothing less. Someone else willing to just exist by me.

Shaking my head, I finally pulled out of the lot and began the slow trek towards Edward's house, directions closed tightly in my hands. I knew the general area, but this was the first time actually going there. I knew I'd probably be calling him shortly for specific directions, and to just hear his voice if I were being honest.

Today was Carlie's second piano lesson with Edward, which had moved from Wednesdays to Thursdays, and he had offered to take her back to his place after if was over since the rest of his lessons had cancelled for the afternoon. Of course I had no problem with it. We had tried to keep the girls together whenever possible the last few days because they just seem to fit that way, and they honestly didn't want it any different. I also know that I loved seeing Carlie's carefree nature back in full force. I didn't know Elise's story either, but I could guess enough to know that both little girls deserved a proper childhood.

Elise had come over both Monday and Tuesday to spend the day as just us girls. We baked and played and went to the park, where I chased the girls around and around until I couldn't run anymore. Then we played with Elli and gave her a bath outside. I let them run through the sprinkler when we finished and fell in love with Elise more and more with every giggle and smile she and Carlie shared. Being with the two of them felt...right.

Edward had also already gotten into a habit of texting short and usually completely random messages throughout the day when he had a lull between lessons. It didn't matter if it was just a simple hi or a story he had about one of his students, that tiny envelope never failed to carry butterflies. It was just enough to know I was someone special enough to him to warrant the extra thought.

I was starting to get into an unfamiliar part of town, so I decided now was as good of time as any to call Edward. I knew I could probably find my way, but I gladly accepted my excuse to call him now. Turning on my bluetooth ear piece and dialing the number, I didn't even know I was holding my breath until he answered.

"Where are you?"

I couldn't help but laugh at the urgency and insistence in his voice. "Don't worry. I'm on my way, but you have to direct me from where I'm at," I said, tossing the directions into the passenger seat and waiting on his voice to lead my way.

Not much longer with his help and I was pulling onto his road. I definitely could have found the way myself, but it was more fun this way. Scanning the mailboxes, I finally spotted 'Cullen' in black letters against a little wooden box and took the turn, letting my heart start beating a rapid rhythm to match the butterflies attacking my belly. I knew I shouldn't be nervous - it was only Edward - but I had never been to his house before. This felt like one of those big steps that I was both excitedly wanting and yet terrified to take. Not that I had much choice though. My little girl was on the other side of the door of the house up ahead.

The house was...impressive, and definitely not something you'd assume a public school teacher could afford. The wood siding and forest green trim were perfect and seemed at place amongst the trees surrounding the property. The front porch took up the entire length of the front with a section stepped lower and housing an abundance of plants and a covered porch swing. The whole building was huge and at least two-stories and I was suddenly intimidated by it.

The feeling was short-lived when I noticed Edward standing in the doorway with a smile I doubt I'll ever tire of. That look was enough to beat the butterflies down and cut the engine. I moved out of my car and up the stairs of the porch faster than I ever thought possible, bringing myself to the man waiting for me. I smiled back and he opened the screen door, ushering me in without a second though.

"Hey," Edward breathed into my hair, wrapping his arms tightly around me, "stay for dinner, yeah?"

This was us. In the few short days since since our first 'date', we've already fallen into a rhythm of sorts, pushing past some of those boundaries that we thought we had needed. The simple touches continued - brief holding of hands and the comfort of hugs - almost as if we needed the contact to reassure ourselves of the moment. We still held off most of our already minimal contact in front of the girls. This was still just about as new for us as it was our day at the fair. We hadn't labeled ourselves. We hadn't had the conversation of what we were or where we were going. We were just taking this day by day and letting things fall as they will. I knew I had my issues and I was gaining more insight to the fact that Edward had his own as well, and there would be no way to make this into something more without delving into that mess. There was a part of me that was honestly afraid to get that far. Yet, somehow, I kept dragging my feet forward, the pull towards a man and his little girl too strong to run away from.

"I thought it was my turn," I tried to protest, sticking my bottom lip out for effect even though he couldn't see it with my face buried into his shirt. I knew even the minimal effort I was putting in to protesting his request was futile; I knew deep-down I'd end up giving in. Edward was slowly taking my walls down brick by brick and that both thrilled and completely terrified me.

"But you're already here."

It's true, I was. I was here and happily content right where I was standing. "Fine," I conceded, pressing my face farther into the gentle dips of Edward's chest. I loved his scent. It was musky and sweet and earthy. It grounded me and reminded me this wasn't a dream. "Dinner at my place tomorrow though."

"Deal," his voice a deep mumbled mess in my hair. I pulled away first, the comfort of Edward's hold seeming so familiar that it scared me at times the way it worked itself so deeply into me. His arms relaxed around me and let go with a slight reluctance.

"So what's for dinner?"

With that smile that could end me, he answered, "Come with me and I'll show you," linking his pinkie with my own and pulling me forward as he talked. "On second thought," he paused looking back a me, "the girls are playing outside and you've never seen my house. It's not much, but would you like a tour?" His last words were punctuated with a shrug and a childlike glint in his eyes. There was no way I could say no to that.

"Lead that way," I said, curling my single finger just a little bit tighter around his.

"Well, as you could probably already guess, this is the living room," his free hand motioning to the open area around us. I actually looked at it for the first time since closing the door. Up until now, my focus had otherwise been occupied by a tall man with broad shoulders and a deep voice. Not that I was complaining. It was a pretty good view.

The room was blanketed by warm brown walls and overstuffed chairs in a deep red. Everything in it gave an overwhelming sense of comfort and home, from the pillows to the entertainment center to the books scattered over the coffee table to the few toys staked in the corner. It was...lived in. I noticed a few pictures lining the shelves of the entertainment center between the DVD cases and miscellaneous knick-knacks. Wanting a closer look, but not willing to give up even the slight hold of Edward's hand, I pulled him forward with me.

My free hand moved on it's own accord to trace the faces of the first picture I came to. It was Edward with a baby, a few months old - if even - and wrapped in pink, that I could only assume was Elise. She was a beautiful baby that had certainly turned into a beautiful little girl. Yet, what caught my attention the most was the look on Edward's face. He wasn't even looking at the camera; all of his attention was captured by the little girl held tightly in his arms. Every emotion was evident in his profile though: the dark circles of exhaustion and the parental fear that never really goes away overshadowing his normally bright eyes, the bend in his back as if he were trying to shelter the little thing from the troubles and the hurt of the outside world, and above all, the smile on his face was one of wonder, as if it were his first time laying his eyes on the little girl that had already captured his soul.

Edward released my pinkie the longer I stared at the picture, unable to take my eyes off the simple moment in time, replacing his touch with his entire palm engulfing my little hand. I turned my head to find Edward watching me closely. I wanted to say something. I wanted to ask about the moment this picture was taken, but I didn't. Instead, I squeezed his fingers gently, looked one last time at the beautiful image and took a step to the right, towards the next picture frame.

We kept moving down the line of his entertainment center, me looking at each picture and seeing little pieces of Edward I didn't yet know and him watching me intently with each one. Most of the pictures were of Elise at all stages of young age. There was one of her as a baby with a tuft of brown hair pulled up with a bow, lying on her back under a play-gym having the time of her little life. There was another one of her sitting on Edward's lap and blowing out the three candles on a brightly colored princess cake, complete with tiaras on both her and Edward's head. I laughed at that one. Edward in a tiara was an intensely comical sight, but so completely endearing as well.

There was another picture with the woman from the photo on his desk - Rose if I remember right. She was still incredibly gorgeous, seeing her again, and I couldn't help but wonder how they weren't together. Being completely honest, they would have made a beautiful couple, but I was more than grateful that they weren't.

The very last frame held a family picture, but obviously taken years ago when Edward was probably in his early-to-mid teens. Esme was there looking just the same as now. That woman must never age. Next to her was a tall man with blond hair cut short and the most striking smile that had to even rival Edward's. For every bit of Esme I saw in Edward, this man, assumingly his father, passed along a good set of genes as well. I saw the same broad shoulders, angled features and strong presence in that man that I saw in Edward everyday. "Your father?" I asked, taking my eyes off the picture to look at him.

"Yeah. Carlisle. He was working the Sunday when we dropped the girls off."

I nodded remembering Esme's comment about that and motioned to the picture again. "And that's your..." I started, not wanting to assume anything.

"Brother. That's Emmett. He's this huge, intimidating presence, but a great guy under it all. He's the one actually married to Rose." And he was. He was a hulking boy even in the picture, but with dimples and a giant smile that seemed eerily familiar.

"You all look so happy," I mumbled offhandedly. Edward simply nodded, watching me with his typical soft smile. The moment felt heavy, but not necessarily in a bad way. It was just a lot of new information and insight into his life that I was trying to catalogue away. "Show me the rest of the house?"

With a gentle, almost reassuring squeeze of my fingers, Edward was leading me from the living room. "Of course." We wandered slowly through the other rooms, Edward showing me the office, Elise's room, his bedroom, the door to the back patio where the girls were playing in the afternoon light, down to the simple things like the bathroom and linen closets. He was letting me into his home - into those little areas of his world I couldn't piece together on my own - and the feeling was so surreal.

Passing back down the hallway, our last stop was the kitchen. I think I may just have fallen in love with that room as Edward led me through the arch, going so far as to stop in my tracks, tugging his hand to stop. This was how I wanted my kitchen to be. To me, it was an area that was special to just Carlie and I where we had always spent hours together as just us girls, and I wanted it to feel special and safe. Edward's kitchen was just that. It was warm reds and rich woods and more counter space than I had ever imagined. He had a double oven that I could literally drool over.

Edward turned around, looking at me with concern. "Bella, what's wrong?"

"This...this is beautiful, Edward."

"The kitchen?" I nodded, still looking around in awe. My euphoria was short-lived as Edward's deep laugh and squeeze of my hand drew my attention back. "You scared me over my kitchen? I thought...hell, I don't even know what I thought, but it wasn't that."

His laugh was musical, warm and one that I couldn't help but follow, especially after realizing that I probably made a bigger deal out of a silly room than I should have. "I'm so sorry," I said, laughing until tears stung at my eyes. "I didn't mean to freak you out. It's just...this is like my dream kitchen."

"Really?"

"Seriously." I moved a few steps actually into the room, bringing my body almost flush with Edward's as my breath evened back out. He wrapped his free arm around my shoulders and pulled me the rest of the way into his chest. Being right there was a comfort that I had never really known and it was pretty much perfect.

"You are free to use it whenever then," he said, eyes shining, before kissing my forehead as he has taken to doing. I'm starting to think that being kissed there - the sweetness and innocence of the action - is fast becoming the moments I looked forward to the most with Edward. I leaned a bit further into his hold, just savoring the feeling of being in his arms.

The screen door slammed down the hallway and Edward and I reluctantly pushed ourselves apart, dropping our hands with one last squeeze and moving farther into the kitchen. The sound could only mean the girls were inside and, as always, we weren't ready to figure out what 'we' and 'all of us' meant.

"Daddy," Elise's voice rang down the hall. Within moments, both her and Carlie were rounding the corner into the kitchen. "Daddy, when is dinner?"

"Oh, I don't know. When are you starting it beanie?" he teased, picking her small body up and setting her atop the counter with a soft plop. He turned towards Carlie with the same glint in his eyes and broad smile on his face before picking her up and doing the same, plopping my little girl next to Elise. "And what about you? Are you helping Elise make dinner?" Watching the three of them together was amazing. The way the girls looked at Edward was with nothing more than admiration and awe. He had their attention with little effort. Edward was the same. The way he looked and interacted with the girls together was almost magical. The fact that he looked at my baby girl with the same eyes and loving smile that he gave Elise melted me. It melted me completely.

There came an echo of little of giggles from the girls and a few disbelieving 'daddys' and 'Mr. Cullens'. "Okay, okay," he relented and kissed Elise on top of the head. "How about we start tacos soon? Sound good?"

"Yes!" came Elise's bright voice.

"Momma, we're having tacos!" Carlie looked at me for the first time since coming into the kitchen. Her eyes were the brightest green and shined right along with her smile.

"Yeah, I heard that baby," I said, coming up next to her and kissing her little forehead.

"We haven't had tacos in forever!"

"That's because daddy didn't like them. It was a special treat for just you and mommy."

"But we get them now with Mr. Cullen! Mr. Cullen likes them." Her excitement was evident, even over such a simple thing as the dinner menu. Elise was nodding just as excitedly beside her.

Edward chimed in before I could, ruffling her windblown curls. "Yes I do, Carlie. Do you girls want to help make them?" As if he even needed to ask. Both girls nodded enthusiastically, bouncing up and down in there spots. "Bella, can you grab the stuff out of the fridge. You'll find everything we need," he said, looking at me with that little half-smile that I loved. "I'll get the girls hands washed up."

I nodded and soon we were all busy getting started. We set Carlie and Elise up on stools at the center island tearing up lettuce and separating out the taco shells. Edward was working on browning the meat and I was standing beside him, chopping miscellaneous veggies for our meal. The girls were busy chatting and giggling over their task, so I took a chance to look at Edward as I paused my knife only to find him watching me. "You're great with them," I said, motioning my head toward our daughters.

"I've had lots of practice. Rooms full of elementary school kids year after year will do that," he laughed out with an evident wink. "What's your excuse?" A sly smile played on his lips as he bumped his hips into my own, making me laugh right alongside him.

"Mother's intuition," I said, tapping my temple with one hand and smiling widely, moving my body almost instinctively into Edward's. I fit there, right into his side. The sensation was crazy and new and completely scary - and I think I pretty much loved it.

A fit of giggles from behind shot us apart. Both Edward and I turned around quickly to see both girls watching us with big smiles and mischievous eyes. "Are you girls done?"

"Yes Daddy," Elise chimed in.

Carlie followed shortly after with a 'yup' and a quick shake of her head, bouncing her hair all about. "Great work! Elise, can you show Carlie where the silverware is and set the table while Bella and I finish this stuff?" Elise shook her head just as Carlie had done moments before and jumped off the stool with a gentle grace. Carlie followed just after, but in a much more noisy and clumsy fashion. She was just like me.

Edward and I finished up the rest of the ingredients and the four of us were soon spread around the table, hands and mouths occupied with our food. We talked and we laughed and we simply just were. I took a moment to just lean back in my chair and soak it all in. This...this right here was what family should be like. It shouldn't be the dinners Carlie and I had back in Chicago with James that consisted of forced talk and more noise from the silverware than our voices. Dinner with family should be these laughs and these smiles and these moments of making the simple memories in life of the little things. Looking over to Edward, I caught his eyes and smiled in silent thanks for everything.

All too soon dinner was over, dishes were put into the dishwasher, and Edward and I were shuffling the girls into the living room for a movie. "It's not too late, is it?" he asked, leaning in close to my ear with his fingers twisting themselves into the back of my shirt.

"Nope." Honestly, even if it was late, I don't know if I'd be able to say no to him. Carlie loved being around Elise and Edward and, so did I. There was no doubt about it that he and his little girl worked themselves into the little safe world I had created for Carlie and I.

"Good," he finished, snaking his hand around to my hip, grazing bare flesh where my shirt had ridden up, and pulling me into him, if only for a moment.

When we got into the living room, Carlie and Elise were huddled around the DVD rack, talking a mile a minute and pointing here and there. "Elise, why don't you let Carlie pick out the movie." The 'Daddy' tone was there in Edward's voice and Elise acknowledge him immediately with a sheepish smile that only a child can successfully manage. Carlie stood there studying the sides and pulling out the cases to look at the pictures on the front while tapping at her chin as she always did when she was thinking. I have no idea where she picked up the habit, but I loved it.

After much deliberation, she grabbed a case and brought it over to Edward. "This one please." The smile on Edward's face when he saw the DVD in her little hands was one that I will never forget and one that I always want to see. It stretched across his face in the most brilliant fashion, lighting up his already vibrant eyes.

"Do you like Beauty and the Beast too?" he asked in almost awe of Carlie's choice. She nodded her head and smiled brightly up at him before climbing onto the sofa next to me. "It's...it's mine and Elise's favorite." His voice is soft as he looks down at his girl already tucked next to him. "Now we can share it with you." With those last words, his eyes moved up to meet mine and I saw a lifetime fly by in his gaze. There were memories and hope and something else that I couldn't simply pinpoint staring back. A few beats longer, Edward shook his head slightly and moved to put the movie in.

Once the movie was in and started, he made his way back to the sofa and sunk into the corner, Elise immediately snuggling herself back into his side and Edward gently holding her there. We were all sitting on the plush sofa, Edward and I taking up each end with the girls' little bodies sharing the middle cushion. Carlie curled her legs up to her chest and laid her head in my lap as she had done since she was little. This was always her comfort - her head in my lap and my fingers moving through the silky curls of her hair. My hand, resting against the armrest, moved on instinct and started running through the strands, letting it fall like water through the spaces between my fingers. It was as much my comfort as hers. It reminded me she was still my little girl.

The movie went on. Belle sang, the Beast stomped around angry as ever and the girls fell asleep even before Belle and Beast played in the snow. Carlie was still curled up against my lap, her head rolling against my leg in sleep. Elise's body was still curled into Edward's side just as she had started out. "Hey," Edward whispered causing me to look up, rolling my head to rest my cheek against the sofa back. He was smiling a half-smile as always and watching me closely. "Thanks."

"For what?" My confusion evident in my voice.

Moving his arm towards me and gently laying it, palm up over Carlie's body, he continued, "For being here. For wanting to stay." I looked down at the fingers, so long and lean, and took them in my free hand without a second thought. That one connection made this real and it made it about as perfect as it could be. My palm against his with our fingers entwined felt right and I knew I didn't want to let go. Edward was fixing the broken pieces and picking up my life in ways that I couldn't do myself. "Where else would I be?"

Edward and I didn't say anything after that. We just stayed watching each other and smiling like fools as he ran his thumb over my knuckles in a calming rhythm. Sitting right there, we silently crossed a point. With his hand in mine and his green eyes locked to my brown, we became more than just Bella and Edward. We became an 'us' in the world of little girls and Disney movies. I didn't want to look away from the beautiful man that had invited me into his life and had found a love for my baby that even her own father hadn't carried. Too soon my eyes were fighting against me, my eyelids sliding shut faster than I wanted. I wanted this moment to last. I wanted to stay awake and not miss a moment with Edward. Yet, the warmth and comfort and safety of simply being with him, pulled my body and mind into sleep.

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**A/N:** Same drill as always...the song is up on my profile if you are curious. Thanks for reading :) I love you all!


	11. Stella del Mattino

**A/N:** Thanks again to everyone that alerted/favorited/reviewed. Every email means the world :)

Thanks as always to the lovelies: **Juliegirl18** (beta extraordinaire, along with the many other hats she wears), **AnotherJen** (my own personal cheerleader) and **twistedcoincidence** (holder of my sanity over the little details). Also, thanks to those of you who clued me in to the continuity issue. I appreciate it and have fixed it.

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_**Edward**_  
The movie had been over for some time now, the DVD menu playing soft music and dancing pictures across the television screen, but I couldn't find it in myself to get up. I had Elise cradled against my side snoring slightly through little whispered breaths. Carlie was draped over Bella's lap, her mouth slightly hanging open in sleep as my hand rested against the little girl's tiny back. Bella was curled into the corner of the couch to accommodate her daughter's body against her own, a small smile playing on her lips even as she slept too. Above all, it was Bella's hand in mine, our arms covering both our girls that I didn't want to move from.

This is how life is supposed to be and this is what I've missed out on so far. Life and family was supposed to be about the moments where you couldn't imagine yourself anywhere else but where you are. Elise has missed out on having a close family of her own, spending the last five years only able to look up to Esme and Rosalie for guidance and trying to survive with me playing both Mother and Father. Hell, I've missed out, having someone there to share the little joys and accomplishments in life with. I refused to jump ahead of where we all were going as a unit, but I did know that I loved where we were right now - Bella and I bridging ourselves around our girls with something so simple as holding her hand.  
So I stayed there, listening to the sounds of my three girls sleeping and feeling more content with my life in that moment than I had in years. A quick glance at the wall clock brought my reality crashing down when I realized just how late it had gotten. With a final brush of my thumb over Bella's knuckles, I slipped my hand from her loose hold, moving to lay Elise gently down on the cushion as I got up. I moved quietly the few steps to Bella's side of the sofa, squatting down just as I had the night after our date. So much of this moment was similar to that night. All three girls were asleep and I could watch over them as I already found I loved to do. Yet it was so unbelievably different.

Things had changed tonight in the silence filled with only soft touches and gazes that wouldn't part from one another.

"Bella," I whispered, so soft as to not wake Carlie in her lap, that I wasn't sure if Bella would ever be able to hear me. "Bella." My fingers moved over her cheek, relishing in the sweet contact of her skin, but my ministrations only had her snuggling her opposite cheek more into the sofa back. Nothing I was trying was working. No matter how many times I whispered her name and no matter how I ran my finger over her skin or through her hair, she wouldn't open her eyes.

Finally, I gently picked up the hand I had held onto earlier, which was resting where I left it over Carlie's back, running my finger over her palm and tracing the sweeping curve of her life line. I repeated the action over and over, mesmerized by the delicate line imprinted into her flesh until her fingers slowly curled, capturing mine within her palm. Looking up, Bella was watching me with a tired, yet completely beautiful smile. "Hey," I whispered, moving to stand as my knees cracked slightly with the change in position. Before I thought much of it, my body was leaning over hers and my lips were pressed lightly to her forehead. This was as far as I had pushed Bella so far. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to feel her lips pressed to my own, but she just seemed so...fragile under her smile and sweet laugh.

"I seem to always fall asleep on you, don't I?" she mumbled quietly causing me to part with her forehead to hold in a chuckle of my own. Bella _almost_ sounded mad at herself.

I shrugged my shoulders slightly and whispered back, my voice sounding deeper than usual, "I don't mind. I like watching you sleep," before pressing my lips quickly to her temple this time. She just looked at me like I was bordering on crazy, which maybe I was. Yet, I couldn't care. Bella made me want to do and say things that I hadn't in so very long, and maybe never had.

"What time is it?"

"Late," I replied. "A bit after midnight."

Bella groaned, wrinkling up her nose before rubbing her free hand over her face. "I should probably get home." I nodded in return because it's all I can think to do, before working my hand from hers and bending down to scoop Carlie up into my arms, moving her over to the recliner so Bella could get up from the sofa. As soon as I laid Carlie back down, I turned in time to see Bella falter on her feet, body lunging forward. I reached out hoping to catch her, and pulling her tight to my chest when my arms wrapped around her. I pulled back enough to search her face, only to find a look of shock from the speed of her movements and deep, tired circles under her eyes.

"Bella, you're exhausted," I chastised a bit louder than I should have with the girls still sleeping, before dropping my voice back down. "I can't let you drive home like this. I'm not sure you'd make it." That last thought ripped at me. At this point, I couldn't fathom Bella and Carlie not being around. That...that just couldn't happen.

She just shook her head and moved her hands to press against my chest. "I'll be fine Edward. I was just dizzy. Probably stood up too quickly is all."

"No. You're exhausted. I can see it in your eyes. You can barely keep them open standing here," I shot back in a harsh and forceful whisper, realizing immediately my tone was wrong. Bella visibly flinched and turned her face anywhere but at me, using her hands to push slightly against their place on my chest. Even though I was frustrated with Bella for not hearing my words, that ever-underlying notion to tread lightly was screaming at me. "Hey, I didn't mean to sound angry. I just...you _are_ tired Bella. Anyone could see that," my voice softer, but pausing to bring my hand up to draw her face back and to trace the deep circle under her left eye,"and I don't feel safe about letting you drive home this late. Let me take you," I finished, letting my lips find her forehead as always in a silent plea.

She let out a slow and shaky breath against my neck. "Edward, that's too much to ask. I'll be fine."

"Then stay here." The words were out of my mouth before I could process their meaning.

"What?" The shock of my statement clearly evident in Bella's voice as she pulled herself back enough to stare openly at me.

"I know I don't have the guest room put together right now, but you and Carlie could take my bed unless you think she'd want to bunk with Elise," I answered, my mouth just letting the words tumble out," and I'd take the couch."

"I couldn't ask you to do that."

"Bella, you don't have to. I'm offering. I'd sleep on the floor as long as I knew you were safe," was my honest reply. I saw her open her mouth to protest more, but I didn't want to hear it. She belonged here one way or another. "Just...please. Please stay here."  
I watched the battle raging through her features. I knew Bella enough to know she valued her independence and strength to do things for herself and Carlie on her own. She had the hardest time asking for help, even in the most trivial of manners. So her answer honestly surprised me. "Okay."

"Okay?" I had to ask, just to make sure.

Finally, that smile was back - the one that was small and coy, but so incredibly beautiful - as she looked at me, nodding her head slightly. "Yeah. I'll stay."

I'm not quite sure if I could name all of the feelings that coursed through my body at her words, but there was no doubt that I was, above all, relieved. My arms held her tightly to my chest again, hugging her for all I was worth. "Thank you." Those two words were the best I could come up with, but I meant them.

I finally released Bella, running my hands down her arms until I scooped up both her hands in my own, giving them a quick yet gentle squeeze. "Let me just go put Elise in bed and I'll get you both set up in my room. Do you want me to grab an extra pair of pajamas for Carlie?"

"Please," she responded, still smiling. Bella could move the world with that single feature.

"I'll be right back." I turned towards the couch, but before I could let go of her hands, Bella was pulling me back. I almost asked what was wrong, but before the words left my mouth, she pulled my hands gently down at the same time as she rose onto her toes, kissing the corner of my mouth.

She kissed me.

Bella finally kissed me, even if it was just shy from where I really wanted to feel her lips. Up until this moment, it was always me pushing gently at her boundaries and walls. But Bella kissed me. I was still repeating that thought over and over in my mind when I heard her voice say, "We'll still be here."

I'm pretty sure I nodded before the connection of our hands disappeared. I moved towards the couch and slid my arms around Elise until she was cradled gently in my arms, walking down the hall to her room. I laid her down on her bed and started the painstaking process of changing her into pajamas without waking her up. It was slow going, but I managed and finally tucked her in under the covers, pressing Roo, her favorite stuffed puppy, into her arms. She never slept without that thing. "Night baby," I whispered into the silence of her room, tucking her hair behind her ear and placing a quick kiss to her cheek.

I was almost out the door, ready to get back to the living room to make sure Bella kept her promise to stay, before remembering the pajamas I had wanted to grab for Carlie. Easing open the dresser drawer, I pulled out a pair and turned one last time to look at Elise. I loved watching her sleep. She was so at peace with the world in these moments, almost always sleeping with a soft smile on her face and arms snuggling her stuffed animal tight. I snuck over to the corner of her room towards the pile of other stuffed animals she had accumulated over the years, picking up a well-loved teddy bear for Carlie before walking quietly from the room.

Back in the living room, I breathed out an evident sigh at the sight of Bella holding Carlie in her arms. She was staying and, for that, I would be forever grateful. "Hey," I called quietly as I came up next to Bella. "Are you ready?" She simply nodded, stifling a yawn with the hand not cradled under Carlie's legs.

The walk to my room was short and quiet. I kept my arm wrapped around Bella's back, my fingers curling softly over the gentle curve of her hip, to both make sure she stayed upright and for my own selfish benefit of contact. My fingers were quickly coming to love that spot and the reactions they elicited from Bella. Whenever they rested there, drumming or rolling or twisting in the hem of her shirt, she would rest more of her body into mine, eliminating as much space as she could from between our bodies, seemingly without thought. It was...nice.

I turned the corner into my doorway, leading both girls in and setting the extra pair of pajamas down at the foot of the bed. Bella laid Carlie down on top of the comforter, brushing the curls from the little girl's eyes before stretching out her arms. She turned her head to look back at me, her body sinking backwards into mine. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold her there, letting my arms offer whatever safety she needed to find. So I did just that, resting my chin on her shoulder and bringing my arms around her stomach and only remembering that something was enclosed in my hand when I couldn't splay my fingers over her side. I had to chuckle at myself for completely forgetting that I was even holding anything.

"Oscar," I said softly, lifting up the tan teddy bear in my hands so that Bella could see it, "wanted to come out and keep Carlie company tonight."

"What about me?" she asked, the tired smile evidence of her exhaustion as she took the bear from me. "Who's going to keep me company?"

I wanted to drop to my knees right there and tell her I would, but I didn't. Instead, I took Oscar from her hands and set him on the bed next to Carlie before spinning Bella in my arms until her chest was flush with mine. I dropped my head to whisper into her ear, playful and teasing in tone. "I think the bed may be a bit crowded, but I'll keep you company for as long as you want me," I finished, my words ending on a serious note that I hoped beyond all hope that Bella understood the double meaning. I'd stay with her tonight as long as she wanted, and I could scarcely imagine myself going through the days without her in them with me.

She didn't say anything and I couldn't decide if that was a bad or good thing. Bella's eyes just watched me, as if she were taking in every feature and flaw illuminated in the dusty light of the moon. My fingers were on her back, teasing the flesh where the hem of her shirt had ridden up. Bella moved her hand to trace the line of my jaw, brushing over the stubble that had grown in over the last day.

There was something different about this moment - some greater energy crackling in the openness of the room - and I wanted to kiss Bella more in that singular moment than I had so far. Something had changed specifically between us back in the living room and I could see that recognition etched into the slight creases at the corner of her eyes and the small part between her lips. With that knowledge, I bent down enough to press my lips softly, yet firmly to hers and finally relishing in the sensation.

For as innocent and short-lived as our first official kiss was, I couldn't imagine it any different with Bella. This was us - flawed and testing the waters, yet holding to the other as if they were our salvation. We were small steps and giant leaps, and we were chaste touches and passionate emotions. So much was said in such a simple action.

The feel of her lips alone sent my mind racing. They were plump and had the perfect slight curve that made me want to capture her bottom lip gently between my teeth. Yet, almost as soon as it began, I forced myself to pull away, resting my forehead against hers and breathing deeply, letting everything about Bella assault my senses.

Her hands pressing against my chest sent the nerves of my flesh pulsing from the heat her palms radiated through the fabric.

Her scent was unique and intoxicating, an unidentifiable mix of subtle sweetness and woman filling me entirely.

Her heart beat a fast rhythm, matching the cadence of my own beating against my ribs while her breath fought to even out, fanning over my chin and the already over-heated flesh of my neck.

Everything about this moment was so innocent and simple, and yet it sent my world spinning off its axis. If this was a preview of things to come, then I was most definitely a goner.

"That was..." she started, her words short and voice shaky. I didn't let her finish though, before pressing my lips against hers one more time because I had no reason not to.

"Would you like to borrow some clothes?" I asked, breaking the kiss again and hugging her tight in my arms.

"Uh...sure." Bella's voice was still shaking slightly as she finally looked up at me, the exhaustion even more evident in her features against the moonlight.

I squeezed her one more time before taking her hand instead, not ready to part with whatever contact I could get. Opening the middle drawer of the dresser, I pulled out a well-worn and admittedly my favorite old concert t-shirt. "You don't mind a few holes, do you?" I ask, holding it up for her. "I swear it's comfortable."

She laughed softly, bumping into my shoulder as she had the habit of doing and taking the shirt. "It's perfect."

Part of me was tempted to offer up a pair of boxers, but I'm sure that would have been solely for my own enjoyment. Above all, I wanted Bella to be comfortable. I'm sure staying over the first time she had ever even been to my house was enough to deal with without my not-so-innocent thoughts being known. So I settled for grabbing a pair of cut-off sweats instead and handed them over as well.

"Do you need anything else?" I asked, stepping around to face Bella again, who shook her head in return and encircled my waist with her arms. Neither of us spoke after that, simply just leaning into each other with my fingers twirling in Bella's hair and listening to the soft snores of Carlie. Time was irrelevant. We could have been there for minutes or longer, and I never would have been able to tell the difference. Time seemed to stop in moments like these - when Bella and I were simply together.

"Thank you Edward." Her voice was so quiet as she whispered against my chest that I feared I was making it up.

"For what?" My fingers paused their movement, a strand of her hair still wrapped around one.

Bella tilted her head until her chin was resting against my sternum and her eyes were wide and infinitely deep as they stared up into mine. "For everything," she whispered, raising up on her toes to place a kiss, so soft and sweet, on my lips.

"Always Bella."

With reluctance I let her go with one last hug that I was hoping spelled out all the feelings and emotions I couldn't put words to, pausing once to kiss my favorite spot on her forehead - just left of center, over the tiniest little freckle that most would never notice. I did though and I loved it.

"Goodnight," I said, moving to the doorway without taking my eyes off the beautiful woman holding my clothes in her arms and wearing a tired smile. "I'll be out there if you need anything."

Bella whispered out a 'goodnight' as I pulled my bedroom door over, giving her and Carlie privacy to change and sleep. I grabbed the extra pillow and blanket that I kept in the linen closest before making up my bed on the couch. Pulling off my over shirt and discarding it over the back of the recliner, I was left in a gray tee and my jeans, having forgotten to grab a pair of shorts for myself. It was too late now. So I settled into my makeshift bed and turned off the table lamp, letting the moonlight filter in through the blinds. Laying there, my mind was racing with thoughts of Bella and Carlie and Elise and the sense of...of family in a way I hadn't felt before. Everything about this was so new to me - the feelings so alien and yet right. My eyelids slid shut as I remembered the feel of Bella's hand held tight in my palm and her lips ghosting over my own.

What only felt like a few minutes later, I was waking up to a pair of bright green eyes framed by soft blonde curls. It's not the first time I've awoken to a small pair of eyes watching me. It's all part of being a parent, but I'm accustomed to dark brown. Carlie was sitting on the coffee table less than two feet from me, hair and clothes rumpled from sleep and watching me quietly while she chewed slowly on her finger. Realizing sleep was no longer in my future, I pushed myself up to sitting and called Carlie forward with my hands. She didn't even hesitate before launching herself onto my lap and into my arms.

"What are you doing up so early Carlie," I ask softly, once she's settled in. It still seemed too early in the morning to talk any louder.

"I wasn't tired anymore," she answered simply before continuing, "and when I woke up with Momma, I was confused because it was a different bed and a different room than hers or mine at home. So I came out here."

"Were you scared?" Carlie simply shook her head before laying it against my chest. It always surprised me how comfortable she was around me already. She was always ready to take my hand or let me pick her up just as easily as Elise. It was admittedly a nice feeling because there was no denying that the little girl I held in my arms in that moment had captured my heart.

We sat there for a long time just like that, not saying a word or moving too much. I ran my fingers through Carlie's hair as I always did with Elise when we she cuddled with me on the couch. The action just felt right with Carlie as well. She finally broke our silence when she asked, "Why'd we stay here last night?"

"You're Mum was really tired last night after the movie and I was afraid of her driving you both home, so I asked her to stay," I answered, looking down at Carlie's face and seeing every little bit of Bella in her features from the shape of her nose to the soft rose color that never seemed to completely leave her cheeks. "I wanted you both to be safe."

Her look was intense for a 5-year-old normal ball of energy. Yet Carlie watched my face intently, hers softening with each passing moment. "Thank you," she finally whispered out so low it was almost hard to hear, even in the silence of the room. I heard every word though.

"What for Carlie?"

"For caring about my Momma." Again she said the words so quiet, and yet so sure before hiding her face in the extra fabric of my shirt. I was honestly at a loss for words, so I did the only thing that felt natural. I hugged Carlie tight to my body, placing a gentle kiss on the top of her head, and just simply held her, hoping my actions spoke loud enough for her to hear. I was steadily coming to realize there was nothing I wouldn't do for this little girl and her Mum sleeping at the end of the hall.

After a while, I had almost thought Carlie had fallen back asleep. She had been so quiet and still as we sat there, holding on to each other, but her sweet voice pushed through the silence once again. "Why did you call Elise 'beanie' last night?" she mumbled into my shirt, her fingers moving to twist slightly in the folds.

"It's a nickname I call her sometimes. Just something special for us."

"What does it mean?"

"Well," I started, letting the memories come back, "nothing specific, but when Elise was a baby, everyone always told me that she was cute as a button. Have you ever heard that saying?" Carlie just shook her head slowly before I continued, "I've never understood it either. Buttons really aren't cute and it just never seemed to fit my little girl. But one day, 'beanie' just kind of slipped out when I looked at her and it stuck. It was something fun and different and special for my very special little girl."

"Oh," she replied, finally lifting her eyes back up towards mine. "I've never had a nickname. Momma just calls me baby, but that doesn't seem special."

My fingers moved through her hair on their own accord, I suppose trying to comfort the sadness in her words. "Of course it's special Carlie. You're her little girl and no matter how big or old you get, you always will be. You," I paused making a point to hold her just a little bit tighter, "are important and very special to your Mum. Got it?"

Her little head bobbed slowly up and down, her eyes watching me as if I held all the answers to her young life and she was just waiting for me to spill all its secrets. "And you're special to me, Dolce," I finished quietly as I brushed a stray curl from her face, smiling down at Carlie's wide eyes and bright smile of her own as the words sunk in.

"What does dohl-_chey_," she worked at sounding it out, "mean?"

Smiling down at her, I answered, "Sweet," before twisting a piece of her hair around my finger. "Especially in music. It means to play the prettiest you can play."

"Am I sweet and pretty then?"

"No. You're sweet and beautiful, not just pretty." I finished my words by pressing a kiss to the top of her head. I wanted to make sure she understood exactly what I meant and that her and I had a special little connection now that was all our own.

Not long after Carlie snuggled back down against my chest did Elise wander out into the living room as well. Just as I had with Carlie, I beckoned my daughter to my lap with my hands and a gentle smile. In a matter of a few quick skips across the carpet, Elise was curled on the opposite side of my lap and I was juggling the two most beautiful little girls that just so happened to be in my life. "How'd you sleep?" I asked, kissing Elise's forehead before she snuggled into my side, mirroring Carlie's actions.

"Good." That was that. No more talking. No questions from Elise of why Carlie was still here. No more anything besides two little girls playing with the fabric of my shirt, sharing soft giggles between themselves, and my hands moving in a slow rhythm up and down their arms. I could scarcely imagine this moment any more right or perfect.

Bella's light voice came from behind us a short time later. "How long have you all been up?" Bella asked, walking into the living room, her hair a mess and still dressed in my rumpled sweats and holey Boston tee. She looked absolutely stunning in the morning light filtering in through the windows. I'm glad the girls were there to start chattering away because I couldn't piece together enough thoughts to answer.

"Awhile," I was finally able to respond on my own before turning to the girls still sitting on my lap. "Why don't you go play for a bit and I'll get breakfast going, yeah?"

Without any coaxing, they jumped from my lap and headed straight for the small pile of toys and books in the corner of the room, lost in their own little world. I stood up, taking a moment to stretch my muscles that had gone stiff from the limited space of the coach. Pulling my shirt back down from where it had ridden up from my actions, I looked over at Bella only to find her eyes trained to where my hands still held to the hem. She only looked up after I started to move towards her, cocking my eyebrow and giving her a coy grin. The faintest blush colored her cheeks at realizing she had been caught, but then Bella surprised me as usual. Regardless of the pink tint to her cheeks, she simply shrugged her shoulders and shot back a bright smile of her own, while giving me a quick once-over with her eyes.

Instead of acknowledging her anymore than I already had, I simply brushed past Bella, my fingers reaching out to subtly grab the fabric of the t-shirt with a gentle tug, before walking down the short hall to the kitchen. Bella followed right behind as I hoped she would. Not sure that I would have another opportunity this morning, I pulled her into my arms and kissed her just as innocently as we had last night as soon as we had both cleared the archway, knowing there was no time to push things any further than last night. The moment was awkward in it's quickness and still stuck back in the middle school days of closed mouth kisses that felt like the world, but it was us and it worked.

"Sleep well?" I asked when we parted.

"Yeah," she nodded in a daze. "Really good actually."

My hands ran up and down her bare arms, relishing in the softness of her skin as I looked at her. It was moments like this that I could look at Bella and know she was almost too beautiful for words. Realizing the girls would probably be looking for breakfast soon, I trailed my hands down her arms once more, ending with a gentle squeeze to her fingers and a soft smile before letting go. "I'm going to take the girls some juice," I said opening the fridge and pulling out two small bottles of apple juice. "Would you like one?"

"Please."

I pulled out another two, handed her one and set another on the center island as I walked over to check on the girls. When I came back into the kitchen, I noticed Bella leaning her elbows against the counter, rubbing her thumbs over her temples. Coming up beside her, I let my hands rub slow circles over her lower back. "Hey. You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just a bit of a headache," she said, continuing to rub at her temples, but turning slightly towards me. Her eyes still looked so tired in that moment that I couldn't help but run my finger over the circles under her eyes. From there, I trailed my fingers across her cheek to push the long strands of hair behind her ear

"Do you want something for it. Aspirin? Ibuprofen?"

"No, I should be fine. Just need some food I think." Bella straightened up and smiled at me, looking like nothing could phase her. I saw through it though, down to the pain and exhaustion and whatever else she kept locked behind her eyes. "So what are we making for breakfast?"

**~.~**

The rest of the day flew by in a passing blur. Bella and Carlie had left right after breakfast, so Elise and I managed to get a few good hours in of Daddy/daughter bonding. I loved that she had been spending the last few days with Carlie and Bella. It was one of the most amazing sights to watch the three girls that had taken center stage in my life just simply being together. Bella was a natural mother, taking to Elise as if she were her own. Not that I expected any less, but anyone else could see it in the way she talked with her, played with her and even simply looked at my baby girl. Bella loved my daughter in a way I could have only ever hoped another woman would. God knows her own Mum couldn't. Not at least the way she should have.

Yet, part of me missed this; missed it being Elise and I simply because it had been just the two of us for so long. In the hours before heading over to Bella's for dinner for the first time, we laughed and sang and did all those silly things that I loved the most. I put on the CD that Rose had left for Elise to practice with and watched her twirl and jump and bend her little body in ways I couldn't ever imagine a body should go in time to the soft music. The most awe-inspiring moment of her whole little performance though, was the smile that never left her face as she danced. Elise lived for music, just as I did. Only, she expressed it in her own amazing way, feeling it in movement. I was just grateful that we had that common thread to always share.

After Elise was done, she begged me to play the piano for a bit. This had been our thing since she was old enough to sit up on her own. I used to set her up on the bench next to me and her eyes would get so big watching my fingers glide over the keys that they knew so well. When Elise was really young, she'd sway to the rhythm and clap her hands. As she got older, she started to hum along, often anticipating where the music would go. This was one of the reasons she was already so enchanting whenever she slipped on her ballet shoes. She felt where to move before the music even got there.

We filled our remaining time with miscellaneous things and all too soon, yet somehow not soon enough, we were buckled into the car and on our way to Bella's. Elise's attention was glued out the window as usual, waiting to read the license plates of passing cars, and giving me far too much time to think to myself. I knew the way to Bella's house already, having driven there several times for this or that. Yet, in all those times, I'd never actually been inside her house - I'd never seen that part of her life - and I was incredibly intrigued to see it.  
Before long, we were pulled up against the curb and Elise was out of the car and halfway up the sidewalk as soon as I worked the buckle free. I followed much the same, my feet pushing me forward faster than normal. But the two other people I wanted to see most in this world were inside that house and I would give anything to get to them. Bella was at the door within moments, letting Elise slide by to find Carlie with just a quick ruffle of her hair and looking at me with dancing eyes and a smile that could move mountains.

**~.~**

There's a lot you can tell about a person by their house and what's in it. Mine I suppose was rather clean and structured, but with a warmth and flow to the rooms and all the pieces, from the furniture to colors to the pictures lining shelves and walls. Both, I'd assume, fell back to my passion for music - it's established structure of the keys and time signatures and the exact finger combinations to create the desired note or chord that keep the piece grounded, and it's flow of rhythms and improvisations that give the piece a life of its own.

Bella's was an extension of herself much the same. The exterior was classic - aged, but only enough to tell a story of a life of growth and love. The interior followed suit - a mix of old and new, past and present. Despite the fact that many of the rooms were in various states of remodel, the sense of warmth and peace and home was everywhere. This house was Bella - it was changing and in need of minor repairs, but no less stunning.

**~.~**

After dinner, her and I took up residence in the back section of the porch while the girls and Ellie ran around the yard and played on the old mini playground. It was just the kind of sturdy thing that I had always wanted to build for Elise in our backyard, but just had never taken the time to do. From here, it looked like it just needed a new coat of paint and varnish, which sent my mind racing on all the little things I could do for Bella. I wanted to be able to do something for her for everything she has given me - to be able to just start piecing together these little bits of her world.

The night wore on and the girls laughed and played and ran around like nothing in this world could catch them. The gentleness and innocence of their laughs rang through air; the sweetest sound I think I could ever imagine. It was the the sound of faith and hope and trust in life that only the resilience of a child could hold to. I tried to make Elise's life easy, but I knew she missed out on things that she shouldn't have had to, and I knew enough about Carlie to know there is more to the bubbly little girl than what meets the eye. Yet, in that moment, they were simply children living life as only they should.

I took a chance to look over at Bella in the chair next to mine. The setting sun was playing off the soft planes of her face, giving her a radiant glow. The girls' laughs sounded out again as I reached my hand over and subtly hooked my pinky with hers, needing the contact to make sure that this perfect moment was real. That simple combination of children's laughter and the steady breath of a beautiful woman, the wind blowing through the trees and the soft sounds of summer could be the soundtrack to the rest of my life, giving me everything I would ever need. That sound was one of magic and music and second chances.


	12. Attesa

**A/N:** Internet fail kept this from being posted sooner. Now I'm crossing my fingers that FF isn't total fail either.

Thanks as always to **Juliegirl18** for beta-ing this mess and to everyone else that has given it a chance. Much love to each of you!

Read on and I'll catch you at the end.

* * *

**_Bella_**

"Girls," I called as I rounded a bookshelf following the high-pitched giggles of children, "remember inside voices. I know school isn't going right now, but sshhhh," I hushed, raising my finger to my lips for emphasis. Carlie and Elise were paused mid-movement, ready to pounce on the few beanbags I had piled in the middle of the library floor.

Elise straightened up first, the most adorably sheepish look on her face. "Sorry Miss Bella."

"Sorry Momma," Carlie said, mirroring Elise's words and actions, coming to stand beside her friend. If I ever thought my own daughter would be trouble, I was quickly coming to realize how much of a goner I would be when both girls team up.

"It's alright. Just settle down some please. The sooner I get my work done here, the sooner we all get out of here, got it?" I was answered with nods and Elise drawing her fingers across her lips in a silencing motion. "Good."

I took a moment to look around at the rows of shelves that barely went above my waist lined with rows upon rows of books.I had my work cut out for me over the next few days, making sure everything was catalogued and in the right spot before hundreds of little kids started filtering through the door, not to mention my lesson plans for library time for the different grade levels. This would be a long few days.

"Oh, and don't forget Carlie, you have your kinder screening later."

"Why do I have to do it again? I don't want to." Her lower lip was jutted out in a dramatic pout, matching the sad whine to her words. If I didn't have my wits about me, I'd think this was going to be a mildly traumatic experience for my little girl. However, I did know better, and knew enough of Carlie to know her reluctance was the loss of playtime and not fear.

"I know sweetie, but this is a new school and they want to see all those really amazing things you can do."

"But whyyyyyyy?" she asked, holding onto the word.

"Carlie," I started, squatting down in front of her and running my fingers through her hair, "they just want to make sure that what the other school said back in May was right. I'm sure it will be much shorter than last time and then we'll all be out and ready for my surprise." I pecked a kiss against her nose and watched the trepidation of another screening disappear with the magic word - 'surprise'.

She started bouncing on her toes, Elise excitedly moving next to her. "What kind of surprise?" they squealed in unison.

"The good kind," I laughed out, "but I can't tell you or it wouldn't be a surprise anymore, silly girls."

All I heard were more laughs and more squeals of excitement from my girls as they bounced up and down. _My girls_. That thought struck me and had me pausing just to stare at the two little people made of smiles and sweetness in front of me who had me wrapped so tightly around their fingers. I knew from that first day of seeing Elise that I would find ways to protect her and care for her, just as Edward had taken on with Carlie. She needed someone else fighting on her side; someone else that believed in all her young dreams and would gladly take on the world to ensure she always smiled. Yet this moment, right here, was like seeing the sun break through the haze. Elise was as much a part of my life as Carlie and I wouldn't want it any other way. Her and Edward were there, filling holes and picking up pieces by simply wanting to be part of mine and Carlie's world.

I pulled both my girls against my chest once their bouncing slowed, savoring the feeling and warmth and the comforting rhythm of their heartbeats thrumming against me. I felt almost whole - almost being the working word - realizing that this wasn't complete without the pianist hands, broad shoulders and comforting smile from the man just down the hallway. With him...that was completeness.

"Can you girls be quiet for a little bit longer?" I asked when I finally pulled myself back from them. "I just need to finish up some work in my office."

"And then it's time for our surprise?" Carlie asked bouncing again.

"After your screening, yes." I laughed as I watched both their sweet faces fall slightly at the prospect of having to wait. "For now, please be quiet."

"What should we do Miss Bella?" This time it was Elise smiling back with bright eyes.

"How about read," I replied looking around the room before laughing softly. "You have a lot of options. Well, actually, hold on." I stood up and walked down one aisle of shelves, knowing exactly where I was headed having fixed the binding and reshelved it yesterday. Bending down, I pulled a slim book into my hands, turning it over and over with a smile. The girls watched me intently as I walked back, hugging it to my chest.

"This book," I started, holding it out for Carlie, "was a book I always loved even though I was a bit older when I started reading it."

"The Wuz...Wuzzles?" Carlie sounded out and then moved her eyes up to mine. I nodded with a soft smile, remembering those carefree moments of my own childhood when life seemed so much simpler and made of nothing more than fantasy. With a small shrug of her shoulders, she opened the book, flipping through the pictures and falling into the world of Eleroo, Bumble Lion and the rest of the loving cast of characters - a world I will always love, no matter how old I get.

Leaving the girls with the book and more beanbags than they could ever use, I made my way through the maze of shelves to the office tucked off to the side. Boxes were still piled over the table in the corner from when the woman before me retired, and I had my own box of papers and odds and ends sitting on the desk top. Deciding that finding my desk should be my priority, I flopped heavily into my chair and brought the box to my chest, pulling out the first thing my hands came to. I pulled out a picture, cradling it in my hands and getting lost in the green and brown housed in the frame. It was of Carlie and Elise after a day of running through the sprinkler. Their hair was matted to their little heads, sticking up in all directions, and water trailed down their cheeks and clung to their arms in large drops, but it was their smiles that were almost too big for the frame. The happiness and pure energy of those two little girls could move the world. If I hadn't already realized Elise's role in my life already, this picture was proof of how inexplicably drawn into her world I was.

I finally set the frame down, propping it up and safely placing it at the front of my desk, far enough away to not be in danger of the mess I was about to make. My hands dug through the box again, pulling out several overflowing folders, letting them hit the desk with a thud that reverberated in my head against the slight headache that always seemed ready to pop up. I didn't have time to worry about it now though. These files couldn't sort themselves and my time was running short to make sense of this library.

"Hey." Edward's voice came from seemingly nowhere, surprising me enough to jump a little in my chair and scatter the few papers I was working with. Looking up, I found him leaning against the doorway separating my office from the rest library and I couldn't help the speed of my heart at the sight. He was so relaxed standing there in his jeans and light button-down, sleeves rolled up to the elbows, with that easy-going sag to his shoulders and smile that I'm pretty sure I could never get sick of.

"Hey."

He crosses the short distance between the door and my chair in just three strides, bending down and capturing my lips, lingering and moving slowly against them. "The girls..." I managed to breath out between the movement.

"Are still reading," Edward finished for me, dragging his tongue lightly over the swell of my lip. I parted them, giving him complete access.

We had worked past the 'first kiss' jitters almost as soon as they started. Looking at it that way, I felt like I was back in middle school, even now at 29, when closed mouth kisses meant the world. Yet, in a honest way, they still did. At least to me they did. There was an innocence in the action of simple lip to lip, but that didn't mean it lacked any amount of significance or passion. It was just the quiet kind of passion that builds in the simplicity, slowly soaking into your very being until it's the glue that holds you together.

Now it was the tentative exploration of two people just testing the waters and pushing comforts. By most definition on accepted actions of our age, Edward and I were moving at a snails pace, but it worked for us. Again, it was the slow, all-consuming build up that made it worth every drawn out moment.

He moved his tongue in gentle sweeps over mine, his lips working a steady rhythm countering the movement. Edward finally pulled away with one last gentle kiss to my lips, leaving me breathless and momentarily forgetting the throb of my head. "I would like to introduce you to the rest of my family." His voice was quiet, yet sure and I was completely caught off guard by his words.

"Yeah?" I asked, looking up at him, his lean body towering over me even as he leaned back against my desk. Pulling the hand closest to me from the desk, I turned it over in my palms, marveling at the balance of soft skill and solid strength that I held to. He had the tender hands to make music come alive, but the powerful hands to hold the world.

"Yeah. My parents are having a barbecue this weekend since my Dad and brother both have off. It's kind of an early Labor Day celebration in case either of them get called in for the holiday shift." I nod my head slowly, following his words and already knowing what was coming next. "Would you and Carlie come?"

"Edward," I started, the hesitation in my voice masked by nothing, "are you sure?" For some unknown reason, the thought of meeting his entire family freaked me out. I loved Esme already because she was like my own mother, taking whomever into her home and her heart and caring about them as if they were her own, but his whole family was an entirely different ballgame.

"Of course. Mum's been trying to find reasons to bring you around again anyways and has more than once wanted to take the girls off your hands during the day. I was even hoping to call up Jasper and Alice, depending on your answer of course." There was that smile. The one that made you lose all sense of what you were saying because it charmed the pants right off of you. "Em and I haven't seen them in so long, which is really our fault not theirs. No time like the present to fix it though, right?"

"Uh, right?" I hesitantly answered.

"So? Will you come?"

This really wasn't that big of deal. We were both adults and I could handle the whole 'meet the family' process again. I just felt like something about it was still so daunting. I knew Esme already, so at least I wouldn't be going in blind. And Jasper and Alice would most likely be there. Yet there was his dad and his brother...and Rose. Oh, what the hell! "What time?"

"So that's a yes?" There was a hopeful lilt to his voice and an excitement mirroring the girls' dancing in his eyes as he waited.

"Yes," I replied, nodding and smiling up at Edward. His head was ducking down to press a quick kiss to my temple before I even processed the movement.

"You're beautiful," he whispered out, placing soft kisses down my cheek and running the slight stubble of his chin over my earlobe, sending tingles down my spine and a shuddering breath from my lungs.

"Uh...huh?"

"You." He kissed just my ear, his tongue flicking against the sensitive flesh where my pulse was thrumming. "Are." He moved over, slipping his hand under my chin, placing a gentle kiss just off from the corner of my mouth. "Beautiful." He finished, turn my head towards him enough to meet my lips with his. Like every other time, this kiss was short but spoke volumes of all those little things we hadn't found the word for yet.

Coming back to the reality of the tiny room in the middle of an elementary school under the harsh fluorescent lighting, I let his request and my answer sink in. I was meeting his family. On Saturday. Great.

Remembering I had an appointment, I figured now was as good of time as any to ask. "Uh, could I maybe drop Carlie off in the morning at your place? Or I guess I could have Jasper and Alice grab her too?" The blissful haze of kissing Edward had finally worn off and the ache started to make its way back up. At least it was just dull and more of a nuisance than pain for now.

"Of course," he replied watching me carefully, "but what's up?"

"I have a doctor's appointment at 10 and figure Carlie really won't want to be dragged along with me."

"Headaches still?"

"Yeah, I just can't seem to shake them," I mumble out as my fingers perform the slow dance over my temples that I've come to perfect recently. This deep throb that came and went without cause or fanfare was enough to drive someone insane. I'm surprised I've kept it together this long with the headaches creeping up nearly every day and bouncing between dull tension to mind-numbing pain.

"Love..." Edward whispered out softly, all velvet and deep. His fingers shifted my hair to drape it over my left shoulder, lingering against my skin and exposing my neck and the little scar I know is there to him. I closed my eyes, sinking back into his touch and momentarily forgetting the dull ache in my head when his lips met the sensitive skin of my neck. "Anything I can do to help?"

"Can you swing a new brain?" I laughed humorously at my desk.

"I wish I could." His fingers kept up a slow and steady rhythm working their way through all of my hair until my head fell back fully to rest against the planes of his stomach, my eyes closing just to feel. We stayed like this, Edward never stopping his movement and me greedily soaking up the numbing calm that his touch brought. "I should get back before my next lesson," he whispered, pausing his hand and bending forward to kiss my forehead, leaving gentle tingles from where his lips met my skin.

Begrudgingly, I forced my eyelids to open and nodded my head against his stomach, surveying the confusing pile of things that was my desk. "Yeah, I should finish...this."

His deep, quiet chuckle warmed me all the way down to the base of stomach. That sound - his voice - was fast becoming _home_, just as my daughter's sweet laugh has always been. "Don't work to hard, yeah?"

"Mmmmmm...," the low sound coming from my throat as Edward drew his fingers from my hair and ran them down my neck with a feather-light touch, "no worries."

"I'll see you tonight, Bella." Edward placed a final kiss to the top of my head before walking out the door with a small wave and leaving me to the mess that was my desk and the mush that was my mind.

I'm really not certain how long I had kept myself holed up in my office after Edward left, scouring the files and the piles of books that I had moved from the table to my desk, waiting to be reshelved. What I did know was that I needed a break from sitting, bent forward in my chair and only listening to the hum of the central air. Standing, I tucked the pile of books in my arms and went to put them back where they belonged.

I peered around the corner of the shelf were I was crouched down, replacing a few books that I had fixed earlier in the week and looking over at the two little girls sharing one of the big beanbags. Carlie had the book opened in her lap, tracing the picture on the page with her finger while Elise was curled on her side in an effort to see the page. Her voice was so small and quiet when she opened her mouth to talk. "Where's your Daddy, Carlie?"

My hand pressed tightly to my mouth as I audibly gasped, but apparently not loud enough to be caught listening in. I sunk fully to the floor this time, my back hitting the bookshelf opposite of the one I was working with a soft thud and wanting nothing more than to rewind time to erase Elise's question. I didn't want my baby have to think about it and in all honesty, I was afraid to hear her answer. Children always speak the plain and simple truth, sometimes making life harder to hear in its bluntness.

I couldn't see what she was doing or where she was looking. I could only hear her sweet voice and hold my breath for her words. "He's back in Chicago. That's where I was before here."

"But why's he not here?"

"Um," she paused and I could just imagine her biting her finger or chewing on her little lip in thought as she always seemed to, "he made my Momma sad, so we came here and Daddy just didn't come with." She made it sound so incredibly simple and for that I was grateful to whatever Gods could hear me.

"Oh. Do you miss him?" Elise asked, pausing for many beats between the two thoughts.

"Sometimes," Carlie admitted, and it broke my heart right then and there. I felt like this entire situation was lose-lose, no matter which way you spun it. "But sometimes no. Momma helps me forget by taking me to the park and running through the sprinkler with me and letting you come play and lots of other things, like letting your Daddy come over too."

Quickly changing the topic, not pausing long enough to give thought to her prior answer, Carlie asked, "Where's your Momma?"

Elise took longer to answer and when she did, there was a sadness in the weight of her words. "I don't know. Daddy said she went away, but I don't know away to where." Each word hit my chest like a ton of bricks. Despite all the shit that we've had to wade through over the years, Carlie at least knew two parents who loved her with their whole hearts, even if one of them lost that love as time passed. Yet, Elise had one that never even made an appearance in the life that she remembered. That thought alone made my stomach sick.

Not that Edward didn't try with everything he has to give her the world - anyone could see that he did. I just couldn't help but think that there would always be a tiny sliver of herself missing - one small piece in a puzzle keeping it from being complete, no matter how inconsequential one piece seemed.

"Well you can share mine. I don't think she'll mind."

**~.~**

Carlie's kinder screening was short, just as I expected it would be. She answered all the questions with ease and a confidence that I almost envied her having at such a young age, and passed all the tests with flying colors.

I sat with Elise out in the hallway as we waited, her tucked into my side and my hands running through her hair. There were so many things I wanted to ask her, like if she honestly had no recollection of her mother, or if Edward had ever told her where or why her mother was gone. Yet I knew it was a touchy topic. I remember that enough from the night Edward and I were parked down that dirt road talking and how he nearly panicked when I brought up the mere mention of his past. Instead, I held her tight, hoping beyond hope that I could give her whatever comfort she was willing to take from me.

When the door opened and Carlie emerged, she ran straight to me squealing in delight that it was over.

"Is it surprise time now Momma?" she asked, her voice echoing down the empty hall.

I brought my hand to the back of her head to hold her steady, kissing her nose with a laugh antic. "Yes baby. Are you ready to go, Elise?" I finished, looking down at Edward's daughter tucked into my side. She simply nodded with that excited crinkle to her eyes - so much like her father's.

It didn't take the three of us long to wander our way through the halls and out to the car. Edward had put his extra booster seat in my car earlier in the week since we had made plans for me to watch Elise during the day. I'm sure Esme was starting to miss her granddaughter, but I couldn't help but love the time I got to spend with her too. I know it meant the world to Carlie. It was blatantly obvious in the way she scurried from her bed in the morning to wake me up and tell me that Elise was coming, though her antics were always several hours early. However, waking up to that bright smile on my baby girl made every moment of lost sleep worth it. I'd like to think I'd never sleep again if that meant she could always be that excited for the day.

I buckled both of them in and we were on our way. The drive was short, filled with their excitement for wherever we were going, which was rubbing off on me. I felt like I was just as excited for where we were headed, even though I knew where 'there' was.

Turning into Carver Lake Park, I drove up to the parking lot and my heart nearly beat itself out of my chest when I saw Edward there, leaning casually against the Volvo. His jeans and button down from earlier had been replaced with a pair of cargo shorts and light gray t-shirt that left little to the imagination of the chest beneath it.

"My Daddy is here!" Elise's voice rose happily from the backseat as she caught sight of Edward there.

"Yeah..." I started, my voice trailing off as I continued watching him. I didn't know he was coming, but I'm fairly certain it was the best surprise I could have hoped for when I wasn't expecting one in the first place.

I pulled up next to him, cutting the engine and reaching for my door, but it was open before I had the chance. Edward reached his hand in, helping me out and grazing my body with his as he pulled me upright. "Surprise," he whispered, voice deep and toe-curling, running his lips over my earlobe as he spoke. I just nodded my head, letting it spin wildly out of control from the haze of his close proximity.

"Momma! Can we get out now?" Carlie's voice brought me back to reality like the snap of a rubberband - one minute I was floated high and the next I was walking the few steps back to let my daughter from the backseat as Edward left to do the same on the passenger side. But I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.

"Stay close to the car. We'll get going once we unpack," I said pointedly to Carlie - making sure she listened as she has a tendency to let things travel in one ear and out the other while - I opened the trunk. I was surprised that she actually listened and instead of running around, coming to stand back by me and bouncing with the energy only a child could possess to see what was packed away.

Carlie's eyes got wide when I pulled the inflated tubes from the trunk, handing one off to her awaiting hand and turning to give the other to Elise, who looked just as excited in that moment. "We're going swimming Miss Bella?" she squealed, smiling that smile I was coming to love. "Daddy, look! We're going swimming." In her excitement, Elise hit him repeatedly in the stomach with the floatie, not that it did much anyways.

"I see that. Are you excited, Beanie?" he asked with a gentle tug of her hair.

There was a collective yell of 'yes' as my own daughter answered as well, unable to contain herself. I couldn't blame her though. It was the first time I had been able to bring her to a beach - here or back in Chicago - all summer, when most years of her life already had been filled with days of sand and water. I reached back into the trunk, grabbing the bag full of towels and sunscreen and toys to play in the sand with before Edward could do it for me.

"Are you girls ready?" I asked once the top was closed. Each nodded, Carlie's curls bouncing and Elise's ponytail swinging wildly back and forth. "Then let's go."

I heard another door close and looked over, finding Edward with a towel flung over his shoulder and a cooler in his hand. "You didn't think I'd come unprepared did you?" he said, voice low as he walked up next to me, following a short ways behind the girls down the path to the lake. His free hand snaked it's way around my lower back, his fingers moving under the hem of my shirt until they were tickling against my flesh.

"No. I didn't expect you at all." I turned my head to look up at him, smiling as I did so. I was quick to add before leaning into his tall frame, "Not that I mind."

"Good."

We got to the sand sooner than I would have liked, Edward and I distancing ourselves just slightly as the girls ran ahead to claim our spot. "I'll go get them changed into their suits. Do you want to lay the blankets and stuff out?"

He simply nodded with that half-smile that sent my heart doing funny things before I gathered the girls and headed for the restroom just up the way. Getting them changed was easier than I thought, but making them patiently wait for me to change was a whole other story. They wanted to go in the water and they wanted to go now.

When all was said and done, we headed back towards Edward and my nerves were kicking themselves into high gear, along with the butterflies battering my chest. He was kneeling on the blanket and digging through the cooler, his shirt already off and exposing an expanse of flesh I had yet to see before now. The shirts he often wore and the way they hugged his chest really did not give the slight definition hiding underneath enough credit. He wasn't overly defined with muscles needing their own zip code, but enough to make me get lost in my visual appreciation. Edward was gorgeous, for lack of a better defining word.

"Hey," he said, smiling before sliding a pair of sunglasses up into his hair. "Are you ready to go swimming?" Carlie and Elise ran the rest of the distance between us, squealing and grabbing for their tubes.

"Not..." I broke in before the three could scamper off, "before you get sunscreen on. Get over here," I finished with mock sternness, my laugh at their guilty looks - Edward included - giving me away completely.

To my surprise, the girls were the first to move with me to the blanket as I sat down and pulled the bottle from the bag. I started with Carlie, smearing the white, coconut smelling lotion in to her soft skin and placing a giant glob on the tip of her nose just to hear her laugh again. Edward sank onto the blanket next to me, drawing Elise forward and starting the same process on her. When we finished, I reminded the girls, "Remember your sunscreen has to soak in for bit, so you can go play in the sand for a bit, but not the water just yet," as they were already trying to inch their way to the lake.

Each nodded and scooped up a few of the sand toys Edward had placed out. He moved to stand with them, but my voice stopped his movement. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Um...to play?" he answered more as a question, creasing his brow in confusion.

"Nuh-uh," I shook my head, keeping my tone playful, "you need sunscreen too Mister. Don't want to burn that pretty skin of yours."

He sunk back down into the blanket, the confused crinkle replaced with an arched eyebrow and lopsided sly smile. "Pretty, huh?" His voice was husky and only loud enough for me to hear as he turned more to face me. "Pretty?" Edward kept inching closer, that look never leaving his face.

My heart felt like it was dancing a polka against my ribs, thudding with force and power as my breathing sped up to match. I fought the urge to shrink away, knowing Edward meant no harm and the playful intensity of his eyes staring into mine only solidified that knowledge. At some point, I managed to squeak out a "yes," but the word falling high-pitched and in question from my lips.

"Pretty?" he asked one last time, nearly on top of me. My mind was racing, part of me thinking that we should stop before the girls took notice, but the greater part that was reveling in this playful banter and simply in Edward won out. "Not handsome? Debonair? A Greek God?" he added with a smirk. "Of all the adjectives you could have used, 'pretty' was what you chose? I'd think better from someone who lives and breathes words."

The last comment left his lips as he turned looking towards the girls. I couldn't see past Edward's body positioned half over me, but I didn't have long to worry about much of anything before his lips were on mine. The kiss was rough and fast and needy, Edward taking little pause before silently asking his way into my mouth with the sweep of his tongue. Edward's actions were slowly erasing any possible thought, but they were over almost before they started as he pulled away, resting his forehead against mine for a few steadying breaths.

When he finally sank back fully into his own space of the blanket, he let his entire left side brush up against my own. He still wore that look - cocky, self-confident and completely sexy. Edward would be my undoing if he kept any of this up.

The sun was getting warm and though I loved the constant touch, I was getting warmer by the minute. I moved to stand, but was stopped by Edward's gentle hold to my wrist. "I think it's my turn to ask where are you going?"

"Relax Edward," I laughed, smiling down and trying not to get lost memorizing the subtly defined lines of his chest or the light patches of hair. "I'm just hot."

He let go of my wrist and I swear I heard him mumble out something along the lines of, "Tell me something I don't kn...," his voice falling short at the end as I pulled the cover up I was wearing off, letting the light breeze tickle my exposed flesh.

"Bella..."

"Yeah," I asked, tossing the fabric down and finally looking back at Edward only to find his eyes fixed to my bare abdomen. I could feel his eyes make a slow pace up and down my form. For a moment, I almost felt self-conscious under the intensity of his gaze, until I convinced myself that I had earned my body and all the soft curves and imperfections. I had a little girl playing in the sand to prove it.

"You look...," he started but finished with, "that's a swimsuit right?" instead, shaking his head slightly.

I laughed an honest-to-goodness laugh, unable to draw my attention from Edward's rapt expression and appreciative gaze. "Yes, it's called a bikini, Edward."

"Turn around."

"What?"

"Turn around," he stated again. "Please?" This time he motioned with his finger a slow and steady twirl.

I finished my spin, coming back to face Edward who moved to stand. "You are bloody beautiful Bella," he said, walking the few steps towards me. "And this," his fingers toying with the deep blue ties of my bottoms, "is just extra. But it's a damn good extra."

"So I take it you like?"

"Like?" Edward scoffed while I got lost in the way the sun danced in his eyes at this time of day. "Yeah, I 'like' it." His fingers brushed the skin of my hip as he pulled away, backing away towards the girls once again.

I crossed my arms over my chest, unintentionally pushing my breasts together and causing Edward to stop in his tracks with a lingering stare. Well, I suppose it was mostly unintentional. When his eyes finally made it up to my face, I quirked my eyebrow at him and hoped my stance meant business, even as I fought to not lose myself following the trail of copper hair running down from his belly button.

"What?"

"You still need sunscreen."

**~.~**

"Get back here Bella!" Edward called with playful force as I ran away, splashing my feet through the water, much to the delight of two little girls spinning in their tubes watching us.

"Run Miss Bella! Run!"

"Momma!" Carlie yelled out with a loud laugh, "Hurwey! He's catching you, Momma!"

I didn't chance a look back, knowing I'd probably do myself more damage that way. I just kept running through the small waves with my 5-year-old cheering squad giving me directions. I'm surprised I had lasted this long.

I felt the warmth of his touch, his fingers grasping at the flesh of my hips, before I heard the girls' shouts to hurry up and keep going. His fingers at my hips morphed into arms around my waist until he had me entirely in his hold. I struggled to keep running, futilely trying to wiggle my way out as I laughed, letting the moment overtake me. Without warning I was falling backwards, Edward still tightly holding on and breaking through the water's surface first. We sent waves of water as we fell, sinking down to the sandy bottom. I sputtered out a mix of a scream and laugh when coming up for air again, trying to spin in Edward's grip that hadn't loosened yet.

His deep chuckle matched my own once we could breathe. "You okay," Edward whispered in my ear before pulling me more flush against his chest and dropping his head into the crook of my neck, kissing a subtle line across my shoulder. I felt every muscle - the slight dips and curves of his entire body - and I fought hard to convince myself not to think too much. It was time I took a chance to just enjoy.

I breathed out a 'yeah' as I searched the shoreline for the tell-tale blonde curls and brown pony tail bobbing in colorful inner tubes. Both girls were watching with bright smiles and clapped when Edward raised his hand and waved in victory. I tried to elbow him while he was gloating, but only succeeded in wiggling myself tighter to him. Not that I was complaining.

We spent the rest of the afternoon by the water, splashing in the lake and playing in the sand, building fortresses of sand castles with the girls. We pushed them around in their tubes and let them swim around in the shallow water by themselves while staying close. Edward and I pushed walls of water back and forth and continued to try to dunk each other like we were children again, while Carlie and Elise cheered us on, laughing that sweet sound that only children could make.

I honestly couldn't remember the last time I laughed and smiled and loved the heavy rays of the sun like I did today. I felt completely alive for the first time in months - two sweet girls and an even sweeter man giving me everything I needed to soar.

**~.~**

I hated waiting rooms at doctor's offices with the rows and rows of uncomfortable chairs and magazines that everyone and their brother has handled, but I honestly hated the little rooms even more. They always had that institutional smell and the walls were lined with posters of what your organs should and shouldn't look like that always felt like they were closing in. The paper on the bed always crinkled with the simplest movement, leaving you to wonder about all the other people that have laid on that thing before you that needs to be covered up. I vaguely remember thinking how much I hated these little rooms and doctors and hospitals those few short weeks ago, but everything from that day kind of fell into a haze of memories I never wished to remember. However, I do remember thinking that there never seemed an equal balance between joy and death here; good news and bad.

I was seated in one of those uncomfortable plastic chairs next to the desk holding the computer that the nurse was quickly typing away at, looking over the rim of her glasses. We had already gone through the typical weight and blood pressure measures and now was the seemingly never-ending silence before the awkward questions and the pokes and prods to different parts of my anatomy.

"Alright Miss Swan, I just need to ask you a few questions and then Dr. Prentice will be in to see you."

* * *

**A/N:** Most people probably have never heard of or at least don't remember the Wuzzles. I loved them, so links to that and whatever else are on my profile.


	13. Svanire

**A/N:** I offer no excuse why this took so long to write, but thanks to all for sticking around. I love you all more than I can say.

**Juliegirl18** beta'd this mess, conquering my hyphen assault.

This is long and...yeah...but **PLEASE MEET ME AT THE END**. That's all I ask (and I promise I'll have answers). Please and thank you.

* * *

_**Bella**_

_Why couldn't I remember?_

My mind was racing, trying to catch up with the sonic slamming pace of my heart against my ribs. My palms were a sweaty mess just laying limp in my lap as I tried - and failed - to remember.

"Miss Swan? _Do_ you know the date of your last period?"

I shook my head, hearing her words but unable to find my voice. All the different scenarios ran through my mind on why I couldn't remember, weeks of stress being what I was praying the answer would be. "Is there any possibility that you could be pregnant?"

I wanted to say no - that there was no way in hell - but even I couldn't say that. Even through the haze of that night and the nights before, I knew I couldn't say no.

"It's..." I started, my head swimming and my stomach in knots from simply thinking, breathing fast, "possible."

The rest of the appointment flew by with blood drawn and the ever-degrading peeing in a cup for the multitude of other tests they were running, just to be sure. One would think I'd feel comfort in knowing how thorough the doctor was being, but I'm quite certain nothing could make me feel any shred of peace at this point.

I walked out to my car in nothing more than a daze when all was said and done. It felt like I was there and I wasn't, lost in my mind of the why-me's and the what-now's. I almost tried to convince myself it was all just a dream - my mind playing tricks - but the appointment card and prescription slip held tightly in my white-knuckled fingers proved it was all too real.

My shaking hands somehow found the car keys buried in my purse and managed to push the unlock button on the remote, for which I was thankful. It was the little successes in life right now, like not setting off the panic button even though I personally felt nothing less than panic inside me.

Sliding my body in and closing the door behind me, I simply sat there, locking myself in the silence of my car. My mind was racing and yet it couldn't grasp onto any one thought long enough to sort through it. The longer I sat there, the less clear everything became, and the less clear everything became, the more lost I felt. The tears started and I turned into a blubbering mess of confusion, frustration and fear in the middle of the clinic parking lot.

I sat there for a long time, not really thinking about anything and letting the streams of tears soaking through my shirt be my release. What I'm sure was nearly an hour later from the changing slant of the sun flooding into my car, my tears had finally dried some and my breathing was merely occasional skips and hiccoughs. I was marginally more aware of myself, my thoughts slightly less than a whirling blur.

Pressed against the leather of the steering wheel, my head throbbed along with my body. It was a consuming pain, but different from one I ever remembered feeling before. It was deep, resting in every nerve and working its way to sit heavy in the very center of my bones. It was uncertainty and there was nothing I could do to change it or predict the outcome. There was nothing I could do to promise that all that Edward and Elise were in my life wouldn't come to an end.

That singular thought settled in - _I couldn't change a thing_ - and somehow became my resolve through all the confusion to start the engine and move myself forward instead of becoming my prison. I couldn't change anything already done, but I had the power to find out how it ends. I owed it to myself, and to Edward, to find that much. But that realization didn't make this easier or any less terrifying.

**~.~**

As I pulled up, I noticed the Cullen's driveway was lined with so many cars that I had to wonder how many people were actually on the other side of the house ahead of me. Choosing familiarity, I pulled up next to Jasper's truck, cutting the engine and taking more than a few deep breathes. I could do this.

Sitting in this car was starting to suffocate me. The sides felt like they were closing in - like I had too much baggage holed up inside that it all could no longer fit. My hand slid its way over the door panel until I found the handle, prying it open. The warm air hanging heavy moved in, pushing against the air conditioned cool around me. I barely had a chance to breathe before Edward was there, my body pulling towards him without conscious thought.

"Hey," he whispered, leaning in the open door and turning my face towards his, pressing his lips against mine in a slow kiss that gained a steady momentum. His lips against mine and his hand tangling in the hair at the back of my neck felt so perfect and safe, making my heart and stomach sink further to my toes. I was the first to pull away this time, not feeling right in my own skin with everything still running fresh through my mind.

I could tell my face held a guilty look, leaving the silent questions rolling off Edward as to why I was wasting this perfectly good moment without the worries of our kids coming upon us to end it so quickly. Instead of offering him the solace of a response, I moved to get out of my car, a painfully slow process as my muscles protested their use after being wound so tightly. Edward moved with me though, his body almost in tune to my every move until I was standing with barely whisper room between us.

"I have something for you. Close your eyes." My mouth opened to protest, still not feeling right in my own body and mind without telling him. "Ssshhhh," he hushed out before covering my lips with his own for a brief, but silencing moment. "Just close your eyes."

"Edward..."

"Bella, please stop being so bloody stubborn and just close your eyes," he laughed out, his voice easy and deep. "I promise it's not much." I finally closed my eyes, too mentally spent and not ready to argue with Edward in his parent's driveway over a gift, though that was the least of my worries at the moment.

His fingers tickled my flesh with the lightest of touches, moving from tracing the curving lines of my palm to drawing slow patterns against my wrist. The simple action was enough to draw my mind away from the chaotic mess it had been all morning. His touch was soon replaced by cool metal hanging down with a light weight, while the tips of his fingers ghosted the inside of my wrist. I fought the urge to open my eyes, instead letting the calm and sweetness that he always seemed to bring fill me for just a moment more. I felt Edward retake my hand in his, raising it up slightly and placing a gentle kiss against the pad of my palm, his breathe fanning out light and warm against it.

The way his light stubble prickled against the skin there was a dizzying and intoxicating contrast to the softness of his touch. I wanted more. I wanted Edward to make me forget as only he could. That thought alone made my stomach fall and the guilt of the moment return to rest heavily into my bones.

"You can open your eyes now." His voice was so soft this time, lingering next to my ear and making my heartbeat race faster and tickling the skin there with the whisper of his breath. I brought my eyes to his with reluctance, afraid to see the gentleness looking back. Edward's smile almost broke me as I feared. It held this look of hope and of something more that I couldn't bring myself to name in that moment. So instead I dropped my gaze, coming up short at my hand still held loosely in his. Hanging from my wrist was a delicate silver chain with a thin, oval pendant clasped over the sensitive skin of my inner wrist. Without much thought, my free hand moved to trace the raised pattern over the surface.

"Luck."

Edward's words were soft, but confused me slightly. "What?"

"The dots," he started, covering his larger hand over my own and guiding me to trace the subtle bumps over the metal, "mean luck." I finally chanced a look back up, meeting the caring face and gentle smile that stopped my heart in it's tracks. "We can all use some from time to time."  
"When did you get it?"

"The Renaissance Fair." I looked at him with a confused expression, not understanding how he managed that one, to which he only continued to smile as he always seemed to. "You know, it's not easy to buy you something when you wouldn't let go of my hand. Not that I minded that minor inconvenience to my plans." His words flowed easy and light, making my my heart both flutter and tighten from the weight of everything.

"Sneaky," I whispered out, as he finally laced his fingers through mine instead of continuing to let my hand rest in his palm. We stood there, bodies close but not touching save for our joined hands and just simply were. The haze of Edward slowly ebbed enough to let the sinking pain come back. I knew he needed to know. This wasn't exactly something I could keep from him, but that didn't make uttering the words any easier. How do you tell the one person that finally allows your life to make some semblance of sense something that will probably make them turn tail and run?

_Oh, hey Edward. I'm pretty sure I'm falling for you, but guess what? I'm pregnant with my ex's baby. Did I ever tell you that you have pretty eyes?_ I didn't see that working out so well.

Despite that though and all the reservations and excuses that I could come up with, he deserved to know. I opened my mouth, ready to lay it all out on the line, but stopped myself before I could actually say anything. He deserved to know, but now was not that time with his family and mine just on the other side of the house. This wasn't something I could just say and then we'd go on our merry way, though I could wish forever that it would be that simple.

"What?" Edward asked, gently pressing his lips to my forehead before pulling back enough to watch me with the worry lines showing against his forehead.

I unlaced the fingers of my right hand on instinct, bringing it up to smooth out the lines that would never suit Edward. He had too much life in him to wear those lines. "Nothing."

I trailed my fingers from his brow down the edge of his face until they traced over the light stubble against the angles of his jaw, tickling the tips and actually making me smile. I watched his eyelids slide shut and his stance relax even farther, almost instinctively leaning into my touch as if it held him here to me. My fingers worked their way back up, ghosting over the slight curves of his lips until he parted them enough to let his warm breath fan out in whispers. Edward breathing was deep and steady, creating a rhythm to our stillness.

From his lip, my fingers trailed back to his jaw and down the strong planes of his neck until my palm rested against his upper chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart matching that of his breath. If I could stop time, I would stop this moment and replay it forever - the ease and peace of simply being alongside of Edward. But I couldn't. This moment would end, we'd go on with our day and at some point that I didn't even wish to consider, I would burst this happy bubble and everything past that point would be a frightening unknown.

However, I did have this moment and I would take it. I would take him and his hand and his heart, calling it my own for now. With his eyelids still closed, I raise up to my toes and brushed my lips over the softness of his. I felt his quick intake of air before pulling my bottom lip gently between his teeth, his fingers squeezing with gentle pressure against my own.

The kiss was short and simple but charged, igniting tingles over my flesh and spreading warmth through my veins. I felt him. I felt Edward in every nerve and fiber, completely consuming me. The sensation was something powerful, nearly bowling me over and left me wanting in a way I had never felt before. Not with any high school flings. Not with Riley in college. Not with James. This was new and captivating and utterly terrifying.

"Are you two going to stand out here all day?" Ali's voice came from nowhere, effectively bursting the little bubble of just Edward and I. I looked up, startled, to find her leaning against the railing of the porch, sly smile in place as she watched us. She looked as if she'd been there for awhile. "You do realize there's a party going on out back?"

I dropped my hand, looping my fingers through one of his back belt loops for a moment before I let my head fall forward against Edward's chest with a sigh, mumbling, "Do we have to?" He just chuckled, deep and musical, gently shaking my entire body with his, as he pressed his chin to the top of my head. I knew we didn't really have a choice, but it never hurt to dream of running away for a few hours - just the two of us - before I turned our new relationship completely upside down.

"Come on now," Edward laughed out as he pulled away, but keeping our hands pressed together. Following beside him, my tension grew with each step closer to the house. All my nerves were spun so tight, I had no clue how I'd manage to make it through today without bursting into tears from the weight of it all. Despite Edward's hand in my own and the way he unconsciously drew me closer, even as we walked, the only true and complete comfort I found was in the pendant loose enough to dangle against my palm, curling my fingers up to trace the tips over the braille. _Luck._

**~.~**

The different rooms led one into the other, coming out to a wide patio just on the other side of a set of French doors. Alice was ahead of us, pushing the doors open to the warmth of late August contrasting with the air-conditioned cool of the house. I sucked down a deep breathe, steadying myself for the family I was about to meet and the secrets I had to keep through it all.

Edward let go of my hand while we were still inside but walked close enough that our sides would brush, keeping the contact that I desperately craved. His touch was like my gravity, keeping me from floating off - keeping me grounded when I was a mess of nothing making sense.

The sun was bright, causing me to squint my eyes around the patio until I pulled down the sunglasses tangled in my hair. My eyes met with a crowd of people I both did and didn't know.

I saw Carlie and Elise playing off in the grass being chased by two little boys, one a mess of blond and the other red - all four chasing each other and being chased in return by Elli and Corbin, who barked happily at their heals.

I caught a glimpse of Rose's profile amongst a small group standing next to a somehow familiar set of broad shoulders and brown hair. She was quite hard to miss, even though my recognition was stretched from the photos Edward had. Her legs were lean and long coming out from under her jean shorts. Even simply standing in place, she had a grace about her.

Alice squeezed my elbow with gentle pressure and winked before moving off on her own towards the same group as Rose, snaking her arms around Jasper's waist when she got there. It was nice to see them here. Simply having my sister within arm's length if needed comforted more of the nerves that were battling against the knot my stomach had become.

"Hey, I need to go talk to someone quick. Will you be okay by yourself?" Edward asked as he leaned in, his green gaze watching me closely and his body moving in even closer to mine.

Despite everything, I laughed. I laughed deep into my tummy and it felt good beating against everything else. "Edward, I'm not five. I'm a big girl. I'll be fine for a few minutes by myself." My body bumped into his side, innocent as always, letting him know I really was okay. Or at least I could manage myself for a while.

Edward's fingers tickled against the skin of my hip as he reached out, sly half-smile in place. It was one I had come to love and look forward to the most. This smile was playful and easy going, making me feel like anything between us was possible. With a shove against his chest to get his fingers to stop their assault, Edward walked away with a wink, shrugging his shoulders as if he had no clue what he was doing wrong.

I didn't have to worry about standing alone long before someone was calling my name, making me turn towards the other side of the patio. "Bella, sweetie," Esme spoke softly as she pulled me into her arms. "It's so good to see you again."

I kept my arms tight around her, hanging to the safety her hold offered and breathing her in - lilacs and warmth and motherly sweetness. I whispered back, "You too Esme," and I meant it with everything I was. When Esme finally pulled back, her hands rubbed up my arms until her palms cupped my shoulders as she smiled, her eyes crinkling in happiness just like Edward's often did.

"It's been too long. I do have to say that I am glad you finally relinquished your watch over my grandgirl," she winked, "and Carlie too. Sometimes they're too cute for their own good, trying to get away with everything. I'm not as clueless as they think though." Her words were punctuated with a warm laugh. "I see everything those stinkers do, I just don't always have the heart to scold them - a Gran's prerogative and all."

"I know exactly what you mean, Esme. I dread the day they both realize the power of their charms," I returned with a laugh and easy smile myself. "We will all be in trouble."

Esme nodded her head, looking off towards the grass where the kids were still running as if nothing could catch them. I wanted what they had - their freedom. I continued to watch their little feet fly over the grass and the mix of boy and girl laughter drift through the conversations until Esme brought my attention back. "Oh, you haven't met my husband Carlisle yet, have you?" Shaking my head, I let a nervous smile slip out as Esme turned her body to search the faces, but kept one hand holding me in place as if she feared I'd run off. Not that the thought hadn't crossed my mind.

Esme called out his name towards a small group of men. A man with cropped blonde hair and a dazzling grin just like Edward's turned as she motioned him over. He looked almost exactly like the picture on Edward's shelf. The features I saw within Edward every time I looked at him were more pronounced in Carlisle, his broad shoulders filling out his button down and the angles of his face more prominent and chiseled.

"Carlisle," she called again, reaching out her free hand to take his. I almost felt out of place standing there, watching their quiet looks between each other. It seemed so private - so personal - but I couldn't find it in me to look away. I was entranced by their synchronicity. When Esme finally looked back towards me, her eyes were warm and happy. "Carlisle, this is Bella."

"Edward's Bella," he nodded, smiling bright and genuine until I got lost in all the ways he reminded me of Edward. Yet, he was entirely different. His blond hair was a stark contrast to Edward's copper. His blue eyes mirrored the sky where Edward's were grounded in their green. Every small, similar detail was still very much unique. "I feel it's a privilege to finally meet the Bella that everyone has been talking about. Between Esme and Elise singing your praises and Edward sounding like a schoolboy with his first big crush, I feel like I already know you."

He laughed after that, the sound incredibly deep and warm that I couldn't help the easy laugh that left my lips as well. "It's nice to meet you too sir, although I can't say much more. I'll be honest that my knowledge of you is minimal at best," I replied, sticking out my freehand in casual introduction.

Much like the moment I met Esme, I was surprised when Carlisle bypassed my hand, pulling me instead into a tight, one-armed embrace, his other hand still occupying Esme's grasp. "We'll have none of that. As far as I'm concerned, you're family," he whispered against my hair before finishing, "Whether you understand this or not, you've brought pieces of my family back simply by finding your way in."

Carlisle's words were cryptic, so I chose to ignore them for the moment. Instead, I settled into his hug and let my mind gather strength from his fatherly hold.

A throat cleared just behind me and Carlisle's chest vibrated with deep chuckles at the intruding sound. I felt Edward - this undefinable energy I attributed to him - before he actually spoke and I found myself smiling. "Don't go moving in on my girlfriend Dad," he quipped, but I could hear the smiling lilt to his voice as his words started that childish flurry of butterflies. Despite everything, we had still yet to actually label ourselves. We had just fallen into a silent understanding of what we were and how we were going to manage it, and for that brief moment, I forgot about all the turmoil bubbling just under the surface. I let his words make me smile and I let myself hope I wasn't going to ruin this all.

"I would never think such a thing. She is yours to hold, son, only mine to hug." With Carlisle's last words, he held me tighter for a moment before releasing me and turning me towards the man I'd come to desire. Edward didn't say anything when my eyes found his, but he didn't have to utter a word. The relaxed and comfortable look resting in his features and his outstretched hand curling around my fingers and pulling me towards him spoke volumes in themselves. His touch was always so gentle, so careful, but with this underlying pull that made him always seem to reach out to connect with some part of me, even if just by fingertip.

"Follow me," he whispered with a quick kiss ghosting my temple, tugging on my hand. "I want you to meet Rose and Emmett." Edward's hand released my own and was at my back in mere moments, the heat from his palm warming my skin through the thin fabric of my shirt. I let that warmth comfort me, holding me steady and grounded.

He led me around the maze of potted plants lining the patio towards the same small group I noticed earlier, both my sister and Jasper still chatting among them. "Rose," Edward swooped in with a quick kiss to her cheek, interrupting their conversation and guiding me forward with his body, "this is Bella."

She turned and I finally got to see the infamous Rose face to face. She truly was beautiful in a completely natural way. Her blue eyes shown bright against the sun and the smile she gave me was genuine and striking. Not that I hadn't noticed these features in the photos scattered throughout Edward's house, but I had never appreciated the utter simplicity that rolled off Rose as she stood next to me. My nerves of meeting her were quickly falling by the wayside.

"_The_ Bella," she said, her voice sweet and welcoming to match the smile she continued to wear. "I'd like to be the first to tell you that this one," her hand lifting to motion to Edward tucked in behind me, "has pretty much already given us your abbreviated life's story with as much as he blathers on."

"Oh shut up, Rose," Edward chastised, trying to brush off her insinuations, but I could hear the happy teasing tone behind his words. Turning my head slightly, I found the familiar angles and slight stubble of his face and his smiling eyes looking down at me as his thumb ran a steady circuit over the back of my hand he was still discreetly holding. Edward had so many idiosyncrasies, from the way he bit his tongue when he was thinking, to the way his thumbs always rubbed gradually changing circles against my flesh to the way his left eyebrow always quirked a little higher than his right when he smirked. I was fairly certain I was falling for every one.

Turning back towards Rose, her expression was just as playful as Edward's. I could feel the familiar, easy flow between them, surrounding me and pulling me into their established rhythm. It was the kind of flow that was based in the comfort of knowing the other inside and out, from their best and worst moments. Oddly, I couldn't even find it in me to be jealous of their relationship. If anything, I was relieved that Edward had this - had her. She was a piece of him, and I would take her too.

"No need to get defensive, Eddie," Rose teased playfully, Edward sputtering out what sounded like a choked cough behind me as his fingers briefly tightened around my own. "I was just making a comment."

"Right..."

Rose waved her hand in dismal of his comment, turning her full attention back to me. "Ignore him, Bella," she gently laughed out, pulling me quite unexpectedly into a tight embrace. "It's good to actually meet you instead of simply hearing about you non-stop." Her voice was soft next to my ear as she whispered.

I was quickly coming to realize that this family didn't believe in hand shakes. It was nice though, the hugs. My family always hugged and showed affection, but it had been so long since it was a constant in my life from anyone other than Carlie. I felt wanted.

When Rose finally released me, she spoke with a happy inflection, her eyes never leaving my face, "You and I have to have a little sit down when he's not around to rudely interrupt," she finished with a sly wink. "What are your thoughts on coffee?"

Suppressing a light-hearted giggle as I tightened my hold to Edward, I replied, "I'm a strong believer that coffee makes the world go round. _And_ it's the perfect accessory for a little chat."

"Edward, keep this one. Approval is stamped, sealed and delivered.

"Duly noted, my dear," he answered and I had to smile at their continued playful banter and the nicknames slipping in. They seemed so much like Ali and I, as if their being together was as easy as breathing. It seemed effortless.

"Bella, I want you to meet my pain in the ass. I mean, my husband." With that, Rose reminded me that the three of us had worked our way into our own little world, completely ignoring the others around us. I instantly felt guilty. Some first impression I was making. "This," she cupped her hand around a thick bicep, "is Emmett, my husband and Edward's brother."

My eyes traveled up the arm to the broad shoulders that I had thought looked familiar earlier to a pair of warm eyes that I was instantly positive I knew.

_Dr. Cullen._

I barely heard Rose as she was making the introductions, saying something along the lines of, "Emmett, if you didn't gather already...this is Bella." The only thing I could concentrate on was the increasing pounding of my heart and the panicked tremors setting themselves in my body.

Edward _Cullen_. Dr. _Cullen_. Emmett _Cullen_. I never put the names together before. I had wanted nothing more than to forget that day when I first sat on the crinkly paper, spilling my sad sob-story, that the name never registered as anything important.

I finally tore my eyes away, finding my sister behind him, her expression begging a host of apologies for what I could only assume was not warning me ahead of time.

I wanted to be mad. I wanted to scream and stomp and fall to my knees, begging 'why me'? I wanted to yell at the top of my lungs that I finally understood the saying, 'when it rains, it pours," and that I didn't like that fact one bit. I wanted to do anything than what I did.

I looked back at the one person, right now, that could break my carefully crafted facade. I looked back at Emmett.

"Bella," Emmett started almost cautiously, as if I was a frightened animal. I suppose in this case I almost was, standing before him like a deer caught in headlights - frozen. I noticed his eyes, how warm they still were but with small crinkles in the corner of what I could only fathom was trepidation. He recognized me too. "I'm glad I can finally meet the girl that got my little brother out of my hair," he said, sounding the perfect part as if this was our first meeting, and it was in the eyes of most everyone else.

I nodded and forced a thin smile, not able to form a coherent set of words that wouldn't come out shaky and jumbled. Edward squeezed my fingers with gentle pressure, sensing the high tension in my body. The action relaxed me slightly, enough to push me to speak, albeit softly.

"...Too. I mean," I paused, flustered, "you too."

Emmett smiled that warm and welcoming smile that I was coming to realize was a trademark of the Cullen's. It was reassuring and simply comforting. Edward still held tight to my hand, making his presence known and somehow trying to support me in silence. I squeezed his finger gently back, letting him know I was going to be okay.

I noticed Emmett moving cautiously, his broad body swaying side to side as if he was unsure of what to do or say next. The idea of hugging him seemed so alien, but it just seemed like his family's way of welcoming you in. He was a doctor and he knew my dirty, painful secrets - or at least some of them. At the same time, he was Edward's brother and as difficult of a time as I was having wrapping my head around that fact, I felt it right even if my body was protesting the closeness. The empty space between our bodies closed slowly, my body being the one to remove the distance with little thought until his arms pulled me in by my shoulders as he understood my actions.

Somewhere between my near-crippling terror from Emmett's presence and my knowledge that doctor-patient confidentiality must really exist, I found myself collapsing against his chest and clinging to his t-shirt for dear life and hoping beyond hope that he wouldn't see through my thinly veiled cover into the mess I was trying to desperately to hide. For everything I was fearing and panicking against in this moment, his hold was nothing like I was prepared for. It was warmth and safety, like a silent understanding of our identities and our past meetings - an apology.

This would be okay.

**~.~**

I met more people and learned more about the Cullen clan than I think I could ever remember throughout the day that my head was spinning by the end. Not even mentioning the Cullen's, there was literally a laundry list of people I was trying and failing to keep straight.

There was Mike and Lauren, Mike being Edward's old college roommate that had somehow managed to become extended family if I remembered correctly.

Carlisle had several of his coworkers here form the hospital including the Yorkie's and their son, Eric, who seemed sweet enough but followed me around like a lost puppy whenever he had the chance.

There was Jane, who I later learned was actually Rose's little sister, that was visiting family with her boyfriend for the weekend. She was a sweetheart when it came down to it, almost throwing off the same down-to-earth vibes as Rose, with just a bit more makeup and expectations.

There was Edward's cousin, Kate, her husband Garrett and their son, Gage - the little boy with fire engine red hair. I found myself gravitating towards Kate more than once, her and I taking time away from the adults to chase after our children. She offered easy going conversations about nothing in particular. We talked about our kids and the family and where we grew up. We talked about what Edward was like as a child and I almost forgot the life-altering news of this morning. Almost being the working word.

Through it all, my body wanted nothing more than to wrap itself around the comfort that Edward gave me, but as the day wore on the nerves and the mess of emotions returned in full force. I was failing at running away from it all and the seemingly ever-present throb in my head was back like an old, unwelcome friend under the weight of it all.

Standing by myself for what felt like the first time, I looked around at the people still milling around the patio, my eyes dancing from Carlisle and Esme to Alice and Jasper, and then to Rose to Edward. My sister had watched me with hard, analyzing eyes throughout the afternoon and I had tried my best to find ways to stay away, finding solace time and again in Kate. Alice has known me too long to not see clear through me and the thin wall I had built wouldn't be able to stand her questions.

Between the pain in my head and the steadily building lead weight currently churning in my stomach, from both nerves at knowing my time of secrets was running short and the more plausible reason, I was quite literally turning into a mess. Today was fast becoming too much. I was never good at lying to anyone but myself and that thought alone was eating away at me. The more I smiled, the more I feared I was quickly becoming transparent. I caught Esme's gaze following me more than once, her soft features tearing at me more. Edward kept eyeing me, brows creased in concern and gentle, whispered touches when he could manage, as if to simply tell me he was there. I even found Dr. Cullen - well, Emmett - watching me from time to time with the critical and scientific look only a doctor could possess.

Too much. It was all too much.

My stomach took once last turn, knottin, as I felt my mouth water and throat burn. With little thought, my body was moving, my sandled feet slapping noisily over the patio stones as I ran, pushing through the doors to the house. I pressed my left hand to my lips as I turned down the hallway, hoping to find the bathroom soon. Halfway down the hall, I finally managed to push myself around the corner of the doorframe, knees smacking against the cold tile of the floor as I sunk down, letting everything go.

I was barely aware of the fingers stroking my cheeks as they gathered up the hair away from my face as I lost the little bit I had managed to eat today. My stomach kept heaving until nothing was left, at which point the reflexes continued to try to purge what wasn't there. Tears ran down my cheeks and my throat felt like I had just swallowed sandpaper. Edward's hands never left though, one holding loosely to my hair and the other rubbing over my back and neck. His touch calmed me slightly, enough to stop my head from spinning.

"Hey," I heard his voice soft against my ear once I had finally settled. "I'm just going to get you a cool rag. Are you going to be okay?" I only nodded against the porcelain, not trusting myself to open my mouth just yet. My stomach was still turning, knotting and unknotting itself.

Edward let go of my hair, it draping softly over my back as I felt him get up. I heard cupboard doors open and the water in the sink run a steady stream. I kept my eyes closed, only listening and willing my stomach to settle and stress level to ebb.

I felt my hair being pushed to the side and the cool cloth running gently over the heated back of my neck as Edward tried to soothe me. Out on the patio, I had thought my time of stalling was running short, but I hadn't realized how short it was. "Are you feeling better?" he asked, breaking the silence of the small room before pressing his lips to the back of my hair.

I shook my head, lifting up to rest it against my hand. "I need to tell you something." My words came out barely above a mumble.

"What is it, Bella? Did you find something out at the doctors?" His voice was so soft and laced with concern as his hands slowly spun my body around into his his. For a moment, I simply closed my eyes, leaning into Edward and pretending that this was no big deal. His chest vibrated against me as he quietly berated himself, saying, "How could I not ask earlier?", before pressing warm lips to the top of my head.

This was too nice. Too perfect.

And I was going to ruin it all.

Positive I couldn't tell him while I was literally cradled in his arm, I backed away. I needed to see him. I needed to see Edward's face and read all the things he may not actually voice. I couldn't have the comfort of his touch because that would break me even more. Standing slowly, my knees and body shaking, I put a slight distance between our bodies. With a deep breath trying to steady me as I watched Edward pull himself up as well, the confusion plainly evident, the words spilled from my mouth. "I'm pregnant."

Edward didn't move. He didn't look around the room. He didn't step forwards or backwards or in any real direction. All he managed was to stare, his brow creasing further until it was so far marred by worry lines that I could barely stand to look. When he finally found his voice, it tore at me at more than the aching hole already started by those worry lines that would never suit him. "H-h-how?"

My mind grappled to find the right answer that he, above anyone, deserved, but I was coming up empty on how to say it. "I'm quite certain you got the birds and the bees lesson many years ago," I tried to deflect instead, knowing what he meant, but not knowing exactly how to answer him. I didn't want to put him through it. I wanted to protect him, protect us.

"That's not what I meant," he ground out and I jumped at the hard and cold tone, so different than moments before. Gone was the trepidation of speech, replaced with something for less enjoyable.

My emotions fed off Edward's, my words coming out with a sharp and grating edge. "I know what you meant, but damnit, I was trying to lighten mood. I was trying to not feel like I'm suffocating as I breathe."

"Whose is it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Exactly what I asked. Whose. Is. It." Edward punctuated each word with a bitter tone and his unrelenting harsh gaze. He almost didn't even look like himself, a harsh and cold shell of the man I had come to know. "We've never slept together, so I'm ruling myself out. So whose the bloody hell is it!"

My voice rose to match his, echoing slightly off the walls and taunting me with my own words. "You know, I had a life before I moved here, even if it was a poor excuse for one!"

Edward moved to speak again - to argue - but I wouldn't have any of it. I had let the words first slip out, so now I was going to explain it until he understood. "No Edward! Listen to me." I stared at him, watching for any changes in the stone mask he had so quickly hid himself behind and failing to find any. "Do you honestly think I would have chosen this? I mean, my God! What kind of person do you take me for?"

"I'm not quite sure now. It's like all the little things I know about you mean nothing," he replied, his voice nearly devoid of emotion.

"You want to know my story? You want to know why I suddenly showed up here, calling on a Sunday for God's sake to get lessons for Carlie?" I paused, waiting to see if he was going to interrupt me. Edward didn't, so I pushed on, the words falling fast from my lips.

"My husband hit me one too many times. He...he forced me," I nearly spat out, "more times than I can count and I finally pulled off those damn rose-colored glasses and saw the shit my life had become. Is that enough for you?"

The words kept tumbling as I let my anger at his insinuation eat away at me, letting it be the one thing keeping the emotional spring of tears at bay. "Or do you want to know about how I showed up in my sister's driveway battered, bruised and broken, sobbing until she took me to the hospital? You can ask your brother about that one since he has a nice pretty record of it all with his signature at the bottom.

"Or do you want to know about all the dirty and vile things that man said to me over the years? Or how there were times that he would hit me until I was too numb physically and emotionally to care what the hell he did to my body? Or how many times I silently prayed that Carlie would walk in just to make it all stop, but at the same time praying that she would never have to know the evil that slept down the hall from her and called her 'baby'? Do you want to know that too?" My entire body was shaking from the intense mix of emotions now running through me. My eyes burned and my head felt light and heavy in the same instance. My hands were a fidgeting mess, not able to steady themselves in my pockets or at the hem of my shirt.

"I could go on and on, Edward. I could tell you how stupid I was for thinking each time was the last. Or for thinking that staying there would protect her - protect us. Or how long it took me in the morning to cover up the bruises on my face before being able to see you and how many times I had to lie to Carlie about why my face was black and blue." My fingers tangled themselves deeply in my hair now, pulling and causing a numbing pain to run through my scalp. I'd take it though. I'd take anything to make the entirety of all this other pain disappear because I felt nothing more than someone punching a hole in my chest while they pulled the rug out from under my feat. I was falling. I was drowning in it all. "What do you want to know?"

Edward didn't miss a beat, taking a heavy step towards me, his face a chiseled mask betraying the emotions running high in the bathroom. "How far along?"

"What?" My brows knit together, not understanding why this was important right now. I looked around the room quickly, needing to find some way to reign myself in. I was in danger of breaking, but this place felt like it was closing around me, offering nothing positive. It was all wrong - the cool, white marble taunting me in its simplicity.

"How many weeks did they say?" he asked again, nearly growling out the words through his teeth, his eyes never leaving my face.

"Seven."

"So weeks before you moved up here." He stated it, no hint of question or thought behind his words and it burned, grating against my already tense nerves.

We stood there, holding out in our respective corners of the bathroom with defensive stances, the tension radiating around us. He looked so different standing there with his hands balled into fists at his side and his normally smiling lips pulled into a thin, harsh line. This wasn't my Edward.

He was the first to break the silence, making this already small room seemingly shrink in size. "How'd you not know?" Edward kept his hard eyes trained to me and I couldn't decide if his voice was honestly that patronizing, or if the bubbling anger in me was adding flame to the fire. "I mean, seriously?"

This wasn't the Edward I had been falling for, the Edward that had walked his way into my life in such a way that I could scarcely remember a recent memory that he wasn't attached to.

I think of lakes and he is there, pulling me under the water with soft touches and infectious laughter.

I think of the setting sun through the trees in my backyard and he is there, holding lightly to my fingers and smiling that contented smile.

I think of little girls and of laughter and of music and he is there, igniting my vision with warmth and color and something more - something tangible against my fingertips.

I think of ratty, old t-shirts and waking up in the morning to sweet voices and remember it wasn't just a dream.

I can't even breathe without Edward filling my senses and pulling my sanity in every which direction.

But this was not that Edward and that realization pushed at my already teetering emotional balance and pissed me right off. "Oh, I don't know _Edward_," I spat, drawing out his name as if it left a bitter taste in my mouth and taking a step forward. "Maybe the fact that I felt like shit and didn't remember having a period or not was because I was under a mountain of stress and for awhile I was only waking up in the morning because Carlie needed me to. Maybe it was that. _Or_..." I took another step in, letting my voice carry harsh against the tiled walls, "maybe I was concentrating all my mental energy on trying to push the memory of all the times James forced himself on me from my mind. Would you want to remember that shit?"

I watched the resolve crack some in his features, a lone crease invading his carefully controlled facade. "No, but..."

I started talking before he could finish his stuttered sentence, not wanting to hear whatever excuses he tried to pull out. I let my anger cover the pain, my words being my only defense. "And you want to know something? You have no right accusing me of anything. What have you told me about you? Huh, Edward?" At this point, I had made it from my corner of the room to stand directly in front of him. If he was hell-bent on pushing my buttons, then I was going to be all up in his space and pushing his. I was so close that I could feel his uneven breaths fan over my face. "Not much. You can't go pointing fingers if you aren't ready to air your own dirty laundry!"

The room crackled with tension as we both visibly bristled against the accusations of the other. "Oh that's right, turn this around on me, Bella."

"No," I stopped him, placing a tight fist against his sternum, before he could twist my words anymore. He just wasn't _getting it_. I tried to choose my words carefully, to spell out the mess that was my life in a way that he would finally get through his thick skull. "I'm not turning this around on anyone. And it's not about you anyways. Hell, it's not even about me," I said, taking my hand off his chest and gesturing instead to the limited, but tense, space between our bodies. "This is about us right now and what happens from here."

Silence finally fell around us. No more echoes off the walls and no more accusing words being flung between us for the moment. I watched Edward drag his hands through his hair in a jerky rhythm, pulling at the ends as if the action would suddenly cause everything to make sense. "Bella..." he finally started, his eyes and tone finally dulled slightly from the sting before. "What am I supposed to say?"

My head shook, wishing he could simply read my mind and understand. "You're not supposed to 'say' anything. You're not supposed to ask anything. So don't try to spell out the bullshit by telling me you're sorry because you have nothing to be sorry for and you're speaking out of formality. And don't fucking ask if I'm okay because I'm clearly not. You're supposed to just be there. You're supposed to be ready to pick me up as I fall in this mess if you had any investment in whatever was going on between us.

"I know this is a shitty situation and I know it sucks getting thrown right in. My God, do I know that this sucks. But you know something? This is my life and if you want in it, you have to take every part of it." My hands pulled through my hair in frustration before falling heavily to my sides. The emotional roller coaster of today was finally taking it's toll on me, leaving me crashing at the end in little more than defeat.

"You don't get to pick and choose, Edward. It's either going to be all or nothing." I didn't give him a chance to respond. I couldn't fathom hearing it. I was too close to the edge of losing my grasp of anything and everything that I turned without hearing more than garbled syllables and walked down the hallway. Carlie was playing with Elise and Ty when I picked her up in my arms without explanation, continuing my determined walk to the car. I felt someone's hand on my elbow and I heard Alice call my name over and over, but I didn't have it in me to stop. So I kept moving, nearly running from his eyes on my back as he followed me in silence.

My hands shook as I reached for the door handle, sliding Carlie into her booster seat with far less grace than normal as I fumbled with the buckles. Her little voice was all around me, asking where we were going and why we were leaving without saying goodbye, her tone pleading as she asked if I was mad at her. I couldn't find my own words to answer and I felt like a horrible mother for it, but I had to leave. I couldn't do this anymore.

The eyes never left as I pulled away from the house, but the voice never came either, asking me to stay.

**~.~**

_**Edward**_

"What did you say to her?" Alice's voice, accusing and loud against the silence over everyone else, cut through my head, but my eyes wouldn't move from the empty spot in the driveway where her car had just been. Where she had just been. "Answer me, Edward! What the hell did you say?" This time Alice was in front of me, pushing against my chest and trying with everything to get an answer when I had none to give.

I let her leave.

I didn't say stop. I didn't say I was a right foul bastard and beg her to come back to talk. I didn't do shit that would have amounted to anything.

I let my own fucking insecurities speak - those old wounds opening up again and searing against me. I let myself panic and I let her take a verbal beating from me in turn. I let her think the worst.

I let her leave.

I let her walk out that door, pulling Carlie up into her arms and getting in her car, effectively taking the two people that had come to mean so much in my life away.

* * *

**A/N 2.0:** Are we all here? Roll call?

First off, thanks so very much for reading. Honestly, I makes my day even knowing someone read this.

Secondly, I know some of you are probably going to hate me for this turn, and maybe even flounce. You'll do what you will, but in any case, thanks for giving me the shot. To anyone who cares, I promise that this won't be the drawn out separation and yada yada yada that we're all getting sick of seeing in fic. They are **ADULTS** and will be making strides to fix things instead of burying their heads in the sand or at the bottom of a tub of Ben & Jerry's. Just give me a teeny tiny bit. I just felt I needed to shake something up for these two.

Just...trust me, please.

As always, links for all chapters are on my profile.


	14. Una Mattina

**A/N:** I don't think I can truly find words for how amazing you all are! The response to last chapter was more than I could have ever hoped for and I'm relieved that I didn't drive more of you away. Just remember, things will be addressed very quickly so that all characters can heal and move on.

Thanks as always to **Juliegirl18** who beta's the mess that I send, making my words pretty. Also, thanks to each and every one of you

_One note about the timing:_ Some people were confused about the '7 weeks'. The way I established this was Bella's pregnancy happened before that last night to get around the possibility of Bella being administered an emergency contraceptive/Plan B pill while at the hospital. I am also not making the differentiation in when she actually conceived being another brutally physical experience or otherwise. The way I had set up her relationship with James was that he wasn't abusive ALL the time, which is why she was able to convince herself to stay for so long. It had just escalated exponentially at the end.

Please know, I seriously love you all! I hope length of this makes up for the time it took me to update :/

* * *

_Some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change,_  
_taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next..._  
_Delicious ambiguity..._

_~Gilda Radner_

_**Edward**_

Voices. There were so many voice creating a cacophony of sound around me - both young and old, confused and angry.

Alice's voice, accusing, in between the pokes of her fingers. "What did you do, Edward? What the hell did you do to her?"

Elise's voice holding so much confusion as she asked and pleaded in the same breath. "Daddy, why did Miss Swan make Carlie leave? We were just playing. She didn't do anything wrong. Promise, Daddy."

My father's words straight forward and blunt, asking, "What happened just now?"

My Mum's words cutting through everything else, asking, "Is Bella okay, Edward? What happened? She seemed fine earlier. A bit nervous, but fine. I really hope she's okay..."

And so many more. Rose. Kate. Emmett. Jasper. Ty. _Everyone_. Everyone was talking and yelling and pleading, voicing their confusion and throwing their anger at me. I heard them all and none of them at the same time. There were words. Words, words, words, words, _words_; but words didn't answer the burning question left in the aftermath of the shit-storm that just tore through my world - why did I let Bella go?

My hands were tearing at my hair, grabbing fistfuls in frustration as I fought myself to answer the question that I was at a loss over and to ignore the voices, the words, around me. I couldn't handle it all at once. I just wanted it to be me and the emptiness of the woods swallowing the driveway in the distance. I just wanted to think.

I just wanted her back.

The feeling of Em's hand clapping against my shoulder was the only thing that pulled me from the personal hell that I was letting myself drown in. His hold was rough and hard, the strength in his grip not giving me a chance to run, even if I wanted to. "Let's talk, bro."

I followed Emmett like a lost puppy, too far gone in my own head to go anywhere but wherever he was leading me. The voices quieted as we left them behind, heading inside the house and up the well-worn stairs. The upper landing overlooked the living room and the wall of windows opening up to the backyard where everyone - well everyone left here - was talking in tense, tight little circles. I didn't have long to try to analyze the expressions on faces, though I already knew what they held, before Em was pulling me into his old bedroom. It wasn't until we both were sitting that he let go of my shoulder before running his now free palm over his face.

"Edward, I have no idea what went down between you two back there and you know I'm not allowed to tell you shit of what I do know, but hear me out anyways," he started, an almost tired edge to his words. "As your older brother, I'm entitled to that at least." I stayed silent, not trusting myself to speak, nor feeling I deserved the chance, and Em took that as his cue to continue.

"I'm talking as more than a doctor here. That girl that just blew out of here has been through hell, literally and figuratively. Her name never clicked in my mind, not until I saw her standing there today, all brilliant smiles and laughs, and I couldn't believe I was looking at the same woman I had met before. They were night and day from each other. And you know something? I think you changed her, but then you, you dumb ass," his voice rising as his wide hand knocked me upside the head - hard, "broke her again. You can't do that shit, Edward. Not to her."

I tried to defend myself, but only ended up looking like a fish gasping for air, my mouth opening and closing without sound. I hadn't thought; I just yelled and accused the one person that seemed to finally hang her heart on her sleeve around me of things that never should have ever crossed my mind. I always knew to tread lightly with her; Bella's eyes were always guarded, but spoke a hundred, silent truths of a pain I didn't understand. I was a monster, through and through.

Em interrupted my internal berating. "And before you say anything, I know this isn't easy for you either. Shit, I know you have your own skeletons in your closest, covered in dust and cobwebs because I've watched you push them so far away for five years. _Five fucking years, bro_. But it's time to face them for yourself, for Elise - for Bella. I know that and somewhere in that thick head of yours, you know it too. That is the reason is why I'm not letting you stick your head in the sand this time and pretend this will all go away. I'm not going to let you turn and walk away from that unless you have a bloody good reason. Believe it or not, you're good for her. And Bella, she's fucking good for you too.

"Do you know that I can't remember the last time I had seen you smile for no reason that didn't include Elise until a few weeks ago - until Bella? Or do you know how many times you brought her up in _just one_ conversation we had? Just one? She brought parts of you back that I bet you never even had a clue had went missing." His words ended in a deafening silence, leaving me to stare at my hands and the frustrated balls they had become.

"So, are you going to tell me what the fuck happened?" The edge of his words softened some, but stung nonetheless against my rawness. I couldn't look at him, refusing to see whatever ashamed look Em was sure to be wearing. I didn't want to see how much I fucked up through someone else's eyes. I knew it well enough myself.

"She's pregnant." The words felt heavy on my tongue as I all but whispered them out. "Bella's pregnant, Emmett, and I'm a royal arse."

"I gathered that much, so tell me why?"

"Because I am!" I yelled, my frustration at myself and the situation getting the better of me. "I let her go! Or did you miss that, Em?" When the words were out, I glared at him as he just sat there, all calm and cool, when I felt like my blood was boiling and pounding heavy in my head.

Emmett barely reacted to my temper tantrum, instead keeping a level head that I was jealous of right then. That should be me. I've always been the calm one and now I was anything but. "Hey, chill. I'm not the enemy here. Just breathe and tell me an actual reason."

A guttural noise somewhere between a grumble and a grunt was the next sound to escape me, somehow trying to capture the utter frustration at myself, at the situation, and even at Em. It was so hard to find the words to explain it all. I had felt so many things - good and bad, happy and sad. However, if I was being truthful to myself there was really one emotion outweighing even the shock of Bella's words. "I was scared," I admitted for the first time, even to myself.

"I was scared about what that meant. _Pregnant_. How are you supposed to take that word when you know for a fact it isn't yours? That's not an easy thing to digest on the fly." There was more I wanted to say, but the words refused to come right then, instead jumbling into a mess on my tongue.

I watched Em nod from the corner of my eye, taking in my answer. "So you were scared?"

"Yeah. I mean, how else was I supposed to feel, especially after...after I finally buried everything with Elise and her mum?" I paused, finally convincing myself to look at my brother next to me. His face was somber and attentive, betraying nothing. "You said it yourself. I've been running from this for five years. I've spent five years letting this eat at me, and when something good - something great - finally comes my way, I fuck it up because I'm an insecure jerk." The last statement hung in the air, taunting me and pointing out all the ways to Sunday and back that I fucked up.

"But that's not all of it, is it?"

"No. I..." I stuttered out. "I was, um, scared for what it meant for us, Bella and I, you know? It was all so new and perfect and right. We were finally an us - we had a definition to the pull..." I paused, smiling for the first time through this whole fiasco, but it was quickly replaced with a bitter scowl. "But you see how well I protected that 'us'. I drove away the best thing to happen to me and Elise.

"Bloody hell, Em, I think I was falling in love with her and I pulled this stunt instead. It's a real 'I love you' gesture, isn't it?" I had to stop for a moment, realizing what I just admitted aloud. I hadn't even really defined it to myself - the unexplainable need to have her fill my very senses completely, just to know the day is right and good - and here I am, spouting off about loving Bella when I just pushed her away, as if she meant nothing. My voice was barely my own when I finished. "I fucked it all up." _I know that for a fact._

"Yeah, you did. I won't lie," he stated bluntly and without fanfare. "The question is now, what are you going to do to fix this, little bro?"

My voice was still so small when I spoke again, reminding me that there are parts of me that are still very much a scared little boy. "I...I don't know." It felt like my life was falling apart at the seams, all the little ways I held the balance of my past and present disappearing - disintegrating into nothing. I let my head fall into my hands, not sure how to deal with any of it. I know Emmett was right. He was always bloody right. I needed to face five years of built up fear and frustration. I needed to face my daughter.

I needed to face myself.

"Sure you do. You get up off your arse for starters and find a hundred - hell, a thousand - ways to say what you fucked up saying back there. Not, 'I'm sorry.' Not, 'Are you okay?'. Not any other statement that brain of yours could come up with that demeans the situation. Try, 'I'm here', and explain your arse off from there," he finished, somehow mirroring Bella's words that still rung through my head.

_I'm here._

_I'm here to stay._

_I want you._

_I want all of you._

**~.~**

**_Bella_**

That first night, I was numb. I couldn't even convince my eyes to cry the tears that were still there, threatening to spill over hours later. They were locked, creating a painful tension behind my eyes and adding to the constant pound of my head from everything that crashed down over the last day.

Carlie kept questioning me, her little voice moving from wondering why we left without saying goodbye to asking why Momma was sad. I can't even remember how I answered her. All I know is that I wasn't sad. I wasn't mad. I wasn't anything of substance. I was overwhelmingly numb, straight to the center of my bones. I'm not even sure I was really there, instead just going through the motions of functioning.

I woke in the morning curled pathetically into the corner of the sofa, the light afghan my mom knitted draped haphazardly over my body. I must have pulled it over me in the early hours before I finally let everything drag me into a poor excuse for a night's sleep. It felt as if I hadn't slept at all, the tension still behind my eyes and heavy weights in my muscles from simply trying to hold myself together.

The living room was quiet, eerily so. The only sound was the ticking of the clock on the wall, almost thundering against the oppressive silence otherwise. I moved slightly, my arms untangling themselves from the tight hold they had around my chest that had held me together all night. I was almost afraid to let go - afraid that if I would, I would fall apart completely.

That thankfully didn't happen, my body managing to keep all the pieces of my being together. I felt the shifting of something against my wrist as my arm moved, pulling it up to my face. _The bracelet_. I had completely forgotten about it, already the smooth and light metal becoming an extension of my flesh. Bringing my arm up closer, I let the light coming through the blinds shine against the silver, illuminating the braille dots. Edward had said it was for luck, but I didn't feel any bit lucky in that moment.

I felt lost. I felt empty. I felt alone.

I still felt impossibly numb.

I continued to stare at the bracelet hanging delicately from my wrist, the dots seeming to have only one meaning. Except I knew differently. They would spell luck for someone without the joy of sight. But I could see. I could discern the varying shades of silver over the raised dots and I could see their pattern lying within the gently curved borders of the oval face.

But those simple little dots meant so much more than that. They symbolized the connection. Everything between Edward and I had been built in silence so far, the only thing ever certain was the grounding of touch, whether against a cheek or holding hands. We had just fallen into step next to each other, becoming a whole being to the world without words. We just...were.

Until we weren't.

My brain was a swirling mess and my Dr. Seuss thoughts weren't helping in the least. I didn't have it in me to worry over Edward and last night and everything else that had piled onto my plate. It was enough to make me sick and pull at the delicate balance of sanity I was still holding tight to.

As I moved to sit up, I managed to knock my cell phone off the sofa from under me, the thin plastic making a somehow thunderous _thunk_ as it hit the carpet. I stared at the blinking light on the front that indicated a message, craning my neck to see but my body not allowing itself to actually get closer. The blink was steady - taunting me - and I felt utterly ridiculous.

Somewhere between the silence and the unnerving, steady rhythm of that blue light, I reached down to grab my phone with little more than a thought. Now that it was in my hand and not getting lost in the deep carpeting, I was finding it difficult to convince myself to look.

I stared and the light blinked.

The light blinked and I stared.

It was a vicious cycle that was quickly turning absurd.

_Get it together, Bella_, I chastised myself. My fingers pushed at the buttons to unlock the screen, a banner flashing the fact I had eleven missed calls and God knows how many texts that I managed to ignore. I must have never changed the ringer back from silent after leaving the doctors. Thank God for small favors.

I shouldn't be afraid of what that blinking light meant. In reality it was nothing more than a recorded message, recorded words that would mean little when not spoken in person. With that thought repeating in my head I pressed the '1', dialing my voicemail and pressing the phone gingerly to my ear before I lost my nerve.

_"ISABELLA MARIE SWAN! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? Edward won't tell us anything. Call me, Bellie!"_ Alice's voice screeched through the phone, sounding panicked and making me pull the offending device away. The greater part of my consciousness was relieved it was Ali yelling at me through the phone, but there was that small part - that part I wished I could ignore - that felt defeated and deflated that it wasn't Edward's voice asking me to turn around. He still had let me go.

Pressing the code to delete the message and hear the next, I continued on, not dwelling on the anger and anguish battling to slowly fill me up again.

_"Bella, Edward just left and I still haven't heard from you. Call me! I mean it."_

Delete.

_"Where did you go? The only reason I'm not tailing your ass back to your house is because I'm trying my best to give you actual space. Just let me know you're home. Please. I'm worried, B."_

Delete.

_"Why won't you pick up, Bella? I just want to know you're okay. Jasper and I are leaving now - you've had enough alone time. I'm stopping over. Don't even think about arguing with me."_

Delete.

_"ANSWER YOUR GOD DAMN DOOR! I know you're here. I can see your car in the garage. You know I'd be opening this door right now if I hadn't forgot my keys at home! I'm standing out here on the porch. Ringing the bell now... Bella? Where the hell are you? Just...just please open the door, Bella. Please..."_

Delete. I kept listening and deleting until the last message echoed in my ear.

_"Bella, it's Mom. Alice called here in a panic before dawn trying to convince your Daddy and I to find a way to get you to listen. Now I've calmed down your Daddy enough to keep him from driving cross-country to get you to open your door and to get answers from that man in person. Why didn't you tell us you were seeing someone, sweetie? Well, I mean, that's another topic for another day, but you could have told us. Just, call your sister, please. And call us. We don't hear from you and Carlie near enough. Love you, baby girl."_

The line went dead in my ear until my phone continued to repeat the menu options of deleting or saving. I pressed the number five, listening to the message again. I listened over and over, suddenly feeling like a scared little girl in need of the comfort only her mother could give and of the monster-fighting abilities only her father could possess. A girl was never too old for her mommy...or her daddy.

None of them were from Edward. Not one. After all the messages, there was part of me that was relieved to not have to deal with Edward right now, but I know that there was an even larger part of me hoping that I'd hear his voice saying something, saying anything. I wasn't quite sure how to take the fact that he hadn't been one of those eleven calls.

Was I really that easy to let go of?

That thought was a hard one to digest, turning and twisting my stomach into knots. _You will not dwell on this Bella_, I told myself. I kept repeating those words until I almost believed them. Almost.

The quietness of the living room was quickly becoming oppressive the longer I sat there with only my mess of thoughts to keep me company. I had to get up. I had to move. I had to not be in my head anymore.

My muscles cooperated slowly at best as I moved my body off the sofa to stand. My knees shook slightly, having to support the heavy, leaden weight of my body after resting useless and tired for so long. I set my cell phone back on the arm rest of the sofa and made my way towards the kitchen.

I grabbed a glass down from the cupboard, filling it with water and popping my daily vitamins. Swallowing thickly, I managed to get the pills down, not that the intrusion to my stomach made the mess of knots feel any better. In reality, my stomach was swimming and twisting from probably more than stress. I don't remember eating last night, even after making mac and cheese and chicken for Carlie. I'm fairly certain food sounded just as revolting then as it did now.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized I needed to get out of the kitchen and put my mind on something else. I was not ready to christen my toilet here, especially after yesterday. Swallowing back the knot that had moved its way into my throat, I grabbed the phone off the counter and dialed the familiar number.

"Good morning," my mother's bright voice filtered through the phone, wrapping around me in a comforting warmth. I needed this. I needed her.

However, I quickly found that my voice was stilled in my throat and I could only listen. "Hello?"

"H-hey, mom," I finally managed out. It was...nice...to hear her voice again and just like the message on the phone, it felt like things just might be okay. At least for now because my mom was there, even fifteen-hundred miles away.

"Bella! Sweetie, are you alright? What has been going on? Alice was beside herself this morning." My mother spoke fast, her words rushing out at an agitated speed.

I ran my fingers absently through my hair, tugging at the ends. There is the easy answer to her question and then there is the hard, messy one that I didn't want to have to confront. On one hand, I was alright - for the moment. I was breathing and I was functioning. However, I wasn't at all alright. I was confused and lost, not sure which way was up and down. Which way was left and which was right. Edward had turned my world completely on end after it was barely hanging in the balance, and I didn't know how to bring it back into focus.

I couldn't find one solid answer to give my mother. Taking a deep, steadying breath, I deflected as best I could by saying, "Mom, not right now. I'll tell you everything later when I actually understand, but I...I just can't now." That was a truth I fully knew.

"But..." she started to say, but quickly cut off her own words. One of the best things about my mom was that she honestly knew when was enough. She pushed and prodded with the best as only a mother could, and yet she knew - she could hear it in a voice or see it on a face - when time had to work its magic first.

I needed time almost as much as I needed a handful of answers.

"Alright, baby girl. Just remember I'm here when you're ready. I just want to know you're okay. Are you?" Her voice so hushed at the end, as if she were afraid to ask. Or afraid of the answer.

I closed my eyes, seeing her clearly in my mind. Her gray eyes, much the same as Alice's in their pure intensity, were warm - comforting as always. Her face was round, wearing a smile that made the world seem alright and laugh lines that she had earned living, laughing and loving. I saw her hands, the same delicate hands that had held me after waking from a nightmare as a child and that had comforted me after my first adolescent heartbreak. "I will be," I finally answered, actually believing that a possibility.

"Promise?"

I smiled slightly at my mom's insistence. "Yeah, I promise. Hey, do you want to talk to Carlie? I'm sure she has a story or eight to tell," I laughed lightly, but knowing full-well I was honestly trying to pawn the phone off to my daughter so I didn't have to dodge anymore questions. I wanted my mom to know everything, but I still barely had an answer of my own.

This was also a chance to check in on my daughter. She had been quiet all morning, but that wasn't too far from the norm. She was actually a child that liked to sleep in on the weekends unless there were plans for the day that she was excited over. That was a different story all together. I can't even count the times I was pounced on before dawn by a 35-pound bundle of energy.

"Of course I want to talk to my grandbaby! Hand the phone over," she demanded in a playful tone. I could hear the smile in her voice and it was a welcome reprieve from the worry that had come before.

"Hang on, mom," I mumbled out lightly, looking over at the clock as I walked into the living room. "I have to see if she's awake." I made my way silently down the hall, pausing in front of the ajar door to listen before pushing it fully open.

Carlie was curled on her side, her curls sticking flat to her cheek. She was clutching Addy in one hand with the other tucked around her nose. Carlie had never been one to suck her thumb, but she had an adorable habit of curling her fingers over her nose and pressing the back of her thumb against her lip as if she were. I took a moment just to watch her sleep, pausing to think if I should really wake her up. It would be easy enough to tell my mom that we'd call her back.

However, it had been awhile since I had called my parents and even longer since Carlie had talked to them. We had simply fallen into a rhythm here and hadn't taken the chance to break that. I promised myself I would fix that, toying with the idea of a weekly phone date for all of us as I bent down, running my fingers over her cheek.

"Carlie," I said softly. "Carlie, wake up, baby." Her little body squirmed under the covers, burying her face farther into the pillow. I let out a small laugh as my hands rubbed down her back, bending forward farther still to kiss the warmth of her cheek. "Time to get up, Sleeping Beauty. Nonna wants to talk to you."

Carlie let out a soft grunt, opening her eyes and blinking furiously to remove the sleep from them, her small fist trying to help as well. "Momma?"

Moving my hand from her back, I ran my fingers through her hair, taking in Carlie's bewildered and still very sleepy expression. "Nonna is on the phone. Do you want to talk to her?"

With that, almost all traces of sleep erased themselves from her features as she sat up quickly in bed, holding her hands eagerly out. "Yes!"

"Alright, let me just say goodbye first," I said, smiling at Carlie's simple yet infectious excitement, her hands still extended, impatiently hanging in the air. I put the phone back to my ear. "I think Carlie is giving you a run for your money on who's more happy to talk." I had to laugh, shaking my head slightly and listening to my mother's bright laughter coming through the phone. "I love you, mom. Tell daddy I love him too."

"Love you too, baby girl. Remember to call when you're ready." I found myself nodding in ascent, even though she couldn't see the action through the phone line. I would tell her, just not right now. I had to get a grip on it all first myself.

I reached out, holding the phone for Carlie who grabbed it quickly with a high squeak of joy. It was so easy to make her smile, the simplest things making her look as if you handed over the world and not just a telephone. "Nonna!" she squealed, her voice so high that it pierced the otherwise relative silence of our house. "Where's Papa?"

I let a tired smile escape as I watched my daughter. She was so alive. Even after everything, Carlie was here with smiles and laughter, adapting and letting life take her where it will. I don't even remember the last time she brought up James. She seemed to forget so easily the bumps in the road, instead eating up the life she had in front of her. I was simultaneously jealous of that ability and grateful that she had it. It gave me a little less to worry about.

Quietly, I pulled myself away from Carlie's door, letting her have her time with my parents. Each step became heavier than the last the farther I moved down the hall. Carlie offered a beautiful and loving distraction from everything, and leaving her behind let my unanswered thoughts resurface and suffocate me. Standing back there, I realized I still had to find answers for Alice and I couldn't hide from her or myself forever. I walked toward the kitchen, grabbing my cell off the sofa arm on my way through the living room and pressing Alice's speed dial. I needed to hear her voice.

I barely had to wait through two rings. "Bella? How are you? Are you okay? WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU ANSWER MY CALLS YESTERDAY?" Ali's voice steadily grew in intensity, quickly bypassing the quiet, surprised concern.

I honestly didn't know how to answer her, just like I hadn't known how to answer my mom. I didn't rightly know how I was and I sure as hell still wasn't 'okay'. The easiest answer to her last accusatory question was that I never heard my phone, but in reality, even if it had been on, I wouldn't have picked it up to talk to her anyway. Settling for the easiest but most loaded answer, I whispered, "Ali, I need you," into the phone, letting my insecurities show.

There was the slightest of pauses before her words were wrapping around me, a security blanket of sorts - or at least a familiar comfort that I held to. "Of course, sweetie." Her voice faded into a dull, muffled buzz as she said something to Jasper in the background, his deep tenor oddly melodic. It was something I had noticed - the low, smooth pitch of his voice - but never really paid attention to. I never had a reason to until now, when I was trying to find anything else to concentrate on other than everything that was flying its way through my head. "I'll be over as soon as I can. Probably thirty minutes. Do you need me to pick anything up?"

"No, just you."

"Okay, well I'll be there soon. Love you, B."

"You too, Ali." The line went dead in my ear, but I held my phone resolutely there until the automated voice told me to hang up if I would like to make a call. I realized I had little time to wrap my mind around anything before my sister got here and I would have to spill about the last 24 hours of my life. Where do I even start?

_Hey, Ali. I'm preggers with the bastard's kid. So glad you could make it. Want some ice cream?_

I didn't see that one cushioning the news too well. Or how about...

_Sorry I ran out, sis. I just lost my lunch and temper and almost my sanity locked in a bathroom with Edward because I spilled the beans. What beans, you may ask? I got a bun in the oven, sis, and it's not the piano man's, if you catch my drift._

I'm fairly certain that last one would give my little sister a coronary. There really wasn't anything I could say that would make the words flow easier and I hated that.

I also found that I couldn't stay still for too long or my mind would fully take charge and run rampant through the haze. So I walked yet again from the kitchen, choosing to wallow away the last few minutes of my time before the whirlwind that was Ali would arrive to ask questions upon questions. I went to find a distraction. I went looking for my daughter.

She was right where I left her, chattering away on the phone to my parents as she laid buried under her covers. I stood in the doorway and simply watched, allowing myself to smile at the sight of my baby all smiles and sweet giggles. She deserved that ease. Her little hands were waving in the air as she spoke, talking about our recent trip to the zoo before she quickly changed topics to her piano lessons.

Hearing her talk about Edward and her lessons felt like another weight dumped itself in my stomach, making it sink to my toes. I'm quite positive I couldn't face him right now and maintain any form of composure if I tried. I was still so angry, hurt and damn confused over everything, but at the same time, I couldn't let Carlie suffer simply because my life plunged itself down the toilet. I had to put on the smile and face the music, getting by for the one thing that matters the world to my little girl.

I stayed standing in the doorway, not hearing anymore of Carlie's conversation with my parents as I fought to grab onto one thought in my head. It was simply a spinning mess of Edward and pianos and hand holding and kisses and yelling. "Momma?"

Carlie's voice forced my racing brain to a staggering halt. She was standing in front of me, hair rumpled and clutching the phone to her chest. "Momma, what's wrong?"

I was ready to tell her that nothing was wrong, but I couldn't bring myself to flat-out lie. Carlie deserved more than that after the emotional rollercoaster I've stuck her on over the past weeks, from being ripped from 'home' in the middle of the night to actually having some semblance of normality put back into her life, with friendship and love. She had been a trooper through it all, adapting and taking to heart anything I told her.

Instead, I knelt down in front of Carlie and told her the 'truth' as best I could right then. "Don't worry about me, baby. I'll be fine." I paused a moment, putting words together in my head and kissing her forehead gently. "I have to ask you a favor though."

"Wha, Momma?"

"Auntie Alice is coming over soon and I need to talk to her. Okay?" Carlie nodded quickly, never taking her eyes from my face. I couldn't do anything besides laugh lightly. Sometimes it felt like that little girl took everything I said as the gospel truth. At least, in this instance, I needed her to listen me. I couldn't explain any of this situation to her, or anyone else, until I had a handle on it myself. "Good. Can you to stay in here though and play? Can you do that for me?" She nodded quickly again, curls bouncing against her head in a tangled mess. My hand reach out, running gently through her hair and untangling knots until it flowed through my fingers with ease. I savored the simple feeling.

"If you need me though, I'll be in the living room."

Carlie looked up at me with wide, green eyes that were so completely innocent. I wished I could see the world the way she saw it. It had to be some special place through those eyes to always look around with such wonder.

She continued to stare until the corners of her lips pulled up into a small smile, her lower lip tucked between her teeth, as she lifted her hand up and placed it against my cheek. I leaned my head into the delicate touch, a subtle heat radiating from her tiny palm and savoring it for all it was worth. Moments like this made all the rough patches worth every tear and frustration. A child had ways to put you back together with the simplest actions that they often never realized the magnitude of. They were the healers in this broken world.

My fingers ran through her hair again at a slow pace, soothing my worn nerves. "I love you, baby," I whispered, kissing her forehead again. "I really do."

"Loves you too, Momma," she cooed back, eyes shining happily.

With Carlie's hand still pressed against my cheek, I hugged her tightly one more time and stood, my knees giving a subtle crack as they protested the action. "Be good," I said finally, finishing with a playful wink that was returned with sweet laughter. I had barely backed out of the door way before Carlie had plopped herself on the floor, pulling out several of her Barbies.

My feet led me without thought back down the hallway and into the kitchen, where I set down the phone with an unceremonious thud. With each step that it had taken to get here from Carlie's room, the more I lost the easy distraction that my daughter gave me yet again. She truly gave me something more to focus on - something simple and carefree. Here, in the kitchen, I was alone with my thoughts, many of which I didn't have the energy to face. This was going to be a long day. I was sure of that.

My arms were braced against the cool counter top when I heard the front door open and shut. I would have worried more if I didn't know that Alice was the only other person to have a key.

"Bella?" her voice rang down the hall. "Bella, where are you?" I could hear Alice's bare feet padding against the hardwood floor as she moved closer to where I stood. She must have taken off her shoes at the door, I noted absently.

"Kitchen," I called, barely louder than if she were standing here with me, but I knew she heard me by the steady sound of her steps closing in. In a few short moments, my sister rounded herself through the archway and I couldn't help the laugh that came sputtering out from my chest.

Alice stood there, not only holding a squirming little Elli, but with a bright red headband stuck in her already short hair and barely taming the directions it was sticking, wearing cut-off grey sweats and Jasper's old Texas A&M sweatshirt, a clear grocery bag in hand holding sweet, creamy salvation. She honestly looked like she just rolled out of bed, which so wasn't Alice but completely the Ali I needed. "What?" she asked, pausing in the door with a confused look coloring her face .

I tried to stifle my remaining giggles, shaking my head in hopes it would help. "Nothing..."

"I come bearing gifts, B," she started instead, brushing off my mood swing as she made her way into the kitchen, plopping the bag loudly on the counter next to me. "You're lucky I love you." Ali stared me down with her steely grey-blue eyes, handing Elli over silently, although I could see the faint pulls at her lips of a smile she valiantly fought.

I took her without question, letting the excited puppy give me all the puppy kisses she could muster, before setting her down to go find Carlie. Elli disappeared out the archway and down the hall within moments, her sharp nails clicking against the floor as she tried to find traction. "Thanks, Ali," I said quietly, finally looking at my sister again.

"Bells," she whispered, probably taking in the lines of defeat I'm sure were all over my face as she wrapped her arms tightly around me. "Bells, what the hell happened? I've never seen you like that. It was like...like you were so detached - like you weren't even in your own head. I was so worried." She held me tighter than I could ever remember her holding me before. Ali was a powerhouse in a petite frame. Her hold was pure comfort though. I needed it. I craved it. It was keeping my mind on task instead of letting it fall apart along with everything else. When she finally loosened her arms, her hands cupped themselves around my shoulders as she watched me with worry. "Talk to me. Please."

With a small smile, I grabbed a pint of Half Baked and held it up. "Can we conquer something a little easier first?"

"Whatever you need, sweetie," Ali responded with a bright and somewhat relieved smile before reaching for the bowls in the cupboard next to her.

"Leave them."

"What?"

I shook my head, small smile still comfortably in place. "Just grab the spoons."

I made my way back into the living room, taking up my corner of the sofa again as I pulled my legs up under me and peeled the ice cream lid off. Alice followed just behind, curling up into the other corner in a similar fashion as she passed me the other spoon in her grasp. I dug my spoon in, holding the carton between us and let the creamy, sweet cool melt against my tongue. Closing my eyes, I enjoyed the feeling and taste of my ultimate comfort food.

"I'm pregnant," I whispered out of nowhere after a Ali and I decimated half of the carton of ice cream goodness. Digging my spoon in, I thought idly that I wasn't very good at cushioning news like this. I liked the band-aid approach - rip it fast and wait for the inevitable sting to burn through you. But I was letting myself go numb, too tired to be angry and sad all at once. It was easier to be detached right now.

I almost would have thought the ensuing silence was suffocating, if I hadn't already been expecting it. Instead of letting it bother me, I gathered more ice cream on my spoon, making sure to get a good helping of the cookie dough bits and leaving as much of the brownie as I could for Ali.

After a drawn out pause that I filled with eating more than my share of ice cream, Alice finally found her voice. "Like pregnant, pregnant?" she whispered, disbelief coloring her tone.

"Is there any other kind?" I scoffed.

"Well...no, but..." She brought a shaking spoon up to the remaining ice cream, digging some out and eating it slowly, as if she were contemplating the very action. "Wow," was all Ali managed to finish with.

"Yup." The statement was dismissive, giving away none of my my inner turmoil.

"And it's not..."

"Nope." _Nope, it's not Edward's_. That would make this all too simple.

"Fuck, Bells." She exhaled deeply, shaking her head as if that would make this make any sense. "What are you going to do now?"

"What choice do I have?" I responded honestly.

"You actually have a lot." Alice refused to look me in the eyes as she whispered her words. Her hands fumbled in her lap, picking at invisible bits of lint on her sweats. She knew my stand. Part of me wanted to be mad that she would even hint at it, but I knew she was just trying to look after me.

"No, I have no choice. There is only one answer that I could live with myself afterwards for choosing." I was angry at James for everything he did and everything that he took from my life and from Carlie's. If I were honest, I was livid. He took years away from my life because I didn't want to see it. But I wasn't going to let him take any more.

"And despite that, this baby is a part of me as much as it is a part of James. Just the same as Carlie. She has his hair, Ali, and she has his magnetic nature that lights up a room. I love her for that. I love her unconditionally for every quirk, dimple and curl."

Closing my eyes, I pictured Carlie. Her smile. Her eyes. Her sweet curls. I heard her laugh in my head and the little noises she made when she was determined to do something herself. I saw the best parts of myself...and of James. Take those parts away, and she wouldn't be the little girl I would move the world for.

I reached for Alice's hands, trying to calm their fidgeting, before I spoke again. "You know, for everything he took from me, he still gave me a few things that I will never regret." That was that - my resolve, my reasoning. I made my decision about how I would live this part of my life out, not because I had to but because I had a life worth living more than what I was leaving behind. It wasn't anywhere near a perfect situation, but it was what I had and I would make it mean something for myself and for my family.

In that moment, I could breathe.

Ali's eyes were soft as they watched me, finally an understanding settling in their gray flecks. "Yeah, I guess he did," she said, squeezing my fingers in her own.

"Hang on a sec." She paused, lifting herself off the couch in one fluid motion before disappearing out of the living room. I barely had time to wonder what corners of my house she ran off to before Alice was taking up her position next to me again, another pint of Ben & Jerry's in hand. "So what happened with Edward?"

This was where things got interesting, and all those thoughts and emotions that I let go comfortably numb since I woke up that morning started burning against me as my memory worked overtime. I felt like I was being consumed by chaos. It was almost too much. I had made my amends with one portion of my life, but this was a whole other one that I didn't know how to face.

I knew what happened, but at the same time I was clueless. I could replay every moment of the confessions and the assumptions and the yelling in that cold, mocking bathroom. I could replay every moment of Edward's steps following me, but never catching me - never stopping me. And that's where I found myself at a loss. "Ali...I don't even know that Edward. He was just so..." but I stopped before I could finish that thought, instead digging into the ice cream yet again, searching out the peanut butter pretzels inside. Chubby Hubby. Ali really pulled out the big guns for this.

"So what, B? What did he say? What did he do?" she asked, eyeing me cautiously before taking another bite herself.

I pressed my eyes closed tightly, putting myself back in that bathroom, and proceeded to let everything tumble from my lips. I talked much longer than I could have ever anticipated, telling Alice every little detail from getting sick to letting the pregnancy bomb slip through my lips, from Edward's shock to his anger. I left nothing out because I needed someone else to know it all so maybe they could make it all make sense. I spilled it all and Alice, God love her, listened as if it were her only job in life. She held my hand with her free one, lending me her strength again just as she had the night my old life fell apart.

When I finally finished, her question was simply stated, but no where near simply answered. "What are you going to do now?"

That was the question of a lifetime. One that I wasn't sure would have a solid answer for, even if the circumstances had been different. When all was said and done, I knew what I wanted if I were being painfully honest with myself, but I didn't know if that someone wanted me. After talking to Alice, I realized that Edward had found a place inside of me to stay and even this hadn't pushed him out, locking up the battered pieces of my heart to save for later. My heart left him right where I found him and I had no clue how to deal with that. More importantly, I had no clue how or when I got to that point.

But I was. Edward held a part of me I didn't even realize I had given up so completely. "I'm not sure yet," I finished, worn out.

We were quiet for some time after that, the only sound still being the rhythmic 'tick' of the old clock on the wall. I couldn't stand it anymore. "What are you thinking, Ali?"

"That I love you for one," she said softly, closing the short distance between us on the sofa until her arms were around me. "And that you are stronger and braver than I could ever hope to be." Alice's words were hushed as she spoke into my hair, holding me close.

The only thing was, I didn't feel strong. I felt resolved, if that was the right word, about my present and future, but strong? "I don't think strong is the right word."

Alice simply shook her head against my shoulder, taking in a low, deep breath. "Sure it is, B. You picked your path through this. That alone takes a lot more guts than I have. I mean..." she stopped, shaking her head yet again and never actually finishing that thought. "And you want to know something else?"

I shrugged in silent response, not sure where Alice may take this and too worn to really give much thought to the matter. She pulled back, untangling her arms from around me until her hands were firmly holding my head. I had no choice but to look at her as she spoke. "This baby," she said with a soft smile, "he or she will be perfect and will be loved by a lot of people. It will be a part of you and you will love it all the same. It will be my niece or nephew and I will love it just as much as I love Carlie. Same with Jasper. Same with mom and dad. This baby will be so incredibly loved, no matter what."

Ali's words hit something deep inside me and I felt all the tears slowly fall down my cheeks that I hadn't been able to cry. She reinforced my hope, so simply, that my decision would turn out right. "See? You are so strong, sweetie. I need you to know one last thing though," she hedged, her eyes searching mine.

"I'm pissed at Edward. I won't lie and pretend I'm not. What he did - that doesn't float with me." Ali's eyes darkened as she spoke. She took a moment to swipe her thumbs at the trickle of tears, taking in a slow breath and smiling a small smile back at me again. "_But_...you still care about him. I can see it in your eyes and I can hear it in your voice even now. You should have been jaded after everything that happened with James and yet, Edward somehow found his way into your heart, changing you as he did. I'll admit, I've seen it. I've seen you smile and laugh. I've seen you be okay with life again, more quickly than I could have ever hoped and prayed for. That alone has to mean something greater, B."

My tears continued to fall slowly, releasing anything and everything that I had worried over and Ali's thumbs continued to brush them away. Her voice was soft when she started speaking again. "Remember what you told me when Jasper and I had our first big fight after we moved in together, and I drove all the way down to Chicago to get away - to see you?" I nodded slowly, remembering that day vividly. You never forget those times where someone you love with your whole heart is sobbing on your doorstep as if they lost their gravity. I never want to see my sister that hurt again. "You quoted something and it stuck with me. You said, 'Some things fall apart so better things can fall together.' And remember that when I went back home, Jasper proposed, telling me life meant little without having me to both bicker with and to love unconditionally. He wanted me for both the good and the bad."

Nodding again, I watched her face and the smile playing over her lips as she remembered for herself. "Our 'better things' were coming back stronger than how we left. So now it's my turn to repeat them back to you and tell you to take those little words to heart. Just promise me something?"

"What?" I asked softly, my voice hoarse and quiet from my silence.

"Take care of yourself, Carlie and this baby first. Everything with Edward will fall right where it should, if and when it is meant to." Alice kissed my cheek quickly before finishing. "Live for you first, sweetie."

**~.~**

Shortly after Alice and I had finished talking about the mess of my present and future, I had taken a moment to collect my thoughts and file my revelations away in my heart and in my head. Somewhere between the shock, the pain and the numbness, I came to terms.

I knew I had shocked the hell out of Edward last night. Rightly so. The words had rushed from my mouth without fanfare or even anything that would cushion the blow. Realizing that, I couldn't blame him entirely for his reaction anymore, but I couldn't help hating the fact that I didn't know that Edward.

But he had sides and he had secrets, just as I did, both of which facts I had to accept. It was just easier said than done. I honestly had no clue how I had found myself letting my guard down so quickly, but there was something about Edward that pulled my walls down, brick by brick, until I was bare.

I would let time work as it would though, understanding the significance of Alice's words. I had to live for me and my family first, letting life take us all where it will. Everything would fall into place from there. I just needed time.

We spent the rest of the day lounging around the living room, watching movies and gorging ourselves on the rest of the ice cream that had once inhabited my freezer along with the stockpile Ali had brought with her. For all the heaviness of the last day, this was a comforting reprieve. I had Carlie curled in my lap, my fingers running through her hair for her comfort as much as my own. Alice rested against my other side, allowing me to rest my head on her shoulder. Elli was even curled up on the floor against the sofa. It was the four of us, and in that moment, that was all I needed.

**~.~**

**_Edward_**

Elise was curled tightly against my side, snuggled deep against her pillows. Her bed was so tiny that my legs draped over the end, but I couldn't imagine any place I'd rather be in this exact moment. I had tried to find the words all afternoon that would finally tell her the whole truth of her mother, but I came up short each and every time. Who knew utter honesty was so hard to grasp buried under years of scars and excuses? Instead, I held her close and simply loved my daughter because she was the center of my world. She always had been since the day she came into it.

I was just making more room.

In all the words that I couldn't find to talk to Elise, I had found enough silent ones for myself. I came to finally accept what I had already known - Bella truly meant a great deal more to me than I had ever let on. She meant another reason that I wanted to face the day each morning. She meant a stunning woman and her beautiful little girl that made my life seem finally complete. She meant a promise of an actual future - one filled with love and laughter and fulfilled dreams.

She meant the _spark_ that ignited a fire that ran rampant through my veins, consuming me. The spark I had waited all my thirty-one years for.


	15. Primavera

**A/N:** Thanks so much for the feedback and support you have all been giving me. It blows me away each and every time. Honestly, it does.

This is the last 'filler' chapter, so we're getting closer :) Edward just needed a little time to pull his head from the sand and find those big boy pants.

As always, thanks to **Juliegirl18** for her mad beta'ing skills that turns this mess into pretty words. Her smarts must be rubbing off because I'm getting less wrong!

Thanks again! You all are so very amazing.

* * *

_**Edward**_

The morning brought a sharp pain in my neck and back. I had fallen asleep atop Elise's covers, holding her all night despite the cramped and small size of her bed. The rising light was muted as it pushed through the thin purple curtains over the window, casting a sweet glow against my daughter's sleeping face. She was so innocent and...she was mine. It was moments like this that I couldn't wrap my head around how lucky I had been in life in ways that I never would have expected. I had never planned to have kids, always being more interested in the freedom of living my life my way with only my piano and the people I chose to keep around.

How wrong I was in thinking that was a life worth living.

Elise was the reason I got up in the morning and the reason I double-checked every door and window before I went to sleep. She was the reason I lived each day, cataloging each childish laugh and each brilliant smile, saving them for the times when she was away. Hell, Elise was the reason I had learned to sew and would gladly sit through dance recitals with the goofiest grin and the swelling sensation of overwhelming pride in my chest.

She was my reason for everything, including the reason why I would try with all that I am to get Bella back. Elise deserved that complete life that Bella and Carlie could give us. She deserved that future even more than I did.

Elise wasn't the only reason though, not by a long shot. Bella had come to mean the earth and air in my world, grounding me and allowing me to breath...to live for so much more than I ever thought possible. It's just, I wanted her back more than I deserved to ever want.

With Elise still curled into my chest, I let my mind wander back, remembering so clearly all those nights when she was a baby and I couldn't convince my arms to let her go. She had seemed so small and so fragile then, as if she were too vulnerable to be set down. I wanted to protect her. I wanted her to always feel warmth and love and an overwhelming sense of safety. Even then.

There had been countless nights after where I would hold her through the night, rocking her in the chair or curling up with her on the sofa. I would hold her through nightmares and hours upon hours of unbearable fevers when she was sick. I would hold her when she was tired and I would hold her when I needed the comfort just as much as she did.

I had needed that last night; I had to know that my daughter needed me just as much as I needed her.

As I had held her through the passing hours, I let time and the silence of the night find the answers and words that I had spent all afternoon searching to give her. I had come to terms with wanting Bella and Carlie back. They filled the holes in our little family that I had honestly never thought would ever be filled. I had convinced myself long ago that it would forever be Elise and I, the dynamic duo like Mrs. Pots and Chip, until she grew up and decided her daddy really wasn't a superhero. I dreaded that day more than I could ever explain.

What had taken the still, quiet hours of the night had been understanding that Elise already knew all she needed. I had told her time and again that it wasn't her fault because in all honesty, it wasn't. Her mother left for her own reasons. I reminded her whenever I could that I wasn't going to leave her the same way; it was her and I until the very end. That was the greatest truth I could ever tell her and I hoped, one day, she would wholeheartedly believe me. At five years old, she didn't need the gritty details. She needed to know that she was loved unconditionally by me and a whole lot of other people, and she needed to know that, in her own way, her mum honestly loved her.

It's just...sometimes you love something enough to let it go.

**~.~**

_**Bella**_

Monday passed in a blur of activity. I ran around the house, picking up toys, cleaning things that probably really didn't need to be cleaned and chasing after Carlie and Elli around the backyard. The actions kept me going though. They kept me from letting my mind wander. I had told myself things with Edward would happen as they would, when they would...if they would. I had told myself that I wouldn't - that I couldn't - worry over it anymore.

That was just more difficult than it would seem. My heart and head wanted completely separate things.

Tuesday was passing much the same as I found ways to keep my hands and my mind going. I really should have gone into the school to work on organizing the library more since school was starting in a week, but I couldn't make myself go there. Not today. I had already convinced myself that I would spend Wednesday there, hiding out in the peace and quiet and trying to ignore the room just down the hall where it all began.

Tomorrow I would be alone, Carlie having plans to spend the day with Elise and Emse.

At first I had been tempted to cancel, but I couldn't do that to Carlie. She had been beside herself in excitement that morning, running around the house and continually reminding me in her high little voice that tomorrow was play-day. Honestly, I couldn't fathom doing that to Elise and Esme either. After everything that had happened, leaving with little explanation for anyone on Saturday, I owed my daughter and everyone else involved this much. It wasn't any of their faults that I had had to leave.

I had called Esme earlier that morning, giving myself what seemed like the pep talk of the century before I had been able to even dial her number. Her and I had planned this day since the first time that Carlie spent at the Cullen house; the day of mine and Edward's first date. Emse wanted one last hurrah with "her girls," having let Carlie wrap her around her little finger already. I was just afraid that things would have changed now and that Esme wouldn't want my daughter anymore. I suppose I was still thinking that part of the world ended, that part that had openly accepted my daughter and I, when I drove us away from the Cullens'.

I had been plainly wrong, thankfully. Esme was more worried about how I was now than asking what the hell had happened days ago. She had that edge of motherly worry in her voice as we had spoke, asking question after question, but always avoiding what I felt should have been obvious. In the end, I was grateful we were able to dance around the subject. It felt wrong to consider talking to Edward's mom about what happened. I think the larger part of that was the fact I didn't want to have to explain the situation I found myself in. Not yet. Not when I didn't know if it would matter.

What would she think of me of me when...if...she knew?

I made myself stop questioning that almost as soon as I thought it. It wasn't worth the stress I would undoubtedly endure fretting over the answer. Instead, I spent the remainder of the day chasing Carlie and Elli again, letting myself just be.

Wednesday morning came too soon, having spent the night tossing and turning more than I had slept. I knew I had dreamed, which was the greater reasoning behind the sad excuse for a good nights rest, I just couldn't remember what about the dreams had kept me so keyed up. The only thing that was clear was that I woke up feeling more alone in my own skin than I was before. It was as if I was missing something key to my very being.

I was exhausted, but I dragged myself out of bed and went about my morning rituals anyway, my restlessness having gotten me up before Carlie could pounce on me. By the time it came to get dressed, I grabbed one of my looser pairs of jeans, solely for comfort, and found myself wondering idly when I had started to really gain weight with Carlie. I knew at this point, any change was going to be bloating the next few weeks, but I honestly didn't feel anything yet. At the same time though, I felt utterly different. I found myself standing in front of my mirror in only my jeans and a bra, resting my hand on my lower belly, still flat beneath my palm.

_This is it_, I thought. _You're really in there, aren't you?_ My thumb flexed over the soft flesh, rubbing gently and tickling myself slightly in the process. I was really doing this and life was still moving me - us - forward. It was a very strange sensation. I guess I hadn't really taken the moment yet to let it all actually sink in. I had the knowledge that I was pregnant and that my life was inexplicably changed yet again, but over the last few days, I hadn't taken the time to actually _feel_ it. I really hadn't let it get to an emotional level past shock, even after talking with Alice.

Standing there in front of my mirror though, exposed and plainly raw, I felt it finally. I would have expected to feel conflicted when it finally and truly hit me like they always portray in movies - that moment where the character breaks down into a fit of tears and curses their life and the curve balls thrown - but I didn't. I felt oddly at peace with it all and I wasn't sure what to do with that. However, the longer I stood there rubbing my thumb over the bare flesh, the more I understood we would all be okay.

We had to be.

**~.~**

"Do you have your backpack, Carlie?" I called down the hall, pulling my cardigan on over my blue t-shirt. We were running a few minutes late already, not that it truly mattered though. Esme hadn't given us a specific time to be over and it was still rather early in the day.

Loud and fast footsteps clompped down the hall, until my little ball of energy skidded to a halt next to me in the hallway. "Yup! Right here, Momma."

"Good," I said, running my fingers through her hair and smiling down at her. It was hard not to when I was around Carlie. "Let's get going, kid."

Carlie ran ahead of me, rising on her toes to reach the door knob, twisting it open and running off the porch to the car in a blonde blur. I followed a bit slower, sluggish in my exhaustion. By the time I actually reached the car, Carlie had already sat herself down in her booster seat and was waiting rather impatiently for me to finish buckling her in, her feet swing quickly and bouncing against the seat. "Hurry up, Momma," she whined even before I could align the seatbelt right.

"Hey now!" My tone was half scolding, but clouded by the laugh I was holding back at her annoyance. I didn't have it in me to be truly aggravated by her tone today. "Demanding things will not get you there any quicker, little girl." She huffed in return, crossing her arms over her chest and sticking her lower lip out far enough that it needed its own timezone.

That did it. The laugh I had tried to hold in burst out and it felt really good to just let go. "None of that now," I said, still giggling as I gently pushed her lip in, having finally snapped the buckle into place. "Remember, this car runs on smiles and Carlie giggles." My hands found her sides, tickling them until Carlie couldn't pout any longer.

"Momma! Okay, Mo...momma," she squealed, flailing and laughing.

"Good girl." My hands halted their attack and I kissed her forehead quickly before shutting her door and sliding into the drivers seat myself. "What should we listen to today?" I asked, flipping down the CD holder clipped to my visor. Carlie sat in her booster seat, tapping her nose as always in thought. Her cheeks were tinted pink from her laughs and she looked absolutely adorable.

"How about..." she started, looking off at nothing in particular "...Momma picks!" The last of her words were bright, ending with a wide smile showing back at me in the rearview mirror.

I eyed her speculatively back. It was rare that I ever chose the music when she was with me. "Are you sure?" Carlie nodded quickly, still grinning. "Alright, then," I conceded, shrugging my shoulders and looking at the row of discs.

Pulling out an inconspicuous mixed CD, I popped it in. Soon the slight electronic reverb of strings and synthesized instruments came through the speakers. I had wanted something neutral. Something that didn't take much thought to listen to and that wasn't as classical as we always listened to; as classical as the songs Edward taught Carlie. This middle ground was good.

The drive to the Cullen's house was quick and I tried to make dropping off Carlie an even quicker affair. I wasn't sure I could handle Esme's questioning looks. She was so like my own mother at times, knowing all the little things that weren't being said. I suppose it was that motherly instinct, the ability in which I was only just starting to grow into myself.

Esme hugged me tight once I made it into the foyer, asking yet again how I was. At least I could be honest when I told her that I was alright because I was. Things weren't perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I had promised myself several days ago that I was done wallowing. I was going to be perfectly fine.

We all were.

I was able to weasel my way out shortly after, telling Esme I had a long day of working in the library that I should probably get started on. With a kiss to Carlie's forehead and one last hug from Esme, I was out the door and on my way to Woodbury Elementary.

The latch on the handle depressed easily as I pulled open the doors and walked in. The library was a welcome change of scenery, a sanctuary of sorts from the walls of my house that had started to close in on me. I let the smell of books surround me as I pressed my back against the door I had just come through. Things felt right here, like this was were I was supposed to be.

I pushed off the door a few moments later, walking down the nearest aisle of shelves and letting my fingers trail against the glossy spines. It's funny how a place filled of silence, pieces of paper that thousands of little fingers had touched over the years and bookshelves that only met the height of my waist became such a peaceful place, hidden away in an elementary school. It seemed odd, but this...this familiarity...was what I needed.

My feet wound my body down another aisle, fingers trailing still as I made my way to my office off the right side of the room. Pulling out my desk chair, I dumped my shoulder bag and purse onto the seat before pressing the back of my legs against the desk to lean there. I pulled my hair between my fingers mindlessly, twisting and gathering it up until I wound the hair tie around it, creating a messy bun with tendrils falling against my cheek.

With my hair out of the way, I pulled my cardigan a bit tighter around my chest, cutting the inside chill from the air conditioning and walked back out into the library. I moved through the aisles, straightening one of the displays I had set up with the girls atop one of the short shelves as I passed. Towards the back corner of the room, I grabbed the small stack of books I had laid out the last day I was in here. I had noticed some of the bindings were falling apart and I didn't have the heart to let a perfectly good book go to waste.

I honestly think this is one of my favorite parts about wandering through a library, here or anywhere else. When you found the books with tattered bindings, creased and cracked and possibly even repaired once before, you found the key to it all. Those books marked the heart of the room - the books that people had fallen in love with time and again, getting lost between the pages of someone else's story. That's what it was all about. With books, you were never alone. There was always that escape and those characters to welcome you home between the pages, no matter how old you were.

I walked slowly back to my office, clutching the books tightly and continuing to savor the comforting silence around me. This was my safe haven. The one place where nothing could touch me, not even my own troubles. Once there, I set the books down on the pile already started in corner of my desk before walking over to the small table along the side wall to plug in my iPod. I let the soft melody of strings fill the air, closing my eyes and smiling, finally the tension of the last few days easing slowly out of my tired body. Opening my eyes, I took the few short steps back toward my desk, moving my bag and purse off the chair before plopping myself down, staring at the mess in front of me.

Something was different about my desk, something that wasn't there before. The pile of papers seemed in the same disorganized stack as I had left them the last time. The same went for the few books I had been fixing that were still pushed into the upper left of my desk under the new ones I had placed on top of them. I still had one stapler and one tape dispenser, both sitting next to my one cup of pens and pencils that I kept. The only other things on my desk, aside from the computer, were the few pictures I had slowly added in the last couple weeks.

There was the picture of Carlie and Elise with their hair matted and wet from running through the sprinkler and giant, toothy smiles.

There was another of Carlie from a little over a year ago riding Indigo with Jasper holding her steady in the saddle and Alice guiding the horse around the pen. Carlie's face was indescribable, a mix of shock and pure childish joy. I loved that picture more than I could probably ever explain.

Another frame housed an old picture, but one that would never fail to make me smile. It was taken after a Forks High football game. It had rained that night, as usual, and we - Alice, Jasper and I - were soaking wet, hair and clothes sticking to our bodies in the most unattractive ways. Ali was in the center, sandwiched between Jasper and I, laughing as we both kissed her cheeks. That was one of my favorite memories. Perfect and simple...and us. We had all laughed so hard afterwards, falling into the grass, a soaked mess of giggles and flailing arms and legs.

There was another photo though, tucked in next to the one of Alice, Jasper and I. One that I hadn't put there. It was bright with a summery haze that was slightly out of focus at the edges. Carlie and Elise had the brightest smiles, rivaling the sun that shown through the image, and I was there. I was...smiling...holding tight to each of their hands as we spun in circles, blissfully unaware.

I picked up the frame with shaking hands, knowing exactly when it was taken. It was from Saturday. The day everything changed. Looking at myself through someone else's eyes from that day was strange. I remember clearly how I had felt. I had felt scared and confused and so utterly alone in the crowded backyard full of people. It was as if I couldn't reign in my thoughts clearly the more time passed that afternoon. I hid from Edward as best I could, finally escaping into the one standby in my life that made me always forget.

Carlie had always been who I turned to when I needed to not be in my own head. Her simple, childish ways and innocent eyes were my safety. They were my home, my life.

However, instead of just my daughter, I had pulled Elise in along the way. In what felt like such a short time, she had become part of my heart too, sharing the same grounding force Carlie did. With both of them, their tiny hands clasped in my own, I had felt like I could face the world. Their laughs and smiles gave me the hope I had desperately craved that day, even if for a short moment. The photo was every bit proof of that.

**~.~**

_**Edward**_

Over the last few days, I hadn't been able to find the words I _needed_ to talk to Bella, to tell her everything I wanted and needed to say. So I stayed quiet. I stayed away, hoping it was for the best. It wasn't my ideal choice in the matter. I already missed her. Hell, I had missed her that first day before her car had even disappeared completely down the drive, which was my own bloody fault.

I felt...off balance. With Bella around, things made sense. Life made sense and dreams I had never really paid much thought to in the past felt tangible for the first time. Without her though, it all felt wrong.

I was a coward for hiding behind my excuses of not knowing what to say and how to say it. I just couldn't bring myself to go to her without answers to the questions I knew Bella would ask. She deserved that and so much more from me.

**~.~**

Carlie had already been with my mum when I dropped Elise off that morning. I could honestly admit that my heart swelled when I saw those blonde curls bouncing as she ran up to tackle Elise as soon as we had made it through the door. When I saw her, I couldn't help but drop to my knees and hug her tightly to my chest, my fingers lightly touching the ends of her hair. Carlie was part of what made this life right. She completed things in my life - in Elise's life - that made them so much brighter. She was this sweet energy, filling the room with light and unbelievable warmth.

My mum had told me that Bella mentioned heading to the school today, that knowing look in her eyes. I used to wonder how she always seemed to know what was going on, but gave up trying to figure out how years ago. Today, I had simply smiled and kissed her cheek, thanking her for so much more than I could ever say.

The drive to the school was short and before I knew it, I was standing in front of the library doors, a few short steps away from Bella and the new beginning I was hoping I wasn't too late to beg for. Quietly, I let myself in, listening to the soft strains of music that floated lightly through the air. I followed the sound until I was standing in front of Bella's open door, the music louder but soothing. She was sitting at her desk holding a picture frame between her palms and I had a distinctly clear guess as to which it would be, having snuck in the other day to add it amongst her others.

My mum had taken up her typical post during the barbecue, putting her years of photography knowledge to good use while flitting between talking to this person and that person. It was what she always did, but it took until she showed me the pictures from that day, that I honestly took notice of what she saw. When she held out the glossy print to me, the simple image hit something so deep inside me. Looking at that picture had brought something to life, igniting a sensation of...of...I'm not even sure there is a word to properly describe it. It was a sensation that consumed my every thought, my every breath and my every action in that moment.

I hadn't put much thought into Bella's reactions that day, before everything crashed and burned. I just assumed she was nervous being around my family for the first time. I remember trying to be by her throughout the day, making the transitions between each new face easier, but Bella kept going off on her own. It made sense now. Everything made sense now that the smoke had cleared and I could see that everything on her mind had made her seek comfort - seek innocence - in ways that I couldn't give her.

The picture was family. Bella held tight to both her daughter and mine, making no differentiation between the two little girls. In that moment, frozen forever, Carlie and Elise were undeniably hers. The sensation was etched so deeply in each of their carefree smiles as the three girls had spun 'round and 'round.

The moment I saw the picture, what I wanted and needed finally fell into place with what Elise needed and Bella deserved more than anyone. I realized that I wanted a future that added green eyes and another set of chocolaty brown ones to my life. I couldn't imagine any moment without seeing Bella and Carlie there. It just wasn't possible.

Every moment I had spent with Bella so far had come flooding back to me. Her smile. Her laugh. Her overwhelming amount of love. No woman that I had ever dated since Elise came into my life had looked at my little girl the same way that I did. No one had looked at her and saw the sun and the moon and the stars.

Until Bella.

Bella looked at Elise like she looked at Carlie - as if the world revolved around this little girl; as if she were so extraordinarily special and deserved to be unconditionally loved. I think that was the moment she stole my heart and I never would want it back. It was hers if she wanted it.

Through all of that, from one simple picture, I finally understood that I needed to make amends as best I could with Bella. I had been the worst kind of fool that day, letting my own insecurities and past failures cloud my vision and destroy the beginnings of the best thing that had ever happened in my life. I had hurt Bella in the worst kind of way and knowing that now killed me. The pain on her face broke my heart every time I thought of her turning to walk away from me. There weren't words powerful enough to describe it. I was the worst kind of monster, even more than the bastard that hurt her in the first place. I had been the one to break her again.

Bella needed to know she was loved unconditionally and that there were people out there that she could trust to hold her hand through life and to keep her heart safe. I wanted to be that person with everything that I am or ever could be. I wasn't sure if I'd ever deserve that privilege, but I was willing to spend every day of forever fighting for that honor.

"You looked beautiful that day," I said quietly, finally letting my presence be known and pulling Bella from her thoughts. She looked up quickly, her brown eyes wide and surprised as they found me standing in her office doorway. Looking at her then felt as if I hadn't seen her in years, not merely days. Yet, a lot had changed. I had changed and the dynamic between us had changed, the only constant being that undeniable pull to be near her - to touch her somehow. "You look beautiful always."

Bella didn't say anything, simply watching me with stunned eyes. Her gaze studied me for a long time and part of me expected this. There was also a part of me that expected her to throw any and every available object at my head. I was admittedly glad it was this option, although it's not that I wouldn't have deserved the throwing.

"My mum took it," I finally said again, motioning to the frame and breaking the silence that still hung heavy between us. "The picture, I mean."

Bella nodded slightly, turning back to look at the frame still held tightly in her hands. She studied it again for a long moment before lifting her gaze back to me. I took a moment to memorize every contour and dimple on her face. Even with dark, tired circles under her eyes and a worn expression, she was truly the most beautiful woman I had ever had the privilege of seeing. Bella was real and she was absolutely stunning, stealing the air straight from my lungs.

Knowing it was now or never, I took in a deep and steadying breath, smiling softly at her and putting my heart out on the line for the first time. "Will you take a walk with me?"

* * *

**A/N 2.0:** We all here? Good :)

Please don't hate me for stopping there. The next chapter will be a beast and a half to get through, so I needed to end here.


	16. A Fuoco

**A/N:** Yesterday was the one-year anniversary of this story. So I felt it was a fitting time to update. Now...onto some housekeeping notes:

• First, welcome to all my new readers and thanks to all the readers returning. You all mean the world to me!  
• Have I told all of you how amazing you are? Your support blows me away each and every time! Thank you.  
• A huge thank you to all the wonderful ladies that have rec'd me. You know who you are :) Thank you for being so wonderful!  
• As always, thanks to **Juliegirl18** for being my beta extraordinaire and to **theladyreads** for calming my fears of this chapter by prereading.  
• **I am posting a companion piece along with this chapter entitled Hush, Little Baby. It will be a series of pieces in Edward's POV of his past and present with Elise. Please, give it a try. It will help you understand some bits of this chapter better.**

I'll meet you at the end...

* * *

_**Edward**_

Time seemed to stop, making me painfully aware of the silence and burn in my chest from the breath I couldn't let go of. This was it, my now or never moment. I could either sink or swim in her answer.

Bella simply sat in her chair, still holding the frame in her hands and watching me, studying me. Her eyes took in everything about me, laying me bare in her doorway. In this moment, I had nothing to hide. What was me would be hers if she would it. "Okay," she finally said, bowing her head slightly. Her words were as quiet as a whisper, but they let my heart simply soar. She was giving me a second chance in the sweet trill of her voice. I couldn't fight the smile that spread and I didn't want to.

"Thank you," I said quietly, simply. I don't think Bella truly understood what she was giving me in her answer.

I let Bella take her time, having no need or desire to rush her. I wanted this to be on her terms and I would wait forever if it meant she was still willing to give me this chance. Bella took a few moments to breathe. I watched her face through the passing minutes, trying to decipher each of the thoughts or emotions warring on her face. I couldn't figure out what she was thinking, instead wishing that I could simply read her mind. I just wanted to know what was going on in that pretty little head of hers.

Slowly, she set the picture down, taking care to place it delicately back to where I had put it. Her finger traced along the edge of the frame until she pulled up her hand, tucking and untucking a tendril of hair from behind her ear. My eyes caught every subtle movement, making sure I didn't miss anything. I didn't want to miss anything with her ever again.

Bella finally stood, pushing away from her desk and pulling her cardigan tighter around her body. I wanted nothing more than to run my hands up and down her arms right then, keeping her warm and giving into my own selfish gains of touching her again. I stayed back though, giving Bella her space for now, only moving as she walked through the door I was standing in.

I followed beside her, my hand hovering just a breath away from her lower back. I wanted to close that distance - to make that connection we always seemed to have, whether it was my fingers there or my hand holding steady to her own - but I didn't. My fingers simply hovered, feeling, as always, the gentle pull.

I apparently wanted a lot of things today.

We left the library in silence as I guided Bella down the hallway toward one of the sets of entrance doors, the only sound following us being our collective footfalls over the linoleum flooring. Light flooded in as I held open one of the doors, letting Bella pass through until we were both squinting in the bright sunlight of the elementary schools playground.

Despite it being the last few remaining days of summer vacation, the playground was empty of any children or families that tended to use the equipment during the sunny days. My hand still hovered just out of reach of her back, brushing against the soft cotton of Bella's cardigan as I started walking toward the swing set. From the corner of my eye I saw Bella glance toward me, a questioning look evident in her features.

"This may take awhile," I answered quietly, turning toward her as I stopped in front of the line of swings. "I didn't want to make you walk too far in this heat."

I watched her face closely, trying again to read her thoughts. Bella had been incredibly quiet since I showed up today, not that I blamed her. I didn't deserve her to welcome me back with open arms nor would I ever have expected that. Luckily, her eyes told everything. That was something I had noticed since the moment I met her. They had always seemed so guarded and now I understood why, at least to some extent. Yet, they also had a life of their own - a spark in their velvety brown of something more.

Now they told of Bella's pain and reluctance, the angry black circles against her cheeks driving that point home further. However, they also were willing. Willing to watch. Willing to give me this chance.

I left Bella's side, walking behind one of the swings to grab the chains and hold it steady, facing her. "Is this alright?"

Bella stood where I left her for a few very long seconds. When her voice finally sounded, saying a simple "Yes," I let out the shaky breath I had been holding. That seemed to be the pattern of today - my inability to breathe properly when so much hung on what Bella allowed from me.

The chains moved in my grip as Bella sat down. I didn't linger behind her long, moving instead to take my own place in the swing next to her. She pulled off her cardigan, dropping it gingerly down onto the ground before starting to swing slowly, never building up more momentum than to lazily move back and forth. We were quiet for awhile, although I was acutely aware of Bella next to me. Like earlier, my fingers wanted to reach out just to touch her, but again, I kept them to myself, wrapping them tightly around the swing's chains instead.

I found myself staring down at my shoes, memorizing the slight dirt patterns left on the canvas from my pacing in my front yard. It hadn't rained much here, so everything was dry and my worried steps from very early this morning kicked up enough dirt to mark up my shoes. This normally wouldn't bother me - they were just shoes - but for some reason, in this moment, I wished I had slipped on different ones. It was probably nerves talking, wanting to grasp onto anything and everything that was wrong instead of dealing with the issue at hand.

I tended to be one for avoidance when it came to my own life.

I gave up the study of my shoes quickly, instead turning my head until I was looking at her, rocking my swing slowly forward and backward with my heels digging into the wood chips. "Bella, I want you to know everything. Past and present...and future," I started, taking in a deep breath, preparing myself for everything I wanted to say. "I apologize if some of what I will say comes out crass, but I want you to understand it all. Good and bad."

I paused again, watching her face and grounding myself in her eyes as they watched everything about me. "I want you to understand me."

This was going to be the hard part. I had Bella here and as far as it appeared, she was willing to listen. What was difficult was trying to sort out every piece of my history in a way that she would...get it, for lack of a better term. To some, I might seem like an over-reactive asshole, but what happened for Elise and I had changed nearly everything about me.

I turned my head to stare straight ahead of me, concentrating on my words. "If I remember correctly, I already told you before that I had never intended on being a teacher. It was simply a way to appease my parents and keep them off my back. Money hadn't mattered and I thought I had all the time in the world. I got what I wanted and my parents did too. I thought it worked out perfectly for me. That turned out true," I shrugged, "but for all completely different reasons."

I knew everything I wanted to tell her and now that I was talking, I wasn't exactly sure where I wanted to go. This would take awhile. There is quite a bit of my life that I hid from anyone that didn't need to know it. It just felt safer that way, but I wanted Bella to know. She had to if I was going fix this, and beyond anything right now, I _needed_ to put things right at least.

"I had also never wanted kids. In all honesty, I had never wanted to settle down, always searching for what I thought was blissful freedom with no ties and no responsibilities. I saw myself, more or less, as a vagabond, earning my keep at a piano in whatever smoky little dive I could find in whatever random city I stumbled into. Those were some grand dreams, right?" I asked the question so off-handedly, not needing to wait for it to be answered.

"That's what I had wanted though. I had never thought of myself as fatherly or the white picket fence kind of guy with toys scattered all over my house. Hell, I could barely take care of myself at times. I slept only when I needed to or after a night spent with a girl that I could only sometimes remember the name of. I did a lot of things I shouldn't have, always evading the cops only because I had enough street smarts and luck to get away. I partied, made the worst decisions and did things I will never be proud of."

I had to shake my head, remembering back to who I used to be. Sometimes I still can't believe that was how I lived my life, with no real care for myself or anyone else for that matter. It's so crazy how much I grew up when I had no other choice. "I was a very different person back then, Bella. Looking back, I wouldn't have wanted to know myself."

Bella remained silent next to me. I'm not really sure I expected her to say anything. I mean, I basically just laid out every bad choice and messed up dream I ever had, showing a glimpse of the poor things I was capable of. Yet there was still that part of me that hoped. It seemed so long since I'd actually heard her voice and I desperately wanted to hear it, if only just to break up the monotony of my own words reverberating in my head.

She didn't though. Bella was quiet, not even her swing or her feet against the wood chips making any sound.

"Her name was...is...Heidi," I started, speaking again. I had turned my gaze away from Bella, instead watching the sun reflecting off the shiny plastic of the playground equipment in front of us, but I wasn't seeing any of it. Not really at least. "Elise's Mum." My voice was even softer this time.

Bella finally spoke, the sweetness of her voice being a stark contrast to my own as she asked, "Heidi? Like college Heidi?"

She remembered.

"Yeah," I answered, turning enough to look back to her again. Bella's eyes were on me, wide and watching me closely as she tried to follow my words. "The very one who said I was a natural with children up and left her own little baby girl." I laughed bitterly, the sound even sounding foreign to my own ears. "Go figure, right?" I was scowling now, bitter and angry all over again. I always got this way - my emotions changing quicker than imaginable - when I thought back to that time. And people wonder why I chose not to remember...

After five years, I finally understood Heidi now, but it didn't make it easier seeing every day what she took from Elise. That little girl had lost her trust early on that the people that should love her will never leave her. I can tell she's still waiting on me to go too, and it kills me every time I see that look or hear her cry like the afternoon at my parent's house. Elise wants to believe that I will never leave her, but she can't. What child should ever have to think that?

"I...I don't understand..." Bella stuttered out, blinking quickly as her eyes stayed locked on me and my simmering temper. She looked...scared.

It hit me then - the fear. My temper. My temper was showing, bringing us right back to just a few days ago, although it already felt like a lifetime had passed. That's all it took to remind me just how much I hurt her, how much I scared her. In that moment, I felt more defeated than I have in my entire life, both for Bella's hurt and broken trust now, and for the thoughts of my daughter that still seem so very real. It was all too much.

My voice was quieter this time, no longer harsh. Instead, it had a hoarse, almost hurt edge as I put myself back to the day my world changed, picturing it all so clearly. "Three weeks," I whispered, closing my eyes. "Elise was three weeks old when Heidi showed up and left our daughter in the hallway of my apartment complex, sleeping in her carrier and blissfully unaware of the turn her already short life was taking. I guess you could say that at least Heidi had enough decency to knock first and wait long enough to hand her over before walking away forever."

My hands tightened around the chains, my heels still rocking my body back and forth slowly, unable to stay still. "Bella...I didn't even know she was pregnant." I shook my head. "No phone call. No note in the mail. No scrap of paper taped to my door. Nothing. I knew my baby existed three bloody weeks after she took her first breath. What did I miss then? Her first cry? The first time her bright eyes opened to the world? The first time she took someone's finger in her own tiny hand?" I chocked that last part out. "Heidi stole that beginning from me - that catalogue of firsts that mark a baby's entrance into this world.

"I was so angry at her for so long. I mean, I couldn't wrap my head around how a mother could just leave her child like that. It's one thing to set up an adoption or something, but _that_? I couldn't understand. I kept thinking what she would have done if I hadn't been home that day. Would she have just left the carrier against my door in the hallway, leaving Elise open to be taken by anyone? Would she have tried to track me down somewhere else? Would it have changed anything if her plan, or whatever it was, fell through? There are so many variables that I still wonder what the hell she was thinking. Mostly, I just figured she wasn't."

I dropped my hands to my knees as they clenched into fists, pressing my fingertips hard into my palms as I watched the veins stand up from the pressure. It was the only thing I could do to keep the onslaught of emotions controlled.

My words were shaky as I continued. "She just left. There was no custody battle. No papers left to sign. Heidi just disappeared as if she were never there, leaving me with a sleeping baby in a carrier and a bag with a few essentials that included a birth certificate with my name listed as the father. After she walked out of the building, she was completely gone. I don't even think she said a word to me the entire time."

I chanced a look up at Bella, trying to read her features and met the deep brown of her eyes instead. She had been watching me, taking in all my idiosyncrasies as I tried manage the whirl of my thoughts and the chaotic mess of emotions. I just wanted her to understand and I really hoped that I was making enough sense in what I was saying. At this point, I wasn't quite sure though. I just kept talking, needing this to all be laid out in the open for her.

"Fatherhood was basically dumped on my doorstep when I had wanted nothing to do with it. I had no real choice in the matter. Please understand though, I wouldn't trade any of it now. Just then...the idea was the last thing that had ever appealed to me. I mean, I understood the possible repercussions of my actions with Heidi. I wasn't clueless. She had assured me that she couldn't have kids and I blindly accepted her words at face value. I was a fool. I utterly understand that now."

Back then, I was so foolish, thinking my life would only go the way I wanted it to. I felt invincible, not being subject to the same dangers as everyone else around me. In reality, I was so very far from invincible where life was concerned.

"I felt like Heidi betrayed me, never cluing me in until she was gone. That was hard to swallow back then. I was suddenly a dad. I had a daughter. She was mine and I was hers. She was mine and I..." I shook my head, stopping the repetitions. "The kicker though is that I fell in love with Elise that very day. I knew in an instant she was mine. I didn't need a DNA test or a piece of paper to clue me in. She had my nose and my long fingers...and she had the funny reddish tint to her hair that you never find anywhere else. There honestly was no denying it.

"It wasn't the fact that I became a dad out of the blue when I had never wanted kids in the first place. No," I shook my head, "all it took was Elise to open her eyes for me to know that I was missing this integral piece to life, the thing that made my life make sense. A life like the one I was pursuing was nothing; it had no end goal. It had no happiness or laughter...or love from a little girl that would one day think I made the sun rise and fall." I smiled slightly, a small grin tugging at the corners of my lips as I leaned back in the swing and thinking over the memories of wide brown eyes framed with think black lashes that held to my every move as if I held all the world's answers.

"It wasn't easy," I paused with a small laugh. "I made more mistakes, basically having to hit the floor running on the whole fatherhood thing. I was more than lucky to have my mum and Rose to save my arse time and again." Shaking my head, I looked back to Bella who was still twisting her swing back and forth as she looked over toward me. She had her cheek pressed against the chain, the dark circles under her eyes so much more apparent in the light. I wanted more than anything to rub them away - to run my thumbs over the tired skin until it was flushed pink again.

"I'm sorry that I keep talking in circles," I said finally, giving Bella the slightest of tired smiles. "I can't keep my thoughts straight enough to know what I've said and what I haven't. I've never...never really talked about all of this before." I hadn't. Like Emmett had said, I buried these skeletons so far back in the proverbial closest, I could have almost forgotten they were there.

Almost.

"I can keep up, Edward," Bella answered quietly, returning the same tired smile. We sat in silence after that, both swinging slightly. It was starting to get hot from the bright sun, but I could care less about the uncomfortable warm air hanging thickly around us. I put all my attention toward Bella. She had turned back to face the rest of the playground again, the slightest of smiles evident in her profile. That was more than I could have hoped for right then. A honest smile.

I wasn't sure what else she wanted to know about me, but I had promised her that she would know it all. For her, I would lay it all out there. I would strip myself bare of all the little things I have held on to for years; things that had been the building blocks of my personal protective walls.

"You know, I had never loved Heidi and I had never wanted anything more with her than what we had. As crude as this sounds now, she was just a girl to pass the time with in college and I was well aware that I served only the same purposes for her. It was a win-win arrangement at the time. I knew we each planned to go our separate ways after a point. I thought that would be right after graduation, but I was wrong. We saw each other here and there over the next few years, getting together when we both needed that release. It wasn't enjoyable...just convenient." I saw Bella flinch slightly at my words, making me realize how that made me sound.

"Sorry," I said quietly with a shrug. "I told you...I was a very different person back then." _And it was true._

She nodded in return, her fingers running along the hem of her shirt. They moved back and forth and I found myself entranced by the simple rhythm. Bella's fingers stopped and I had to shake my head in order to bring my thoughts back to where we were. "I fell into the 'dad' roll, making a lot of mistakes as I said, but muddling through at the same time. I mean, I made it this far, so I must be doing something right." I smiled over at her, trying to lighten the mood as best I could. "I had to change so much about my life and what I wanted, but I didn't really miss those dreams in the end. That little girl became my world and I wanted to live it for her and not me." Bella smiled back at that in a silent understanding with a soft curve to her lips. _So beautiful_.

"She deserved that from me at least." _And so do you_, I thought.

I didn't say anything right after that and neither did Bella. I suspected that she probably figured there was still more to my story left to be told. If so, she was more than right.

A small blur out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. I turned my head until I could watch the little girl with dark pigtails run up to the far end of the playground equipment. She seemed so far away from where we sat, but even from here I could see her smile. Two people followed a short distance behind her - her parents I would assume - holding hands and smiling as well. The little girl's laugh pierced the silence that Bella and I had fallen into as she slid down one of the slides, the sound so incredibly sweet.

Watching her brought my own memories back into focus, both good and bad. I barely registered the words as I started speaking, still watching the little girl and her parents. "One day early in the spring, Rose was at the dance studio and I had class while my mum and dad were out of town for a few days. Elise hadn't even been with me a year yet. She was still so tiny..." I trail off, my voice turning into a whisper at the end.

"I only put Elise in a small daycare when I need it. Usually, my mum or someone else...someone that I trusted...would watch her when I had work. That time though, we were all busy, and after that I was never going to be busy again. Never."

"What do you mean?"

My words were very deliberate as I answered Bella's question, cutting straight to the heart of the matter. "Heidi's parents took her from daycare that day. They took Elise."

I heard a quick intake of air beside me. "Oh God. Edward..." Bella whispered.

I still didn't look at her as I continued. "I didn't even know they cared about her. I mean, Heidi didn't and they didn't try to convince her not to give up her baby girl in the first place, so why did they choose then?" My eyes dropped down to my hand, my fingers splayed over the worn fabric of my jeans. "Like I said, I rarely took Elise to daycare. It was only when I, or my family, couldn't be there to watch her. That day, I had dropped her off in the morning like usual. I took her down to the infant care room where they had just a few other babies under a year old. I kissed her forehead like any other day and I went to work, leaving my heart with her."

"I went to pick her up like any other day too, except she wasn't there. That was the single worst moment of my life." I watched as the sudden tension in my body found its outlet through my fingers. They flexed tightly against the denim, pressing the fabric sharply into the skin below.

I kept talking through gritted teeth, my tone hiding nothing. "Long story short, I lost it. In that moment, I couldn't hold to one single emotion. I was yelling at the poor daycare people for being incompetent enough to let someone else take _my_ daughter, and I was crying because I felt like my life ended. All it took was Elise coming into my life to irrevocably change it and there I was, staring at the prospect that she was going to be gone forever." At this point, I had let go of my legs and my head was now held in my hands, elbows braced against my knees as my fingers tugged at my hair instead. I hurt all over again.

There was pain in my chest, the feeling of being taken apart until there was nothing left of me - nothing left of substance. I felt just as lost in this moment, simply remembering, as I did that day. I didn't realize I was shaking until I felt a hand against my shoulder, stilling my body. I knew whose hand it was, feeling the familiar warmth I had already come to know.

Looking up, I saw Bella leaning over, one hand holding herself to the swing as the other was holding lightly to me. She was frowning, but what caught my attention most was the worry in her eyes for me, for Elise. I ground myself in the warmth of her gaze, never understanding that someone could hold that simple power for me until that moment.

"Hey," she said, continuing to watch me closely and never removing her hand. "You don't have to tell me. It's okay."

I shook my head several times before I managed to actually speak again. "N-no," I croaked, my voice incredibly hoarse as it worked to hold everything in. "I told you...that I was going to tell you everything. I need to tell you this. Please, let me..."

Her tiny hand squeezed my shoulder gently. "Alright," she replied softly, her eyes still worried, but holding the warmth I had come to love since meeting her. Bella left her hand there, pressed lightly against my shoulder as I composed myself and my thoughts. When I finally found my voice again, she withdrew her hand, letting her fingertips drag over my back a beat longer and leaving a trail of electric heat as they moved.

"I had thought my life was ending. Truly, I did. It felt like forever until I had finally calmed down enough to figure out what the hell went wrong and how a nine-month-old could go missing with all these adults around. I mean..." I ran my hand through my hair, tugging at the ends, "...how is that honestly possible?"

I watched Bella as she continued to take me in, her hands twisting in her lap as she simply shook her head. The movement caused a few tendrils of hair to fall against her cheek while a gentle breeze blew them around. Without thinking, I moved my body closer to hers and reached my fingers up, pushing the hair behind her ear with the faintest grazing of my fingertips over her cheek.

I realized the entire action the moment after it happened. My hand hovered just above her ear as I noticed Bella's surprised, wide eyes. I had overstepped my bounds and I left utterly stupid at my misstep. We had to go at her speed.

"Sorry," I mumbled out, letting my hand fall limply against my side in defeat.

It took a moment before she started shaking her head slightly in response. "Don't be. Not for that, Edward. Never for that," Bella finished with a small smile, the shock in her features having already calmed.

I smiled back, grateful for her words. They were simple, but they meant so much.

"I was beside myself, but somehow I managed to calm down...or someone got me to calm down, I suppose is the better way to put it. I called everyone I could think of, needing someone else there to help me make sense of it all and in the end, the whole Cullen cavalry showed up. I shouted. My mum cried. My dad was the voice of reason in the shit-storm that was my life at that point." If it weren't for him, I'm not sure how we would have gotten any answers. I was past reasoning with Em and Rose both trying to settle me down, and my mum was just a mess herself.

"Long story short, the girl was new that checked the clearance at pick up time that day in the infant area. She just assumed that when they said grandparents, that they were good to go. She described them pretty damn perfectly, so I knew she was at least telling me the truth. Not that it helped console me much at that point. I just wanted Elise."

This was why I never talked about this. I hated these memories. They were the single reminder of the worst moment in my life. Why would anyone want to remember them?

"It basically took Emmett restraining me from busting down Heidi's parent's door when I found that gem of info out. I wanted answers and I didn't want to have to wait for the cops to get them for me. I mean, this was my daughter we were dealing with and she was supposed to be with me. They had no reason to take her like that. None." My eyes didn't move from Bella's face. I watched the emotions move across her face, telling my story right back just as clearly as I could hear my own words. I saw shock, pain and pity.

"The cops did get Elise, but they put her into some child protective service thing until they felt the issue was sorted out. That put me on a whole other emotional roller coaster, acting like...well, you can probably imagine," I said rather sheepishly. Bella had a good reference base to go on.

"I just wanted my baby girl back. That's all. I didn't want to press charges on Heidi's parents. I didn't really even care why they took her like that. I just wanted to take Elise home and pretend that none of that mess ever happened. I didn't get that wish though." I paused, trying to figure out how to shorten this whole mess of a story. I let out a long breath before starting again. "It took weeks to sort everything out. They did a DNA test to prove I was the father, which I hadn't had done up until that point. As I said, I knew Elise was mine from that very first moment. I didn't need a blood sample to prove it, although it did.

"Anyways, we went through DNA testing and I was just about to get Elise back when Heidi's parents put in some motion to say that Heidi wasn't in her right mind when she gave her up to me. Normally that wouldn't have stopped anything since Heidi had basically given up all parental rights and I was the biological father and so on, but they brought up all the shit I had gotten into when they knew me back in college. They made me out to be completely irresponsible and a danger to my daughter's well being,"  
I scoffed. It still pissed me off, remembering what they accused me of. It had been years since they had seen me, which gave them no right to say those things from where I stood.

"So, the state took her back. It was a mess, Bella. I was living a nightmare. We spent weeks with lawyers and social workers checking into my background, my apartment, my job...everything. I had nothing private left...but I'd do it all over again. I would do anything for my daughter. I would do anything for the people I love," I whispered out the last part, shifting my eyes to my hands against my knees. I couldn't bring myself to look at Bella in that moment, knowing that those last words meant so much more than I said. "In the end, I got her back and that was the single happiest day of my life - not the day that she came into my life, but the day I got her back for good. After that, I knew I was always going to have my baby girl."

I finished talking and we fell into silence. I was thinking over those memories as they ran like a bad movie, skipping and pausing and replaying, in my head. Bella was quiet herself, but none of the silence was uncomfortable. It had never been uncomfortable with Bella. Our quiet times together spoke more volumes than our words ever did.

Bella was the first to speak, her voice soft as it floated in the late summer air. "What ever happened with Heidi's parents? I mean..." I heard her shift in the swing, metal rubbing against metal in the movement, "...they are still Elise's grandparents too."

I turned my head to look at her, catching the sheepish curve to her lips and the way her hands fidgeted in her lap. She looked so nervous having asked something like that, but it was valid. I had my own questions for her, now just wasn't the time to ask them.

"You could say we sorted things out, as best we could at least. They finally got it through their skulls what took me months to realize." I looked to Bella, wondering if she understood. She simply watched me, waiting patiently for me to continue, which I did. "Heidi...she wasn't right in the head. I mean, when it came to raising a kid. She was much too selfish to make it work and somehow she figured I'd do a better job, even though I was barely keeping my head above water myself. I will always take issue in the way she handled things, but she turned out right in the end."

I shifted in my seat a bit, digging my heals into the ground until I was pushed back on locked knees. Bella watched me the entire time with careful eyes, following every action and word I was saying. "Anyway, they realized that I was good for Elise and that that little girl had changed me, made me into something better. The guy they knew before was good with kids, but fought to take care of himself in a respectable way. I made them see that people can change for the better, especially when they have something to live for.

"Elise and I visit them sometimes, but it's always hard on her. She always wants to know why her mum doesn't love her, no matter how many times I told her that she does, so it's always difficult for Elise to see her grandparents but not her mum. The visits have come less and less lately. The older she gets, you figure it should get easier because she can understand more, but it doesn't. It gets harder and harder. She's seen pictures of Heidi, but that's about it. Never a call. Never a letter. I honestly think it's for the better in a way. I'd rather have her not know her mum instead of having one that breezes in and out of her life without considering the repercussions."

My hands gripped the swing's chains in my hand, twisting slightly, as I continued. "Mostly though, I keep them updated. I send them pictures and write them notes or call them, making sure they know what's going on in her life. They come to all of her recitals and always make sure to send her presents for her birthday or Christmas. We've kind of decided that they will always stay in her life, but until Elise can understand that Heidi wanted what was best, in whatever twisted way, they stay on the fringe. I wish I could change it, but trial and error has made this the best course of action right now."

Our silence resumed again, just as comfortable as before. The swings creaked slightly as we moved, swinging gently with little thought. I watched Bella as she stared down at her hands, tracing her finger over the bracelet that she had kept on through it all. My heart beat a little faster in my chest once I actually noticed that fact. Despite the shit storm I put Bella through, she kept that part of me with her.

I watched her, memorizing every curve of her profile and the way the hair I had push back earlier curled gently around her ear. My eyes traced each line and indentation there, noticing the slight glint of the sun off her earrings. I moved down to the curve of her neck and the wisps of hair until my eyes hit the blue of her shirt that was a brilliant shade on her. My eyes moved back up, following the gentle lines of her chin up to the swell of her full, pink lips and I wanted nothing more than to kiss them, to feel them move against mine and know that we were real.

To know that we could still be real.

My voice finally broke through the silence, getting to the heart of why I wanted to be here. "I want to apologize for that day - for my reaction. I want you to understand something." Standing up from the swing, I kicked at the wood chips for a few moments with the toe of my shoe. I was tired of sitting and I needed to see Bella better. I needed to see her and have her see me, face to face. I moved to stand in front of her, rocking side to side in restlessness before I continued. "I love my daughter unconditionally. She holds the balance of my world in her little fingertips. Never doubt that. We've...we've just had a lot of things go against us in the past five years."

My stomach was a mess of knots as I stood there. Everything I had told Bella up to this point was pure and simply my life. I told her the truth, the good parts and the bad. But this...this was the part of it all that would make this conversation matter. I hoped beyond hope that this would go well.

I sucked in a deep breath, preparing myself and willing the words to not get jumbled. "Aside from the fact that I was simply shocked, I was more afraid of what this pregnancy would mean for us. Things were so new between you and me, and I had no clue if you would go back to whoever the father is or if you'd want nothing to do with me or Elise since you had your own family to worry about. And I was afraid..." I took a step in, my voice dropping to a rough sound just above a whisper, "...I was afraid that if I continued to fall for you and Carlie, and inevitably this baby, that at some point you'd all be taken from me too. I couldn't do that again; it killed me the first time. So I tried to protect myself and my heart, but instead I hurt us all."

My head fell back until I was squinting up at the sky, the wisps of clouds barely covering the vast blue. I stared at those ever-changing clouds as I spoke again, deliberate with each word. "I was so wrong. Bella, if you give me the chance, I will work every day...hell, I will work my _entire life_ trying to win back your trust in me. What I said..." I paused, running my hand over my face and scratching at the stubble along my jawline, "...that was inexcusable. I should have never assumed and I definitely never should have yelled at you for being honest with me. You didn't deserve that."

My feet shuffled forward as I moved closer to Bella, still needing to be near her for my own sanity and she let me. I was standing close enough to brush my fingers through her hair if I reached up. I was close enough to see the pink of her cheeks, the gold flecks in her eyes and the freckle on her forehead that marks where my lips belong. "I'm not perfect - no where near it actually - and I honestly hate that you had to see the dark, vile side of me, but I'm so much more than that. Please, if anything, know this. Please."

I took a deep breath to steady myself, smiling at Bella. "I'm...I'm just a man that is falling so completely head over heels for the most beautiful and loving woman that he has ever met. I..." I started, carefully grabbing Bella's hands from her lap and squatting down so she could see me closer. I wanted her to see the truth in my features as much as I hoped she would hear it in my words. "I, Edward Cullen, am falling so in love with you, Isabella Swan, that I can barely think straight."

* * *

**A/N:** Who still wants to kick Edward's ass?

Again, check out **Hush, Little Baby** on my profile. It will give you a better clue of what Edward went through and his thought processes. I only have one chapter done right now, but I will be posting more shortly.

**IMPORTANT:** I left some things intentionally without much explanation. I'll be continuing some of the conversation into the next chapter, which will have more input from both Bella and Edward. I'm getting there.

As always, my profile has chapter links and banners and links for twitter. Thanks for reading! ♥


	17. Come Un Fiore: Part 1

**A/N:** So, here's the deal. This got way too long to be one single chapter, so I broke it into two parts. The other should ideally post within the next several days, barring no further calamity with my internet connection.

Thanks to **Juliegirl18** for being my ever-amazing beta (she shows my comma-happy self who's boss) and **happymelt** for pre-reading and just being a general sweetheart.

**Please note:** If I haven't replied to your review yet, I am still working on it. I have had the worst luck with my internet over the last few weeks. Every time I sit down to do them, my internet either goes down for hours or days...or is decides to not let me on. I really appreciate everyone that has taken the time to review, and just know that I still very much intend to respond. You mean a great deal to me.

* * *

**_Bella_**  
My mind raced almost as fast as my heart did when his words finally sunk in. Edward had told me that he was falling in love with me. _Love_ - that singular emotion I wasn't sure was real anymore. The one man that had started to put the pieces of my broken life back together and then broke them even further - that one man - also had the power to bring me to my knees with one word. That one word meant everything.

Love was big. Love was a promise. Love was utterly terrifying.

And love was undeniably there for him, too.

I didn't have time to form a response though, before he continued, words rushed. "I know this is cliched to say, but I don't expect you to say it back. I honestly don't. I only hope one day you might be able to, but if not, then I'll understand. I just wanted..." he squeezed my fingers in the warm grip of his hands, oddly both rough and smooth, "...no, I just _needed_ you to know where my heart and my head have lead me."

Edward was still squatted down on his heels, where he had barely moved from since he kneeled before me. Being so close to him, I couldn't help but stare at his face, trying desperately to understand everything I saw etched in his features. I heard, just as much as I saw, the truth in his eyes. Everything Edward was saying was painful and raw...and honest.

I had to do the same for him.

"I have questions..." I started, before Edward interrupted me in a quiet voice.

"As do I."

_Fair enough_, I thought. We both had a lot to go over, none of which would be easy topics. I knew this already. "I know," I replied softly. "But now isn't the time to go over them. You...you gave me a lot to digest...or understand, I suppose is the better term."

He nodded, never looking away. "I know."

"I just...I need to put my thoughts together. Right now," I paused, averting my eyes and staring up at the wisps of clouds against the otherwise clear sky. It was too hard to look at him when my mind was spinning with everything I knew and everything I still didn't - about him and about myself. "Right now, I'm all over the place. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this pregnancy and it's happening to my own body. I have a front row seat for this and I have no idea what to think anymore. I have made amends and realize that I am going to make the best of this because I want to. I have a family that needs me and I need them, no matter the circumstances. But after that, I'm lost. And then you..." I finally looked back at Edward who was still watching me closely, analyzing my words as much as my actions. "You complicate things," I whispered, shaking my head.

The hurt in his eyes and his face was almost instantaneous with my words. As I said them, I hadn't clarified their implications and he took them to mean more than I did. The truth was, Edward complicated my life by making me want things that I shouldn't want right now. He made me want to take chances. To try.

To forgive.

"Edward, there is a lot that I need to understand about myself and about you. We can't even begin to make an 'us' work if neither of us understand our own lives separately and how they could mesh together in the long run. We both have a past that we need to reconcile with. I wish more than anything that I could tell you right now that we could pretend like the last several days never happened, but I can't. It did and we both had to realize that we are more than we both thought."

I opened my mouth to say more, but closed it quickly, having no words left after that. I had spoken my peace and now wasn't sure where I was supposed to go from there. Edward actually spoke quicker than I had ever expected he would.

"I know," he said softly, dropping his eyes to my wrist where his finger was reaching up to trace the bracelet I still wore. He drew his finger forward and back, running over the raised dots. "You know, I was so surprised to see you still wore this. I thought..." he shook his head "...I figured you would have taken it off first thing."

"You said it was for luck. I figured at that point I needed as much of it as I could get," I answered simply and Edward nodded, following my words, but still staring at the disc. "And..." I swallowed tightly and found myself trying to look anywhere but down at him. "It was from you. I couldn't bring myself to take it off." It was true. The light metal was already a part of me. I hadn't even considered taking it off once. It was the connection to Edward that I hadn't wanted to lose, even that first night. It seemed silly looking back now, but I needed that bracelet like I needed gravity to keep me sitting here.

Edward's voice was quiet and musing. "You know, when I first saw this, I immediately thought of you. It's simple and yet complicated. It's one thing, but it's another at the same time." He shook his head quickly as if he were having trouble following his own thoughts. "What I mean, is that you are a beautiful and wonderful woman that I was lucky enough to have come into my life, but you are so much more than that. You are strong and stubborn. You are loving and fiercely loyal. You would do anything for the people you love. Bella, you are so much more than you appear to be and I really understand that now. I always have on some level, but looking at you in this moment, I understand how true it is.

"And luck..." he paused, finally looking back up to me. "The luck on that bracelet was just as much for me as it was for you."

I could feel my brows furrow as I tried to follow. "What do you mean?"

"That luck, right there..." he ran his finger over the skin of my wrist, tracing the edges of the bracelet "...symbolizes how lucky I am that you took a chance on me."

Edward didn't give me a chance to say anything in response, although I'm not sure I could have if I tried. He just kept surprising me and making my heart melt more and more with each passing breath. The thing was though, I knew he wasn't just saying these things. He honestly meant them and that gave me a hope that I wasn't ready to voice just yet. "Bella, just...just think about what I have told you. I can promise with everything that I am, that I am willing to work for this - for you. These last few days gave me a sneak peak at what my life is like without you and without Carlie, and I can honestly say I don't like it.

"But...I will understand if you don't give me this chance again. I did things I can never take back and I will never be able to tell you how truly sorry I am. Just...take your time, love." Edward finally stood up, slowly straightening his body to his full height until I was staring up at him. He still held tight to my hands, squeezing them gently. "I'll be here whenever you figure it out." With that, he bent down, kissing my forehead in his favorite spot and I momentarily forgot about everything. The simple kiss was innocence and ease and everything that I had been missing the last few days.

His lips only lingered for a moment before they were gone. Edward switched gears quickly, smiling down at me as he said, "Come on. I should get you inside. It's too hot out here."

I grasped his hand tightly as he gently pulled me up from the swing. My legs tingled, having been sitting there for what seemed like forever. His hold was warm and strong, and he held tight to me until I was steady on my feet, but when he let go of my hands, I instantly missed the warmth. My palms felt empty without his there. I hadn't realized how much I had missed that simple touch until it was gone again. I tried to busy my hands by grabbing for my sweater and pulling it back on. My hands balled in the extra fabric of the sleeves in order to simply do something.

Edward and I were just as quiet heading back inside as we had been when he had led me out to the playground. It was still just our shoes against the linoleum of the hallways that made the only sound. All too soon, we were back at the library with a silent understanding hanging in that moment around us.

With one last small grin, one corner lifting just a bit higher than the other, he left me standing in front of the double doors to the library, heading down toward the music room. My hand reached out to grab the handle, the cool metal feeling out of place to the warmth that had been Edward's hand only a few minutes earlier.

Everything about this moment felt wrong. I shouldn't have been leaving and he shouldn't be walking away. This, whatever you would call what had happened and what still is happening between us, was far from over. There was still too much too hash out, so much to understand.

And there was the daunting prospect that wherever we went from here could either be one of the best or one of the worst decisions of our lives.

"Edward," I called, pausing with my hand still holding the library's door handle, my grip having tightened the more my mind sped up. He stopped about dozen steps down the hall, turning back toward me and waiting. He was waiting for me to talk, to move, to do something. I breathed in deeply, finding his bright green eyes and holding to them as I spoke. "You have the power to break me all over again...but you also have the power to make everything right. Please remember that."

**~.~**

I brought Carlie with me to school the next day, taking her down to the music room a few minutes before her lesson time. Edward was already there, playing the piano with quick but delicate touches. My daughter was flying down the ramp into the classroom while I stood motionless at the top, watching the muscles of Edward's back flex and relax in the movement under his t-shirt. The motion was fluid and completely captivating. Watching him play was an experience, to say the least. He was the music, simple as that. His hands knew those keys better than anything else. When they touched, they were unstoppable.

I still couldn't fathom what he was doing teaching a bunch of elementary students music when he had talent like that. Edward belonged playing in a symphony, playing music that would resonate in the hallowed halls of opera houses for hundreds of people, not surrounded by plastic chairs that he could barely squeeze himself into. Yet, if I were being honest, I was grateful that life brought him here instead.

The music stopped as Carlie excitedly called, "Mr. Cullen! You ready to see how good I got? Tell him, momma!" I watched his hands reach out in reflex to catch Carlie as she sprung herself up at him sitting on the bench, ruffling the curls of her hair. It took him only a moment before he was turning around, my daughter still in his arms, and looked up at me with the most genuine smile.

"Is that so?" Edward questioned Carlie, but his gaze was still directed toward me.

I nodded, butterflies beating in my stomach as I took my first steps down the ramp and farther into the classroom. "It is," I answered, with a tentative smile of my own. "We don't have the best piano at home, but she's been working her little fingers off on it."

He looked back down at my daughter in his lap. "Well, I like to hear that you've been practicing, but give these..." he raised Carlie's hand, wiggling her fingers with his own and earning a fit of childish giggles "...a rest sometimes. If you tire them out, how are we going to do our lessons?"

Edward brought his hands down to tickle her sides and started a whole other round of laughter and squirming limbs before lifting Carlie up to set her on the bench next to him. "You know the drill, maestro. Warm up your fingers and I'm going to talk to your mum for a minute."

"'Kay, 'kay," Carlie answered brightly, slightly out of breath from laughing, as she started pressing keys and moving her little hands all over the place. Edward was slow, graceful even, as he got up and walked the short distance to where I stopped at the bottom of the ramp.

"Thanks for bringing her down today."

I pulled my arm around me, my fingers twisting in the fabric of my shirt at my side and shrugged. "Of course. She looks forward to this every week. Every Friday morning Carlie is already asking if it's next Thursday yet. You make her world go 'round, Edward," I said with a small laugh.

"I think that's an overstatement," he said, a pink blush slightly coloring his cheeks. "I really meant, thank _you_ for coming as well. Part of me figured you'd just drop her off at the door."

It was my turn to blush. I wasn't sure what I was ready for between Edward and I. I only knew that I had this unexplainable need to see him - to remember that all this, good and bad, was real. "Is it really that hard to believe?"

Edward grinned more, one side curling just a bit higher than the other. I noticed this little change always when he smiled the most honestly, being genuinely happy and at ease. "I suppose not."

"So, an hour then?" I asked, steering the subject back to simpler topics - ones that wouldn't get my heart in trouble.

"Yeah. I can bring her back over to the library when we're done if you want. Actually..." he paused, glancing back to Carlie still plinking away on the piano "...I wanted to ask if I could bring Carlie home with me after her lesson. I have to pick up Elise from dance, but I figured they might like to have some time together. If that's alright with you, of course."

"Uh, yeah. Carlie would love that. She has, um, missed Elise these last few days." I shifted side to side, my fingers still tangling in the extra fabric of my shirt. "When do you want me to pick her up?"

"I'll bring her home. You don't need to make the trip."

We talked for a few minutes longer, dancing around any subject too serious. Now was not the time for that. It was never awkward however. Just...different from the ease we usually had together. So far, talking to him had always been as easy as breathing.

I left both Edward and Carlie to their music and headed back to the silence and stillness of the library for a few more hours. By the time I left, I felt I was about as ready for the start of the school year as I could be and I would have all day tomorrow to spend with Carlie, just her and I. I was looking forward to that more than I could say. A mother-daughter day was long overdue.

I ran a few errands after I left the school, picking up groceries and stopping at the small, corner-shoppe bakery before I finally found myself at home. I dropped the shopping bags off in the kitchen, let Elli out of her kennel and put her out to run around the backyard. I stood there watching her run circles around the yard, having so much energy that I was exhausted just watching the puppy. By the time I made it back in the house, I heard my phone ringing and vibrating loudly against the counter-top where I had thrown it. I didn't even bother to check the caller ID before answering, hoping I wasn't too late. "Hello?"

"Bella, dear," the bright voice echoed through the phone and I couldn't help but smile. The voice was warm and intensely comforting. Just what I needed after the last two days.

"Esme, how are you?"

"I'm good sweetie. How are you?" she asked in return. "I mean, how are you really?"

I would have thought I'd be sick of hearing that question, between my own family asking it and the constant, silent times I asked myself. Yet, it didn't bother me when Esme asked it. I didn't know what she knew about my situation and the situation between Edward and I, but I could only assume she didn't know much. She wasn't one to ask out of formality. "I'm...I'm getting better," I answered honestly.

"You know you can talk to me, sweetie. Forget that I'm Edward's mother. You mean a great deal to me without him. You know that, right?" Her tone was motherly, always reminding me how much I missed my own mom. Washington felt way too far away at times.

Esme didn't give me much time at all to respond before she segued into a new topic. "Has my son been behaving himself?"

"Yes," I answered, laughing lightly. "He actually has been."

"Good, dear. What I really wanted to ask was if could I steal my girl away from you tomorrow night? I just wanted one more day with both sweeties before they both grow up on me."

There was a pleading but playful lilt to her voice that was difficult to refuse had I wanted to. "Of course, Esme," I answered easily, quickly. "I'm sure Carlie would love that too. She's actually with Edward and Elise for the afternoon."

"Oh sweetie, thank you. I can't believe they're growing up so quickly. I mean, kindergarten!" That was what I loved about Esme. That right there. Even after the few short weeks that Carlie and I had known the Cullens, Esme - and even Carlisle - had erased the lines between how they loved Elise and how they loved my little girl. Both were Esme's girls, no matter blood or last names. They had known Elise for five years and Carlie for five weeks, but that couldn't have mattered less to her. I would never understand how I got so lucky to have other people care about my daughter like that.

"I know. I'm nowhere near ready for it either."

**~.~**

I had just settled into my typical corner of the sofa, already in a pair of old shorts and a ratty t-shirt with a book in hand. Elli was still out exploring the backyard, leaving the house almost eerily silent since Esme had come to pick up Carlie earlier this afternoon. This was not something I was used to, accustomed to childish chatter or some forgotten television show coming through the halls. The silence was short-lived however, the doorbell echoing against the walls of the living room before I could even open the pages of the book.

I pulled myself up, pushing back an escaping strand of hair as I made my way to the front door. It was after six on a Saturday night, so I had no idea who to expect as I opened the heavy door. Yet, the person standing on the other side of the screen door was definitely the last person I would have ever guessed.

"Bella." His voice was a smooth rush, holding the same warmth as his smile. "I brought these for you," he said, holding up the small bouquet of gerbera daisies in an array of bright colors glowing in the setting sun.

"Edward?" He simply smiled a bit more through the mesh of the screen. "What are you doing here?" I asked, making no move to hide the surprise in my voice.

"I," he paused, dropping his eyes to study the flowers in his hands for a moment before he looked back up. "I would like to take you to dinner." I watched him rock his body slightly, shifting his weight in nervousness. "Tonight," he added quietly.

Self-consciously, I glanced down at the pajamas I was already in, noticing every hole and faded color as I stood there. "Tonight?"

He simply smiled back. "Yes, tonight."

"Edward...I'm not...what would I wear?" My words all came out a hopeless jumble.

"You're prefect as is."

Edward must be crazy or blind or something. "How could I be? I mean..." I motioned to the worn fabric clinging to my body "...look at me."

"I am looking at you, Bella." Edward's voice took on a raw, husky tone, betraying his own eyes that never strayed from my own. "And please believe me when I say you're more than perfect just the way you are." I felt my cheeks flush slightly at his words, heat burning against my flesh. Before I could say anything, he continued, defeat edging into his voice as he misunderstood my silence. "I...I know you have no reason to trust me now, after everything that's happened, but I am asking you for this chance."

In that moment, there wasn't a thirty-one year old, self-assured man standing just on the other side of the screen. There was just a simple man with a deep-set pain coloring his deep, dulcet voice and his eyes begging forgiveness. My chest tightened in turn, emotions stirring deep in me and igniting a slow and steady burn in my veins. Just like the deep worry line that would crease Edward's brow that I would try to rub away, this did not suit him. This did not suit the Edward that I had started to fall in love with.

That was that, my thoughts finally echoing Edward's words from the days prior. I couldn't voice it - not yet at least - but there was no denying what that stir of emotions had meant; what that need to wipe away his hurt despite my own still-tender wounds was.

I didn't even try to find words to answer him, my mind still trying to process its admission. Instead, I flicked the latch on the screen door and stood back against the front door, the coolness of the aluminum soaking through the thin fabric of my clothes. Edward paused a moment before opening the door and stepping into my house. He stopped just in front of me, holding the bouquet up. They were even more beautiful close up, bright and sweet smelling, and I reached up my hand to take them from Edward.

My fingers brushed his for just a moment and however cliched it sounded, my heart beat just a bit quicker at the contact. "Thank you," I said softly, taking the flowers completely in my own hand. Edward didn't say anything in response, instead just continuing to smile as he had since he had arrived.

I left him standing by the door as I went to put the flowers in a vase and let Elli back in, putting her in her kennel and grabbing my phone and purse from the kitchen. I took my time doing so, my feet not wanting to move any faster through my house. I wasn't sure what to expect once I walked out that door with Edward tonight. Everything from here on out was completely unknown. I mean, dinner sounded simple enough, but for us it meant so much more. This is one step forward after five steps back, but we were walking down a completely different path from where we started.

I shuffled around long enough, finally meeting Edward back by the front door. He walked out first, holding the screen door open for me until I shut and locked the door and he stayed by my side the entire way to the Volvo. The ride was a quiet affair. I watched the passing houses and trees, acutely aware of Edward in the seat next to me with only music playing softly in the background. I fought the urge to watch him; to watch the way his eyes checked the road and his arm flexed when he shifted gears. Oh yes, I knew all these things very well and staring now would only beg for conversation that I wasn't sure I'd be okay with right now.

Edward pulled up in front of his garage, not bothering to put the car away. I reached to unbuckle my seatbelt and by the time I managed to do so, Edward already had my door open and was offering his hand. I still hadn't gotten used to his little quirks like that. James never opened doors for me, unless my arms were full holding Carlie. He would kiss me, but it always seemed like he had a purpose doing so, whereas Edward, even in the short time we were together, would kiss me just because. James would hold my hand, but he never rubbed his thumb over the back of it like Edward does. It's as if Edward was always trying to remind me that he is right there or that I actually meant something.

He walked beside me, up the stairs to the porch and unlocked the door, letting me go in first. Everything was still in it's place - the couch, the pictures, Elise's toys...everything. I dropped my purse in the corner of the couch and waited for Edward. I felt odd just wandering around, even though I knew this house by heart. I knew the pictures on the walls and entertainment center. I knew which doors led where. I knew the spot that Elise tried coloring on the wall.

I felt Edward's fingers on my lower back, pressing me forward into the house with such a light touch. As soon as we stepped through the threshold into the kitchen, the smell of citrus and subtle spices hit me full force. I looked over towards the oven, noticing the last remaining fifteen minutes ticking down on the timer. "You already cooked?" I asked, astonished and breathing in the sweet aroma as I openly gaped at Edward.

He shrugged in return, pink tinting his cheeks. It was rare that I had seen Edward blush and each time made me smile just a little more. "I had hoped you'd say yes."

Nodding, I took his words in. He had planned this ahead of time. All of this. I had to wonder what he would have done if I had said no, _as if I honestly could_. "So what's for dinner then?" I asked instead, keeping my own train of thoughts to myself.

"Why don't you go sit down and I'll show you."


	18. Come Un Fiore: Part 2

**A/N:** Thanks for all the support for the first part of this chapter. I loved hearing your thoughts! Hopefully you all enjoy what remains of this chapter.

Thanks, as always, to **Juliegirl18** for continually dealing with my hopeless use of "towards" and **happymelt** for pre-reading and dealing with my circular reasoning. Also, thanks to **LadyExcalibur2010 **and **DivineInspiration **for rec'ing this story in their own wonderful ones!

Thanks to the rest of you for simply being amazing! ♥

* * *

**_Bella_**

I thought we were just heading over to the dining room, but Edward's fingers ghosted over the small of my back as he led me toward the hallway instead. I felt the heat of his fingers through the fabric, the undeniable pull that was there in the slightest of touches. The simplicity of it had my heart racing at an unsteady pace, beating heavy in my ears.

Edward led me through the still familiar halls, pushing open the door to the patio in the back. The night was warm, holding to the last weeks of summer. He pulled out one of the chairs around the patio table, smiling gently as he waited for me to sit. I did and Edward pushed the chair back in, the legs making a low, scraping sound against the stone. "I'll be right back," he said, brushing his fingers over my shoulder as he walked away.

As soon as the door closed, I took a moment to look around. In all the time we had spent together at his house before, I had never actually paid that close of attention to the backyard. My attention was always on the girls as they played over on the swings or as they ran around the yard with Edward chasing them. Now I had my chance though. The stone patio arced out away from the house, the outline edged by a variety of green plants and a few flowers. It reminded me so much of the landscaping in the Cullen's back yard and I could just imagine Edward allowing his mom to have free reign of his landscaping just to see her smile.

I moved my attention to the table I sat at. There was a basic bamboo mat with a simple set of silverware in front of me. The sun was low in the sky, dusk closing in, but light flickered around the table. I noticed several lantern-type posts placed around the patio, but drew my eyes back to the unlit plate of candles in the middle of the table, separating me from the other place setting that had to be Edward's. I still couldn't wrap my mind around the thought he had put into this without even being certain I'd say yes to coming over. However, I now understood how being in my pajamas was perfectly acceptable. It made me feel a bit more at ease with everything.

Edward chose that moment to finally come back outside, carrying a tray with several dishes on top. He set it down, proceeding to move everything onto the table and passing a small plate and bowl down to me. Lastly, he set a glass of ice water in the top corner of my mat before moving to sit himself. I was paying so much attention to the food he had brought out that I didn't even realize Edward had lit the several candles on the table until the flickers of light were glinting off the edges of the bowls.

I couldn't help myself. I inhaled deeply, finally being able to put the delicious smells of earlier to the food Edward had brought out. "It looks amazing," I commented, looking between the bowl of pasta and the two chicken breasts on a plate next to it. "So tell me chef, what are we having?"

I looked up quickly enough to see a slight blush color his cheeks, just like when we were still in the house and I commented on the smell. "Thank you," Edward said quietly, smiling. "It's, uh, pasta primavera with fresh summer vegetables and lemon baked chicken. Help yourself." I did, realizing how hungry I really was as soon as the first spoonful of pasta hit my bowl. After I had taken enough, Edward did the same and we fell into a relative silence as we ate. I commented a few times on the food, which was amazing, and each time his cheeks colored. It was endearing to see him so shy about something as simple as cooking. There really was so much about him that I didn't yet understand. I had only scratched the surface of who Edward really was.

We both finished about the same time. Edward told me to sit and relax while he cleared the table and brought everything inside. I did as he said, sipping on my water until he made his way back out to the patio. "You said you had questions," Edward stated simply, sitting back down and leaning back in his chair, fingers splayed over his stomach. I didn't answer for a few moments, instead finding myself watching the firelight play off the planes of his face. It flickered across his sun-kissed skin, creating dark shadows in drastic contrast to bright spots. His normally sharp features were even more defined. Most of all though, I stared at his eyes. The light gave the dark green of them a sense of being alive, dancing and jumping in the darkness of the night that surrounded us.

My hand found its way into the ends of my hair, mindlessly wrapping and twirling several pieces. "You said you were scared," I finally said, watching him still. "You said you were scared of losing me and Carlie...and this baby." My fingertips ran lightly over the fabric covering my abdomen. "Why?"

I watched Edward take a deep breath, leaning forward and bracing his elbows against his knees. "Bella...you and Carlie have come to mean so much in my life. Things don't make sense without you both there, or at least knowing you are there. This is going to sound corny, so please bear with me." His lips were curved upwards, slightly lopsided and it was the most adorable and childish grin, making my heart skip a beat...or two. Edward looked so playful then, carefree despite both our unanswered questions and the uncertainty of what would come after. "It's like...without you, I'm missing the last sheet of music in Vivaldi's _Four Seasons_. Without that ending, the song is merely a succession of a pretty bunch of notes, not the all-encompassing and simply consuming symphonic story telling of the graceful passage of time as it should be." He paused a moment, locking his eyes to my own, before continuing. "You're my ending, Bella. I can't imagine anything or anyone fitting more perfectly."

It was corny as hell, but...cute...and so completely Edward at the same time. His words literally hurt my chest though. I felt them chip away at the wall I had built up around my heart, pulling me apart. I unconsciously wrapped my arms around myself, feeling the need to hold all the little parts of me together. Yet, it wasn't all a bad hurt. Edward really did make me feel things I wasn't sure I was ready for. He hurt me, but he healed me too.

"Your turn," I said quietly, dropping my eyes and refusing to look back up because I was not looking forward to any of the questions Edward undoubtedly had.

A heavy silence fell after my words. I busied my hands drawing invisible patterns on the fabric of my shirt as it lay over my stomach, watching each swirl and line I drew closely. I'm not sure how long we sat there before Edward spoke. I'm sure it was only a matter of moments, but the silence seemed to make it drag on forever. His words were soft and tentative. "Your husb...ex husband was abusive?" I nodded, finally chancing a look at him across from me. I didn't want to think about it even though I needed to for Edward's sake. I watched as his body tensed. "Abusive how?" He drew out the question, sounding more like he didn't really want to know the answer. Oddly, I didn't blame him. I wouldn't really want to know either.

"Um..." my eyes shifted away, uncomfortable "...about every way you can be..." I left it at that though, not wanting to elaborate more than I had to. Edward was a smart man. He could read between the lines.

It took him awhile to say something in return. I still hadn't looked back at him by the time his quiet words reached my ears. "You said he, uh...forced you..."

I nodded again, knowing my voice would hopelessly shake if I even tried to speak, but I knew I couldn't leave it at that. I took a deep breath, painfully filling my lungs as I tried to sort out my next words. "Things, uh, things seemed good in the beginning, but most marriages like mine do. We...we met in college at a literary club meeting. You figure, someone there has to be a good person," I quoted with my fingers. "Just goes to show there is a side to everyone," I spoke the last part softer, realizing how true it was in two completely different cases. Yes, Edward had somewhat of a temper that I had met with first-hand, but it was nothing like the evil that flowed through James' veins.

Edward nodded silently, giving me time and letting me move on at my own pace. "Things were good. We had some rough patches, but who doesn't, you know?" My voice was still quiet, so I hoped Edward could hear me. "When Carlie came around, James was the typical proud papa, always doting on his little girl. I thought I had it all right then. I had a great husband and a perfect daughter that were my world.

"Paradise, well, it didn't last long. I don't even remember how or why it happened, but it did. It started off with him degrading me. He'd always make snide comments and I'd just ignore it." My words slowly got stronger as I talked, coming easier as I got angry instead of hurt at the memories. "It progressed slowly, but after a point, he started pushing me and everything escalated from there. He'd...he'd force himself on me. He'd hit me. He'd do whatever the hell he wanted to me. It never mattered what I said."

"Bella..." Edward hesitated. "Did you ever tell anyone?" I shook my head, my shoulders sagging in defeat, the strength I felt short-lived. "W-why not?"

"I, um, I stupidly thought that each time would be the last. Edward, it's not easy trying to convince yourself that your perfect little life is at the complete other end of the spectrum. You don't want to have to believe that, you know?" I shifted my eyes, finally looking back up at Edward. His forehead was creased, the lines running deep and shadowed. I had to fight the urge even now to get up and run my fingers over his brow until those lines smoothed out as if they were never even there. Even now, I wanted to heal him.

However, I stayed seated, my eyes watching for any change in the worry lines as I continued. "The last time was the worst. The time when he had hit me before, James somehow paid blind attention to where his blows landed, never leaving marks that would be visible if I wore a t-shirt. That last time though, he didn't care. It took me nearly an hour every morning to cover up the bruises over my face because I didn't want anyone to know. I...I didn't want you to know." I wanted nothing more than to look away, to hide myself and the reminders of that time flashing through my head, but I didn't. I managed to keep my eyes locked on Edward as I waited for whatever would come next.

"I understand. Well, I mean, I understand as well as I can. Thank you, Bella."

I wasn't quite sure what Edward meant with that. Now definitely didn't seem like the time for giving thanks. "For what?" I asked confused.

Edward finally moved. Up until now, he had been relatively motionless as he had listened to me talk, aside from the few subtle changes in his facial features. He leaned forward in his chair, bracing his elbows against his knees again. "For telling me now," he answered softly. "For trusting me enough to let me in."

A simple "Oh" escaped from my lips as his answer sunk in.

"I have another question though..." he said slowly. I simply nodded again, apparently my words failing me completely today. "Since you said seven weeks, that meant...I mean...uh, it wasn't that last time was it?" Edward struggled with each word, running his hand hopelessly through his hair as if it would help. "I mean, it can't be. Right?"

This time, as I shook my head, I also said, "No. I'm thankful for that small favor at least." And I was. More than I could honestly ever say. "I'm not trying to make excuses, but things weren't bad all the time. I just knew I couldn't live like that forever. I had had more than enough."

Edward was quiet for a moment, staring down at his lap or his hands. I wasn't quite sure which as the table was blocking my sight. The way his body moved just slightly made it seem as if he couldn't keep his hands still. I didn't even realize I was holding my breath, waiting for him to say something, until the burn in my chest became almost unbearable. The air rushed from my lungs just as Edward finally said, "Me too," with a small smile that shot right through me.

We fell silent again after that, neither of us really sure where to go or what to ask next. Mindlessly, I ran my fingers lightly over my abdomen again, watching the movement closely as had come to be my habit. It was still almost surreal to know there was another life there when I hadn't planned it at all. But there was, and everything would be okay. It had to be.

I heard Edward's chair move across the patio, but I didn't look up. I was still lost in my own thoughts. It wasn't until a flower was gently laid in my lap, stilling my fingers, that I processed much else around me. The petals were a pale yellow, somehow resisting the natural closure of the bud at night. This one was still very much open and beautiful.

I looked up to find Edward squatting so close to my chair that I could have reached out and brushed my fingers through his mess of hair. He was smiling back at me, his cheeks dimpled slightly. "What's this for?" I asked, picking up the flower gingerly between my fingers.

"Just because," he answered, shrugging his shoulders as his elbows rested on his knees. His whole body moved as he did so. I finally nodded in return, smelling the sweetness of the flower. It was a delicate scent, like spring or that simple freshness I always equated with sunshine. It was...nice.

Edward didn't offer up any more to his explanation and I simply watched as I slowly spun the flower by the stem this way and that way. The petals would blur together and then come back into focus. Back and forth. Over and over again. At some point, Edward stood back up and reclaimed his spot across the table from me, barely making any noise as he did so. I was the first to break the quiet again. Ever since Edward told me about his past, I couldn't reconcile a major piece of it in my head. "I know you said that you let Heidi's parents back into Elise's life, but why? Thinking about it, I'm not sure I could have ever done that if I were in your shoes."

"Because they love her," he answered simply. "It took me awhile, but I finally realized they were trying to look out for my daughter. They wanted to protect her, even in their completely skewed way of going about it, and I couldn't blame them for that. The guy they had known would have been a failure at parenthood. They just hadn't expected that I could change." I watched as Edward shrugged his shoulders, as if what he was saying came so easy now. "Elise also deserves to have as many people in her life that love her as she can. I honestly can't wait until the day I can reintroduce her to her grandparents. It just takes us time getting there."

That I could understand. It's the greatest gift to find another person out there that loves your child as much as you do. I saw that in my family. I saw that in Angela. I saw that in Esme and Carlisle. And I more than saw that in Edward. I never once asked him to love Carlie, but he did anyways.

Edward pulled me out of my thoughts with his next question. "What about you? Do you plan to keep your ex's parents in Carlie's life? In this new baby's life?"

Once he asked the question, I realized part of me had been waiting for this. I didn't have all the answers yet, like would I ever tell Carlie the truth about why we left, but I had enough. "I don't have too," I started. "His parents passed away when we were still in college. I feel horrible that Carlie never got to meet them because they were wonderful people. They would have spoiled her rotten." I had always felt bad that Carlie would never know them, yet now, I was almost thankful. I couldn't even imagine trying to balance our new lives with having to stay that connected to our past. I mean, I still had to figure out how to explain this new baby to her and depending on where Edward and I went from here, that was a whole other topic to bridge. There was just so much stuff left for all of us to understand and I didn't know how I'd ever manage it all.

My eyes drifted away, watching the candlelight dance against the table as I held my flower. Since Edward had laid it on my lap, I had yet to let it go. I didn't now why, but it felt as if I set it down, tonight would end. It was silly to think, but in the few questions and comfortable silence, Edward and I were getting somewhere. I wasn't ready to give that up just yet. Despite where we were coming from, I needed to figure out where we were going.

I didn't say anything right away, simply sitting with my thoughts and the rhythmic breathing of Edward. Time passed, though I wasn't sure how long. All I knew was that the deep black of night had settled in around us. "Hmmm, where do we go from here?" I mused, finally speaking while spinning the stem of the flower between my fingers.

Edward didn't answer me right away, but when he did, I listened closely. "Anywhere you want to," he said simply. "Bella, I already told you my feelings and what exactly you mean to me. I refuse to push you again. Whatever you want is on your terms, love." He leaned back in his chair once more, drumming his fingers against the tops of his thighs for just a moment. "I'd wait as long as I have to if more time is what you want. I'd take you home right now if you asked me. Bella, I would walk away from you and never turn back if that was what you needed from me. Just know, my heart is yours now; I never want it back. Do with it what you may, but it's yours." He opened his mouth as if he were going to say more, but stopped himself, instead running his hand through his hair once again. After a few times through, leaving his hair looking even more unruly, he said, "Forever and always, it is yours."

I spun the flower faster and faster, pulling my fingers back and forth until the petals were nothing but a blur again in the muted light - a dizzying blur that was easier to concentrate on than my own thoughts. I knew what I wanted - what I wanted to say to Edward. I couldn't deny that anymore. I just...I couldn't find the words to actually voice it. It was all so much easier to think than to say.

My fingers stopped twirling the flower and I took a chance to look at it closely, using my scrutiny as an excuse not to talk just yet. The petals were soft as I rubbed one lightly between my thumb and forefinger. I could so easily pluck the petal, mar the otherwise perfect beauty of the flower. It would never be the same again. I didn't really think before my fingers pulled and the petal slipped away from the others, floating down onto my lap as I let it go.

I squinted my eyes, trying to see more in the flower than was there. I couldn't help but think it was like my life. I thought it was perfect to begin with. I had what I thought was my dream, even if I was living it through rose-tinted glasses. Then it fell apart. I lost that petal and things were no longer as I had pictured them. And yet, I still held together. There were all these other little things that made me complete and there was now room for something better, something more beautiful, to fill that hole.

"I don't want you to go," I whispered, afraid my entire world would fall again admitting that simple desire after everything I came to realize. "It's like you said. Without you, things don't make sense. You and Elise...and the rest of your crazy and absolutely lovable family..." I laughed lightly "...fill a void in my life and in my heart that I didn't know needed to be filled." I had spoken all that transfixed by the flower, but I finally lifted my eyes to Edward's. What I found was warmth and patience...and love. "I'm just scared."

"What are you scared of now, Bella?"

I didn't even think about what I was saying before the words slipped out of my mouth. "Edward..." I started quietly. "You...you _broke_ the already broken pieces of my life. That day..." I shook my head "...God, that day hurt worse than anything. Nothing James ever said or did to me can even compare to the betrayal I felt when you questioned me. I had only wanted to be honest with you, and you threw it right back in my face."

Edward winced at my words, dropping his gaze from mine, but I saw what was there in the brief seconds before. There was pain - so much pain taking over the life that normally left his eyes alive. I couldn't stand seeing that, but I had to tell him. Edward had to know what it felt like in my shoes to be broken like that again. I just...I just found it so difficult to look at him. It hurt me too much. We were both still very much in pain. "Bella, I..." he whispered.

"Just wait. Please." I interrupted whatever he was about to say. I needed this moment for myself and myself alone. "That hurt. It was like - I can't even describe it. But you know something, Edward?" I waited until he looked up at me again. "I couldn't get you out of my head. You were right there when I got home and you were still there when I woke in the morning, barely functioning from the weight of it all. Despite my anger and hurt, it was you I still thought about. Every day.

"I'm not saying I'm over it completely. I _can_ say I understand you and the misunderstandings between us, but there are still wounds there. Above that though, I can't think of my life right now without you or Elise in it. For some unexplainable reason, you belong there." I sighed, looking back at the flower I still had yet to put down. Mindlessly, I rubbed another petal between my fingers, feeling how delicate it truly was. One wrong move, a wrong twist of my fingers, and I'd ruin it.

My voice was soft as I continued. "Edward, I love your little girl. It was as simple as that. She makes me see the good in this world, just as Carlie does. And...and you're good for Carlie. She adores you. Did you know that, Edward? That little girl thinks you make the earth move and that you're the embodiment of the music always moving through her." I paused, not sure I wanted to say the last words that hung just on the tip of my tongue. So much of tonight had been accepting the realities of our pasts and the prospects of our futures if we'd let it happen. These were big steps held in small words. I took a deep breath, finally looking back up before I whispered, "And...you're good for me too."

He shook his head and I watched as his hair ruffled back and forth in the movement, catching glints of the lights. "I am?" he questioned in disbelief. "Bella...how? I've done nothing but hurt you lately." Edward's hands, already running through his hair as always, started tugging on the ends.

"Maybe," I agreed quietly, setting the flower down gently on the table top. "But you also make me feel again. I was numb after James. After we left Chicago, I went through the motions of living for Carlie's sake. She needed a mother, so I kept going." I pulled one arm across my body, my fingers moving with too much nervous energy against my side. "That day, when you didn't tell me to stop - when you just let me go - I was more than numb. I was empty, Edward. Don't get me wrong, I still had Carlie. She's the reason I live and breathe every single day. She's the center of my world. But you..." I shook my head, not sure if what I was saying was making any sort of sense anymore. It was all too much. Too much to feel. Too much to say. Too much to make real. "Thinking that I lost you was something totally different - I felt hollow."

**~.~**

Our conversation had ebbed slowly, until we were sitting there in a comfortable silence all over again. I listened to the soft sounds of the night, closing my eyes and listening even closer to the steady rush of air that was Edward's breath. It was rhythmic, the sound measured and soothing. I hadn't even realized I had fallen asleep, until Edward's fingers were tickling my cheek.

I blinked my eyes furiously until I could focus on Edward. He was kneeling close, smiling his easy smile. The one smile I loved the most. "Hey there, sleeping beauty," he said softly, brushing my hair back. "It's getting late."

"Wh..." I cleared my throat. "What time is it?"

He blushed. I could even see it in the pale, yellow light from the lanterns. "Almost one in the morning. I, um, I had a hard time convincing myself to wake you up. I selfishly wanted to keep you here." I nodded, only half registering what he was saying through the remaining sleepy haze I was fighting through. "You can stay here tonight if you would like. I'll sleep on the couch again. Or I can take you home. It's your choice, Bella."

All I knew is that I wanted to sleep, and if I were being completely honest with myself, I wanted to stay. "I'll stay," I said, voicing my thoughts. I moved slowly until I was sitting up normally, taking Edward's offered hand to pull me up. I swayed on my feet, a testament to my fatigue. I had been running myself ragged with Carlie and prepping for the school year, not to mention the toll my body was already taking with this pregnancy. Yet, warm hands caught me before I could fall. He always seemed to catch me.

"Whoa there. Are you okay?" I heard the concern edging into his words. I didn't want that.

"Um, uh, yeah," I mumbled out, shaking my head in attempts to find some clarity. The action helped minutely. "I'm, uh, just more tired than I thought, I guess. I...I'm fine though." He eyed me dubiously and I found myself basically snorting - one of the many downsides to my exhaustion. "I promise."

I started walking toward the door to prove my point, but stumbled over the thin patio mat. Thankfully, I caught myself before I could actually fall, but I definitely heard Edward sputter out my name at the same time. I stood there dumbly for a moment, slightly embarrassed by my lack of coordination. Today had drained me more than I realized, leaving me to barely function normally.

"Edward..." I called out softly, letting my voice fall away. I felt his hesitant touch curling around my back mere moments later, his fingers resting lightly against my hip. The warmth radiated off him and I sank into his side, right into the spot that I had come to realize I fit so comfortably in.

Edward tightened his hold, brushing his thumb over the swell of the bone and resting his chin against the top of my head. "Let's get you to bed." He started moving and I blindly followed, pausing long enough for him to shut off the lantern lights and lock the back door once we were through it. Edward methodically shut off the few lights that had stayed on throughout the night as we moved from room to room until we finally made it to his bedroom.

It was just as I remembered it from the night when Carlie and I stayed, with the light walls and the dark comforter. Edward led me over to the bed, finally relinquishing his support of my body once he was sure I wasn't going to topple off the side. "I'm just going to change quickly," he said quietly, pointing to the doorway against the far wall. Then I'll head out to the couch. You'll get me if you need anything, right?" All I could do was nod and watch as he walked to his dresser, pulling out what looked like sweats and t-shirt before disappearing into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

I found myself watching the door now, staring at the yellow light filtering under the crack by the floor and waiting for Edward to get back to me. Even though I was beyond tired, I knew that I didn't want to let him leave. Not yet at least. I didn't understand it all yet - the mess of emotions and desires that he stirred within me - but I did know that, despite everything, he made me feel safe. He made me feel whole and I would hold to that for all that it was worth.

It wasn't long before the door soundlessly opened and Edward was turning off the bathroom light behind him. "Is there anything I can get you, Bella?" he asked, closing the distance between where I still sat and the bathroom. His fingers ran tentatively through my hair, brushing it back and twisting the ends in his fingers. I shook my head no in return, instead reveling in his simple touch. His voice was barely above a whisper when he spoke again, leaning down to place the slightest of kisses to the top of my head before moving silently toward the door. "Good night then, Bella."

The words were out of my mouth before I could think them through. "Edward, wait," I called as he was halfway to the door. "Stay."

"What?"

My hands fumbled in my lap. "Stay..." I spoke softer. "Stay...with me."

"Bella..." I could see his eyes studying me cautiously, even in the muted light of the dark room. "Are you sure?"

I nodded, never looking away even under the careful watch of his gaze. "Yes. You don't need to stay on the couch for me," I spoke softly, running my fingers over the hem of my shorts to give my nervous hands something to do. The word "stay" had slipped out so easily, but I found trying to explain myself was harder. "And I...I don't want to be alone."

No other words were spoken. Edward retraced his steps across the floor coming to stand in front of me, pressing his lips gently against my forehead. My eyes fell closed on their own accord, my skin tingling as I felt his lips kiss lightly against the tip of my nose. The touch was featherlight, a ghosting of his skin against mine. Finally, his lips pressed against my own, their warmth against mine, in the simplest of kisses. It asked little, but gave so much in the gentleness of the action.

I found myself curling under the covers as Edward moved around to the other side, pulling down the comforter and settling in beside me. I felt his warmth immediately, radiating between the sheets and the short distance between our bodies. He laid still on his back, breathing a slow and steady rhythm, but not yet deep enough to be asleep.

I was the first to move, turning on my side to face him and inching my body closer until I was almost touching. I breathed him in, letting the scent that was simply Edward fill my senses. The soft sheets covering us moved as Edward turned on his side to mirror my own position. I could see the intense green of his eyes, even with just the soft glow of the moon being the only light in the room. They watched me, appraised me, drew me in.

I was so captivated by them, dark with bright flecks of gold and differing shades of green even in the dark, that I didn't register Edward's movements at first. It wasn't until his hand wrapped warmly around my own, drawing it up until he could press his lips against my knuckles, that I noticed anything else. Our conjoined hands slowly moved down until Edward rested them over the thin fabric of his shirt, allowing me to feel the steady and strong rhythm of his heart.

I fell asleep that way, grounding myself in the steadiness of the beat and the warmth that was undeniably the essence of Edward.


	19. Resta Con Me

**A/N:** Since it's the holidays, I decided to go with some fluff :) Just know, WE AREN'T OUT OF THE WOODS YET! There are still A LOT of things that these two need to work through, and it won't always be easy (they both know it, but I'm giving them some happy for a bit). Life is like that, though. Just when we think things are finally going our way, we hit another bump and have to cope. Life keeps us on our toes, good and bad.

Eternal thanks to **Juliegirl18**, **happymelt** and **TheLadyReads** for helping me with this mess and holding my hand when I doubted everything. Thanks to the rest of you, as well, for sticking with me through the mess I'm putting these characters through.

* * *

**_Edward_**

When I had woken, I thought I had been dreaming. Everything seemed too right to be real. Yet, the more I blinked my eyes, adjusting them to the light coming in through the window, the more I came to realize that my dreams and my reality had collided. Bella was tucked against my chest, every inch of her body molding into mine. The covers had been pushed down toward the foot of the bed, the air of the room holding more than enough heat and allowing me to see the entire length of her body. Her hair was twisted over her shoulder, although a few strands were resting on her cheek. I listened to the slow and even whispered breaths, her lips parted just slightly as she slept soundly.

I had one arm threaded under her pillow, while my other was draped over her side, my hand resting flat against her stomach. Bella's shirt must have ridden up slightly in sleep or from the unconscious movements of my hand because my pinky and ring fingers were actually resting directly over her warm flesh. I could feel the heat run through my fingertips, a subtle tingle at the connection.

Her skin was so soft, silky even. I couldn't help but marvel at the way the pads of my fingers could just ghost over the flesh under them. I moved my fingers slowly, drawing them lightly over the fabric, pulling the hem of her shirt down to cover her. I watched my fingers move languidly, painting invisible spirals and circles and music notes on the cotton as my memories and this moment met. _Bella was pregnant_. There was a life just under my fingers. There were two lives held tightly in my arms.

I'm not sure why, but that realization floored me, taking away my sense of being for a moment. Honestly, it took my breath away too. I had missed this with Elise. I had missed all of her firsts: her first breath, her first look at the world, her first smile. And I had missed out on the before. I never felt her kick. I never watched her heartbeat as she squirmed on the screen during an ultrasound. I never got to watch how she grew everyday, changing Heidi's body as she did so. I had a lot of firsts with her, watching her walk and hearing her say "Da" for the first time. Yet this...this part was new.

I held the woman I had fallen so completely for in my arms. Her past would be my past, if she'd let me have it - and her future would be mine, too, if she'd just let me in. I held to no misconception that anything from here on out would be easy. Where we had been already was only a foothill compared to the mountain we still needed to climb. Yet, I was ready. I would climb it over and over if that meant Bella, Carlie and this baby would be there with me and Elise. If they would all be there at the end, it felt like everything would be worth it.

I allowed my fingers a few more moments to simply rest where they were before lifting them to pull Bella's hair away from her neck and face, exposing the soft curvature of flesh. My finger circled a small freckle on the side of her neck, trying to be careful not to wake her. I had found I loved watching Bella sleep. There was something so...so..._innocent_ about it. When she was awake, her eyes told stories upon stories. There was always love and worry there, and I had seen frustration and deep thought as she looked over papers. I had seen pain and I had seen desire lock themselves so solidly in the usual warmth of her gaze, and had my heart ripped open to know I was one of the reasons they seemed so tormented. There had only been a handful of times I could remember Bella looking simply at peace with the world, as she did when she was asleep.

On of my greatest memories of Bella thus far had been the day I had taken her to the Renaissance Festival. It was as if she were a little kid again, wide-eyed and in the middle of this fairy tale world. So many people lose that sense of wonder as they get older, but she just brought the whole experience to life again. I could only wish I could find a way to bring that feeling back to her.

Bringing my head down, I gently pressed my lips over the freckle I had been mindlessly circling, feeling the steady beat of her heart just under the pulse point. I didn't linger, instead drawing my nose across the length of her collarbone as best I could with the angle of our bodies, breathing her in and memorizing the softness that was Bella. She was everything soft and womanly - all curves and sweetness. Yet, she was possibly one of the strongest people I have ever met. She carried the weight of so many lives on her shoulders, and still managed to come out stealing my breath from me with her smile and the unquestionable love she held.

She started to stir, shifting in bed and pressing herself against me. I could feel every curve of her body fitting against my own - her back molding to my chest, her head nuzzling down against my arm and even her toes pressing coolly to the tops of my feet. I didn't dare move. I was afraid of startling her, but more afraid of my own body's reaction. This closeness, although sublime, was pushing the little control I still held over my own body. My attraction to Bella was just as intense physical as it was on an emotional level. And I was very much attracted.

I shifted my hips, trying and barely succeeding to put distance between us. This whole situation was new. I had obviously been attracted to other women, but not a single one had ever elicited the same type of primal reaction that Bella did in me. I want her - without a doubt. I have wanted her from the first day I had seen her, remembering so clearly the shape of her as she walked ahead of me up the ramp. And that train of thought was getting me nowhere good fast...

Closing my eyes for a moment, I ran my free hand up and down her sides just enough to barely tickle her and trying to think about my next piano piece. My fingers moved more and more, dancing and pressing lightly as I played the notes going through my head against the supple contours of her body. I only stopped when I felt Bella move again, opening my eyes to see her brown gaze watching me with her face turned slightly.

"Morning," I whispered next to her ear, placing a small kiss to her cheek. I didn't let myself stay curled up behind her for long, not knowing what her reaction would be to this closeness now that she was awake. Last night, falling asleep together was a step. I didn't want to push it. Instead, I ran my fingers down her arm until I could grab a hold of her hand, squeezing her fingers gently and guiding Bella to roll to face me as I scooted backwards. This worked, too. Here, laying like this, I could see her beautiful face more clearly and memorize the way the morning light played off the flecks of gold in her eyes. She was so much more than beautiful. I'm not sure I would ever get over the effect she had on my senses.

I never let go of her hand as we laid there. I didn't want to lose even the simplest connection with her. "How'd you sleep?" I asked, voice soft as my thumb moved in slow random circles over the back of her hand.

Bella took a moment before she spoke, her eyes moving over my face. "This really is real," she mused, instead of answering my question. I nodded, smiling at the almost astonished look she held to. "You know, I thought I had still been dreaming."

"Is this okay?" I asked, suddenly unsure of everything. I had promised both her and myself I wouldn't push her anymore, and here we were cuddled in my bed. Forget that she had been the one to ask me to stay last night. It very well just could have been her exhaustion talking.

She barely took a breath, holding tight to my hand before answering, "Yes." It was a simple answer - one word, one syllable, one meaning - and it had me breathing normally again. This...us...it was still okay in the morning light.

"Good." I brought her hand up to meet my lips just as I had last night, kissing the back and lingering there for just a moment, feeling the softness of her skin.

_Perfect_.

I wish I could have laid in my bed with Bella all day. Things seemed perfect right there, like we were in our own little world that nothing could touch. There, things were right. Yet, the clock was telling me I should get Bella back home. Poor Elli had been home alone all night. Honestly, I was proud of myself for remembering that. Next time, I'd just need to bring the dog over as well.

_Next time_. Those two words tumbled over and over in my head and no matter how many times I thought them, each time sounded sweeter than the last. Next time. I liked the sound of that.

Bella was up first, excusing herself to use my bathroom. I watched her walk away from me, memorizing the sway of her hips, yet again, before she disappeared behind the closing door. I tried not to think of it too much for fear I'd have more of a problem to work through than I already did. There was no doubt about her power over me. I was a goner.

I pulled myself from bed after a moment of closing my eyes, going over my lesson plan for the coming week. It was mundane, but effective. I noticed my reflection, running my hand through my hair and quickly giving up when I realized I was only making things worse. Not that I truly expected differently, but I could hope for my hair to cooperate one day. I ran my hand over my face, feeling the scruff along my jaw and momentarily tried to decide if it was even worth bothering to shave today. It wasn't. I'd just be shaving again in the morning. With that decision made, I headed out to the kitchen, figuring Bella would find me when she was ready.

**~.~**

I drove her home after we had a quick breakfast at my house. It was just simple scrambled eggs and toast, but working around the kitchen, looking over to see Bella sip a glass of juice at the breakfast island, felt as if I could do this every day of forever. Now, sitting in the quiet car with her in the passenger seat, felt just the same. That thought kept coming back to me since I had woken up - I wanted this as my future. I wanted simple mornings and car rides where the silence was comfortable and warm. I wanted the laughter of several little kids, day in and day out, echoing through the halls of a house. I wanted more than a house, I wanted a home; I wanted our home.

My thoughts kept revolving around what the future might hold until I found myself parked along the curb beside Bella's house. I didn't want to say goodbye to her just yet, but I knew I had to. It wouldn't do any good to sit in the car the entire day. Getting out, I rounded the front and opened the door for Bella. I offered my hand - a simple gesture - and she took it without protest. I loved doing these little things for her - opening doors, helping her up, carrying something and so on. I never once thought that Bella couldn't do them herself, I just wanted her to know I was right there...that I would always be right there.

We walked side by side up the walkway to her door and she never once let go of my hand. It felt like another small victory. We were getting somewhere today. We weren't getting there fast, but it was still sweet progress. She unlocked the door and I turned her slowly, my lips repeating the same motions as last night. I kissed the small freckle on her forehead before moving my lips to briefly kiss the tip of her nose, finally ending by pressing my lips to hers. We stood there kissing for longer than I had expected, Bella's lips moving in a steady rhythm with my own. When we finally broke apart, we both tried to right our unsteady breathing. I watched as Bella slipped inside her house with a small wave and a long look back at me, cheeks still beautifully flushed.

When I got back home, I still had a few hours to myself before my mum was supposed to bring Elise home. I kicked my shoes off at the door, heading to my bedroom to change into a pair of shorts. The days were still holding to the late summer heat and I was dying. Rounding the corner into the room, I stopped to look at the still-unmade bed, letting everything from the last night come back to me.

Sleep is something so simple. I mean, we need to sleep to survive. Yet, I couldn't help but think that last night was so much more. I honestly thought that I had imagined her words when she asked me to stay last night. That was why I had to ask again. I needed to make sure she realized what she was asking. Nothing happened in the stereotypical sense of sharing a bed, but it was a huge step for Bella to let me in. With those quiet words, she was letting her walls down and opening herself up to try again. There was no way that I wanted to mess this up again.

I changed quickly, feeling instantly better and left my bedroom, leaving the bed unmade. I kind of liked it that way. I made my way into the living room, not really sure what I wanted to do with all this time on my hands. I finally decided that I at least needed to turn some music on to cut the silence of the house. Opening the lower cabinet of the entertainment center, I pulled out several albums, sliding them back in until I settled on The Beatles 1967/1970 hits LP. I slid the first disc slowly from the protective sleeve and turned it to side two before lowering it onto the turntable and setting the arm at the very edge, adjusting it until John Lennon's voice softly flowed out from the speakers.

I really wasn't sure what I was doing as I sat down at the piano bench. I stared at the keys, hands in my lap, as I listened and let my thoughts consume me. Song after song, all I did was sit there, for once unable to feel any music. This wasn't me. I always had a song flowing through me - one that I could bring to life, one that would speak my thoughts. But now...nothing.

My ears finally caught the opening verse that was playing.

_Hey Jude, don't make it bad.  
Take a sad song and make it better.  
Remember to let her into your heart,  
Then you can start to make it better._

_Hey Jude, don't be afraid.  
You were made to go out and get her.  
The minute you let her under your skin,  
Then you begin to make it better._

I sat completely still on the piano bench, simply listening. I listened close to all the lyrics, letting them sink in, their meaning so much more than the words. The chorus repeated over and over, each time becoming more imperative to my very being.

_Hey Jude, don't let me down.  
You have found her, now go and get her.  
Remember to let her into your heart,  
Then you can start to make it better._

_Let her into your heart_, I thought. _Start to make it better._

With John's words playing over and over in my head, pushing me forward toward something - something more - I began to play. For her. For us.

For forever.

**~.~**

**_Bella_**

After that night at Edward's, the next three weeks flew by. Life was so chaotic as we tried to settle in to the routine of school and home. Every morning seemed like a mad dash to get myself awake and ready before doing the same for Carlie. Yet, we were getting the hang of it now, leaving Carlie calm and me entirely less frazzled and worse for wear.

The first day of school had been a mess, to say the least. I had my first real bout of morning sickness that actually hit me in the morning and Carlie was an excited, bouncing little powerhouse, chattering off the wall. I had barely gotten us out of the house and to school in one complete piece, having forgotten so many things the first four trips out to the car. Edward had been my savior that morning. Both he and I had brought our respective girls with us instead of relying on the bus and wanted to be there for them that day. I remember basically hoping and praying that he would be in his classroom when we got there. Carlie had run ahead of me, pulling on the door handles to the music room and I, in turn, thanked whatever powers that be when it swung open. Edward had took one look at me, pointed Carlie to the empty seat next to Elise, who was coloring, and approached me with a look of intense concern.

I could have laughed then, and looking back, I do. I knew that I looked about as crappy as I felt - splotchy and stressed - but seeing his reaction was almost comical. He had taken me back into the hall, sounding like a broken record, asking me over and over if I was alright. I somehow placated him and he finally let me go to my office with a gentle squeeze of my fingers and a promise to check on me during his first break.

I had somehow gotten myself together enough to walk Carlie to her classroom with Edward and Elise. They were lucky enough to have gotten into Ms. Stanley's class together, making this transition easier on all of us, I think. I had gotten more than a little teary-eyed when she gave me a hug and told me, in the most sure little voice, that she was going to have fun, before running off hand in hand with Elise. Edward had even kept his promise, sneaking into the library with a cup of tea a bit later just as I was finishing up giving the third graders a refresher lesson on the library.

Days passed much the same. One of us would usually take both the girls to their classroom in the morning before returning to our own. During the day, Edward always seemed to find an excuse to visit me at least once, often showing up more than that, and I excitedly waited just to see him. On Tuesdays and Thursdays when the girls only had half-days, Esme would usually pick them up and spend the afternoons with them. Carlie loved that time and so did I.

Things had progressed slowly between Edward and me since I had stayed the night. We texted and called one another. We watched each others daughter throughout the afternoons and evenings, depending on our schedules. We had even taken the girls out to dinner one night. Most of all though, we talked. And it was good - nice, actually. Yet, I couldn't help wanting it to be more. I was impulsive in that way. There was still a part of me that wanted to jump headfirst to where we had left off, but the more sane part knew that we both needed this. This was the time to find out all those little things that we had neglected to uncover the first time around.

I mean, last night, I had just found out that Edward had been invited to play at Carnegie Hall when he was still in high school. He had even been offered a spot at Julliard, but somehow said no. Then life brought - well, kept - him here. Who gives up Julliard to end up in Minnesota? I had yet to find that part out.

I also found out that he and Emmett played competitive soccer when they were younger back in London, or I guess, football, as he was still determined to call it. Something about that little tidbit stuck with me though. I could only imagine what it would be like to watch him play. If he only put in an ounce of the concentration he gave his music, I swear, he'd be unstoppable. I'm also not sure that I would survive it. I'd be a fool if I tried to convince myself that Edward didn't elicit any reaction from me on a physical level. He was undeniably gorgeous, leaving my knees weak and my heart skipping beats.

Yes, Edward definitely garnered a reaction.

Talking with him also made me realize even more that he had a very understated warmth about him. He was all about the small, everyday things, inviting Carlie and myself over to dinner or bringing me a cup of tea just out of the blue. It was like he always wanted you to know he was thinking about you. It was nice.

Honestly, it was nice to have someone care about you just because, no pretenses behind it.

I was deep in thought, standing at the desk as a class was filing out and waiting on my lunch break. My stomach rumbled loudly at the thought. I watched the last little kid, a small blacked-haired girl named Leah, move out the door, following the rest of her class and I was finally alone again. Well, almost alone. Tanya was crouched down over by the Boxcar Children books. I had forgotten that I was supposed to have a library aid when I started and had been more than a little surprised when she showed up the first day of classes. Tanya was a bubbly senior at the high school helping out for a couple hours most days for credit. She was literally a godsend, keeping me focused when I was all over the map, as I was still getting used to working at a school and dealing with my own life. I had also come to realize she was a sweetheart of a girl, always friendly and rarely frowning. She was magic with the kids that came in, helping make the stories come alive during reading sessions. The selfish part of me also saw her as a potential babysitter, but I wouldn't admit that out loud just yet.

I pulled out my cell to check the time and saw it was almost 11:30. Leaving my post at the counter, I went to check on Tanya. "Hey," I said softly, trying not to scare her. "Are you going to be okay if I head out for lunch for a bit? Mrs. Uley is just next door like usual if you need anything."

She turned to me, smiling brightly. "Of course, Ms. Swan. I'm just finishing up reorganizing these few shelves and then I still need to add the new shipment of books to the database. I have a lot to keep me busy."

"Sounds good, Tanya," I said, returning her smile. She went right back to work and I headed back to my office to grab my purse, picking up my phone as I went by. My purse was tucked under my desk, so I set my cell down on top and crouched down, trying to reach it from it's hiding spot. My fingers grasped around the shoulder straps just as my phone skittered across the desk as it vibrated and the screen lit up with a new message. I stood and grabbed for it, moving my fingers quickly to unlock it and view the text. I hadn't even bothered to check who it was from, already having a pretty good guess.

**Lunch at Gilly's?**

I couldn't help but smile and my stomach couldn't help but growl again at the prospect of food. I was hopeless. I was hopelessly hungry. I was hopelessly giddy. I was hopelessly allowing myself to fall head over heels. And I was now hopelessly giggling at myself.

I started to type out a response, but was interrupted. "So? Is that a yes?" My head snapped up to find Edward standing in my doorway, leaning casually and smiling slyly. My smile morphed in turn, feeling like it was taking over my face. As I said before, it was the little things with Edward that hit me the most.

"It's a yes."

He nodded, still smiling and watching me. "Shall we?"

**~.~**

Gilly's was a little cafe on the corner, a block over from the school. A good deal of teachers actually ran in and out of here during their lunches. It was convenient for all of us and definitely a welcome break from the continuous energy of the kids that filled the school.

"Alright, here's your turkey on rye," the waitress said, setting a plate in front of me. "And here is your chicken panini." She finished setting Edward's plate in front of him and asked if we needed anything else before leaving us in peace.

We talked here and there as we ate, but I kept getting sidetracked as I watched the flow of people go in and out of the door. I saw teachers I was getting to know from the school. I saw an older gentleman that lived two doors down from the shop. He was always digging around in this little flower garden in front of his porch. I loved watching him. The people in and out of the door were a complete eclectic mix. There were moms with little children, a small group of older women having a quiet lunch together, and several business men and women grabbing lunch to-go as they were on their way to whatever the next destination was.

I had always been a people watcher, growing up feeling like I was on the outside. Not that I had been treated as such, but with a sister as outgoing as Alice, it was hard to be noticed, too. I had found my footing in college, branching out to become the person I am now, happy with both the simplicity of a few friends and the energy of a room full of people. I never lost that tendency, though. People wore a lot more of their lives on the outside than they realized, which actually terrified me, given even just the last few months.

Finishing the last bite of my sandwich, I sat back in my chair and looked up to find Edward watching me closely with a soft smile. "What?" I asked nervously, trying to nonchalantly rub my face in case any of my lunch remained there. That would be my luck.

"Bella...," he snorted, trying and failing to suppress a laugh "...you're fine. I just...I just like watching you." He finished with a sheepish look, a light pink tinting the tops of his cheeks. It wasn't as if I didn't know that. He was always watching me, even when I slept. I felt that should bother me, but it didn't. It wasn't like he watched me as if I were something to eat. Edward just...he just watched me like he didn't want to miss a thing. It felt nice to actually be wanted.

I was coming to realize it felt nice to be with Edward in any capacity.

But I had to tease him for my momentary panic. "Well, warn a girl next time before you bring out the bedroom eyes in public. Those are dangerous, in case you wondered." Edward's jaw went slack, surprise clearly written in every feature from his wide eyes to his eyebrows raised high on his forehead.

"Th-those...those weren't...I mean, I didn't...I'm not..." He hopelessly floundered for his words, either not quite sure what to say or too embarrassed. Maybe it was both, but it was enough to have me laughing now.

"Edward, I was joking," I managed to say between giggles. "Honestly, I thought I must have had a piece of lettuce hanging from my chin and you were trying to find a nice way to tell me."

He shook his head, smiling freely again as he watched me, cheeks still bright red from the moments before. "You are evil, my dear."

"You love me that way." The words had slipped out before I could put much thought behind them. They just came naturally and that surprised me. We didn't talk much about love, whether in passing or an actual thought out conversation. We both knew where we stood on the topic, Edward having admitted to me his feelings and mine almost truly ready to voice. I watched as he simply smiled back, his eyes crinkled in the corners with a look just as happy.

"That I do, Bella."

Edward paid for lunch. I had learned the very first time we came here to eat to just not complain. Lunch was his thing. He wasn't deluded enough to insist on paying for everything we ever did together because he knew I'd fight him tooth and nail. It wasn't so much that I was on a feminist high horse, but that I just wanted to do my part. I wanted to feel like his equal in this. As we walked out, Edward slung his arm over my shoulders, pulling me against his side as we started back toward the school.

The action surprised me every time, but not in a bad way. Edward had been so cautious since we had started working things out, going at my pace or whatever he thought it was. Yet, I couldn't help but get the butterflies in my chest pulling out the battering rams when he'd take the initiative to do something more. I needed the push, making me pick up my feet to keep up with his heart.

My own arm snaked around his back, holding myself in place and reveling in the closeness. It was nice to be near him and to be held so tightly in his arms. I felt safe there - protected and wanted. His voice was quiet when he spoke. "Would you want to do something this weekend? I mean, all of us?" Edward's fingers twirled their way into my hair as we walked, weaving through the waves with quick but delicate motions.

"Sure," I answered quickly. "You know, how about the zoo? I haven't been there in forever and I'm sure the girls would love it before fall actually hits."

He slowed our pace for a moment, turning to look down at me for the briefest glance. If I hadn't been forgoing watching where my feet were going, I would never have caught the look. "I like the sound of that."

"Actually, how about we make it a big group outing. I feel like I never get to see my sister and I really want to get to know Rose and Emmett more."

Again, Edward didn't say anything right away. However, this time I honestly got a bit nervous, as time seemed to drag on after my suggestion without so much as a peep from the man next to me. "Bella," he finally started, pulling me closer, though I wasn't sure that was even possible. "I love the way you think." I felt his lips press firmly to the top of my head as we continued to walk. Edward dropped his arm from my shoulders as we got closer to the school, putting a distance between us until we were merely walking side by side, our hands brushing every so often. We were defining ourselves all over again and until we knew for certain just what we were, the rest of the world didn't need to be let in.

**~.~**

There wasn't really a crowd at the zoo yet, which was nice. It allowed for the kids to run a little ways ahead of all of us, without anyone fearing that they were going to get lost. The freedom of the morning was welcome. It gave Edward and I a chance to talk and interact without drawing the attention of the girls. We still had the adults to contend with, but between Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett, I really didn't care what they did and didn't know at this point. All that mattered was Edward and I were right here, right now.

We were coming up to the tiger exhibit when Alice grabbed my hand and pulled me down until she could whisper in my ear. "How are you, Bells?"

How was I? I was still beyond tired. I felt insanely bloated, my pants having gotten a bit tighter as my belly had swollen slightly. I was already getting warm. I was already regretting not trying to tame my frizzy hair before walking out the door this morning. I was trying to remember why I wore flip flops instead of sneakers today. I was wishing I could grab to Edward's hand - it was so close. And I was happy.

I was really and truly happy.

With a squeeze of her fingers, I let go of Alice's hand and instead brought my arm around her shoulder, pulling her in for a hug. "Right now, I'm perfect."

"Good," she answered, hugging me tighter. "_That's_ what you deserve, sweetie."

I could have stood there, hugging my sister for much longer than we got before Emmett's voice was calling out to all of us. "Hey!" We turned toward his voice, trying to figure out what he wanted. "Yes! All of you! We so need to do this," he called again, beckoning us forward with his finger as he stood next to one of those giant, painted boards with the face holes cut out. He ran around the back, poking his head through one of the holes and smiling like a little kid on Christmas morning. "Come _on_!"

Facing Alice once more, we just giggled. I dropped my arms from around her shoulder, instead offering out my elbow with a wink. "This should be fun."

"Tons," she agreed with the wide smile that was so distinctly my sister, threading her arm through mine. Edward went and wrangled up the girls and Ty, as Ali and I made our way over to meet up with everyone else, pulling out our cameras.

"Who's up first?" Emmett asked excitedly, finally emerging from behind the wall again. With that, we were all taking our turns posing in different groups and having entirely too much fun with the cutouts. It was fantastic.

The cutouts were a menagerie of zoo creatures: a monkey sitting on a zebras back with a lion standing proudly off the the side and a giraffe standing above the rest. It was comical, especially when you add our cast of characters to the mix. Emmett, Rosalie and Ty did a family portrait, as did the the rest of us respectively. We mixed it up too, a mass of people trying to shove their faces out. The kids had a blast, laughing loudly and reminding us just how silly we all looked.

Edward and I even did one with the girls. It felt like we were our own little family. In a lot of respects, I think we were and if nothing else, we were getting there.

**~.~**

We hung back from the rest of the group, leaning against the railing about twenty feet from where Jasper was crouched down, telling Carlie and Elise a story about the caribou we were in front of. Their eyes were wide as they listened. That man could hold anyone's attention. There was just something about Jasper that made you stop and listen when he spoke. I mean, I was entranced and I could barely hear him. Edward lightly bumping into my shoulder brought my attention back. Turning, I met his face just inches from mine as he rested his elbows against the rail.

He smiled, the action relaxed and warm as he flipped his hand over, empty palm facing up. Edward didn't have to say anything before my hand was slipping into his, my fingers curling to hold him tightly. It never ceased to amaze me how right things felt with that simple connection between us. I watched our hands, marveling how mine fit so securely in his - Edward's strong and capable grip holding to my small palm.

We stood there in relative silence for a while, watching the caribou in the exhibit and just simply being together. I leaned my body against his shoulder, taking a moment to rest my head there and relax into him. Simple moments like this made me believe that anything was possible. I felt Edward's head move as it ruffled my hair, his lips pressing lightly to the top of my head. His voice was soft when he spoke. "Bella, I know this is going to sound childish...," he squeezed my hand "...considering we're both as old as we are, but I want to do things right this time around."

I watched his arm flex as his thumb rubbed against the back of my hand for several beats, entranced by the rhythmic motion. "Yeah?" I finally asked, not really knowing where he was going with that statement.

"Will you go out with me?"

_Really?_ It seemed almost silly to ask that. I mean, what had we been over the last month and a half, if not two people starting out in a relationship? I know we had never defined ourselves, but I never thought we needed the titles. I finally turned so I could look at him. His face was so close, that I could see every fleck of color in his eyes as they watched me. They had a soft edge to them, almost as if they were smiling with the way they creased upwards at the very corner. I caught myself before I hopelessly analyzed his features further, instead asking in disbelief, "Edward...are you serious?"

"Very," he answered quickly and simply. "In all the time we've been together so far, I have never asked you that." Edward shrugged his shoulders, running his free hand over his slightly stubbled jaw and taking a moment before he continued. "So? Will you, Bella, agree to go out with me?"


	20. Nuvole Bianche

**A/N:** So I'm back! I can't begin to thank everyone that has continued to favorite/alert this story while I've been awol and I am floored by those of you who haven't given up on me yet. I had to take an unintended step back from the fandom for my own sanity and I apologize for just leaving you hanging. Each one of you deserved better than me just disappear, but I love you to an insane degree if you are still sticking with me after all this time.

I know I failed at responding to reviews the last chapter and I may continue to for some time. My ability to get internet right now is few and far between, so I can't make any type of promises. I will try my best to answer PMs this weekend and whatever else. Just know, I have appreciated every word you have sent me! Never forget that fact. You all mean so much to me ♥!

**PLEASE NOTE:** This is unbeta'd. All grammar, syntax, spelling and other mistakes are mine and mine alone. If there is a huge, glaring booboo, please let me know so I can fix it. I just wanted to get this chapter up finally without having to bother anyone on their Easter weekend.

So...on with it. *hides and bites nails*

* * *

_I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight.  
__But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life,  
__if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you.  
__Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your  
__combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two  
__separate beings to hinge together._

**_Bella_**

It finally hit me that Edward really had never asked me that before. The first time around, we had just silently fallen into a rhythm of being together. I had never even noticed that we had skipped the formality of asking one another that very basic question, but hearing it now felt like that second chance I had been looking for. It was as if those simple words would make it right this time.

Breathing deep, I held the air in my lungs until it burned, pushing it back out in a rush. "Yes," I finally answered, squeezing his hand in my own. The relief in his eyes was evident almost instantly, but I honestly couldn't have answered him differently. I was in this with him. If Edward still wanted to take on my life and all that it entailed, then who was I to say no when he had come to mean so much to me.

My life meant something even greater with him and Elise - something like what family should be.

Edward leaned into me, resting heavy and warm against my side. "Thank you." His words were soft, spoken only for me and holding to so much.

"For what?"

His answer was a simple, "For saying yes," as he ran his thumb over the back of my hand in a now familiar pattern, warming my skin with the friction. "It was nice to actually hear it, you know."

I nodded, taking my turn to lean back into him and wishing I could just meld myself into his side. I understood completely.

We stood like that for awhile, simply enjoying each other as we were lost in our own thoughts. I had no clue where Edward's silence had taken him, but I found myself trying to see the future. What was it going to be like? Was Edward really going to stick around when things inevitably got tough? Was I even going to want him there, taking my turn as the martyr, when he could have a much less complicated life without me? Was this - him - enough to fight for?

My head begun to spin, not knowing which question to focus on as more and more kept popping up the longer we stayed in our silence.

Was Edward going to be able to handle some other man's child in his life? An infant, more specifically.

Were the girls going to understand and accept what was happening now and, more importantly, what was coming?

_Were we going to be okay?_

I had lost track of everything happening around me and it wasn't until I felt a warm breath of air fan over the side of my head that I drew away from the darkness steadily consuming me. Edward was so close, his lips hovering just over my ear as his nose skimmed lightly through my hair. "What's going on in that head of yours, Bella?" he asked, the sound so smooth and comforting. I couldn't find the words to answer him right away, instead leaning into his side even more and grasping at the warmth he brought me.

This was the easy part of being together. Being like this - holding hands and pretending this was all we had to face in the world. That was so far from reality though. My mind whirled again as I tried to hold to a single thought. _Just one_, I almost begged aloud, even though it would do me no good. There were too many questions yet to be asked and answered.

All I knew was that we were right here, right now. That fact alone both terrified me and thrilled me.

Mindlessly, I circled my thumb over the back of Edward's hand, feeling the subtle differences as it ran over the tendons just under his skin. "Edward?" I asked, my voice so quiet, even to my own ears. I knew he was listening with the way he squeezed my fingers just a bit tighter, so I continued with a deep breath and all my worries on the tip of my tongue. "You know this isn't going to be easy, right? I mean, there is a lot of stuff that I still need to work through in my head and in my life. In all honesty, I've just buried most of it so far - stuck my head in the sand, I suppose you could say. And then you...you do realize that there will probably come a time when you inevitably rethink this whole mess that you're getting yourself into? Are you going to be ready for that?"

There, I said it. I started the ball rolling on all of my fears and insecurities, throwing them out there for Edward to either pick up or trample all over. The seconds seemed to tick by before he answered. "Yeah." His voice was quiet when he spoke, matching my own and keeping this just between the two of us. "I mean, this really won't be easy. I realized that a while back and it sounds like you did too. But I don't mind telling you that whoever said life was a breeze clearly never had to work a day for anything they ever wanted." He paused and I got that tingling feeling that someone was watching me. I looked over, finding his glorious face doing just that. "You want this. I want this. We'll get there somehow."

Even hearing what he said, I couldn't bring myself to let go of the uncertainty I was feeling. My hormones were playing awful tricks on me lately, making me question even the littlest things. "And if we don't?"

"Then at least we tried," Edward answered simply, giving me the dimpled half-grin that had never failed to make my knees wobble. Today was no exception. "What about you? Are _you_ going to be ready for the point where you can't hide behind the strong face?"

_No, _I wanted to scream because I honestly wasn't sure if I would be. This was going to be a whole new situation for me with a whole other level of stress and issues that I would have to face time and time again. I wasn't living a cookie cutter life like I had always dreamed. Instead, my life was messy and gritty and utterly unpredictable. My new house, new job and the new life just starting within me was testament to that.

However, regardless of the fears that were at the forefront of my mind, I think I surprised even myself with my answer. "I have to be, don't I? I mean, is there really another choice?" I looked at him, feeling like a lost puppy. I just wanted Edward to tell me that everything would be okay, but even he couldn't do that. He could say the words, but would that be enough to make them true? I hated that I had gone from being so sure of where my life was going to doubting everything I thought I had ever known. "My life has to keep going whether I'm ready for it to or not. I not going to...going to let _him_ beat me. I can't."

That much was true.

"I know." He was so matter-of-fact as if I had known that truth all along. How could he see things that I didn't?

With a heavy sigh, I felt my shoulders sag forward, suddenly exhausted over everything. "See, are you really ready for this? Are you ready for the mood swings and the inevitable breakdowns on my part and all of the pressure that this...," I motioned to myself, "...brings? I don't just have baggage, Edward. I'm a three for the price of one special carting around a u-haul full of my past."

Despite any emotion I could have guessed was possible in that moment, Edward laughed. It was deep and as smooth as the usual tenor of his voice. "Bella, I already told you once that I can't promise to do everything right." The seriousness returned to his tone, but the easy smile and light eyes were still there, holding the balance. "I mean, I'm not sure I even know how to be in an actual relationship, long-term especially. Hell, I'm not sure I know how to be in a relationship, period. I've spent the last five years focusing on Elise and before that...well, I already told you about that part of my life. Honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing." My hand was still tucked in his and he gave it a squeeze as his continued. "But I want to try. I want to try for myself because you've changed the way I look at life. There's more than this little bubble that I had built that was just my family in all of our predictable glory. You've made me see that other things are out there. That a change of pace is possible and refreshing. That things are worth fighting for." Edward spoke the last part so softly that I had to convince myself that I didn't just make it. "And I want to try for you. You shouldn't have to go through this alone. No one should."

_No one should, _I agreed silently. "I know that I can do this alone if I have to. I mean, I don't really have another choice, but that doesn't mean that I want to go through it without you there with me, though. That is...if you want to go down this road, of course."

His fingers brushed down my cheek, feather-light, running along the curve of my neck and back up. "From where I'm standing...," he tapped his finger under my chin, "...I'm liking the view."

I had no clue how he did it - how he made things feel easier and lighter and just simply possible - but he did. He didn't erase my fears, but he pushed them back with his words and his smile and the silent strength that radiated from the simplest gestures. "One day at a time?" I asked, finally letting myself feel a glimmer of hope again.

"One day at a time."

We stood for awhile in companionable silence again, turning back to whatever place our eyes would wander. I could hear the slow flow and ebb of other people going through the park as they walked by. More importantly though, I could hear the steady and strong rhythm of Edward's breath right next to me. It was a comfortable cadence that I found my own breath matching. It wasn't long before Edward broke through the silence. "We have to tell the girls this time around, though," he mused and I took a chance to look up at him, meeting his eyes that were watching me closely. "I mean, there's a certain sense of excitement sneaking around and stealing kisses, but I want to do this right. I'm tired of hiding this," he finished, raising our joined hands yet again to make his point clearer with a devilish smile.

"I know. I and _we_ need to tell them both a lot of things coming up. I don't even know where to start."

"At the beginning. It's the only place we can." It was moments like this that I envied Edward's ease for everything. He always seemed so sure, at least since I had known him, never having to second guess himself. I wanted that. I wanted to believe that I would be fine just letting things happen. I wanted to believe things would happen as they will, without having to question the why behind them. Since I left James, I felt like I had done nothing but ask, "Why?" over and over again. It was exhausting.

"I know, but I can't very well just blurt out 'Hey baby girl, you get a brother or sister. Hope you understand.'" I sighed, feeling the darkness creep heavily back into my bones yet again.

"Hey," Edward whispered, drawing his warm fingers over my face until I turned back towards him. "That's not what I meant, Bella. _We_ start with us. _We_ are a united front here. This...," he lifted our joined hands again, "...is us. Remember? We're both a hell of a lot stronger together. Don't you see that?"

I took a moment to just look at our hands together. Mine was small and delicate inside his palm, where Edward's was wide with long fingers that held to my own. I was held inside of him, surrounded - protected.

I finally nodded, bringing my attention back to his face, losing myself in the peaceful jade of his eyes. "I want you to understand something for me," he started after a moment, letting a small smile play against his lips. "I wouldn't have let you into my world and I wouldn't have been begging for a key to yours if this...," his fingers brushed the familiar trail over my cheek, pushing strands of hair behind my ear, "...was something I was going to run from. I want _all_ of you, Bella. The good, the bad and the seemingly unbearable."

"Thank you." The two words were soft and simple, and nowhere near adequate enough for the man standing beside me.

We finally left the safe little bubble we had worked ourselves into, letting go of each other's hand and joining the rest of our group. Jasper had taken the girls to join the others at the next exhibit down. As we got closer, I couldn't fight the urge to just stop and watch everything in front of me. The kids were running a bit further ahead, Ty in the middle holding tight to both girl's hand. I could see their faces of laughter even from back here. That was family - right there, held tightly in the hands of children.

Ali and Jasper were talking with Rose and Em, my sister entirely too animated as she talked. She had been like that since I could remember though, having this whole other sense of life to her. Alice exuded this...this _energy_ that came so naturally. It always had. Even for every ounce of balance Jasper provided her, Alice would always be this life unlike any other. He was the steadiness to her motion. Jasper was the head and Ali was the heart in their intertwined world. Two people really couldn't have been better together.

I couldn't help but look at Rosalie and Emmett much the same. He was steady and the embodiment of compassion - the rock to lean on; the rock to raise you up. And Rosalie was every bit woman and love and undeniable strength. They simply fit, balancing out each other's weaknesses and building upon each other's strengths.

How did Edward and I fit to the outside world? I could tell you how I saw it, but my perception was skewed. I saw Edward as being the strength that kept my world steady - like the glue that was holding everything in my chaotic life together right now. But who I was to him? I wasn't sure. Maybe I caused more trouble than I was worth, but I'd like to think that I added something instead.

Edward spoke up before I could lose myself further into my thoughts in a hushed voice. "You know, I wish I could read that mind of yours. You seem to be getting lost in it a lot today. What _is_ going on up there, love?" His fingers tickled at my lower back, burning through the thin fabric of my shirt. The action felt amazing - simple, but all-encompassing - filling by body with a gentle hum.

_What am I to you?, _I thought, but I pushed it back down, not ready to broach that topic today. "Nothing. I was just watching the kids. I mean...," turning back to where Carlie, Elise and Ty were still running around, "...it's more than I could ask for, you know?" I hoped he understood my words. I couldn't quite say much more without spilling every thought and worry that was jumbled up in my head.

"Yeah," he answered in turn, kissing the side of my hair and lingering their for an extended breath. "For everything that they've had to deal with in their short lives already, that's a pretty perfect picture. Ty has a big heart, you know? He just forgets that fact sometimes."

I couldn't help but laugh at how simply Edward put it. Like forgetting how much love he possesses is like forgetting to put on socks. "Typical boy," I snorted, shaking my head as I continued to watch the ease that children took on the world with.

"I also think he's starting to realize what family really is all about. Ty went through some rough patches, but it looks like he's getting it." I turned to look at Edward, catching the way his gentle smile lingered, tugging just slightly at the corners of his mouth. I know for certain that Ty isn't the only one in that family that forgets the magnitude of their heart.

It didn't take us long before we were catching up with everyone else. We all found ourselves moving toward a play area, watching the kids run up and over and around the statues and activity areas. This moment, with friends and family, I could finally catch a tiny glimpse of a full future. No matter what happened from here on out, there would always be these people standing there beside us without needing to be asked. We would all be okay in the end.

I'm not sure how long we sat there, letting Carlie, Elise and Ty chase each other and make the most of the playground equipment before Emmett and Edward found themselves rounding the kids up. The guys ran after them, scooping them around the waists in fits of giggles and happy yells. In the end, we were all a chorus of laughter, young and old and completely happy in the moment.

Edward and Emmett dropped each of their kids back to their feet and we walked away as a group, kids squealing and adults talking and laughing like we were meant to. My smile didn't stray from my lips as I reveled in the sense of lightness and contentment I was surrounded by. Carlie grabbed for my hand, swinging it as she tried skipping in step next to me, but stumbling over her feet instead. Looking down to smile at my daughter, I watched her curls bounce lightly with her happy movement. However, what caught my attention the most was how her other hand was grasping tightly to Elise's and how Elise's hand, in turn, was lost in the grip of her father's. We all held to each other.

My life and Edward's life met in the middle, in the tiny hands of two little girls that found themselves in each other.

This is what mattered out of life. Family. It wasn't based around blood lines and years, but around the love that was undeniably shared between people. I moved my gaze to look over at Edward as we walked, holding both of our worlds between us, and finally I understood everything he had tried to tell me.

We could do this.

We had each other and that _could_ be enough.

**~.~**

We walked around the rest of the zoo, stopping in the aquarium for a well needed break from the heat. I found myself smiling like a fool, watching Edward and Jasper lifting the girls up so they could see through the glass better. The looks of complete wonder on their faces was magical as they called out at the fish and other marine animals that would swim by. They pointed and giggled and asked the craziest questions, like wondering where the mermaids were. Jasper covered well, telling them that the mermaids were very shy, so you might only see them when you weren't looking for them. Both girls proceeded to watch the tank through their fingers, hoping that would fool the mermaids. It was the sweetest thing.

The shark tanks were the best though, as Elise hid behind Edward's legs, refusing to get near the glass. Even Carlie couldn't drag her our with her infectious curiosity. Elise just wouldn't have anything to do with the whole business. Not that I blamed her. Sharks were definitely towards the top of my list of irrational fears.

The very last stop of the afternoon was to the IMax adjacent to the lot we were parked in. Ty _and_ Emmett had begged endlessly through the aquarium and I think everyone was relishing the chance to just sit in air conditioning for a bit after walking so much today. I pleaded out though. On a good day, walking the stairs through the theater threw my entire world off axis. I loved the movies and the entire experience of being surrounded by the images and the sound reverberating in my bones, but the headache after just didn't seem worth it. I wasn't about ready to chance anything after finally feeling slightly back in control of my body lately.

I sat down at a picnic table with a wide umbrella shading it from most of the late summer sun. My feet ached and this felt momentarily like heaven. I looked up, surprised, just as Rosalie took the seat next to me. "Why aren't you watching the movie with everyone else?"

"Those shows, while interesting, give me the worst headache afterwards. No thanks," she answered, shrugging her shoulders before placing her cool hands against my bare shoulders. "And I figured you could use the company." Her smile was easy - genuine.

I returned the gesture, feeling my own smile tug at the corners of my mouth. "Thanks. Company is always welcome."

Rosalie shifted, getting as comfortable as you can on the wood bench. She was close - much closer than than the short bench really negated, but oddly, it didn't bother me. I swear, my personal bubble had become non-existent, especially after having a little girl that didn't know the meaning of one.

It didn't take long before Rosalie was asking the question that I had expected on some level. "How are you, Bella? Like, _really_. I don't want little miss strong face."

"I'm..." _Good? Exhausted? Coping? Terrified? _"I'm muddling through." It was the best answer I could give as I realized that Rosalie probably still barely had a clue as to the whole mess. I mean, she was there when I walked away from Edward and the party, probably thinking we just had a typical relationship spat, but I'm not sure anyone had ever clued her into the rest. It was so much more complicated than that.

So much more. "Rose, has Emmett or Edward told you anything?" I hedged, holding my breath.

"No...I mean, Emmett said that you've had it rough." She shrugged her shoulders, the movement so easy compared to the confused crease knitted between her brows. "I guess Edward told him some things when they talked, you know, _that_ day."

Nodding, I took in her words while my fingers lost themselves in the hem of my shirt. "I...um...," pausing to take a steadying breath, "...I met Em long before I ever met Edward. Or, at least, it felt that way. My sense of time has been all over the place really." I looked around, seeing the slow ebb and flow of people in and out of the park. This wasn't a story that I wanted to tell in public, but we were far enough into our own world that we'd be free from curious ears and I wanted Rose to know. She was the only one not up to speed with the life and times of Isabella Swan.

My voice was so soft when I continued. I could only hope Rosalie would catch it all. "I w-was in an bad relationship before moving here and I ended up landing in Emmett's ER room."

"Oh God, Bella-" Rose's words were rushed and full of pity, but I pushed on before I could dwell on them.

"My ex was abusive -physically, emotionally, sexually -" the last word coming out barely more than a whisper. "It wasn't all the time, but that doesn't negate the times that he did push me around. I see that now, even if it took me years to look past what I only wanted to see. I took Carlie one night and that's how we ended up here. Ja-Ja-James...," my tongue protested pronouncing his name, "...had hurt me pretty bad that night and Alice convinced me to go to the ER. That's how I met him...Emmett."

By this time, Rose's hands were in mine, holding them in a warm deathgrip. I'm not sure she realized the strength she had, but I actually appreciated the reassurance the pressure gave me, keeping me from just wanting to run away from it all again. This hadn't really gotten easier to tell.

"You're okay now though, right?"

Taking a moment for myself, I nodded slowly. "Physically, yes. Emotionally?" I breathed in deep, letting the air burn against my lungs until it rushed out in a quiet sigh. "I'm getting there."

Her hands loosened a bit, but didn't let go. "Good."

"There's more, though, Rose. There's something else you need to know." Once again, I bided my time my taking a few deep breaths to steady my thoughts and the onslaught of emotions. This was it. "I'm...I'm pregnant, but before you ask anything...," I cut off any possible response quickly, needing her to understand this above anything else, "...I'd like to believe it was from one of the nights he actually cared about me. It's going to be easier for me and for my family if I hold to that hope."

The silence hung heavy around us, rivaling the heaviness of the humid air, but I let Rosalie digest what I just told her. I mean, it's not every day that your best friend's new girlfriend blurts out that she's pregnant with her abusive ex-husband's baby. Yet, I'd be lying if I tried to say I wasn't nearly terrified out of my skin at what would come after it sunk in. Rose was a big part of Edward's life and I wasn't sure that I'd be able to deny it if she told me I was more harm than good.

"Bella," she said softly, wrapping her arms tightly around my shoulders and drawing me close. "You know, you're a fighter. I saw that look - the one you wore when you rushed through your words. Give yourself some credit, girl. You're a lot stronger than I think you realize." I nodded. It was about all I could do as I worked to process her words. Those were my fears and my doubts, lying in what Rosalie just said, and yet, there was no hint of failure in them.

"You want to know something else?" she asked, but continued before I even had a chance to respond. "You're good for Edward. I thought it when I first heard _all _about you and I still think it now. You changed him in ways that I or Emmett or the rest of his family couldn't do. Just trust me on that. I have _never_ seen him like this with anyone else.

"But this isn't about Edward; it's about you. Bella," she paused, turning me in my spot on the bench until I was facing her. She held tightly to my hands, and it was nice. It was a simple reassurance I didn't even know I needed as I listened. "I want you to remember that you can talk to me if you ever need it. You're important to Edward and that automatically makes you important to me. But even if you weren't together in whatever capacity you are, I would still consider you a friend, which makes me care even more. Whatever you need - someone to listen, a shoulder, a hand to hold or someone to rant with you - call me, okay?"

Again, I nodded, starting to feel like a bobblehead doll as I prayed that the tears pricking the corners of my eyes would just stay put. I've been on a roller coaster of emotions and Rosalie's words honestly meant something to me. It was the first time in a very long time that I felt I had this whole other cheering section besides my family. I mean, Edward's family has more than accepted Carlie and they've oddly enough even accepted me, no questions asked. It was more than I could have ever wished for.

Yet through it all, doubt still lay heavy in my mind after rehashing my history. I still didn't feel strong. I felt emotional and weak, leaning on others just to keep me standing. "How do you know?" I asked, my voice sounding as small as I felt. "I mean, you say I'm strong, but right now...I seriously am questioning that."

Rose didn't answer me right away, instead smiling softly and giving my hands a gentle squeeze. When she did continue, I was more than surprised. "Because I've walked a mile in your shoes." It took me a moment to process that handful of words. I didn't want to believe it could be true. Rosalie still held tight to my hands, drawing my attention back as she continued. "Bella, if you're here, right now, smiling and moving your life forward after that, then you are a fighter. You're a whole hell of a lot stronger than you see. Trust me, please."

"What do you mean?" My heart pounded, the beats thundering in my ears as I processed her words and hoped to God they didn't mean what I thought they did. "I mean, not that I'm trying to pry. You don't have to tell me..."

Rosalie looked at me, a soft smile still lingering on her lips as she seemingly refused to let my hands go. "Hush, it's okay." She squeezed my fingers again before continuing. This was our lifeline right now. "I was in an abusive relationship too and it was as if I was living a literal Hell. So I understand your fears and reservations better than you probably ever realized. _That's _why I will always be here for you, if-ever and whenever you may need me."

The air rushed from my lungs. "Oh, Rose..."

She cut me off before I could blubber out anything more. "Hey, none of that now. I'm living the life I dreamed of now and I refuse to dwell in the past. It won't change anything." Her eyes dropped down in the same moment she pulled her left hand from mine. She wiggled her fingers, dragging her thumb over the band settled on her ring finger until it sat perfectly in place. "I had known Emmett all throughout high school after the Cullen's moved here. I swear everyone thought Edward and I were going to be a sure thing with how we attached ourselves to each other's hips, but he's my best friend. It's the whole, "I love him like a brother" type thing. We just got each other." She finally looked back up, the clarity of her blue eyes almost startling in the summer light.

"I always had my eye on Em, though. I mean, he was the hot older brother that I shamelessly ogled every chance I got when I was over. I wasn't subtle either. It's not in my nature, but it didn't make any difference...at least back then. I was so head over heels in love with him, it was comical." I found myself giggling at the thought, remembering back to the awkwardness of the teenage years and trying to picture Rose throwing herself at Emmett's feet. I'm sure she had guys lining up around the block and yet she picked the one that wasn't looking back.

"When Emmett left for college in Chicago, I grew up, burying my love for him right along side my crush on Kevin Bacon." This time I didn't just giggle. I snorted, trying to suppress my laughter at first, but only making myself laugh more. "What? He was hot," she said shrugging, but I didn't miss the wink she threw in at the end.

"Anyways, Edward and I graduated two years after Em and we headed off to college ourselves. I wanted college to be my time, you know. I wanted to fall in love with someone that reciprocated my feelings and I thought I had. Royce King seemed like the answer to all my girly desires. He was hot and intelligent, with just the right amount of bad boy attitude that we, as women, are inevitably drawn to. And things were perfect. I could close my eyes and it was Royce standing there in my future.

"My junior year was the turning point. Things had been going better than I ever could have hoped for in both school and my relationship with Royce. We were serious, having all the stereotypical talks about a future together, like what we would name our kids and where we would love to live. I was so sure that this was it. Looking back, it's kind of funny how wrong you can be." My breath stilled in my lungs. I had a feeling that I knew where this was going and I prayed I was wrong. She shouldn't have to understand.

_No, no, no, no, _was all that kept repeating in my head, even as Rosalie continued. "I honestly don't remember most of it, so at least I'll be sparring you the nasty details. He was drunk and angry one night. I got home and he started yelling before I had even made it through the door. The screaming led to pushing and the last thing I really remembered was him pushing me away and losing my balance. From what everyone told me after, I hit my head hard against the edge of the table and opened a nasty gash." Rosalie paused, tilting her head back and staring at the red and white canvas of the umbrella above us. I knew she wasn't really seeing it though. She was trapped in her memories just as I have been every time I had to confront them. "He left me for dead, Bella, and I kind of think I would have been if Edward and Emmett hadn't found me when I didn't answer Edward's calls. He never trusted Royce and I guess it had been within reason. If only I would have been smart enough to believe him."

When she finally brought her face back down, I saw her haunted eyes and my heart broke for her even more. Her voice was so soft as she continued. "Other things happened. Things so much worse than a bump on the head. I remember the doctors filling me in once I was awake." Rosalie took a moment for herself before continuing again, her shoulders shivering momentarily. "Did Edward ever tell you that Ty is adopted?"

That single question took me by surprise, considering our conversation. "No," I answered after a moment, shaking my head.

"That's part of the _other _things." I felt my eyes go wide at her words as they fully registered. "Not like how you're probably thinking," Rosalie cut in quickly. "He just hurt me a lot worse after I had hit the floor. Internal bleeding from being hit or kicked or whatever it was he had done. At least that's why they told me. Like I said, Royce left me literally for dead. So, one of those first things that I remember the doctors telling me when I finally came back to the land of the living was that the odds of having children naturally were no longer in my favor. That's a hard pill to swallow, especially back then." Her voice fell away and I wanted to say something - anything - but I didn't know what. I mean, nothing I could say or do for Rose would take away that pain completely. I knew that perfectly.

"Looking back now, I see all the little things I ignored then. The warning signs are bright and dangerous in my memories now. He verbally pushed me around a lot, treating me as if I was just his thing and not an equal participant in a relationship. He physically hurt me from time to time, but it was mostly just grabbing me too tightly, even after I would repeatedly ask him to let go. I felt stupid.

"But you know what? Somehow, I'm not even sure how it happened really, as I was working to get my life back, Emmett came around and picked up the pieces instead. That's how we got here. He gave me my life back. The life that I wanted...the life that I deserved. I now have a husband that loves me between all the good and bad and a son that made my entire world complete when he came into it." As each moment had passed, the haunted memories locked in her eyes had faded, replaced with something I would only ever be able to describe as strength. Her voice further solidified that change as she spoke again. "You have to remember that I didn't deserve what Royce did to me and neither did you. You and I...we just wanted to be happy and neither of those men had the right to take that from us."

It was so hard to actually wrap my mind around everything. She _got_ it, and I hated that. I hated that she had to know the nightmare of it all first hand. I hated that she lost so much and there would always be parts of her that wouldn't heal. I hated that someone had hurt her. I couldn't fathom how someone could do that to _her_.

I was angry and sad for her, for me...for all the little kids lost and hurt in the shuffle. It wasn't fair.

My mood was spiraling down quicker than I could keep track of, but Rose caught me before I could fall too far away. "And I'll let you in on a little not-so-secret, secret," she said softly, turning my face back to look at her with a small smile. "You're future is what you make it. You're past is part of you no matter what, good and bad, but you have the power to choose how you face what comes next. It's not always going to be easy, but that's why you have us - the people who care about you. We're here to carry you when you need it. So I'll say this...," she paused, making sure she had my full attention, "...keep letting Edward in. You deserve to always have that smile on your face that I saw back in there. If he pushes your buttons, push his back. You both have your battles to fight, but you can fight them together. Fix yourselves..._together._ You both deserve it."

We didn't talk after that that, instead just sitting there in each other's company, without feeling the need to explain our scars anymore. In a twisted way, it was nice. It was nice having someone else who could understand my fears and my reservations on some level, making me not feel so crazy when I thought back to the chaotic whirl of my thoughts earlier.

The flow of people increased and I looked over to see the theater emptying, spotting Emmett's burly shape cutting through the crowd towards us. He wore a wide smile, matching Edward's next to him. I watched as they chatted, feeling my own small smile come out.

Edward was a good man. A great man actually. He had a giant heart with more love flowing from it than he knew how to handle. He had a soft, nurturing soul that could take a lost little girl and make her feel loved beyond measure, and he could take a broken women and make her feel that life was possible again. He had his faults, but perfection was never intended for humans. Our faults made it possible to find all the little things missing from our lives in someone else, allowing ourselves to be better in the company of others.

Our group was so close, having finally made it through the crowd. I caught Edward's eyes for a moment, his expression morphing immediately to one of worry as he must had read something still written in my features. His tone matched his expression as soon as he was standing in front of us. "Hey, what's wrong?" Edward's eyes never left my own.

"Nothing," Rose answered quickly. "Just girl talk." I held his gaze through my silence, hoping in some way that he'd understand to just let it be for now. Now was not the time. When I did finally look away from Edward, I caught Alice give me, and I suppose Rose too, a small, reassuring smile, speaking volumes. She always had a way of understanding things without be clued in and in her own way, she was right there with us.

That was something I was slowly starting to understand. We have all lived our own personal Hells and in that, we were all united.

Rose had loved and lost to anger and hatred, while Emmett could only pick up the pieces at the snail's pace we, as humans, heal at.

Edward lived every parent's nightmare, having his child just out of arm's reach and people telling him no over and over again.

Alice had the most giving heart, but has been unable to share it so far. It isn't something that we talked about often, but I knew each time it defeated her a little more. And Jasper...Jasper could only do so much as a part of him shattered a little each time as well.

Our lives really weren't all that different.

But we were all here together, and that had to mean something.

**~.~**

The rest of the day was spent at a slightly upscale version of a Chucky Cheese. Sitting there, we had gotten a chance to actually talk about nothing of great importance while we prayed the kids were actually working off their remaining energy. It was mostly a futile hope, but we all held to it none the less. Both Carlie and Elise had passed right out as soon as we got them buckled in the car leaving the zoo, but you'd never be able to tell that now. I had a feeling that Ty had done the same.

It was nice to just sit though, without having these seemingly life-altering talks I'd been prone to lately. This felt normal and I reveled in it. Conversation was simple between us all, falling into a comfortable and familiar rhythm. We talked about all of our respective jobs and the upcoming fall carnival held at the local schools. Both Edward and I had a mountain of games and projects to plan, and we were getting a lot of great input for everyone at the table.

Emmett talked about how crazy the hospital had been lately, but he couldn't wipe the wide smile off his face the entire time. The job had killer hours and an insane level of responsibility, but you could tell that he loved it.

Rose was working hard as ever to get all her sections of dancers ready for the winter program in a couple months, which was no small feat with kids from four to seventeen.

Finally, Ali and Jasper talked about the ranch, while Ali blabbered on afterwards about the her latest painting project, never losing her infectious smile.

I found it interesting to see every one of us talk about our passions. Edward and I had our kids, both biological and those that walked in and out of our classroom doors every day. Emmett had his patients and Rosalie had her dancers and the music. Jasper had my sister and his horses, while Alice simply had her exuberant life and everything held within that.

We left a bit later with two little girls crashing from sugar highs, saying goodbye and goodnight to the rest of our group. Carlie and Elise were out again as soon as they hit their booster seats, leaving Edward and I to the silence of the car. I watched the blur of trees as we drove down the road and I felt the warmth of Edward's fingers as he took my hand, holding it lightly. Neither of us spoke the entire time, but the companionable silence and the simplicity of the way he held to my hand was more than enough for me.

The way I felt right then was something I hadn't felt in years. It was a sense of contentment with my body, with my life - with my world. I wasn't naive enough to believe I'd never feel differently again. I was on a the roller coaster of a lifetime and I was inevitably going to hit those high and low points, and those curves that send my world spiraling, yet again, out of my control until I could rein it back in. But right now, I was going to enjoy this.

We pulled up alongside the curb sooner than I would have liked, but it had been a long day and I was ready to relax. I'm pretty sure my feet would be screaming if they could after all the walking. Edward helped me from the car, pulling me into a tight embrace once I was upright. I could feel the cool metal of the car behind me soak through my thin shirt as he pressed me backwards, but I barely noticed. I was happily lost in the warmth of his arms.

"Thank you for today," he whispered, his breath rippling over the shell of my ear with the slightest tickle.

"You're welcome," I whispered back, just as softly before pressing my check to Edward's chest and measuring my breath to the steady beat of his heart. I stood there, remembering our talk and the hope he gave me in his quiet words and easy actions. "Thank you, too."

His lips pressed warm against the top of my head. "Always."

Edward tightened his arms around me for one moment more before letting go with a small, wistful smile. One hand lingered against my hip though as he reached behind and opened the back door of the Volvo, reminding me that I was wanted in even the simplest of ways. I ducked into the car, pulling Carlie into my arms as gently and silently as I could before making my way up the walk to the front door, Edward never more than a foot away. He took the keys from my bag that he had remembered to grab, opening the door much easier than I could have managed.

His voice was soft as he whispered, "Sweet dreams, maestro," leaning in to kiss the side of Carlie's head as it was cradled against my shoulder. I couldn't fight my smile. Every day he kept surprising me with the little things he did and said to Elise, to Carlie - to me. I met his bright eyes as he looked up, trying to memorize the way the very edges crinkled as he smiled so easily.

"And sweet dreams to you, my Bella." His lips pressed lightly against my forehead on his favorite spot and I let my eyes fall closed, breathing him in. His lips moved down, skimming against my cheek and ending sweetly against my lips. "Sleep well."

I couldn't even form a response, simply smiling tiredly in turn as I backed into my house, resting against the door as it closed behind me. Today was tiring and enlightening and for lack of a better term - perfect. Things really felt that they were looking up and that we all, Edward and Elise included, would be alright.

We had to be.

Carlie woke up as I sat her gently on the edge of her bed, rubbing her tired eyes with little, balled fists. I grabbed for her pajamas folded at the end of her bed. "Arms up, sweetie." My voice was tired, matching the exhaustion I felt, and my movements were sluggish as I pulled Carlie's dirty t-shirt over her head and replacing it with her jammies. Her curls were rumpled, twisted and sticking out all over after falling asleep in Edward's car. I couldn't help my fingers as they brushed through though, feeling the silky strands slide right between my fingers like water.

_So smooth. _

I ran them through, over and over, marveling each time in the softness and getting lost in the way her curls straightened and bounced back, but I was pulled back abruptly by Carlie's little voice.

"Momma, is daddy ever coming home?"

* * *

**A/N 2.0:** I know this chapter didn't get us very far, but I felt the the conversations with Edward and with Rosalie were too important to gloss over too much. I hope I did alright for my first time back in the saddle in months.

Thanks again!


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